In many countries, boys and girls have to study in separate schools and colleges. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this policy.

Separating students by gender in education systems is common in some countries. In this essay will examine the benefits and drawbacks of these strategies.
One of the most crucial advantages of separated schools is teachers can easily apply suitable didactics for each gender and maintain high levels of discipline when dealing with an unmixed group of students. Moreover, separating students by gender also helps them to reduce the social problems between students and create more focus on study. Furthermore, it also helps teenagers especially female students avoid some accidents like pregnancy or violence in relationships.
On the flip side, while the separate schools offer many benefits, they also present certain challenges and drawbacks. Segregated education hinders some social skills of students. For instance, in unmixed schools, students cannot join in various activities in which both boys and girls are needed such as theatrical plays or dancing performances. Additionally, students from separated schools are deprived of gaining experience in having relationships across gender lines. In the real environment, people work in mixed- gender so after graduating from segregated education, students have to struggle to connect with this community.
In conclusion, separating education brings many advantages to students but the disadvantages are inevitable. To ensure the sustainability and development of students, each educator should have suitable and effective didactics to support them.

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Errors and Improvements:

"In this essay will examine" -> "This essay will examine"
Explanation: The phrase "In this essay will examine" is grammatically incorrect. Removing "In" corrects the structure of the sentence.
"One of the most crucial advantages" -> "One of the significant advantages"
Explanation: "Crucial" is a bit informal and might be overly dramatic. "Significant" maintains the meaning while sounding more formal.
"didactics" -> "teaching methods"
Explanation: "Didactics" is a less common and somewhat formal term. "Teaching methods" is a more straightforward and commonly understood phrase.
"the social problems between students" -> "social dynamics among students"
Explanation: "Social problems between students" is a bit vague. "Social dynamics among students" is a more precise and academic term.
"Furthermore, it also helps teenagers especially female students avoid some accidents" -> "Moreover, it particularly aids teenagers, especially female students, in avoiding certain incidents"
Explanation: The phrase "Furthermore, it also helps" is redundant and lacks precision. Replacing it with "Moreover" improves clarity. "Avoid some accidents" is vague; specifying "certain incidents" enhances clarity.
"On the flip side" -> "However"
Explanation: "On the flip side" is informal. "However" is a more suitable transition in academic writing.
"Segregated education hinders some social skills of students." -> "Segregated education impedes the development of certain social skills in students."
Explanation: "Hinders" is slightly informal. "Impedes the development of" is a more formal alternative.
"in which both boys and girls are needed" -> "requiring the participation of both boys and girls"
Explanation: "In which both boys and girls are needed" sounds informal. "Requiring the participation of both boys and girls" is more formal and precise.
"deprived of gaining experience in having relationships across gender lines" -> "deprived of the opportunity to develop relationships across gender lines"
Explanation: "Deprived of gaining experience in having relationships" is wordy and slightly informal. "Deprived of the opportunity to develop relationships" is more concise and formal.
"To ensure the sustainability and development of students" -> "To ensure the long-term success and development of students"
Explanation: "Sustainability" might be overly broad in this context. "Long-term success" is more specific.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to discuss both advantages and disadvantages of separating students by gender. It mentions benefits such as tailored teaching methods, reduced social problems, and avoidance of certain issues like teenage pregnancy. However, it could provide a more nuanced discussion by exploring a wider range of advantages and disadvantages, considering aspects beyond discipline and social problems.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, consider expanding on the societal implications, academic outcomes, and personal development aspects affected by this policy.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay’s position is somewhat unclear due to a balanced presentation of both advantages and disadvantages. While it acknowledges benefits, it also emphasizes drawbacks. A stronger stance (whether in favor or against) would improve clarity and coherence.
- How to improve: Choose a definitive position and consistently support it throughout the essay, clarifying why certain aspects are advantageous or disadvantageous.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay introduces ideas adequately but lacks depth and development. Examples provided are simplistic (e.g., discipline, social problems) and could be enriched with more detailed and diverse illustrations.
- How to improve: Extend discussions by providing specific instances, research findings, or personal experiences to bolster the analysis and strengthen the argumentation.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by addressing the advantages and disadvantages of separating students by gender. However, the discussion could benefit from a deeper exploration of the topic’s broader implications beyond discipline and social skills.
- How to improve: Maintain focus by exploring wider ramifications such as academic performance, psychological impacts, and societal perceptions related to segregated education.

