"In many cities, planners tend to arrange shops, schools, offices, and homes in specific areas and separate them from each other. Do you think the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages?"

Urban planners often separate shops, schools, offices, and homes into distinct zones. While this approach has both advantages and disadvantages, I contend that the benefits of urban segregation outweigh the drawbacks when implemented strategically.

One major advantage of urban segregation is the creation of peaceful residential areas, free from commercial noise and congestion, which enhances quality of life. For example, cities like Tokyo and Vancouver have implemented zoning laws that minimize noise and air pollution in residential zones, contributing to improved public health. Furthermore, concentrating industries in designated areas allows for more efficient pollution control and waste management, reducing health risks for residents. Schools also benefit, as being situated away from high-traffic commercial zones enhances student safety and focus. This systematic organization bolsters a city’s overall health, safety, and livability.

On the other hand, segregation can increase travel distances for residents, contributing to traffic congestion and emissions, as observed in cities like Los Angeles. Additionally, isolated zones may reduce social cohesion, as physical divides limit interaction among diverse communities, potentially fostering social fragmentation over time.

Despite these challenges, I believe the advantages of urban segregation are greater. To mitigate drawbacks, planners can integrate small commercial areas within residential zones, minimizing commuting needs. Expanding green spaces and enhancing public transit further bolster urban sustainability, supporting environmental and social cohesion.

In conclusion, although urban segregation has some disadvantages, its benefits—particularly in enhancing quality of life and environmental management—outweigh these drawbacks. With thoughtful planning, cities can maximize these advantages to create functional, sustainable, and community-focused urban spaces.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"often separate" -> "frequently separate"
Explanation: "Frequently" is a more precise and formal term than "often," which enhances the academic tone of the sentence.
"shops, schools, offices, and homes" -> "retail establishments, educational institutions, commercial offices, and residential areas"
Explanation: Using more specific terms like "retail establishments," "educational institutions," and "commercial offices" adds precision and formality to the list of urban components.
"I contend" -> "I argue"
Explanation: "I argue" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "I contend," which can sometimes imply a more personal or emotional stance.
"free from commercial noise and congestion" -> "free from commercial noise and traffic congestion"
Explanation: Adding "traffic" to "congestion" clarifies the type of congestion being referred to, enhancing specificity and precision.
"enhances quality of life" -> "enhances the quality of life"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "quality of life" corrects the grammatical structure, making the phrase more formal and grammatically correct.
"concentrating industries" -> "concentrating industries in specific areas"
Explanation: Adding "in specific areas" clarifies that the industries are being concentrated in particular zones, which is more precise and contextually accurate.
"reducing health risks for residents" -> "reducing health risks to residents"
Explanation: "To" is grammatically correct in this context, improving the sentence structure and clarity.
"This systematic organization" -> "This systematic approach"
Explanation: "Approach" is a more precise term than "organization," which is vague and less commonly used in this context.
"bolsters a city’s overall health, safety, and livability" -> "enhances a city’s overall health, safety, and livability"
Explanation: "Enhances" is a more formal synonym for "bolsters," aligning better with academic style.
"social cohesion" -> "social cohesion and community integration"
Explanation: Adding "and community integration" provides a clearer understanding of the types of social benefits being discussed.
"isolated zones" -> "segregated zones"
Explanation: "Segregated" is more specific and accurate in this context, referring to the intentional separation of areas.
"fostering social fragmentation" -> "potentially fostering social fragmentation"
Explanation: Adding "potentially" acknowledges the possibility rather than certainty, which is more cautious and academically appropriate.
"Expanding green spaces" -> "expanding green spaces"
Explanation: Capitalizing "expanding" corrects the grammatical error and maintains consistency in verb form.
"enhancing public transit" -> "improving public transportation"
Explanation: "Improving public transportation" is a more precise and formal term than "enhancing public transit."
"supporting environmental and social cohesion" -> "supporting environmental sustainability and social cohesion"
Explanation: "Environmental sustainability" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "environmental," which is too broad and vague.

