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In many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

In many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

It is true that school pupil behaviors have been worsen in many parts of the world nowadays. This state of affairs can be attributed to several factors and this essay will suggest several viable solutions to remedy the situation.
Admittedly, bad student behaviors are affected by three main causes. Firstly, many modern parents are too permissive and spoil their children. Speak from experience, one of my friend can have whatever he wants just by asking his parents, challenging for him to understand and adapt to the structure of a school environment. Secondly, overcrowded classroom can put teacher in difficulty in managing all pupil and provide enough individualized attention. Finally, the influence of celebrities, mostly football players or singers, as one specific example, show that success can be achieved without education, might affect children’s attitude and motivation toward their studies.
To address this problems, each of these factors must take their action. The key solution here begins with parents, who should recognize their important in educating their child’s manner at home and be responsible for their behavior. At the same time, school should improve their facilities and create an optimal learning environment, as well as setting a range of rules and reasonable punishment for each of them. For example, if need, teacher can remove disruptive students from lessons and make them clean up the classrooms or bathrooms after class. Also, famous influence must understand their impact on children and be good role models for young generation to follow.
In conclusion, it is clear that there are various reasons behind the bad behavior in students, and steps need to be taken to tackle this problem involving parents, educators, and celebrities.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "school pupil behaviors" -> "student behaviors"
    Explanation: The term "school pupil behaviors" is somewhat awkward and can be simplified to "student behaviors" without losing any meaning. It streamlines the expression while maintaining formality.

  2. "have been worsen" -> "have worsened"
    Explanation: "Have been worsen" is grammatically incorrect. The correct form is "have worsened," which reflects the past action of the behaviors worsening. It aligns with proper verb tense usage.

  3. "this essay will suggest several viable solutions to remedy the situation" -> "this essay will propose several effective solutions to address the situation."
    Explanation: The suggested improvement uses more precise and formal language. "Remedy" is replaced with "address," and "viable" is substituted with "effective" for a more academic tone.

  4. "Speak from experience" -> "Drawing from personal experience"
    Explanation: The original phrase is too informal. "Drawing from personal experience" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to introduce personal insights.

  5. "challenging for him to understand and adapt to the structure of a school environment" -> "making it challenging for him to comprehend and adapt to the school’s structured environment."
    Explanation: The improved version uses more sophisticated language, replacing colloquial expressions with formal alternatives, such as "comprehend" instead of "understand."

  6. "overcrowded classroom" -> "overcrowded classrooms"
    Explanation: The plural form is more accurate in this context, as it refers to classrooms in general rather than a specific one.

  7. "put teacher in difficulty" -> "pose challenges for teachers"
    Explanation: The revised phrase is more formal and precise, using "pose challenges for teachers" instead of the informal "put teacher in difficulty."

  8. "individualized attention" -> "personalized attention"
    Explanation: "Personalized attention" is a more formal and commonly used term in an academic context.

  9. "influence of celebrities" -> "impact of celebrities"
    Explanation: "Impact of celebrities" is a more suitable term for discussing the effects that celebrities have on students, aligning with academic language.

  10. "mostly football players or singers, as one specific example" -> "such as football players or singers, to illustrate"
    Explanation: The improved version introduces examples more formally and explicitly, using "such as" instead of "mostly" and adding "to illustrate" for clarity.

  11. "show that success can be achieved without education" -> "suggest that success can be attained without a formal education"
    Explanation: The revised phrase uses more precise and formal language, replacing "show" with "suggest" and providing a clearer description of success being achieved without a formal education.

  12. "a range of rules and reasonable punishment for each of them" -> "clear rules and appropriate consequences for violations"
    Explanation: The improved version uses more precise language, replacing "a range of rules" with "clear rules" and "reasonable punishment for each of them" with "appropriate consequences for violations."

  13. "if need" -> "if necessary"
    Explanation: "If need" is not grammatically correct; it should be "if necessary" for proper usage in this context.

  14. "remove disruptive students from lessons" -> "remove disruptive students from the classroom"
    Explanation: The revised phrase adds clarity by specifying that disruptive students are removed from the classroom rather than just "lessons."

  15. "make them clean up the classrooms or bathrooms after class" -> "assign them tasks such as cleaning classrooms or bathrooms after class"
    Explanation: The improved version provides a more formal and detailed description of the suggested consequence for disruptive students.

  16. "Also, famous influence must understand their impact" -> "Moreover, influential figures must comprehend their impact"
    Explanation: The revised phrase uses more precise and formal language, replacing "Also" with "Moreover" and "famous influence" with "influential figures" for a more academic tone.

  17. "to follow" -> "to emulate"
    Explanation: "To emulate" is a more sophisticated term than "to follow," aligning with a higher level of formality.

  18. "it is clear that there are various reasons behind the bad behavior in students" -> "It is evident that multiple factors contribute to students’ problematic behavior."
    Explanation: The improved version replaces "it is clear that there are various reasons behind the bad behavior in students" with a more precise and formal statement, enhancing the overall academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both aspects of the prompt, identifying causes of student behavior problems and suggesting solutions. It acknowledges permissive parenting, overcrowded classrooms, and celebrity influence as causes and proposes actions involving parents, educators, and celebrities to address the issue.
    • How to improve: To enhance completeness, consider providing more specific examples or elaborating further on each cause and solution. This will add depth to your analysis and strengthen your response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position, asserting that bad student behavior is influenced by permissive parenting, overcrowded classrooms, and celebrity impact. This stance is consistently upheld throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, explicitly state your position in the introduction and conclusion. This will reinforce your stance and leave no room for ambiguity.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The ideas are presented, but some lack development. For instance, the mention of overcrowded classrooms and celebrity influence could benefit from additional elaboration and examples. However, the essay does provide some support, such as suggesting punishments for disruptive students.
    • How to improve: Extend your discussion on each cause and solution, providing more examples and details to enhance the depth of your analysis. This will make your argument more compelling and persuasive.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the causes and solutions related to student behavior problems. However, there are some instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that may distract the reader.
    • How to improve: Carefully proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and improve sentence structure. This will ensure a smoother reading experience and maintain the reader’s focus on the content.

