In many cities, planners have located shops, schools offices and homes in specific areas which may be widely separated from each other. Do you think the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages for city residents?

In this contemporary society, there is an increasingly prevalent phenomenon that the location of shops, school offices and homes are widely separated from each other in specific areas in many cities. Given this, despite the convenience it bring, I firmly believe that the disadvantages of this trend outweigh the advantages.
Proponents of allocating various facilities in particular areas often highlight its role in offering convenience for citizens. This is because people can arrive different places and have ideal options for themselves. For instance, people can go to a specific area that encompassing stores and purchase items at a most affordable one for them. Another case in point is that students are able to visit various schools located in a particular place and enroll in one that is the most suitable for them. As a result, individuals may find it comfortable with their own choices in various sectors.
Conversely, I maintain that there is an inconvenience aspect in this trend, since people may have to experience prolonged travel to a distant destination. A prime example is that those who are settled at a location which is far-flung from the shopping area would have to spend a great deal of time for participating in traffic, thereby causing time wastage. Moreover, prolonged traveling also cause fatigue and irritation on account of extensive hours concentration on driving and exposure to hazardous emissions from motorized transportations, leading to the deterioration of the overall well-being of city dwellers.
In conclusion, although the trend of locating stores, schools and accommodations in specific places is beneficial to some extent, I contend that it is disadvantageous because of rendering citizens to undergo lengthy traveling. It is predicted that urban planners will distribute each building and infrastructure in a particular location, so that enable city dwellers living are capable of accessing all facilities there.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In this contemporary society" -> "In contemporary society"
Explanation: Removing "this" before "contemporary society" simplifies the phrase and aligns better with formal academic writing, which typically avoids unnecessary articles before abstract nouns like "society."
"there is an increasingly prevalent phenomenon" -> "there is an increasingly prevalent trend"
Explanation: Replacing "phenomenon" with "trend" provides a more specific and contextually accurate term for describing the observed pattern of separated locations.
"despite the convenience it bring" -> "despite the convenience it brings"
Explanation: Correcting "bring" to "brings" fixes the grammatical error and maintains subject-verb agreement.
"people can arrive different places" -> "people can visit different places"
Explanation: Replacing "arrive" with "visit" corrects the verb choice, as "arrive" typically implies physical presence rather than a purposeful visit.
"encompassing stores and purchase items at a most affordable one for them" -> "encompassing stores and purchase items at the most affordable option for them"
Explanation: Changing "a most affordable one" to "the most affordable option" corrects the grammatical structure and clarifies the meaning.
"students are able to visit various schools located in a particular place and enroll in one that is the most suitable for them" -> "students can visit various schools in a particular area and enroll in the one most suitable for them"
Explanation: Simplifying the sentence structure and removing "located in a particular place" improves clarity and conciseness.
"find it comfortable with their own choices" -> "find it comfortable with their choices"
Explanation: Removing "their own" simplifies the phrase and avoids redundancy.
"there is an inconvenience aspect" -> "there is an inconvenient aspect"
Explanation: Changing "inconvenience aspect" to "inconvenient aspect" corrects the adjective form to match the noun "aspect."
"would have to spend a great deal of time for participating in traffic" -> "would have to spend a great deal of time navigating traffic"
Explanation: Replacing "participating in traffic" with "navigating traffic" uses a more precise and appropriate verb for describing the act of driving.
"prolonged traveling also cause fatigue" -> "prolonged travel also causes fatigue"
Explanation: Correcting "traveling" to "travel" and "cause" to "causes" fixes grammatical errors and maintains subject-verb agreement.
"on account of extensive hours concentration on driving" -> "due to extensive hours of concentration on driving"
Explanation: Changing "on account of" to "due to" and "concentration on" to "hours of concentration" corrects the prepositional phrase and verb usage.
"rendering citizens to undergo lengthy traveling" -> "forcing citizens to undergo lengthy travel"
Explanation: Replacing "rendering" with "forcing" and "traveling" with "travel" corrects the verb form and maintains a more formal tone.
"It is predicted that urban planners will distribute each building and infrastructure in a particular location" -> "It is anticipated that urban planners will allocate each building and infrastructure to specific locations"
Explanation: Replacing "distribute" with "allocate" and "in a particular location" with "to specific locations" provides a more precise and formal expression of the action.
"so that enable city dwellers living are capable of accessing all facilities there" -> "so that city dwellers can access all facilities there"
Explanation: Simplifying "enable city dwellers living are capable of accessing" to "can access" improves readability and corrects grammatical awkwardness.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both aspects of the prompt: the advantages and disadvantages of separating shops, schools, offices, and homes in specific areas. The author acknowledges the convenience offered by this arrangement, citing examples such as the accessibility of stores and schools. However, the essay leans more heavily on the disadvantages, particularly the inconvenience of travel and its associated negative impacts. This balanced approach demonstrates a clear understanding of the task.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could provide more concrete examples of the advantages, perhaps discussing how this separation can lead to better urban planning or reduced congestion in residential areas. Additionally, a more explicit comparison of the advantages and disadvantages could strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. This stance is articulated in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion. The use of phrases like "I firmly believe" and "I contend" reinforces the author’s viewpoint. However, the transition between discussing advantages and disadvantages could be smoother to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the author could use transitional phrases to signal shifts between discussing advantages and disadvantages. For example, explicitly stating "While there are benefits, I believe the drawbacks are more significant" could help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, particularly regarding the disadvantages of the separation of facilities. The examples provided, such as the time wasted in traffic and the negative health impacts of prolonged travel, are relevant and support the main argument. However, the development of the advantages is less robust, with fewer supporting details.