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In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing.
Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

A myriad of nations around the world have witnessed a prevalent tendency that people in rural areas migrate to cities to live, leading to a reduction in the population in the countryside. In this essay, I would evaluate the positivity and negativity of this development before proposing whether it is beneficial or detrimental to
our society.
On the one hand, there are some problems associated with the migration to urban regions who previously lived in rural areas. As cities are economic hubs, they have attracted many people moving there to live, increasing the amount of pressure on many services in these areas. For instance, around 75% of hospitals in large cities are running out of capacity according to a recent report from the united nations. When even more people migrate there to seek job or educational opportunities, the mproblems can only be worsened, causing many people to lose access to healthcare and have their lives endangered due to insufficient medical support.
The tendency to migrate from rural to urban areas to live can enrich the workforce pool of the latter regions. Fortunately, the economic vibrancy of these metropolitans areas has a highly efficient absorbing capacity for new jobs, eventually leading to more people being employed and having their income increased. These positive implications eventually contribute to economic progression, boosting the standard of living and benefiting society as a whole.
In conclusion, although the mentioned tendency has a positive impact on the workforce of cities, I still believe that it has an overall negative implication on our society. Specifically, it can strain important educational and medical services while leaving rural areas underdeveloped and abandoned.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "A myriad of nations" -> "Many countries"
    Explanation: "A myriad" is an archaic and less common term that may sound overly formal or even pretentious in modern academic writing. "Many countries" is straightforward and maintains a formal tone without being overly elaborate.

  2. "prevalent tendency" -> "widespread trend"
    Explanation: "Prevalent" can be vague and less specific in this context. "Widespread trend" is more precise and commonly used in academic discourse to describe a general pattern or movement.

  3. "migration to urban regions who previously lived in rural areas" -> "migration from rural areas to urban regions"
    Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The suggested revision corrects the grammatical structure and clarifies the direction of migration.

  4. "the amount of pressure on many services" -> "the strain on various services"
    Explanation: "The amount of pressure" is vague and can be replaced with "the strain," which is more specific and commonly used in formal writing to describe the impact on services.

  5. "running out of capacity" -> "exceeding capacity"
    Explanation: "Running out of capacity" is a colloquial expression. "Exceeding capacity" is more formal and precise, fitting the academic style better.

  6. "the mproblems" -> "the problems"
    Explanation: "Mproblems" is a typographical error. Correcting it to "problems" resolves the issue and maintains the formal tone.

  7. "the tendency to migrate from rural to urban areas to live" -> "the migration from rural to urban areas"
    Explanation: Simplifying the phrase removes redundancy and enhances clarity, making it more suitable for academic writing.

  8. "metropolitans areas" -> "metropolitan areas"
    Explanation: "Metropolitans" is a typographical error. The correct term is "metropolitan," referring to cities or regions that are considered the center of a country or region.

  9. "a highly efficient absorbing capacity" -> "a significant absorptive capacity"
    Explanation: "Highly efficient" is redundant as "efficient" already implies high performance. "Significant absorptive capacity" is more precise and academically appropriate.

  10. "boosting the standard of living and benefiting society as a whole" -> "enhancing the standard of living and benefiting society"
    Explanation: "Boosting" is slightly informal and can be replaced with "enhancing," which is more formal and commonly used in academic texts.

  11. "I still believe" -> "it is still believed"
    Explanation: The use of "I" in academic writing should be avoided when expressing a general opinion or conclusion. "It is still believed" maintains an impersonal and objective tone, which is preferred in academic discourse.

  12. "it can strain important educational and medical services" -> "it may strain critical educational and medical services"
    Explanation: "Can" is too vague; "may" is more appropriate as it indicates possibility rather than certainty, which is more suitable for academic discussions. "Critical" also emphasizes the importance of these services more effectively than "important."

