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In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Rural decline is becoming an increasingly common phenomenon around the world as people leave their hometowns to move to metropolises. In this essay, I argue that this trend has a positive influence on the lives of some individuals but it also gives rise to a host of large-scale adverse consequences on rural and urban societies.

From an individual standpoint, leaving the countryside can be a positive change for those who want to seek a better life in cities. Simply put, unsatisfied with farm work in the rural area, many young people decide to uproot their lives and go to cities to find alternative career paths with better pay and upward mobility1. Many of them succeed in this goal and are more satisfied with their living standard.

Nonetheless, increased depopulation in rural regions can also stifle2 their economic growth. As more and more people migrate from the countryside to urban centers, most of whom are young people in working age, businesses will have a tougher time finding employees and customers. Furthermore, a smaller population often means that the local governing bodies and committees of these areas will be allocated3 less government funding. This can translate to a slow deterioration4 in the quality of public services and infrastructure5, such as road systems, education and healthcare, negatively impacting the overall living standard of those who remain behind.

Along with the detrimental impacts on rural life, the mass exodus from the countryside has several negative implications6 that extend to big cities as well. In terms of environmental impact, the influx7 of new immigrants means that there will be more domestic waste and harmful emissions, which can further exacerbate8 the problem of pollution. Socially, price hikes9 in basic services, such as housing or food, resulting from an increased demand can put a lot of people in financial stress and potentially spark social unrest10.

In conclusion, I am of the opinion that although migrating to cities and suburban areas can prove beneficial for some individuals, it negatively impacts many different areas of rural and city life. Governments should take steps to make rural life more attractive to counteract these effects.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Rural decline is becoming an increasingly common phenomenon around the world as people leave their hometowns to move to metropolises." -> "Rural decline is a progressively prevalent phenomenon worldwide as individuals relocate from their hometowns to urban centers."
    Explanation: Replacing "becoming an increasingly common" with "a progressively prevalent" enhances formality and precision in describing the global trend of rural decline.

  2. "In this essay, I argue that this trend has a positive influence on the lives of some individuals but it also gives rise to a host of large-scale adverse consequences on rural and urban societies." -> "In this essay, I contend that while this trend positively impacts the lives of some individuals, it also engenders a myriad of large-scale adverse consequences for both rural and urban societies."
    Explanation: The suggested alternative introduces a more formal and nuanced expression, replacing "argue" with "contend" and refining the structure for clarity and formality.

  3. "Simply put, unsatisfied with farm work in the rural area, many young people decide to uproot their lives and go to cities to find alternative career paths with better pay and upward mobility." -> "In essence, dissatisfied with agricultural work in rural areas, numerous young individuals opt to uproot their lives and migrate to urban centers, seeking alternative career paths offering improved remuneration and upward mobility."
    Explanation: The replacement enhances formality by using "in essence" instead of "simply put" and employs more precise and formal language throughout the sentence.

  4. "Nonetheless, increased depopulation in rural regions can also stifle their economic growth." -> "Nevertheless, the augmented depopulation in rural regions can also impede their economic growth."
    Explanation: The substitution of "stifle" with "impede" maintains formality and aligns with academic tone while conveying a similar meaning.

  5. "businesses will have a tougher time finding employees and customers." -> "businesses will face greater challenges in recruiting employees and attracting customers."
    Explanation: The replacement with "face greater challenges" is more formal than "have a tougher time," aligning with the academic style.

  6. "Furthermore, a smaller population often means that the local governing bodies and committees of these areas will be allocated less government funding." -> "Furthermore, a diminished population frequently results in reduced government funding allocated to the local governing bodies and committees of these areas."
    Explanation: The suggested changes maintain formality and provide a more precise expression of the idea.

  7. "This can translate to a slow deterioration in the quality of public services and infrastructure." -> "This can lead to a gradual decline in the quality of public services and infrastructure."
    Explanation: The replacement with "lead to a gradual decline" enhances formality and clarity while avoiding the colloquial tone of "translate to."

