In many countries, fast food is becoming cheaper and more widely available. Do the disadvantages of this outweigh the advantages?

In many countries, fast food is becoming cheaper and more widely available.
Do the disadvantages of this outweigh the advantages?

In numerous countries, the ease of affordability and accessibility of junk food have made it prevalent. Despite its expediency and cost-saving benefits, it also presents significant drawbacks about public health and environment. This essay will critically exam both advantages and disadvantages of this phenomenon.
On the positive side, the widespread consumption of fast foods offers several advantages. Initially, the expansion of quick service food stalls ensured convenient solutions for individuals on the move. Citizens might be drawn to colorful, eye-catching stores, opting for their easily accessible offerings to save time, especially those with busy schedules. This advantage is particularly noteworthy because it is economical for families and young people with limited earnings, giving readily available choices for them. Furthermore, fast food chains stimulate growth by providing demand in the food production sector by requiring large quantities of ingredients, which boosts local farming and processing industries in theỉr operational areas.
Inversely, the disadvantages associated with this cannot be overlooked. A primary concern is fast food with high in calories, unhealthy fats and sugar can negatively impact on health. This means that regular intake of these foods poses a crucial risk of various diseases, such as obesity, heart disease which could be transformed into the next generations. Another threat is that ordering through mobile app instant food without going out can lead to sedentary lifestyles. Additionally, the extensive production and distribution of junk food contribute to environmental problems including increased greenhouse emissions, waste problems.
In conclusion, the discussion on the prevalence of fast food indicates that its negative effects are far surpassing the benefits. Even though its inexpensive prices and availabilities, awareness of the long-term effects of unhealthy habits is vital for individuals.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In numerous countries" -> "In many countries"
   Explanation: "Numerous" is often used to imply a large quantity, but in this context, "many" is more appropriate as it specifically refers to a significant but not necessarily large number of countries, which is more precise for academic writing.

2. "the ease of affordability" -> "the affordability"
   Explanation: "The ease of affordability" is redundant. "Affordability" alone is sufficient and more direct, enhancing clarity and conciseness in academic writing.

3. "made it prevalent" -> "become widespread"
   Explanation: "Become widespread" is a more precise and formal way to describe the spread of something, such as junk food, which is more suitable for academic contexts.

4. "it also presents significant drawbacks about" -> "it also presents significant drawbacks regarding"
   Explanation: "Regarding" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than "about," which can be seen as too casual.

5. "This essay will critically exam" -> "This essay will critically examine"
   Explanation: "Examine" is the correct verb form for the context, whereas "exam" is a noun and not a verb.

6. "expediency and cost-saving benefits" -> "expediency and cost-effectiveness"
   Explanation: "Cost-effectiveness" is a more precise term in academic contexts, emphasizing the relationship between cost and efficiency.

7. "offers several advantages" -> "offers several advantages"
   Explanation: This is a redundant repetition. The phrase "offers several advantages" is sufficient without the second "several."

8. "ensured convenient solutions" -> "provided convenient solutions"
   Explanation: "Provided" is more commonly used in formal writing to indicate the act of giving or supplying something, making it more appropriate than "ensured."

9. "Citizens might be drawn to" -> "Consumers may be attracted to"
   Explanation: "Consumers" is a more specific term than "citizens," which is broader and less relevant in this context. "Attracted to" is also more precise than "drawn to."

10. "This advantage is particularly noteworthy" -> "This advantage is particularly significant"
    Explanation: "Significant" is more academically formal than "noteworthy," which can be seen as slightly informal.

11. "readily available choices" -> "readily accessible options"
    Explanation: "Options" is more precise and formal than "choices" in this context, and "readily accessible" is a more formal phrase than "readily available."

12. "stimulate growth by providing demand" -> "stimulate growth by creating demand"
    Explanation: "Creating demand" is a more precise and formal way to describe the effect on industries, aligning better with academic language.

13. "in theỉr operational areas" -> "in their operational areas"
    Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring the text is free of mistakes.

