In many cities, planners tend to arrange shops, schools, offices and homes in specific areas and separate them from each other for each other. Just think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Many urban cities are planned in a way that shopping departments, institution facilities, places of unemployment and residential houses are earmarked for separated locations. While I acknowledge some associated negatives, I hold the belief that they pale in comparison with the benefits in terms of enhanced efficiency and life quality.

On the one hand, this urban planning approach can result in a heavier burden being placed on the transportation system as it requires people to commute a longer distance between daily destinations such as home, workplace and schools. Consequently, this can aggravate traffic congestion during peak hours. Furthermore, increasing exhaust fumes from vehicles might contribute greatly to the environmental degradation in urban cities. However, the mentioned issue can be mitigated if the public adopts public means of transport.

On the other hand, the urban design structure of separating disparate types of establishments is advantageous in terms of improved living conditions and regional economic growth. Firstly, when residential areas are separated from industrial and commercial areas, the residents are less exposed to noise and pollution stemming from business operations. Therefore, a more peaceful and livable community can be created; hence, the quality of life would be improved. Secondly, by clustering similar functions, such as stores and working offices, together, it allows better infrastructure planning and development. It also promotes economic growth as businesses can thrive in specialised areas, leading to job creation and increased productivity.

In conclusion, although this urban design presents certain disadvantages with regard to transport and ecological conditions, I contend that it should be encouraged due to the enhancements in life quality and efficiency.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"shopping departments" -> "retail establishments"
Explanation: "Shopping departments" is an uncommon and somewhat informal term. "Retail establishments" is a more formal and precise phrase commonly used in academic writing.
"places of unemployment" -> "employment centers"
Explanation: "Places of unemployment" is an awkward and uncommon phrase. "Employment centers" is a more appropriate and formal term for locations where job opportunities are concentrated.
"While I acknowledge some associated negatives" -> "While acknowledging some drawbacks"
Explanation: The original phrase is unnecessarily wordy and informal. Simplifying it to "While acknowledging some drawbacks" maintains clarity and formality.
"pale in comparison with" -> "are outweighed by"
Explanation: "Pale in comparison with" is an idiomatic expression that may be considered overly informal in academic writing. "Are outweighed by" is a more precise and formal alternative.
"heavier burden being placed on" -> "increased strain on"
Explanation: "Heavier burden being placed on" is wordy and lacks precision. "Increased strain on" is a concise and formal alternative that better conveys the idea.
"aggravate traffic congestion" -> "exacerbate traffic congestion"
Explanation: "Aggravate" is somewhat informal for academic writing. "Exacerbate" is a more formal synonym that is commonly used in this context.
"exhaust fumes" -> "vehicle emissions"
Explanation: "Exhaust fumes" is a colloquial term. "Vehicle emissions" is a more formal and precise alternative for academic writing.
"might contribute greatly to" -> "could significantly contribute to"
Explanation: "Might contribute greatly to" is somewhat vague and informal. "Could significantly contribute to" is a more precise and formal alternative.
"urban design structure" -> "urban planning approach"
Explanation: "Urban design structure" is slightly redundant. "Urban planning approach" is a more concise and precise term.
"disparate types of establishments" -> "various types of establishments"
Explanation: "Disparate" is somewhat formal and may not be the most natural choice here. "Various" is a simpler and more commonly used alternative.
"enhanced living conditions" -> "improved living conditions"
Explanation: "Enhanced" is slightly more informal than "improved" in academic writing. "Improved" maintains formality while conveying the same meaning.
"stemming from business operations" -> "resulting from industrial activities"
Explanation: "Stemming from business operations" is somewhat vague. "Resulting from industrial activities" is a more specific and formal alternative.
"more peaceful and livable community" -> "a more tranquil and habitable community"
Explanation: "Peaceful and livable" is somewhat informal. "Tranquil and habitable" maintains formality and adds precision.
"clustering similar functions" -> "grouping similar functions"
Explanation: "Clustering" is slightly informal. "Grouping" is a more formal alternative commonly used in academic writing.
"enhancements in life quality" -> "improvements in quality of life"
Explanation: "Enhancements" is somewhat informal. "Improvements in quality of life" is a more formal and precise alternative.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all aspects of the prompt by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of the urban planning approach. It acknowledges the potential negatives such as increased transportation burden and environmental degradation while emphasizing the benefits in terms of efficiency and life quality.
- How to improve: While the essay does address both sides of the argument, providing more specific examples or statistics could strengthen the analysis. Additionally, ensuring a direct link between each point made and its relevance to the prompt would enhance clarity.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, asserting that the benefits of the urban planning approach outweigh the drawbacks. This stance is consistently reinforced in the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
- How to improve: To further enhance clarity, explicitly stating the author’s position in the introduction and reinforcing it in each paragraph would leave no room for ambiguity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents and supports ideas, providing examples and explanations to illustrate both the advantages and disadvantages of the urban planning approach. Each point is extended with detailed reasoning and examples.
- How to improve: To further strengthen the essay, incorporating additional examples or case studies could provide a deeper understanding of the topic. Additionally, ensuring a logical flow between ideas would improve coherence and cohesion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing the advantages and disadvantages of the specific urban planning approach outlined in the prompt. There are no significant deviations from the topic.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensuring that each paragraph directly relates to the central theme of urban planning and its implications would prevent any tangential discussions.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively presents arguments supporting the author’s position. To further improve, incorporating more specific examples, explicitly stating the author’s position, strengthening coherence between ideas, and maintaining a direct link to the central theme would enhance the overall quality of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a clear and logical organization of information. It begins with an introduction that presents the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by two well-developed body paragraphs discussing the advantages and disadvantages of the urban planning approach. Each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence, enhancing the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, the writer could consider using transition phrases to smoothly connect ideas between paragraphs and within sentences. For example, phrases like "On the one hand," and "On the other hand," effectively signal shifts between contrasting points.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas and arguments. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, such as disadvantages of urban planning and its advantages, allowing for clear presentation and development of ideas.