  8. "In terms of environmental impact, the influx of new immigrants means that there will be more domestic waste and harmful emissions, which can further exacerbate the problem of pollution." -> "Regarding environmental impact, the arrival of new immigrants implies an increase in domestic waste and harmful emissions, further exacerbating the issue of pollution."
    Explanation: The suggested changes maintain a formal tone and provide a more precise expression of the idea.

  9. "Socially, price hikes in basic services, such as housing or food, resulting from an increased demand can put a lot of people in financial stress and potentially spark social unrest." -> "From a social perspective, escalations in the prices of essential services, such as housing or food, stemming from heightened demand, can subject many individuals to financial stress and potentially incite social unrest."
    Explanation: The replacements enhance formality and precision in describing the social implications, avoiding informal terms like "put a lot of people in financial stress."

  10. "Governments should take steps to make rural life more attractive to counteract these effects." -> "Governments should implement measures to enhance the appeal of rural life and mitigate these effects."
    Explanation: The suggested changes maintain a formal tone and provide a more refined expression of the idea, replacing "take steps" with "implement measures" and using "mitigate" for precision.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay provides a comprehensive response to all parts of the question. It acknowledges both positive and negative aspects of rural depopulation and addresses the impact on both rural and urban areas.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the response, consider providing more specific examples or data to support the points made, demonstrating a deeper understanding of the topic.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, stating that while there are benefits for individuals, the overall impact is negative on both rural and urban life.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, ensure that each paragraph is tightly focused on supporting and reinforcing the main argument. Avoid potential ambiguity in language that could be interpreted differently.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas, extends arguments, and supports them with relevant examples. It discusses both the positive and negative aspects of rural depopulation in a balanced manner.
    • How to improve: To further improve, consider expanding on the economic consequences for rural areas and providing more nuanced insights into the social and environmental impacts in urban centers.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, discussing the consequences of rural depopulation as prompted. However, there are moments where the connection between points could be more explicit.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph clearly relates to the main theme of rural depopulation and its consequences. Avoid general statements that may distract from the central argument.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively addresses both sides of the argument. To improve, consider incorporating more specific examples and ensuring a seamless flow between paragraphs. Additionally, providing a bit more depth to the analysis of economic, social, and environmental impacts will enhance the overall quality of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of logical organization. The introduction sets the stage by introducing the topic, and there is a clear thesis statement. However, the body paragraphs lack a smooth transition between ideas, making the flow somewhat disjointed. For example, the shift from discussing individual benefits to the adverse effects on rural regions could be more seamlessly connected.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases to connect ideas between paragraphs. Ensure a smooth progression of arguments, maintaining a clear and logical flow throughout the essay.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay appropriately uses paragraphs, with distinct ideas separated into different sections. However, there are instances where paragraphs could be more clearly structured. For instance, the second paragraph discusses individual benefits and could be further divided into sub-paragraphs to address specific aspects, such as career opportunities and improved living standards.
    • How to improve: Refine paragraph structure by breaking down complex ideas into sub-paragraphs, allowing for a more detailed exploration of each aspect. This will contribute to a clearer and more organized presentation of ideas.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes cohesive devices, such as linking words (e.g., "nonetheless," "furthermore") and references (e.g., "this goal"). While there is some variety, a more extensive range of cohesive devices could be employed to strengthen the connections between sentences and paragraphs.
    • How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices by incorporating a wider range of transition words and phrases. This will create smoother connections between ideas and enhance the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, pay attention to the consistent use of pronouns to avoid confusion.

Overall, the essay exhibits a satisfactory level of coherence and cohesion, but improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices could elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While it effectively conveys the author’s ideas, there is room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further. For instance, terms like "large-scale adverse consequences" and "upward mobility" showcase a certain level of complexity, but there is a need for more nuanced and varied vocabulary to enhance the lexical richness of the essay.

    • How to improve: To enhance the score in this aspect, consider incorporating a broader array of synonyms and more specialized vocabulary. For example, instead of frequently using terms like "negative impacts" and "positive change," experiment with alternative expressions such as "detrimental ramifications" or "favorable transformation." This will not only showcase a wider vocabulary but also add sophistication to the language.