14. "can negatively impact on health" -> "can negatively affect health"
    Explanation: "Affect" is the correct verb to use when discussing the impact on health, as "impact on" is grammatically incorrect.

15. "could be transformed into the next generations" -> "could be passed down to future generations"
    Explanation: "Passed down to future generations" is a clearer and more precise expression, avoiding the awkward and unclear "transformed into the next generations."

16. "ordering through mobile app instant food" -> "ordering instant food through mobile apps"
    Explanation: "Instant food" is a noun phrase that should not be modified by "through," and "mobile apps" is the correct plural form.

17. "can lead to sedentary lifestyles" -> "may contribute to sedentary lifestyles"
    Explanation: "May contribute to" is a more cautious and academically appropriate phrase than "can lead to," which implies a direct cause-effect relationship that might not be universally applicable.

18. "Even though its inexpensive prices and availabilities" -> "Despite its inexpensive prices and availability"
    Explanation: "Availability" should be singular to match the singular form "inexpensive prices," and "despite" is more formal than "even though" in academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of fast food, fulfilling the requirements of the prompt. The author discusses the convenience and economic benefits of fast food in the first half, and then shifts to the health and environmental drawbacks in the latter half. However, while both sides are presented, the conclusion leans heavily towards the disadvantages without fully exploring the implications of the advantages mentioned.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could include a more balanced analysis in the conclusion, perhaps by briefly summarizing the advantages before stating that the disadvantages outweigh them. This would provide a more nuanced view and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the disadvantages of fast food outweigh its advantages. This stance is evident throughout the text, particularly in the concluding statement. However, the transition between discussing advantages and disadvantages could be smoother, as the shift feels somewhat abrupt.
  • How to improve: To improve clarity, the author could use transitional phrases to signal the shift from advantages to disadvantages more effectively. Phrases like "While the benefits are notable, it is essential to consider the significant drawbacks" would enhance the flow and reinforce the overall position.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the convenience of fast food and its economic benefits, as well as health risks and environmental issues. Each point is supported with examples, such as the impact on local farming and the risk of diseases. However, some points could be further developed; for instance, the discussion on health impacts could include specific statistics or studies to strengthen the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance the depth of analysis, the author should aim to provide more detailed evidence or examples for each point made. Incorporating data or expert opinions would add credibility and make the arguments more persuasive.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic of fast food and its implications. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For instance, the mention of "ordering through mobile app instant food" could be more explicitly connected to the broader context of fast food accessibility.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every point made directly ties back to the advantages and disadvantages of fast food as outlined in the prompt. A brief reminder of the central question at the beginning of each paragraph could help keep the discussion relevant and on track.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and effectively communicates the author’s viewpoint. With some refinements in balance, clarity, and depth of support, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs are organized into advantages and disadvantages, which is a logical approach. For instance, the first body paragraph effectively discusses the benefits of fast food, such as convenience and economic advantages for families. However, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages could be smoother, as the shift to the negative aspects feels abrupt.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that signal the shift in focus, such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely." Additionally, ensure that each point is clearly linked to the overall argument, reinforcing how each advantage or disadvantage contributes to the discussion.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction sets the stage, while the body paragraphs are dedicated to discussing advantages and disadvantages separately. However, the conclusion could be more robust, as it merely summarizes the points without reinforcing the overall argument or providing a final thought.
  • How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the key points more explicitly and restating the thesis in light of the discussion. Consider adding a final statement that reflects on the broader implications of the argument, which can leave a lasting impression on the reader.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "initially," "furthermore," and "inversely," which help guide the reader through the argument. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be clearer. For example, the phrase "this advantage is particularly noteworthy" could be better linked to the subsequent sentence to clarify why it is significant.