- How to improve: To strengthen paragraph structure, the writer could ensure that each paragraph maintains unity and coherence by focusing on a single main idea. Additionally, providing more detailed examples or evidence to support each point can enhance the effectiveness of the paragraphs.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices to link ideas and ensure coherence. Examples include transitional phrases like "On the one hand," "On the other hand," and "In conclusion," which help to organize the essay’s structure and guide the reader through the argument.
- How to improve: To further diversify cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate additional transition words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," and "In addition," to strengthen connections between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, using pronouns and referencing keywords from previous sentences can reinforce cohesion and coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong level of coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing information, using paragraphs appropriately, and employing a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas. To further enhance coherence, the writer can focus on smoother transitions between paragraphs and within sentences, maintain paragraph unity, and diversify the use of cohesive devices for a more polished and cohesive essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with varied lexical choices used effectively throughout. For instance, phrases like "enhanced efficiency," "aggravate traffic congestion," "mitigated," "regional economic growth," and "livable community" showcase the writer’s ability to express ideas with diverse vocabulary. These expressions contribute to the clarity and sophistication of the argument.
- How to improve: To further enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating more specialized terminology or idiomatic expressions where appropriate. Additionally, exploring synonyms for commonly used words can add nuance to the writing and elevate the overall lexical richness.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary precisely, effectively conveying the intended meanings. For instance, phrases like "separated disparate types of establishments," "exhaust fumes," and "clustering similar functions" demonstrate precise word choice that enhances clarity and coherence. However, there are instances where slightly more precise vocabulary could strengthen the argument, such as using specific terms like "residential zoning" instead of "residential areas" or "emissions" instead of "exhaust fumes."
- How to improve: To further improve precision, consider consulting a thesaurus to identify more precise synonyms for key terms. Additionally, pay close attention to context to ensure that chosen vocabulary aligns precisely with the intended meaning, avoiding vague or ambiguous language.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is generally strong, with few errors detracting from comprehension. However, there are a couple of instances where spelling errors are evident, such as "unemployment" instead of "employment" and "livable" instead of "liveable." These errors, though minor, can slightly undermine the overall professionalism and clarity of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-check tools or proofreading techniques to identify and correct errors before finalizing the essay. Additionally, reviewing common spelling patterns and frequently misspelled words can help reinforce correct spelling habits and minimize errors in future writing endeavors.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, incorporating complex sentences alongside simpler ones. For instance, complex sentences like "While I acknowledge some associated negatives, I hold the belief that they pale in comparison with the benefits in terms of enhanced efficiency and life quality" showcase the writer’s ability to use subordination effectively. Additionally, the essay employs compound sentences such as "Consequently, this can aggravate traffic congestion during peak hours," which add depth to the argument. However, further diversity could be achieved by integrating more compound-complex sentences, which combine elements of both complexity and coordination.
- How to improve: To enhance the richness of sentence structures, consider incorporating compound-complex sentences where appropriate. This can be achieved by introducing subordination within compound sentences or by expanding on complex sentences with additional clauses. For instance, instead of using separate sentences, complex ideas can be interconnected to create a more sophisticated narrative.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates strong grammatical accuracy, with few notable errors. One instance of minor grammatical error occurs in the phrase "places of unemployment," where "unemployment" should likely be replaced with "employment" to accurately convey the intended meaning. Additionally, there is a missing article in "a more peaceful and livable community can be created," where "a" should precede "more peaceful." Punctuation is generally used appropriately, aiding in clarity and readability. However, there are occasional instances where comma usage could be refined for smoother sentence flow, such as in "Furthermore, increasing exhaust fumes from vehicles might contribute greatly to the environmental degradation in urban cities," where the comma after "Furthermore" interrupts the flow slightly.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, ensure thorough proofreading to catch any errors in word choice and article usage. Additionally, pay close attention to comma placement to ensure coherence and fluidity in sentence structure. Consider reviewing complex grammatical structures such as parallelism and conditional clauses to further refine writing mechanics.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many urban cities are planned in a way that separates shopping centers, educational institutions, workplaces, and residential areas. While acknowledging some drawbacks, I believe that the advantages far outweigh them, leading to enhanced efficiency and quality of life.

On one hand, this urban planning approach may increase strain on transportation systems, as it necessitates longer commutes between daily destinations like home, work, and schools, exacerbating traffic congestion, and vehicle emissions. However, this issue could be significantly mitigated if more people utilize public transportation options.

On the other hand, the separation of different types of establishments can lead to improved living conditions and economic growth. Firstly, it reduces residents’ exposure to noise and pollution from industrial and commercial activities, creating a more tranquil and habitable community, thereby improving quality of life. Secondly, by grouping similar functions together, such as stores and offices, it facilitates better infrastructure planning and development, fostering economic growth, job creation, and increased productivity.

In conclusion, despite potential drawbacks in transportation and environmental impacts, I argue that this urban planning strategy should be embraced due to its positive effects on life quality and efficiency.