In many countries, a small number of people earn extremely high salaries. Some people believe that this is good for the country, but others think that governments should not allow salaries above a certain level. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In many countries, a small number of people earn extremely high salaries.
Some people believe that this is good for the country, but others think that governments should not allow salaries above a certain level. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In contemporary society, there is a significant disparity in income in various nations. Advocates argue that high wages earned will contribute greatly to the prosperity of the country, but this receives some disapproval. In this writing, these ideas should be equally interested in as follows.
On the one side, it is apparent that substantial salaries benefit the country in several ways. Firstly, these individuals contribute a larger share of taxes, resulting in increased tax revenue for the government. This contribution can be utilized to enhance public infrastructure and services, such as improving healthcare and education facilities or developing transport systems. Additionally, they serve as an incentive for individuals to work hard and strive for success. The promise of a lucrative income can drive innovation, entrepreneurship, and economic growth. This can ultimately benefit the entire population.
On the other side, critics believe that the concentration of wealth in the hands of a few individuals can lead to social inequality and unrest. For example, In a company, the salary of the CEO is much higher than the amount received by the workers, leading to a growing distance between the boss and the employees, making it impossible to work harmoniously and causing a decrease in the company's productivity. Therefore, this disparity can destroy social cohesion and lead to unnecessary conflicts.
In conclusion, the matter of high income remains controversial. However, from my point of view, I approve that the government should consider implementing measures to ensure executive pay because it can help mitigate the negative effects of income inequality.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In this writing" -> "In this essay"
   Explanation: "In this writing" is an awkward and unclear phrase. "In this essay" is more direct and appropriate for academic writing, clearly indicating the context of the discussion.

2. "these ideas should be equally interested in as follows" -> "these ideas will be discussed as follows"
   Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "These ideas will be discussed as follows" is grammatically correct and clearly indicates the structure of the essay.

3. "substantial salaries benefit the country in several ways" -> "substantial salaries yield significant benefits for the country"
   Explanation: "Yield significant benefits" is a more precise and formal expression than "benefit," enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

4. "these individuals contribute a larger share of taxes" -> "these individuals pay a greater proportion of taxes"
   Explanation: "Pay a greater proportion of taxes" is more specific and accurate, as it directly relates to the amount of taxes paid, which is more relevant to the discussion.

5. "This contribution can be utilized" -> "This revenue can be utilized"
   Explanation: "Revenue" is a more specific term than "contribution," which is vague and could refer to various types of contributions. Using "revenue" clarifies that the discussion is about financial contributions.

6. "serve as an incentive for individuals to work hard and strive for success" -> "serve as motivators for individuals to work diligently and strive for success"
   Explanation: "Motivators" is a more precise term than "incentive," and "work diligently" is a more formal and specific phrase than "work hard," enhancing the academic tone.

7. "the concentration of wealth in the hands of a few individuals" -> "the concentration of wealth among a few individuals"
   Explanation: "Among" is more precise and formal than "in the hands of," which can be seen as colloquial or metaphorical in this context.

8. "In a company, the salary of the CEO is much higher than the amount received by the workers" -> "In a company, the CEO’s salary is significantly higher than that of the workers"
   Explanation: "Significantly higher than that of the workers" is more formal and avoids the colloquial "much higher than the amount received by." It also avoids the awkward construction "the amount received by the workers."

9. "making it impossible to work harmoniously" -> "preventing harmonious working"
   Explanation: "Preventing harmonious working" is a more concise and formal way to express the idea, avoiding the awkward construction "making it impossible to work harmoniously."

10. "destroy social cohesion" -> "undermine social cohesion"
    Explanation: "Undermine" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "destroy," which can be seen as overly dramatic and informal in this context.

11. "the matter of high income remains controversial" -> "the issue of high income remains contentious"
    Explanation: "Controversial" is a more precise term than "controversial" in this context, as it specifically refers to the disagreement or debate surrounding the issue, which is more appropriate for academic writing.