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the author should aim to extend and support the advantages more thoroughly. This could involve providing specific examples of how such arrangements can lead to improved community engagement or economic benefits for local businesses. Additionally, integrating statistics or studies could lend further credibility to the claims made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing the implications of urban planning decisions on city residents. There are no significant deviations from the prompt, and the argument consistently relates back to the central question of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all examples and arguments directly relate to the impact on city residents. Avoiding overly general statements and ensuring that each point ties back to the core argument will help maintain a strong focus on the topic.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. By enhancing the development of ideas, providing more concrete examples, and improving transitions, the author could elevate the essay further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument, with a logical progression from the introduction to the conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, stating the issue and the writer’s position. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, with the first paragraph outlining the advantages and the second focusing on the disadvantages. However, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "Conversely, I maintain that there is an inconvenience aspect in this trend" could be more effectively linked to the previous paragraph to enhance the flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For example, you could use phrases like "On the other hand" or "In contrast" to signal a shift in focus. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main point can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is crucial for clarity. Each paragraph has a distinct focus, contributing to the overall argument. However, the second paragraph, which discusses the advantages, could benefit from clearer topic sentences and more structured development of ideas. The examples provided are relevant but could be better integrated into the argument.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph begins with a strong topic sentence that clearly states the main idea. Follow this with supporting sentences that elaborate on the topic, using examples to illustrate points. Additionally, consider concluding each paragraph with a sentence that reinforces how the information presented supports the overall argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "for instance," "as a result," and "moreover." These devices help connect ideas within and between sentences. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel repetitive. For example, "this is because" and "another case in point" are used in close proximity, which could be varied for better cohesion.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeating "for instance," you could use alternatives like "for example," "such as," or "to illustrate." Additionally, employing devices that indicate contrast or addition, such as "however," "furthermore," or "in addition," can enhance the overall flow and coherence of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, focusing on smoother transitions, clearer paragraph structures, and a broader range of cohesive devices will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "phenomenon," "convenience," "prolonged travel," and "hazardous emissions." However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied and sophisticated. For example, phrases like "specific areas" and "various facilities" are somewhat repetitive and could be replaced with synonyms or more descriptive phrases to enhance lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should incorporate a broader range of synonyms and more advanced vocabulary. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "specific areas," alternatives like "designated zones" or "dedicated districts" could be employed. Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives (e.g., "strategically located" instead of "widely separated") would enrich the language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are moments in the essay where vocabulary is used imprecisely. For example, the phrase "the convenience it bring" should be "the convenience it brings," indicating a grammatical error that affects clarity. Additionally, "the most affordable one for them" is vague; it could be more precise by specifying what "one" refers to (e.g., "the most affordable products").
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on ensuring subject-verb agreement and clarity in phrasing. Revising sentences for clarity and specificity will help. For example, instead of saying "the most suitable for them," the writer could specify "the school that best meets their educational needs." This not only clarifies the meaning but also demonstrates a more advanced command of vocabulary.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "transportations," which should be "transportation," and "cause fatigue and irritation on account of extensive hours concentration," where "concentration" could be better expressed as "concentration required." These errors, while not frequent, can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully or use spelling and grammar checking tools before submission. Additionally, practicing spelling of commonly used academic vocabulary can help. Keeping a list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy will contribute to a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the opening sentence employs a complex structure with multiple clauses: "In this contemporary society, there is an increasingly prevalent phenomenon that the location of shops, school offices and homes are widely separated from each other in specific areas in many cities." This complexity is effective in conveying a nuanced idea. However, there are instances of repetitive structure, particularly in the second paragraph where sentences often begin similarly, such as "This is because…" and "Another case in point is…". This can make the writing feel formulaic.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider using more introductory phrases or varying the order of information presented. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "This is because…" or "Another case in point is…", you could use phrases like "One reason for this is…" or "Additionally, it is important to note that…". Incorporating more varied sentence beginnings and structures will help to maintain reader interest and demonstrate a broader range of grammatical skills.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a good level of grammatical accuracy overall, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For example, in the phrase "the convenience it bring," the verb "bring" should be "brings" to agree with the singular subject "convenience." Additionally, the phrase "a specific area that encompassing stores" should be revised to "a specific area that encompasses stores." Punctuation is generally well-handled, but there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "since" in "Conversely, I maintain that there is an inconvenience aspect in this trend, since people may have to experience prolonged travel."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for subject-verb agreement and verb forms. A systematic approach to reviewing each sentence for grammatical correctness can help identify these errors. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, particularly with complex sentences, will aid in creating clearer and more polished writing. Consider using resources like grammar check tools or engaging in peer reviews to catch such errors before finalizing the essay.

