In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment.
What factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, can/should be done about it?
Recently, as the job market has become more highly competitive, the ever-rising employment rate is a pressing problem the world over. It is claimed that nowadays many graduates are struggling to find a decent job. This essay is to shed light on the driving factors behind this tendency before suggesting viable measures to minimize the difficulties in finding a job.
The underlying motives behind the unemployment of people who have adequate employability are definite. Foremost is the high requirements in terms of recruiting people for a company. In other words, big companies usually require employees to have work experience and many soft skills that the fresh graduates lacked; therefore it will hurt said person's employability. Secondly, highly qualified graduates are more likely to demand a towering starting salary which is inappropriate to their competence. This tendency would mark a bad impression on the employer; as a result, their job application would be rejected immediately.
To tackle the disemployment among people who study higher education, the following measures should be implemented. For one, students who just graduated should get an apprenticeship or an internship course. Once having been accumulated capable experience and skills through those programs mentioned, they would be more confident and meet the recruiter criteria. For another, employees should prioritize career prospects instead of high income at first, and the company may also include attractive perks and promotion prospects. Therefore, striving for a balance of both the employers and applicants standards could facilitate the latter getting a decent job and the former owning high-quality employees.
In conclusion, the scarcity of employability among graduates having high qualification degrees may stem from the strict job description and the need for rewardable income compared to their ability, and solutions like engaging in real work experience and emphasizing benefits for long-term would heighten graduate's employability.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
"ever-rising employment rate" -> "persistent increase in unemployment"
Explanation: "Employment rate" typically refers to the percentage of people employed, whereas the context here seems to discuss the challenges of finding employment, which relates more to the increase in unemployment. "Persistent increase in unemployment" better captures the intended meaning in a more formal and accurate manner.
"struggling to find a decent job" -> "encountering challenges in securing suitable employment"
Explanation: "Struggling to find a decent job" is more casual. "Encountering challenges in securing suitable employment" maintains formality and clarity while expressing the difficulty graduates face in finding appropriate work.
"tendency" (repeated use) -> "phenomenon" / "issue"
Explanation: Repeated use of "tendency" can sound repetitive. Using alternatives like "phenomenon" or "issue" maintains variety and a formal tone while referring to the problem discussed.
"Foremost is the high requirements" -> "Primary among these are the stringent prerequisites"
Explanation: "Foremost is" is a bit informal. Replacing it with "Primary among these are" maintains formality. "High requirements" can be enhanced to "stringent prerequisites," which is more precise and formal.
"that the fresh graduates lacked" -> "which recent graduates might lack"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality. Replacing "fresh graduates" with "recent graduates" maintains an academic tone.
"which is inappropriate to their competence" -> "which surpasses their level of competence"
Explanation: The phrase "inappropriate to their competence" could be enhanced to "surpasses their level of competence" to convey the mismatch more precisely and formally.
"would mark a bad impression" -> "could create a negative impression"
Explanation: "Would mark a bad impression" is slightly informal. "Could create a negative impression" maintains a more neutral and formal tone.
"the following measures should be implemented" -> "several measures should be adopted"
Explanation: "Following measures" is acceptable but slightly informal. "Several measures should be adopted" retains formality and suggests a broader range of actions.
"For one" -> "Firstly" or "To begin with"
Explanation: "For one" is a less formal expression. "Firstly" or "To begin with" sound more formal and better suit an academic context.
"Once having been accumulated capable experience" -> "After accumulating sufficient expertise"
Explanation: Rewording for clarity and formality. "Once having been accumulated capable experience" is awkward, while "After accumulating sufficient expertise" conveys the idea more clearly and formally.
"striving for a balance of both the employers and applicants standards" -> "seeking a harmonious alignment between employer and applicant expectations"
Explanation: The original sentence is slightly awkward. "Striving for a balance of both the employers and applicants standards" could be refined for clarity and formality.
"the scarcity of employability" -> "the lack of employability"
Explanation: "Scarcity of employability" could be better expressed as "lack of employability" for clearer and more direct language.
"heighten graduate’s employability" -> "enhance graduates’ employability"
Explanation: "Heighten graduate’s employability" should be pluralized to "graduates’" for correct grammar. Additionally, "enhance graduates’ employability" sounds more natural and maintains formality.
The essay effectively addresses employment issues among graduates, but enhancing the vocabulary and refining certain phrases would elevate its formal and academic tone while maintaining clarity.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Quoted text: "This essay is to shed light on the driving factors behind this tendency before suggesting viable measures to minimize the difficulties in finding a job."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction outlines an intention to discuss driving factors and propose solutions, which is good. However, it lacks clarity on the specific factors to be discussed. Providing a preview of the main points or factors in the introduction would enhance the essay’s structure and guide the reader on what to expect.