In summary, while the essay touches on the advantages and disadvantages of separating students by gender, it falls slightly short of a comprehensive and fully developed discussion. To elevate the response, consider delving deeper into various aspects, maintaining a consistent stance, and enriching ideas with more detailed examples and insights. This approach will enhance clarity, depth, and coherence in addressing the prompt’s requirements effectively.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate level of logical organization. Each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence, presenting either the advantages or disadvantages of separating students by gender. The writer transitions between ideas using cohesive devices such as "Moreover" and "On the flip side," which aids in maintaining coherence. However, the development of ideas within paragraphs could be strengthened. For instance, the paragraph discussing the advantages could provide more specific examples or elaboration to support its points.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph thoroughly explores its main idea with sufficient supporting details. Consider using a more varied range of transitional phrases to create smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, provide clear examples or evidence to bolster arguments and strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to structure its content. Each paragraph focuses on either the advantages or disadvantages of separating students by gender, contributing to a clear and organized presentation of ideas. However, some paragraphs could benefit from further development to fully explore their respective topics. For instance, the paragraph discussing the drawbacks of segregated education could delve deeper into specific social skills that students may miss out on.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus on its main idea and provides sufficient elaboration to support the argument. Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones to enhance readability and coherence. Additionally, aim to develop each point with specific examples or evidence to strengthen the overall effectiveness of the paragraph structure.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay incorporates cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence throughout the text. Phrases such as "One of the most crucial advantages," "Moreover," and "In conclusion" are used to signal shifts between paragraphs and reinforce the overall structure of the essay. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the range of cohesive devices used. Introducing a wider variety of transitional phrases and cohesive markers could enhance the essay’s cohesion and improve its overall coherence.
- How to improve: Expand the repertoire of cohesive devices by incorporating a broader range of transitional phrases and cohesive markers. Experiment with using conjunctions, adverbs, and pronouns to establish clearer connections between ideas. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently and appropriately throughout the essay to maintain coherence and facilitate smooth transitions between paragraphs.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary, with varied word choices such as "didactics," "hinders," "inevitable," and "sustainability." However, there is a tendency to rely on general terms without delving into more specific or nuanced vocabulary choices. For instance, instead of "social problems," more precise terms like "interpersonal conflicts" or "social discord" could enhance the lexical richness of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve the lexical range, consider incorporating more specific vocabulary related to the advantages and disadvantages discussed in the essay. For example, when discussing the benefits of separated schools, explore specialized terms related to education strategies or social dynamics. Additionally, using synonyms or antonyms can add depth to your vocabulary repertoire.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate level of precision in vocabulary usage. For instance, terms like "didactics" and "hinders" are used appropriately to convey specific meanings. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, instead of using "social problems," employing terms like "social challenges" or "interpersonal issues" could enhance clarity and precision.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, strive to choose words that precisely convey your intended meaning in each context. Consider using specialized vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as educational terminology or terms specific to social dynamics. Additionally, pay attention to nuances in meaning and choose words that accurately capture the nuances of your ideas.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally correct spelling throughout. However, there are a few instances where minor spelling errors are present, such as "didactics" (potentially intended as "pedagogical methods") and "inevitable" (correct spelling, but contextually incorrect as it doesn’t seem to align with the intended meaning). Overall, spelling accuracy is adequate but could benefit from closer attention to detail.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-check tools or proofreading techniques to identify and correct minor errors. Additionally, familiarize yourself with common spelling patterns and irregularities to minimize mistakes in your writing. Taking the time to review your work carefully before submission can also help catch any overlooked spelling errors.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, there are examples of complex sentences such as "Moreover, separating students by gender also helps them to reduce the social problems between students and create more focus on study." However, there is a tendency towards simpler structures in some parts of the essay, which limits the range of expression.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures such as compound-complex sentences and using rhetorical devices like parallelism or inversion for emphasis. Additionally, vary the sentence length to create a more dynamic and engaging writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are some instances of grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies that affect the clarity and coherence of the writing. For example, there is an error in subject-verb agreement in the sentence "One of the most crucial advantages of separated schools is teachers can easily apply suitable didactics for each gender." Additionally, there are missing commas in sentences like "Moreover, separating students by gender also helps them to reduce the social problems between students and create more focus on study."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and the correct use of articles. Proofreading the essay carefully for punctuation errors such as missing commas, incorrect apostrophe usage, and misplaced punctuation marks can also help improve overall clarity and readability. Consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to identify and correct any grammatical or punctuation errors that may have been overlooked.

Bài sửa mẫu

Separating students based on gender in education systems is a common practice in some countries. This essay will examine the advantages and disadvantages of this approach.

One of the significant advantages of segregated schools is that teachers can tailor teaching methods to suit each gender, maintaining high levels of discipline within a homogenous group of students. Moreover, this separation aids in reducing social dynamics among students, fostering a greater focus on academics. Furthermore, it particularly aids teenagers, especially female students, in avoiding certain incidents like pregnancy or violence in relationships.

However, segregated education impedes the development of certain social skills in students. For instance, in single-gender schools, students may miss out on activities that require the participation of both boys and girls, such as theatrical plays or dancing performances. Additionally, students from segregated schools are deprived of the opportunity to develop relationships across gender lines, which are essential in real-world settings where people work in mixed-gender environments.

In conclusion, while separating education has its advantages, it also presents inevitable disadvantages. To ensure the long-term success and development of students, educators must implement suitable and effective teaching methods to support them, regardless of their gender.