These changes enhance the precision, formality, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of urban segregation. The author presents a clear argument that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks, which is a direct response to the question. The advantages, such as improved quality of life and public health, are well articulated, and the disadvantages, including increased travel distances and potential social fragmentation, are also acknowledged. This balanced approach demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the essay could include more specific examples or data to support the claims made about both advantages and disadvantages. For instance, citing statistics on traffic congestion or public health improvements in specific cities could provide a stronger foundation for the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently arguing that the advantages of urban segregation outweigh the disadvantages. The use of phrases like "I contend" and "I believe" reinforces the author’s stance. However, while the position is clear, the transition between discussing advantages and disadvantages could be smoother to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the author could use transitional phrases that explicitly connect the advantages and disadvantages, such as "While there are notable drawbacks, the following benefits illustrate why segregation is advantageous." This would help to guide the reader more effectively through the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-developed ideas, particularly regarding the benefits of urban segregation. The points about noise reduction and improved public health are compelling and supported with relevant examples. However, some ideas, particularly the disadvantages, could be further extended. For instance, the mention of social fragmentation could be elaborated with examples of how this might manifest in communities.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the author should aim to provide more detailed examples or case studies, especially when discussing disadvantages. This could involve explaining how social fragmentation has affected specific communities or providing statistics on increased travel times in segregated urban areas.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing the implications of urban segregation without deviating into unrelated areas. Each paragraph contributes to the overall argument, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points. However, there are moments where the discussion of disadvantages could lead to a more in-depth analysis of potential solutions, which might distract from the primary argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author could briefly acknowledge the disadvantages but then quickly pivot back to how the advantages can be maximized or how the disadvantages can be mitigated. This would ensure that the essay remains tightly aligned with the question while still addressing counterarguments.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and effectively communicates the author’s position. By incorporating more specific examples, enhancing transitions, and further developing certain ideas, the essay could achieve an even higher level of sophistication and clarity.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical organization of ideas. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, stating the main argument succinctly. Each paragraph follows a logical progression, with the first paragraph outlining the advantages of urban segregation and the second addressing the disadvantages. The final paragraph synthesizes the arguments and reiterates the main thesis, demonstrating a strong overall structure. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits to the drawbacks is smooth, allowing the reader to follow the argument easily.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow further, the essay could benefit from clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. This would help to immediately signal to the reader what each section will discuss. Additionally, incorporating more explicit linking phrases between contrasting points could help to reinforce the logical connections between ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in clarity and readability. Each paragraph is focused on a specific aspect of the argument, with the first discussing advantages, the second addressing disadvantages, and the third proposing solutions. This clear paragraphing allows the reader to digest the information without confusion. The conclusion succinctly wraps up the argument, reinforcing the main points made throughout the essay.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, the essay could benefit from a more balanced approach in terms of the length and depth of the paragraphs. The advantages paragraph is more developed than the disadvantages paragraph. Expanding on the disadvantages with more examples or evidence could provide a more nuanced view and strengthen the overall argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "for example," "on the other hand," and "despite these challenges," which help to connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument. These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay, making it easy to follow the writer’s line of reasoning. The use of cohesive devices is appropriate and varied, which enhances the flow of the essay.
- How to improve: To further diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate more transitional phrases that indicate the relationship between ideas, such as "in addition," "furthermore," or "conversely." This would not only enhance the richness of the text but also provide clearer signals to the reader about how different points relate to one another. Additionally, varying the placement of cohesive devices could improve the rhythm of the writing, making it more engaging.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing information and using paragraphs and cohesive devices to support the argument. With some adjustments in topic sentence clarity, paragraph balance, and the variety of cohesive devices, the essay could achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary relevant to urban planning and community organization. Terms such as "urban segregation," "zoning laws," "pollution control," and "social cohesion" reflect an advanced understanding of the topic. The use of phrases like "peaceful residential areas" and "systematic organization" also showcases the writer’s ability to convey complex ideas effectively. However, while the vocabulary is varied, there are instances where synonyms or alternative expressions could enhance the richness of the text, such as using "urban design" instead of repeating "urban segregation."