12. "I approve that the government should consider implementing measures" -> "I advocate that the government should consider implementing measures"
    Explanation: "Advocate" is more specific and appropriate in an academic context than "approve," which is less formal and can imply personal opinion rather than a reasoned argument.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding high salaries. The first paragraph discusses the positive aspects, such as increased tax revenue and motivation for hard work, while the second paragraph presents the opposing view, highlighting social inequality and unrest. The essay also includes a personal opinion, which is crucial for a Task 2 response. However, the introduction could be clearer in explicitly stating that both views will be discussed, as the phrase "these ideas should be equally interested in" is somewhat vague.
  • How to improve: To enhance clarity, the introduction should explicitly mention that the essay will discuss both perspectives before stating the writer’s opinion. For example, rephrasing to "This essay will discuss both the benefits and drawbacks of high salaries and present my own viewpoint" would provide clearer guidance to the reader.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position by ultimately supporting the idea that the government should regulate high salaries. This position is consistent throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion. However, the transition from discussing both views to stating the personal opinion could be more seamless. The phrase “I approve that the government should consider implementing measures” could be more assertive.
  • How to improve: Strengthen the position by using more definitive language in the conclusion. Instead of "I approve," consider using "I firmly believe" or "I strongly advocate for" to convey a more assertive stance. Additionally, a brief summary of the arguments presented before stating the opinion would help reinforce the position.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas well, particularly in the discussion of the benefits of high salaries, such as tax contributions and motivation for success. However, the example provided for the negative impact of high salaries (the disparity between a CEO and workers) could be further developed. While it illustrates the point, it lacks depth and could benefit from additional context or statistics to strengthen the argument.
  • How to improve: To improve the support for ideas, consider including more detailed examples or data. For instance, citing studies or statistics that show the correlation between income inequality and social unrest would add weight to the argument. Additionally, expanding on how high salaries can foster innovation with specific examples of successful entrepreneurs could enhance the discussion.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic of high salaries and their implications for society. Each paragraph addresses relevant points related to the prompt. However, the phrase "this can ultimately benefit the entire population" in the first paragraph could be seen as slightly vague and may divert from the specific discussion of high salaries.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all statements directly relate to the implications of high salaries. Instead of making broad claims about benefiting the entire population, specify how the benefits of high salaries translate into tangible improvements for society, such as job creation or increased funding for public services.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. With minor adjustments in clarity, depth of examples, and assertiveness of position, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with distinct sections for both viewpoints and a conclusion that summarizes the writer’s opinion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, although the phrase "these ideas should be equally interested in as follows" is somewhat awkward and unclear. The arguments on both sides are presented logically, with supporting examples that enhance understanding. However, the transition between the two viewpoints could be smoother to improve the overall flow.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer transition phrases between paragraphs and ideas. For example, instead of "On the one side," you could use "Firstly," followed by "Conversely," to introduce the opposing viewpoint. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that clearly states the main idea, which will guide the reader through the argument more effectively.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is crucial for coherence. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the discussion, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument. However, the first paragraph could benefit from being split into two: one focusing on the introduction of the topic and the other outlining the structure of the essay. This would provide a clearer roadmap for the reader.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea supported by relevant details. For instance, the introduction could be split into two paragraphs: one introducing the topic and the other outlining the essay’s structure. This would help clarify the essay’s direction and make it more reader-friendly.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Additionally," and "On the other side," which help to connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat repetitive, with limited variety in the transitions used. For example, the phrase "this can ultimately benefit the entire population" could be linked to the previous sentence with a more varied cohesive device.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "Furthermore," "In contrast," and "Consequently." This will not only enhance the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to maintain clarity and coherence throughout the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles, there are areas for improvement in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the range of cohesive devices used. By implementing these suggestions, the essay can achieve a higher level of clarity and effectiveness in communication.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "disparity," "advocates," "prosperity," and "lucrative." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "high wages" and "substantial salaries," which could have been varied further to enhance the essay’s richness. Additionally, the phrase "these ideas should be equally interested in" is awkward and unclear, indicating a lack of precision in word choice.
  • How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeating "high wages," alternatives like "elevated salaries," "generous compensation," or "premium earnings" could be used. Additionally, clarifying phrases like "these ideas should be equally interested in" to something clearer, such as "both perspectives warrant equal consideration," would enhance clarity and variety.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "this receives some disapproval" is vague. It would be more effective to specify who disapproves—whether it is the public, economists, or policymakers. Furthermore, the term "executive pay" in the conclusion could be more accurately described as "excessive executive compensation" to reflect the context better.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using specific terms that accurately convey their intended meaning. For example, instead of "this receives some disapproval," the writer could say, "this perspective is met with criticism from various sectors of society." This not only clarifies the subject but also strengthens the argument.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with no significant errors that impede understanding. However, there is a minor inconsistency in capitalization, such as "In a company" where "in" should be lowercase unless starting a new sentence. This indicates a need for attention to detail in proofreading.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in thorough proofreading to catch minor errors, particularly with capitalization and punctuation. Utilizing tools like spell checkers or reading the essay aloud can help identify mistakes that may be overlooked during initial writing.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band 6 for Lexical Resource, there are clear areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision, and ensuring correct spelling and grammar, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "On the one side" and "On the other side" effectively introduces contrasting viewpoints. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the sentence "This contribution can be utilized to enhance public infrastructure and services, such as improving healthcare and education facilities or developing transport systems" is somewhat lengthy and could benefit from being broken down into shorter, more impactful sentences.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "This contribution can be utilized to enhance public infrastructure and services," you might say, "By utilizing this contribution, the government can enhance public infrastructure and services, which include healthcare and education facilities." Additionally, varying the placement of phrases and clauses can create more engaging and dynamic sentences.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are a few errors that detract from the overall quality. For example, the phrase "this receives some disapproval" is somewhat awkward and could be more clearly expressed as "this viewpoint receives some disapproval." There is also a punctuation error in the sentence "For example, In a company," where "In" should be lowercase. Furthermore, the phrase "these ideas should be equally interested in as follows" is unclear and grammatically incorrect; it could be revised to "these ideas will be discussed as follows."
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is crucial to proofread the essay for common errors, such as incorrect capitalization and awkward phrasing. Additionally, practicing sentence rephrasing can help clarify meaning and improve fluency. Consider using grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers to identify and correct errors before submission.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, there is a significant disparity in income in various nations. Advocates argue that high wages earned will contribute greatly to the prosperity of the country, but this receives some disapproval. In this essay, these ideas will be discussed as follows.

On the one hand, it is apparent that substantial salaries benefit the country in several ways. Firstly, these individuals pay a greater proportion of taxes, resulting in increased tax revenue for the government. This revenue can be utilized to enhance public infrastructure and services, such as improving healthcare and education facilities or developing transport systems. Additionally, they serve as motivators for individuals to work diligently and strive for success. The promise of a lucrative income can drive innovation, entrepreneurship, and economic growth. This can ultimately benefit the entire population.

On the other hand, critics believe that the concentration of wealth in the hands of a few individuals can lead to social inequality and unrest. For example, in a company, the CEO’s salary is significantly higher than that of the workers, leading to a growing distance between the boss and the employees, which makes it difficult to work harmoniously and can cause a decrease in the company’s productivity. Therefore, this disparity can undermine social cohesion and lead to unnecessary conflicts.

In conclusion, the issue of high income remains contentious. However, from my point of view, I advocate that the government should consider implementing measures to ensure executive pay is regulated because it can help mitigate the negative effects of income inequality.