  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are instances where a more precise choice of words could enhance clarity and impact. For instance, the term "stifle" in the context of economic growth might benefit from a more specific word, such as "hamper" or "impede," to precisely convey the idea.

    • How to improve: Aim for greater precision by selecting words that precisely capture the intended meaning. In this case, consider alternatives like "hamper economic growth" or "impede economic progress" to provide a clearer and more exact representation of the impact on rural economies.

  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances where typographical errors, such as "stifle" instead of "stifles" and "deterioration" instead of "deteriorate," slightly affect the overall spelling correctness.

    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it is crucial to proofread the essay carefully, paying particular attention to verb tenses and word forms. Additionally, utilizing spelling and grammar check tools can be beneficial in catching such errors and ensuring a polished final draft.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a commendable use of vocabulary, but refinement in word choice and careful proofreading can further elevate the lexical resource, contributing to an enhanced band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably varied range of sentence structures, including complex sentences and compound structures. However, there is a tendency to rely on basic structures at times, affecting the overall variety. For instance, the repeated use of simple sentences could be expanded to include more complex constructions, enhancing the overall fluency and sophistication of the essay.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences with subordinate clauses. For example, instead of using simple sentences consecutively, try combining ideas using relative pronouns or subordinating conjunctions. This will contribute to a more nuanced and sophisticated expression of ideas.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays a commendable level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are a few instances where subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency could be improved. For instance, in the sentence "Many of them succeed in this goal and are more satisfied with their living standard," the subject "Many of them" should take a plural verb "succeed," but it is followed by a singular verb "is" in "are more satisfied." Ensuring consistent agreement and tense throughout the essay will enhance overall grammatical accuracy.
    • How to improve: Review each sentence for subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency. Pay special attention to cases where the subject is modified by a prepositional phrase or clause, ensuring that the verb matches the main subject in number and tense.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation usage in the essay is generally accurate, with correct placement of commas, periods, and other basic punctuation marks. However, there are instances where more advanced punctuation, such as semicolons or colons, could be employed to enhance clarity and structure. For example, in the sentence "From an individual standpoint, leaving the countryside can be a positive change for those who want to seek a better life in cities," a semicolon or colon could be used to create a stronger connection between the clauses.
    • How to improve: Experiment with the use of semicolons and colons in appropriate contexts. These punctuation marks can help convey relationships between ideas and contribute to a more sophisticated writing style. Ensure proper understanding of their usage and practice incorporating them into your writing to improve punctuation skills.

Bài sửa mẫu

Rural decline is an increasingly common occurrence globally as individuals move from their hometowns to urban centers. In this essay, I argue that while this trend positively impacts the lives of some individuals, it also leads to various large-scale adverse consequences for both rural and urban societies.

From an individual standpoint, leaving the countryside can be a positive change for those seeking a better life in cities. Discontent with agricultural work in rural areas, many young people decide to uproot their lives and migrate to urban centers in search of alternative career paths offering improved remuneration and upward mobility. Many succeed in this endeavor, experiencing greater satisfaction with their living standards.

Nevertheless, the increased depopulation in rural regions can also hinder their economic growth. As more people migrate from the countryside to urban centers, especially young individuals in the working age, businesses face greater challenges in recruiting employees and attracting customers. Furthermore, a smaller population often leads to reduced government funding allocated to the local governing bodies and committees of these areas. This can result in a gradual decline in the quality of public services and infrastructure, such as road systems, education, and healthcare, negatively impacting the overall living standards of those who remain behind.

Alongside the detrimental impacts on rural life, the mass exodus from the countryside has several negative implications that extend to urban areas as well. Regarding environmental impact, the influx of new immigrants implies an increase in domestic waste and harmful emissions, further exacerbating the issue of pollution. Socially, escalations in the prices of essential services, such as housing or food, stemming from heightened demand, can subject many individuals to financial stress and potentially incite social unrest.

In conclusion, I maintain the view that although migrating to cities and suburban areas can prove beneficial for some individuals, it negatively impacts various aspects of rural and urban life. Governments should implement measures to enhance the appeal of rural life and mitigate these effects.

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