- How to improve: To further enrich the vocabulary, the writer could incorporate more synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeating "segregation," terms like "separation," "division," or "zoning" could be used interchangeably. Additionally, exploring idiomatic expressions or more nuanced vocabulary related to urban planning could elevate the essay’s lexical sophistication.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary accurately, with phrases like "enhances quality of life" and "reducing health risks" being well-placed. However, there are moments where the precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "isolated zones may reduce social cohesion" could be misinterpreted; "isolated" might imply a complete lack of connection, which is not necessarily the case in all urban settings. Instead, terms like "segregated" or "distinctly separated" would convey the intended meaning more clearly.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should consider the context of their vocabulary choices more carefully. Using a thesaurus to find words that fit the specific nuances of the argument can help. For example, when discussing the effects of urban planning on community interaction, instead of saying "isolated zones," the writer could refer to "disconnected areas" to better capture the idea of limited interaction without implying total separation.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy, with no evident errors. Words such as "congestion," "enhancing," and "sustainability" are spelled correctly, reflecting a strong command of English orthography. This accuracy contributes positively to the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: While the spelling is correct, the writer should remain vigilant about potential spelling errors, especially with more complex or less frequently used vocabulary. Regular practice with spelling exercises, utilizing spelling check tools, and proofreading drafts can help maintain this high standard. Additionally, reading extensively can reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong command of lexical resource, achieving a Band Score of 8 due to its wide range of vocabulary, generally precise usage, and correct spelling. By focusing on further expanding vocabulary variety, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can aim for an even higher score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "While this approach has both advantages and disadvantages, I contend that the benefits of urban segregation outweigh the drawbacks when implemented strategically" showcases the writer’s ability to articulate nuanced ideas. Additionally, the essay employs a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences effectively, which enhances readability and engagement. The use of phrases like "despite these challenges" and "to mitigate drawbacks" further illustrates the writer’s proficiency in using transitional phrases to connect ideas smoothly.
- How to improve:To further diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases or clauses. For example, starting sentences with adverbial clauses (e.g., "Given the increasing urban population, planners must consider…") can add complexity. Additionally, using inversion for emphasis (e.g., "Never before have urban planners faced such challenges") could enhance the variety of sentence beginnings.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors that do not impede understanding. For instance, the phrase "which enhances quality of life" correctly uses a relative clause to provide additional information. Punctuation is generally well-handled, with appropriate use of commas to separate clauses and items in a list, such as in "pollution control and waste management." However, there are instances where the use of commas could be improved for clarity, such as in the sentence "Despite these challenges, I believe the advantages of urban segregation are greater," where a comma before "are" might enhance readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy further, the writer should review the rules regarding comma usage, particularly in complex sentences. Practicing the identification of independent and dependent clauses can help in determining where commas are necessary. Additionally, the writer could benefit from proofreading for any overlooked typographical errors or minor grammatical inconsistencies, ensuring that each sentence maintains clarity and precision.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy. With continued focus on diversifying sentence structures and refining punctuation use, the writer can aim for an even higher level of proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

Urban planners frequently separate retail establishments, educational institutions, commercial offices, and residential areas into distinct zones. While this approach has both advantages and disadvantages, I argue that the benefits of urban segregation outweigh the drawbacks when implemented strategically.

One major advantage of urban segregation is the creation of peaceful residential areas, free from commercial noise and traffic congestion, which enhances the quality of life. For example, cities like Tokyo and Vancouver have implemented zoning laws that minimize noise and air pollution in residential zones, contributing to improved public health. Furthermore, concentrating industries in specific areas allows for more efficient pollution control and waste management, reducing health risks to residents. Schools also benefit, as being situated away from high-traffic commercial zones enhances student safety and focus. This systematic approach bolsters a city’s overall health, safety, and livability.

On the other hand, segregation can increase travel distances for residents, contributing to traffic congestion and emissions, as observed in cities like Los Angeles. Additionally, segregated zones may reduce social cohesion, as physical divides limit interaction among diverse communities, potentially fostering social fragmentation over time.

Despite these challenges, I believe the advantages of urban segregation are greater. To mitigate drawbacks, planners can integrate small commercial areas within residential zones, minimizing commuting needs. Expanding green spaces and improving public transportation further support environmental sustainability and social cohesion.