In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing.
Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Recent years have witnessed people who live in the countryside moving to cities. As a result, the population in the rural areas in many countries is going down. In my opinion, this is a negative development because while this phenomenon creates a larger workforce in cities, it may fail to contribute to sustainable economic development.
Admittedly, it is indisputable that when more people change their homes from the countryside to cities, there will be more prospective employees for businesses in those cities. These companies may have a wider range of choices of who to recruit and have the freedom to expand their production. As a result, they may increase sales, become successful, then raise the salary for workers and contribute to increase the GDP of that country. This can be exemplified by Thailand, which used to be an agriculture-focused country. Thanks to a shift towards city work, however, it has become an affluent country in Asia.
Nevertheless, it is imprudent to overlook the negative sides of the movement from the countryside to urban areas. One of these is that as rural people become city dwellers, a more competitive job market will be formed in the cities. Given this redundancy of job seekers, businesses may pay them less to save costs. Worse still, some people might end up being unemployed and living in slums. This not only fails to improve people's living conditions but also broadens the gap between the poor and the rich in a country. Another point worth mentioning is that if all people leave their homeland in the countryside, there would be no one to take care of the farms. This can make countries that rely on agriculture and horticulture, such as Vietnam, decrease their farming exports, and decline their overall income. Therefore, these countries may suffer to build a stable economy.
In conclusion, although people altering their accommodation from rural areas to cities may bring some benefits to companies, it might neither help them improve their lives nor some agricultural-based countries develop its economy in the long run. For this reason, I am of the belief that this change is a negative development.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "Recent years have witnessed people who live in the countryside moving to cities." -> "In recent years, there has been a noticeable trend of rural residents relocating to urban areas."
   Explanation: The revised sentence introduces a more formal and precise structure, avoiding the colloquial "witnessed" and providing a clearer timeline with "In recent years."

2. "In my opinion, this is a negative development because while this phenomenon creates a larger workforce in cities, it may fail to contribute to sustainable economic development." -> "In my view, this constitutes a detrimental trend. Although it results in an expanded urban workforce, there is a risk that it may not contribute effectively to sustainable economic development."
   Explanation: The revised version maintains a formal tone by replacing "negative development" with "detrimental trend" and employs more sophisticated language to convey the idea of potential shortcomings in economic development.

3. "Admittedly, it is indisputable that when more people change their homes from the countryside to cities, there will be more prospective employees for businesses in those cities." -> "Undoubtedly, when individuals migrate from rural to urban settings, a larger pool of potential employees becomes available for businesses in urban areas."
   Explanation: The revision eliminates redundancy by removing "Admittedly" and enhances formality by using "Undoubtedly." Additionally, the phrase "change their homes" is replaced with "migrate," contributing to a more academic tone.

4. "They may increase sales, become successful, then raise the salary for workers and contribute to increase the GDP of that country." -> "This influx may boost sales, lead to success, subsequently resulting in salary increments for workers, and contribute to the overall increase in the country’s GDP."
   Explanation: The revised sentence maintains a formal sequence of events and avoids repetition by replacing "increase" with "boost" and "contribute to increase" with "contribute to the overall increase."

5. "This can be exemplified by Thailand, which used to be an agriculture-focused country." -> "An illustrative example is Thailand, formerly reliant on agriculture."
   Explanation: The revised sentence introduces the example more formally, using "illustrative example" and providing a more concise description of Thailand’s previous economic focus.

6. "Nevertheless, it is imprudent to overlook the negative sides of the movement from the countryside to urban areas." -> "However, it would be imprudent to disregard the adverse aspects of the migration from rural to urban areas."
   Explanation: The revision maintains formality by using "However" and replaces "negative sides" with "adverse aspects" for a more nuanced expression.

7. "Given this redundancy of job seekers, businesses may pay them less to save costs." -> "Due to this surplus of job seekers, businesses may reduce wages as a cost-saving measure."
   Explanation: The revised sentence replaces "redundancy" with "surplus" for a more precise term and streamlines the expression of the potential consequence on wages.

8. "Worse still, some people might end up being unemployed and living in slums." -> "Furthermore, there is a risk that some individuals may face unemployment and reside in impoverished urban areas."
   Explanation: The revision maintains a formal tone by replacing "Worse still" with "Furthermore" and provides a more detailed description of the potential outcome.

