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In many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

In many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

It is true that school pupil behaviors have been worsen in many part of the world nowadays. This state of affairs can be attributed to several factors and this essay will suggest several viable solutions to remedy the situation.
Admittedly, bad student behaviors are affected by three main causes. Firstly, many modern parents are too permissive and spoil their kid. Speaking from personal experience, a friend of mine can have whatever he wants by simply asking his parents, making challenging for him to understand and adapt to the structure of a school enviroment. Secondly, overcrowded classroom can put teacher in difficulty to manage all pupil and provide enough indivudalized attention. Finally, the influence of celebrities, one of exactly example of successful can be achieved without education, might affect children’s attitude and motivation toward their studies.
To address this problems, each of these factors must take their action. The key solution here is started from parents, who should know their important of educating their child’s manner at home and responsible to their bahivour. At the same time, school should improve their facilities and create an optimal learning enviroment, as well as, setting a range of rules and reasonable punishment for each of them. For example, if need, teacher can remove disruptive students from lessons and make them clean up the classroom or balcony after class. Also, famous influence must understand their impact on children and be a good role model for young generation to follow.
In conclusion, it is clear that there are various reasons for blaming to the bad behavior in students, and steps need to be taken to tackle this problem involving parents, educators, and celebrities.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "worsen" -> "deteriorate"
    Explanation: Replacing "worsen" with "deteriorate" introduces a more formal term, aligning with academic style and conveying the idea of a decline in school pupil behaviors.

  2. "This state of affairs can be attributed to several factors" -> "This situation can be attributed to several factors"
    Explanation: The term "state of affairs" is somewhat formal, but "situation" is a more precise and commonly used term in academic writing.

  3. "kid" -> "child"
    Explanation: Replacing "kid" with "child" provides a more formal and standard term in academic writing.

  4. "Speaking from personal experience" -> "Drawing from personal experience"
    Explanation: The phrase "Speaking from personal experience" is slightly informal; using "Drawing from personal experience" maintains a formal tone.

  5. "making challenging for him" -> "making it challenging for him"
    Explanation: Adding "it" improves the grammatical structure of the sentence, making it clearer and more formal.

  6. "school enviroment" -> "school environment"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling to "school environment" ensures proper usage and maintains academic formality.

  7. "overcrowded classroom" -> "overcrowded classrooms"
    Explanation: Using the plural form "classrooms" is more grammatically accurate in this context.

  8. "teacher" -> "teachers"
    Explanation: Changing "teacher" to "teachers" ensures subject-verb agreement, as it refers to multiple teachers managing pupils.

  9. "indivudalized" -> "individualized"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling to "individualized" ensures proper usage and maintains a formal tone.

  10. "one of exactly example of successful" -> "one specific example of success"
    Explanation: Replacing the awkward phrase with "one specific example of success" improves clarity and formality.

  11. "enviroment" -> "environment"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling to "environment" ensures proper usage and maintains academic formality.

  12. "important of educating" -> "importance of educating"
    Explanation: Changing "important of educating" to "importance of educating" corrects the grammatical error and maintains formality.

  13. "bahivour" -> "behavior"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling to "behavior" ensures proper usage and maintains academic formality.

  14. "learning enviroment" -> "learning environment"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling to "learning environment" ensures proper usage and maintains academic formality.

  15. "if need" -> "if necessary"
    Explanation: Replacing "if need" with "if necessary" provides a more formal and precise expression.

  16. "famous influence" -> "influential figures"
    Explanation: "Famous influence" is somewhat vague; using "influential figures" is more precise and formal.

  17. "blaming to" -> "attributing to"
    Explanation: Replacing "blaming to" with "attributing to" introduces a more formal and accurate term in academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally addresses both parts of the question. It identifies three main causes of bad student behavior and proposes solutions involving parents, educators, and celebrities.

    • How to improve: The essay could benefit from providing more specific examples or evidence to support the points made about the causes and solutions. Additionally, a clearer structure could be established to ensure that each cause and solution is thoroughly explored.

  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a relatively clear position throughout, acknowledging the causes of bad behavior and suggesting solutions. However, there are instances where the expression is vague or lacks specificity.

    • How to improve: To enhance clarity, the writer should avoid ambiguous language and provide concrete examples to support their arguments. Additionally, reinforcing the thesis statement throughout the essay can strengthen the overall consistency of the position.

  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas on the causes and solutions, but some points lack development and detailed elaboration. For instance, the influence of celebrities is mentioned but not extensively discussed or exemplified.

    • How to improve: To improve, the writer should expand on each point, providing more details, examples, or evidence. Developing the ideas more thoroughly will contribute to a more comprehensive and convincing argument.

  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing causes and solutions to student behavior issues. However, there are minor deviations, such as the reference to a personal experience that could be more directly linked to the main points.

    • How to improve: Ensure that all examples provided are directly relevant to the main arguments. Tighten the focus on the central theme to avoid straying into tangential details.