In summary, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains a clear position, it could benefit from further development of ideas and careful proofreading to enhance coherence and clarity.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a clear organization with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction identifies the issue, and the body paragraphs present causes and solutions. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between discussing causes and suggesting solutions is somewhat abrupt.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider providing a smoother transition between discussing causes and proposing solutions. Perhaps, a brief summary at the end of the causes section could bridge the gap and prepare the reader for the proposed solutions.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but there are instances where ideas within a paragraph could be better separated for clarity. The third paragraph, in particular, addresses three causes in one, making it dense and challenging for the reader to follow.
    • How to improve: Break down the third paragraph into distinct sections, each addressing one cause. This will not only improve readability but also allow for a more focused discussion of each cause.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: Cohesive devices are employed, but there is room for improvement. The connection between sentences and ideas is sometimes weak, affecting the overall coherence. For example, in the third paragraph, the shift from discussing permissive parents to overcrowded classrooms could be smoother.
    • How to improve: Utilize a variety of cohesive devices such as transition words (e.g., firstly, secondly, finally), pronouns, and parallel structures to strengthen the connections between sentences and ideas. Ensure that the progression of ideas is seamless for a more coherent essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt and offers relevant ideas. However, refining the logical organization, improving paragraph structure, and enhancing the use of cohesive devices will contribute to a more polished and coherent response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use varied words and phrases, but some expressions are repetitive and lack sophistication. For instance, the repetitive use of "student behaviors" could be diversified to enhance lexical variety. However, the essay does employ words such as "permissive," "adapt," and "individualized attention," indicating an attempt at a varied vocabulary.
    • How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating more diverse synonyms and expressions. Instead of repeatedly using "student behaviors," explore alternative phrases such as "student conduct" or "pupil demeanor." This can be achieved by referring to a thesaurus or carefully selecting words that convey the intended meaning with nuance.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, impacting the overall precision of the essay. For example, the phrase "Speak from experience" is colloquial and might be considered too informal for an academic essay. Additionally, the term "challenging for him to understand" could be refined to convey a more precise meaning.
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, avoid informal expressions in academic writing. Instead of "Speak from experience," consider a more formal introduction, such as "Drawing upon personal experience." Furthermore, strive for clarity by replacing vague expressions like "challenging for him to understand" with a more specific description, such as "difficult for him to comprehend."
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a noticeable level of spelling inaccuracies, impacting the overall presentation. For instance, "worsen" should be corrected to "worsened," and "their important" should be revised to "their importance." These errors detract from the professionalism of the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, proofread the essay thoroughly, paying close attention to verb forms, word endings, and grammatical structures. Utilize spelling and grammar check tools available in word processors to identify and rectify errors. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to catch any overlooked mistakes.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt at vocabulary use, there is room for improvement in both lexical variety and precision. Addressing spelling inaccuracies will contribute to a more polished and professional presentation.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a mix of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. However, the variety is limited, and the essay lacks complex structures, such as complex sentences or varied clause structures. For instance, the essay tends to use simple sentences to express complex ideas, resulting in a somewhat repetitive structure.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical range, consider incorporating a more diverse range of sentence structures, including compound-complex sentences and varying clause structures. Utilize transitional phrases to connect ideas and create a smoother flow in your writing. For example, introduce relative clauses or dependent clauses to add complexity to your sentences.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair level of grammatical accuracy, with minimal errors in subject-verb agreement and word choice. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "bad student behaviors are affected by three main causes," where a more precise expression like "bad student behavior is influenced by three main factors" would be grammatically clearer. Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas in places where they could enhance clarity.
    • How to improve: Focus on refining sentence structures for clarity and precision. Proofread the essay carefully to catch punctuation errors, ensuring correct comma usage in lists and appropriate placement within sentences. Consider seeking feedback from peers or using grammar-checking tools to identify and rectify awkward phrasing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of grammatical range and accuracy, improvements can be made by diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation usage.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is indeed true that student behaviors in schools have worsened in many parts of the world today. This situation can be attributed to several factors, and this essay will propose several effective solutions to address the situation.

Drawing from personal experience, it is evident that bad student behaviors are influenced by three main causes. Firstly, many modern parents tend to be too permissive and spoil their children. For instance, a friend of mine can acquire whatever he desires simply by asking his parents, making it challenging for him to comprehend and adapt to the school’s structured environment. Secondly, overcrowded classrooms pose challenges for teachers in managing all pupils and providing enough personalized attention. Finally, the impact of celebrities, such as football players or singers, who suggest that success can be attained without a formal education, might affect children’s attitude and motivation toward their studies.

To address these problems, each of these factors must take action. The key solution begins with parents, who should recognize their importance in educating their child’s manners at home and be responsible for their behavior. Simultaneously, schools should enhance their facilities and create an optimal learning environment, as well as establish clear rules and appropriate consequences for violations. For example, if necessary, teachers can remove disruptive students from lessons and assign them tasks such as cleaning classrooms or bathrooms after class. Moreover, influential figures must comprehend their impact on children and strive to emulate good behavior as role models for the young generation to follow.

In conclusion, it is evident that multiple factors contribute to students’ problematic behavior, and steps need to be taken to tackle this problem involving parents, educators, and celebrities.

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