9. "This not only fails to improve people’s living conditions but also broadens the gap between the poor and the rich in a country." -> "This not only hinders the improvement of living conditions but also widens the socio-economic gap within a country."
   Explanation: The revised sentence uses more precise language, replacing "fails to improve" with "hinders the improvement" and providing a more formal expression of the socio-economic gap.

10. "Another point worth mentioning is that if all people leave their homeland in the countryside, there would be no one to take care of the farms." -> "Another noteworthy consideration is that if the entire rural population migrates from their homeland, there would be a lack of individuals to manage the farms."
    Explanation: The revision introduces a more formal and precise expression by replacing "worth mentioning" with "noteworthy consideration" and clarifying the impact on farm management.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question: Characteristic of Band 8

  • Detailed explanation: The essay fully and appropriately addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of the rural-to-urban migration. The introduction sets the tone for the stance, acknowledging the positive effects on workforce and economic growth while highlighting concerns about sustainability.
  • How to improve: While the essay effectively covers all parts, a slight enhancement could involve providing more nuanced perspectives within each aspect discussed. This could involve exploring potential exceptions or considering counterarguments to strengthen the overall analysis.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout: Characteristic of Band 8

  • Detailed explanation: The position is explicitly stated in the introduction and consistently maintained throughout the essay. The writer asserts that the migration is a negative development due to potential negative impacts on employment conditions, income inequality, and agricultural-based economies.
  • How to improve: To further enhance clarity, consider reinforcing the thesis in the conclusion while summarizing the main points. This will leave a lasting impression on the reader.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas: Characteristic of Band 8

  • Detailed explanation: The ideas presented are relevant, extended, and well-supported. The essay provides specific examples, such as the case of Thailand, to illustrate the potential positive outcomes. Additionally, it elaborates on the negative consequences by discussing job market competition, income disparity, and the impact on agricultural economies.
  • How to improve: While the examples are effective, expanding on the depth of analysis for each point could further strengthen the essay. For instance, exploring the specific mechanisms through which rural-to-urban migration affects income inequality could add depth to the argument.

• Stay on Topic: Characteristic of Band 8

  • Detailed explanation: The essay consistently stays on topic, addressing the impact of rural-to-urban migration on various aspects, including workforce, economic development, job market, income inequality, and agriculture.
  • How to improve: There is no significant deviation from the topic; however, maintaining a balance in the depth of analysis for each aspect can enhance overall coherence.

Overall, this essay effectively addresses the prompt, maintains a clear position, presents well-extended ideas, and stays focused on the topic. To improve, consider adding nuanced perspectives, reinforcing the thesis in the conclusion, and delving deeper into the analysis for a more comprehensive exploration of the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically: Characteristic of Band 7

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization with a clear progression of ideas. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, presenting a clear thesis statement. Each body paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, providing supporting examples and analysis. The conclusion neatly summarizes the main points and restates the position.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider refining the transitions between paragraphs for a smoother connection of ideas. Ensure that each paragraph builds on the previous one, maintaining a cohesive and well-connected argument throughout.

• Use Paragraphs: Characteristic of Band 7

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs generally effective paragraphing, with a mostly logical sequencing of ideas within each paragraph. There is a clear structure, including introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ideas are presented in a coherent manner, contributing to the overall understanding of the essay.
  • How to improve: While the essay effectively uses paragraphs, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follows a logical progression of ideas. Consider refining the transition sentences between paragraphs to strengthen the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices: Characteristic of Band 7

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a flexible use of cohesive devices, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. There is a noticeable effort to link ideas within and between sentences and paragraphs. Examples and transitions are generally well-integrated.
  • How to improve: To further enhance cohesion, aim for greater precision in the use of cohesive devices. Ensure that the relationships between ideas are explicitly clear, minimizing any potential for ambiguity. Additionally, diversify the types of cohesive devices used to create a more nuanced and sophisticated connection between sentences and paragraphs.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a commendable level of coherence and cohesion, refining the transitions between paragraphs and strengthening the precision of cohesive devices can contribute to an even more polished and cohesive piece of writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary: Characteristic of Band 7