  13. "leaving rural areas underdeveloped and abandoned" -> "leaving rural areas underdeveloped and neglected"
    Explanation: "Abandoned" can imply a more extreme and negative connotation than intended. "Neglected" is a more neutral term that still conveys the lack of attention or development, fitting the context better in an academic essay.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of rural-to-urban migration. The introduction clearly states the intention to evaluate both sides before concluding with a personal stance. However, while the essay mentions both sides, the depth of analysis on the positive aspects is less comprehensive compared to the negative implications. For instance, the discussion on the workforce enrichment is brief and lacks specific examples or elaboration.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should provide more detailed examples and analysis for both sides of the argument. For instance, discussing specific economic benefits or social improvements resulting from urban migration could strengthen the positive side of the argument. Additionally, ensuring that both sides are balanced in terms of depth would provide a more thorough answer to the prompt.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position in the conclusion, stating that the overall impact of rural-to-urban migration is negative. However, the transition from discussing the positive aspects to concluding with a negative stance could be smoother. The phrase "I still believe that it has an overall negative implication" could be perceived as somewhat abrupt, as it does not fully reflect the complexity of the discussion presented earlier.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should ensure that the conclusion effectively synthesizes the arguments made throughout the essay. A brief summary of the positive points followed by a stronger emphasis on the negative implications could help in reinforcing the stance taken.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to both the positive and negative impacts of migration. However, the support for these ideas is uneven. The negative impacts, such as strain on healthcare, are well-supported with a specific statistic, while the positive aspects lack depth and concrete examples. For instance, the mention of economic vibrancy and job creation is a good start but does not delve into how this specifically benefits individuals or communities.
    • How to improve: To improve the support for ideas, the writer should aim to include more specific examples, statistics, or case studies that illustrate the points made. For instance, discussing how urban migration has led to specific job creation in certain sectors or how it has improved urban infrastructure could provide a more robust argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the implications of rural-to-urban migration. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For example, while the essay mentions the strain on services, it could also explore how this affects rural communities directly, thereby linking back to the overall question of whether the development is positive or negative.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the prompt. This could involve explicitly linking the effects discussed to the broader implications for society, thereby reinforcing the relevance of each argument to the question at hand. Additionally, avoiding overly general statements and ensuring that all points are directly tied to the question will help maintain topic relevance.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s intention to evaluate both sides of the argument. The body paragraphs are organized into distinct points: one discussing the negative impacts of urban migration and the other highlighting the positive aspects. However, the transition between these points could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the strain on services to the enrichment of the workforce feels abrupt and lacks a clear linking sentence that would guide the reader through the argument.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases or sentences that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the negative implications, a sentence like "Despite these challenges, there are also significant benefits to consider" could provide a smoother transition to the next point.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is crucial for clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, making it easier for the reader to follow. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that directly relate back to the essay question. The current topic sentence does not explicitly state that it will discuss the positive aspects of urban migration.
    • How to improve: Strengthen topic sentences to clearly indicate the focus of each paragraph. For example, the second body paragraph could start with a sentence like, "On the other hand, urban migration can also lead to significant economic benefits," which would immediately inform the reader of the paragraph’s purpose.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "Fortunately," which help to signal shifts in argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be enhanced. For example, the phrase "these positive implications eventually contribute to economic progression" could be better linked to the previous sentence to clarify how the points relate.
    • How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Moreover," "In addition," or "Conversely" to create clearer connections between ideas. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain the flow of the argument.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to an improved band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with phrases like "myriad of nations," "prevalent tendency," and "economic hubs." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive, particularly in the discussion of migration and urban areas. For example, the term "migrate" is used multiple times without variation, which can detract from the overall richness of the language.
    • How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider using synonyms or related phrases. Instead of repeating "migrate," alternatives such as "relocate," "move," or "shift" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more descriptive adjectives or adverbs could add depth to the analysis, such as "rapidly growing cities" or "struggling rural communities."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary correctly, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the amount of pressure on many services" could be more accurately expressed as "the strain on essential services." Additionally, the term "metropolitans areas" should be corrected to "metropolitan areas."
    • How to improve: Focus on refining word choice to ensure clarity and precision. Reviewing the context in which specific terms are used can help. For instance, instead of "beneficial or detrimental," which is somewhat vague, consider specifying what aspects are being referred to, such as "socially beneficial or economically detrimental."
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains some spelling errors, such as "mproblems" (which appears to be a typographical error) and "united nations" (should be capitalized as "United Nations"). These errors can disrupt the flow of reading and may affect the overall impression of the writing.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing the essay, take a moment to read through it carefully, focusing specifically on spelling and capitalization. Utilizing spell-check tools or apps can also be beneficial. Additionally, practicing common spelling patterns and frequently misspelled words can help reinforce correct usage.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource, reflecting a more sophisticated use of vocabulary and improved clarity in expression.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences such as, "As cities are economic hubs, they have attracted many people moving there to live, increasing the amount of pressure on many services in these areas." This sentence effectively combines clauses to convey a clear relationship between urban migration and the resulting pressures on services. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the use of "to live" and "to seek," which could be diversified.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating more varied sentence openings and using different conjunctions or relative clauses. For example, instead of repeatedly using "to," explore alternatives like "for the purpose of" or "in pursuit of." Additionally, varying the length and complexity of sentences can create a more engaging flow.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For instance, in the phrase "the mproblems can only be worsened," the word "mproblems" appears to be a typographical error. Furthermore, the phrase "who previously lived in rural areas" should be restructured for clarity; it would be more grammatically correct to say "who had previously lived in rural areas." Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are instances where commas could enhance readability, such as before "leading to a reduction in the population in the countryside."
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, careful proofreading is essential to catch typographical errors and ensure that verb tenses are consistent. Additionally, reviewing sentence structures for clarity can help avoid confusion. For punctuation, practice using commas to separate clauses and enhance the flow of ideas. Consider revisiting the rules of punctuation to ensure that they are applied correctly throughout the essay.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

A myriad of nations around the world have witnessed a widespread trend of migration from rural areas to urban regions, leading to a decrease in the population in the countryside. In this essay, I will evaluate both the positive and negative aspects of this development before concluding whether it is beneficial or detrimental to our society.

On the one hand, there are several problems associated with the migration to urban regions by individuals who previously lived in rural areas. As cities serve as economic hubs, they have attracted many people seeking better opportunities, which has increased the strain on various services in these areas. For instance, around 75% of hospitals in large cities are exceeding capacity, according to a recent report from the United Nations. When even more people migrate there to seek job or educational opportunities, the problems can only worsen, causing many individuals to lose access to healthcare and endangering their lives due to insufficient medical support.

Conversely, the migration from rural to urban areas can enrich the workforce pool of the latter regions. Fortunately, the economic vibrancy of these metropolitan areas has a significant absorptive capacity for new jobs, ultimately leading to increased employment and higher incomes for many. These positive implications contribute to economic progression, enhancing the standard of living and benefiting society as a whole.

In conclusion, although the aforementioned tendency has a positive impact on the workforce of cities, it is still believed that it has an overall negative implication for our society. Specifically, it may strain critical educational and medical services while leaving rural areas underdeveloped and neglected.

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