- Improved example: "This essay aims to delve into the primary factors contributing to the unemployment of highly qualified graduates and subsequently suggests effective measures to alleviate this issue. Factors such as stringent job requirements and salary expectations will be discussed, followed by proposed solutions for the current job market challenges."
Quoted text: "Foremost is the high requirements in terms of recruiting people for a company."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While the point about high recruitment requirements is valid, it lacks depth and specificity. Providing examples or elaborating on what these high requirements entail could strengthen the argument and make it more convincing. Consider mentioning specific skills or experiences that companies seek but fresh graduates often lack.
- Improved example: "One significant factor contributing to this predicament is the stringent prerequisites set by companies during recruitment, often demanding specialized skills and extensive experience. For instance, industries such as technology or finance often prioritize candidates with practical experience in software development or financial analysis, which fresh graduates may lack."
Quoted text: "Secondly, highly qualified graduates are more likely to demand a towering starting salary which is inappropriate to their competence."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: This point is somewhat clear, but it would benefit from a more nuanced explanation. Detailing how these high salary expectations might adversely affect their employability or providing an example would strengthen this argument.
- Improved example: "Moreover, the expectation of exorbitant starting salaries by highly qualified graduates, often disproportionate to their level of experience, can dissuade employers from considering their applications. For instance, some graduates might anticipate salaries equivalent to mid-level professionals, deterring employers who are constrained by budgetary limitations for entry-level positions."
Overall, while the essay acknowledges the problem and proposes relevant solutions, it lacks depth in elaboration and specificity in examples. Expanding on the discussed points with more detailed explanations and providing specific instances or examples could significantly enhance the essay’s Task Response criteria.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay demonstrates a clear organization of ideas with a logical progression throughout. The introduction effectively introduces the topic and outlines the essay’s structure. The body paragraphs follow a coherent structure, discussing factors causing graduate unemployment and proposing solutions. The use of cohesive devices is generally appropriate, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. The essay effectively presents a central topic within each paragraph.
However, there are instances of underuse of cohesive devices, and the connection between ideas in some sentences could be strengthened. Additionally, paragraphing is generally logical but could be more refined in terms of transitioning between ideas.
How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider variety of cohesive devices consistently throughout the essay. Ensure that the relationship between ideas within and between sentences is explicitly clear. Refine paragraphing by ensuring smoother transitions between paragraphs for a more seamless flow of ideas. Overall, a more careful and consistent application of cohesive elements will elevate the coherence and cohesion of the essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, showing awareness of style and collocation. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items, and the essay conveys ideas with some precision. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation. For instance, "definite" might be better replaced with "clear," and "disemployment" could be replaced with "unemployment." Spelling and word formation are generally accurate, with only a few minor errors ("rewardable" should be "rewarding").
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should focus on refining word choice for more accuracy and fluency. Synonyms or alternative expressions could be explored for some phrases to avoid repetition. Additionally, attention to minor errors, such as "definite" and "disemployment," will further strengthen the lexical precision. Overall, maintaining a consistent level of vocabulary usage and refining expressions will contribute to achieving a higher band score.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.5
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures throughout. There’s an attempt at varied sentence forms, including complex sentences, though they occasionally lack accuracy. The essay maintains coherence despite some grammar issues, which don’t significantly hinder communication.
How to improve:
To enhance the score, focus on refining complex sentence structures for accuracy. Work on consistency in grammar and punctuation to reduce errors, especially when using intricate sentence forms. Incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and refining sentence complexity with precise control would elevate the overall grammatical range and accuracy.
Bài sửa mẫu
In the current global job market, the escalating competition has led to a persistent increase in unemployment rates, especially among highly qualified graduates. This essay aims to uncover the reasons behind this trend and propose practical solutions to address the challenges of securing suitable employment.
The primary among these challenges lies in the stringent prerequisites set by employers. Major companies often demand work experience and various soft skills that recent graduates might lack, surpassing their level of competence. This mismatch could create a negative impression, hindering their employability. Additionally, highly qualified graduates often seek higher starting salaries, which might not align with their actual capabilities, further impacting their job prospects unfavorably.
To combat this issue, several measures should be adopted. Firstly, after accumulating sufficient expertise, recent graduates should consider pursuing apprenticeships or internships to bridge the experience gap. These programs can equip them with the necessary skills, boosting their confidence and meeting recruiters’ criteria. Secondly, both employers and applicants should prioritize aligning their expectations. Employees might initially focus on career prospects rather than a high income, while companies can offer attractive perks and emphasize promotion prospects. This harmonious alignment between employer and applicant expectations could enhance graduates’ employability significantly.
In conclusion, the lack of employability among highly qualified graduates can be attributed to stringent job requirements and the mismatch between expected rewards and actual capabilities. Engaging in real work experiences and emphasizing long-term benefits over immediate income could greatly improve graduates’ prospects of securing decent employment opportunities.