Overall Comments:
The essay addresses the prompt adequately, discussing causes and suggesting solutions for student behavior problems. To improve, the writer should focus on providing more specific examples, reinforcing the thesis throughout the essay, elaborating on ideas, and ensuring all content directly supports the main arguments. A more refined structure will contribute to a more cohesive and persuasive essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonable level of logical organization. The introduction clearly introduces the topic and outlines the causes and solutions. The body paragraphs follow a structured pattern, addressing each cause and solution separately. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother, particularly between the causes and solutions.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases or sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through the essay’s progression. For instance, phrases like "Moving on to the solutions," or "Now, let’s explore the remedies" can help maintain coherence.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to present distinct ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific cause or solution, contributing to overall clarity. However, some paragraphs are longer than necessary, leading to a slight imbalance in paragraph length.
    • How to improve: Maintain consistency in paragraph length for a more balanced presentation. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones to enhance readability and emphasize each idea separately.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices. While it does include some transition words (e.g., "Firstly," "Finally," "In conclusion"), there is room for improvement in the variety and frequency of these devices. Additionally, the essay lacks the use of cohesive devices within paragraphs, impacting the smoothness of the text.
    • How to improve: Incorporate a broader range of cohesive devices such as pronouns (it, they, this), conjunctions (however, consequently, moreover), and transitional expressions within and between sentences. This will help create a more connected and cohesive piece of writing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a commendable level of coherence and cohesion, but refinement in the organization, paragraphing, and use of cohesive devices can elevate the overall quality.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While some words and phrases are effectively used, there is room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further. For instance, the term "bad student behaviors" could be enriched with alternatives like "undesirable student conduct" or "misconduct."
    • How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, try incorporating more sophisticated synonyms and expanding your vocabulary base. Utilize a thesaurus to explore alternative expressions and consider the context in which they best fit. For instance, instead of using "clear," you might opt for "evident" or "apparent."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a mix of precise and imprecise vocabulary usage. For instance, the phrase "modern parents are too permissive" is a precise choice, but there are instances where more specific language could be employed. The term "famous influence" lacks precision, and specifying the nature of influence (e.g., media personalities, celebrities) would enhance clarity.
    • How to improve: Focus on pinpointing the exact meaning you intend to convey. Avoid vague terms and opt for more specific language. For example, replace "famous influence" with "celebrity role models" or "media figures." This precision will contribute to a clearer and more refined expression of ideas.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that affect its overall quality. For instance, "worsen" should be "worsening," "enviroment" should be "environment," and "bahivour" should be "behavior."
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider using spell-check tools during the writing process. Additionally, allocate time for proofreading to catch errors that automated tools may overlook. Familiarize yourself with common spelling challenges and practice incorporating correct spellings into your writing.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates competence in lexical resource, further efforts to diversify vocabulary, use precise language, and enhance spelling accuracy will contribute to an even more effective expression of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate variety of sentence structures. It relies predominantly on simple and compound sentences, with occasional complex structures. For instance, there is a mix of sentence types, such as "Admittedly, bad student behaviors are affected by three main causes," which is a compound-complex sentence. However, there is room for improvement in the use of more complex sentence structures, such as incorporating relative clauses or varied introductory phrases, to enhance overall sentence diversity.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating relative clauses, subordinating conjunctions, and varied introductory phrases. For instance, instead of using "Admittedly," you can start sentences with different phrases like "Moreover," or "Contrary to popular belief." This will make your writing more dynamic and engaging.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair level of grammatical accuracy, with some noticeable errors. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement, such as "pupil behaviors have been worsen," which should be "pupil behaviors have worsened." Additionally, there are occasional punctuation errors, like missing commas in a list or incorrectly placed commas in phrases. These errors, while not pervasive, impact the overall grammatical accuracy of the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay attention to subject-verb agreement and review the use of commas, ensuring they are appropriately placed in lists and between clauses. Proofread your work carefully, focusing on common grammatical pitfalls. Consider seeking feedback or using grammar-checking tools to identify and correct specific errors.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of grammatical structures, there is room for improvement in the variety of sentence structures and increased attention to grammatical accuracy. Incorporating a wider range of sentence structures and refining grammar and punctuation skills will contribute to an overall improvement in the essay’s grammatical range and accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is evident that student behavior in schools has deteriorated in many parts of the world today. This situation can be attributed to several factors, and this essay will suggest several viable solutions to remedy the situation.

Admittedly, poor student behavior is influenced by three main causes. Firstly, many modern parents are too permissive and spoil their children. Drawing from personal experience, a friend of mine can have whatever he wants by simply asking his parents, making it challenging for him to understand and adapt to the structure of a school environment. Secondly, overcrowded classrooms can put teachers in difficulty managing all pupils and providing enough individualized attention. Finally, the influence of celebrities, with one specific example of success being achieved without education, might affect children’s attitude and motivation toward their studies.

To address these problems, action must be taken on each of these factors. The key solution starts with parents, who should recognize the importance of educating their child’s manner at home and being responsible for their behavior. At the same time, schools should improve their facilities and create an optimal learning environment, as well as establishing a range of rules and reasonable punishments for students. For example, if necessary, teachers can remove disruptive students from lessons and make them clean up the classroom or balcony after class. Also, influential figures must understand their impact on children and be good role models for the young generation to follow.

In conclusion, it is clear that there are various reasons for the deterioration of student behavior, and steps need to be taken to tackle this problem involving parents, educators, and celebrities.

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