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of vocabulary, showcasing some flexibility and precision. For instance, phrases like "prospective employees," "shift towards city work," and "horticulture" exhibit a higher level of vocabulary usage. However, the essay could benefit from a more extensive range, especially in illustrating contrasting ideas or employing synonyms to avoid repetition.
  • How to improve: Consider diversifying vocabulary further by exploring synonyms or alternative expressions for frequently used words. For example, instead of repeatedly using "cities," incorporate terms like "urban centers," "metropolitan areas," or "municipalities" to enhance lexical richness.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely: Characteristic of Band 6

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys meaning clearly, there are instances where more precise vocabulary or terminology could have been employed. For instance, phrases like "imprudent to overlook" or "broadens the gap" could be refined for greater precision. However, overall, the meaning is effectively communicated despite occasional lack of precision.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, consider using more specific or nuanced terms where applicable. For instance, instead of "imprudent to overlook," consider phrases like "unwise to disregard" or "ignoring the ramifications." It’s about fine-tuning expressions to convey precise meanings.

• Use Correct Spelling: Characteristic of Band 7

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a commendable level of spelling accuracy, with few errors that do not significantly hinder the overall clarity of the piece. There might be minor lapses, but they do not impede understanding.
  • How to improve: To further improve spelling accuracy, consider a thorough review of commonly misspelled words or employing spell-check tools to catch any overlooked errors. Additionally, proofreading after writing can help in identifying and rectifying minor spelling mistakes.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, with room for enhancement in both range and precision. Focusing on diversifying vocabulary while aiming for greater precision in expression would contribute significantly to raising the lexical resource score. Additionally, maintaining the good spelling habits exhibited in this essay will continue to bolster the overall clarity of your written work.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures: Characteristic of Band 7

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, contributing to the overall fluency of the writing. There is effective use of complex sentences, such as the conditional sentence in "if all people leave their homeland in the countryside, there would be no one to take care of the farms," showcasing a good command of different structures.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating more compound and compound-complex sentences. Introduce nuances like inverted sentences or rhetorical questions to add sophistication to the writing.

• Use Grammar Accurately: Characteristic of Band 8

  • Detailed explanation: The majority of the sentences are error-free, demonstrating a high level of grammatical accuracy. There are occasional, minor errors, such as in the phrase "Thanks to a shift towards city work." While the meaning is clear, a more precise phrasing could be "Thanks to a shift towards urban employment."
  • How to improve: Pay meticulous attention to prepositions and article usage to eliminate minor errors. Additionally, ensure that verb tenses are consistently applied throughout the essay.

• Use Correct Punctuation: Characteristic of Band 7

  • Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally well-controlled throughout the essay. Commas, periods, and other punctuation marks are appropriately used, contributing to the overall clarity of the writing.
  • How to improve: While the essay exhibits good punctuation control, consider incorporating more advanced punctuation marks, such as semicolons or em dashes, to add variety and precision to the sentence structures.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy. To elevate the score, focus on further diversifying sentence structures, refining grammatical accuracy with attention to minor errors, and incorporating advanced punctuation for added sophistication. Overall, a well-executed essay that aligns with the characteristics of Band 7 for Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent times, a noticeable trend has emerged, with rural residents opting to relocate to urban areas. In my view, this constitutes a detrimental trend. Although it results in an expanded urban workforce, there is a risk that it may not contribute effectively to sustainable economic development.

Undoubtedly, when individuals migrate from rural to urban settings, a larger pool of potential employees becomes available for businesses in urban areas. This influx may boost sales, lead to success, subsequently resulting in salary increments for workers, and contribute to the overall increase in the country’s GDP. An illustrative example is Thailand, formerly reliant on agriculture.

However, it would be imprudent to disregard the adverse aspects of the migration from rural to urban areas. Due to this surplus of job seekers, businesses may reduce wages as a cost-saving measure. Furthermore, there is a risk that some individuals may face unemployment and reside in impoverished urban areas. This not only hinders the improvement of living conditions but also widens the socio-economic gap within a country.

Another noteworthy consideration is that if the entire rural population migrates from their homeland, there would be a lack of individuals to manage the farms. This shift could lead to a decrease in farming exports, impacting the overall income of countries relying on agriculture, as exemplified by Vietnam.

In conclusion, while the migration from rural to urban areas may initially bring some benefits to urban businesses, it may neither help individuals improve their lives nor aid agricultural-based countries in developing a stable economy in the long run. For these reasons, I am of the belief that this change is a negative development.