  • How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "additionally," "moreover," "consequently," and "for instance." This will help create a more nuanced flow of ideas. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to clarify relationships between ideas, enhancing the overall coherence of the essay.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "prevalent," "expediency," and "economical" showcasing some variety. However, there are instances of repetition, such as the frequent use of "fast food" and "advantages/disadvantages," which could be replaced with synonyms or paraphrased to enhance lexical diversity. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "fast food," alternatives like "quick-service meals" or "junk food" could be utilized.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should actively seek synonyms and related terms. Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary lists related to food and health could help. Additionally, practicing paraphrasing sentences can aid in diversifying word choice throughout the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "fast food with high in calories," which should be phrased as "fast food that is high in calories." The phrase "can negatively impact on health" is also awkward; "can negatively impact health" would be more precise. Additionally, the use of "which could be transformed into the next generations" is unclear and could confuse readers regarding its intended meaning.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on grammatical structures and ensure that phrases are correctly formed. Reading more academic texts can help in understanding how to use vocabulary in context. Practicing sentence restructuring can also aid in achieving clarity and precision in word choice.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay has a few spelling errors, such as "exam" instead of "examine," and "their" is incorrectly spelled as "ỉr." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can lead to misunderstandings.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Regular writing practice, coupled with feedback, will also help in identifying and correcting spelling mistakes.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By actively expanding vocabulary, focusing on grammatical correctness, and refining spelling skills, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the phrase "Despite its expediency and cost-saving benefits, it also presents significant drawbacks about public health and environment" effectively combines contrasting ideas. However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be more varied. For instance, the use of "On the positive side" and "Inversely" as transitional phrases is somewhat formulaic and could be enhanced with more sophisticated connectors or varied introductory phrases.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that combine multiple clauses or use varied sentence openings. For example, instead of starting sentences with "On the positive side" or "Inversely," you could use phrases like "While there are benefits to fast food, it is essential to consider the drawbacks" or "Conversely, the negative implications of fast food consumption cannot be ignored." Additionally, integrating more varied transitional phrases can enhance the flow of ideas.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay shows a generally good command of grammar and punctuation, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For example, "fast food with high in calories" should be corrected to "fast food that is high in calories." Additionally, the phrase "heart disease which could be transformed into the next generations" is awkward and unclear; it would be more effective as "heart disease, which could affect future generations." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas before conjunctions in complex sentences, also appear, e.g., "obesity, heart disease which could be transformed into the next generations" should include a comma before "which."
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of relative clauses. Regularly review common grammatical structures and their correct forms. For punctuation, practice identifying where commas are necessary, especially in complex sentences, to improve readability. Reading essays or articles can also help internalize correct punctuation usage. Additionally, consider revising sentences for clarity and conciseness to avoid awkward phrasing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, but there are opportunities for improvement in sentence variety and grammatical precision. By addressing these areas, the essay could achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In many countries, the affordability and accessibility of fast food have become widespread. Despite its expediency and cost-effectiveness, it also presents significant drawbacks regarding public health and the environment. This essay will critically examine both the advantages and disadvantages of this phenomenon.

On the positive side, the widespread consumption of fast food offers several advantages. Initially, the expansion of quick-service food outlets provides convenient solutions for individuals on the move. Consumers may be attracted to colorful, eye-catching stores, opting for their readily accessible offerings to save time, especially those with busy schedules. This advantage is particularly significant because it is economical for families and young people with limited earnings, offering them readily available options. Furthermore, fast food chains stimulate growth by creating demand in the food production sector, requiring large quantities of ingredients, which boosts local farming and processing industries in their operational areas.

Conversely, the disadvantages associated with this trend cannot be overlooked. A primary concern is that fast food, which is high in calories, unhealthy fats, and sugar, can negatively affect health. Regular consumption of these foods poses a crucial risk of various diseases, such as obesity and heart disease, which could be passed down to future generations. Another threat is that ordering instant food through mobile apps without going out may contribute to sedentary lifestyles. Additionally, the extensive production and distribution of junk food contribute to environmental problems, including increased greenhouse gas emissions and waste issues.

In conclusion, the discussion on the prevalence of fast food indicates that its negative effects far outweigh the benefits. Despite its inexpensive prices and availability, awareness of the long-term consequences of unhealthy habits is vital for individuals.