By focusing on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy, the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this contemporary society, there is an increasingly prevalent phenomenon that the locations of shops, schools, offices, and homes are widely separated from each other in specific areas in many cities. Given this, despite the convenience it brings, I firmly believe that the disadvantages of this trend outweigh the advantages.

Proponents of allocating various facilities in particular areas often highlight their role in offering convenience for citizens. This is because people can visit different places and have ideal options for themselves. For instance, people can go to a specific area that encompasses stores and purchase items at the most affordable option for them. Another case in point is that students are able to visit various schools located in a particular area and enroll in the one that is most suitable for them. As a result, individuals may find it comfortable with their choices in various sectors.

Conversely, I maintain that there is an inconvenient aspect to this trend, since people may have to experience prolonged travel to distant destinations. A prime example is that those who are settled in a location that is far from the shopping area would have to spend a great deal of time navigating traffic, thereby causing time wastage. Moreover, prolonged travel also causes fatigue and irritation due to extensive hours of concentration on driving and exposure to hazardous emissions from motorized transportation, leading to the deterioration of the overall well-being of city dwellers.

In conclusion, although the trend of locating stores, schools, and accommodations in specific places is beneficial to some extent, I contend that it is disadvantageous because it forces citizens to undergo lengthy travel. It is anticipated that urban planners will allocate each building and infrastructure to specific locations so that city dwellers can access all facilities there.