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In many countries, young people are finding it harder to get work. What do you think are the main causes of this? What effect might this have in the future?

In many countries, young people are finding it harder to get work. What do you think are the main causes of this? What effect might this have in the future?

In various parts of the world, it becomes more challenging for young generations to seek jobs. This essay will discuss the main reasons for this issue and then describe the possible effects of the problem.

This phenomenon could be attributed to various factors. One of the main reasons is due to the fact that in this day and age the job market becomes more competitive. To elaborate, in the present day, the number of people who are in labor age is significantly higher than in the past. With the proliferation of modern technology, people’s skills are also more competent, leading to heavy competition. Furthermore, the recruiters tend to value experienced people, resulting in a great number of young people being jobless. According to a recent survey, most recruiters admit that work experience is the most crucial factor when choosing applicants.

This propensity could create several outcomes. To begin with, this issue will waste a large amount of human resources since young people account for the highest percentage of overall population in a variety of countries. As a result, it will have adverse effects on the economy in the long run. This is because when young generations are not used effectively, their contribution for society and economy will be limited. For example, in some African nations, despite a huge number of young people, the unemployment rates in these countries are still really higher compared to the average world, making them economically disadvantaged.

In conclusion, finding work nowadays is difficult for young people in many countries due to the competitive market and the preference of recruiters for experienced people, resulting in the waste of human resources and negative effects on a national economy.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "In various parts of the world, it becomes more challenging for young generations to seek jobs." -> "In various regions globally, it becomes increasingly challenging for the younger generation to secure employment."
    Explanation: Replacing "parts of the world" with "regions globally" and "young generations" with "the younger generation" provides a more precise and formal expression.

  2. "To elaborate, in the present day, the number of people who are in labor age is significantly higher than in the past." -> "To elaborate, in contemporary times, the number of individuals in the working-age demographic has substantially increased compared to the past."
    Explanation: The use of "present day" is replaced with "contemporary times," and "labor age" is refined to "working-age demographic" for a more formal tone.

  3. "With the proliferation of modern technology, people’s skills are also more competent, leading to heavy competition." -> "Due to the proliferation of modern technology, individuals’ skills have become more advanced, resulting in intensified competition."
    Explanation: The replacement of "With" with "Due to" and "more competent" with "more advanced" contributes to a more formal and precise expression.

  4. "Furthermore, the recruiters tend to value experienced people, resulting in a great number of young people being jobless." -> "Moreover, recruiters tend to prioritize individuals with experience, leading to a significant number of young people experiencing unemployment."
    Explanation: The term "Furthermore" is replaced with "Moreover" for a more formal transition, and "value" is changed to "prioritize" for enhanced formality.

  5. "According to a recent survey, most recruiters admit that work experience is the most crucial factor when choosing applicants." -> "According to a recent survey, the majority of recruiters acknowledge that work experience is the paramount factor in selecting applicants."
    Explanation: The term "admit" is replaced with "acknowledge," and "crucial" is replaced with "paramount" for a more formal and precise expression.

  6. "This propensity could create several outcomes." -> "This tendency could result in various consequences."
    Explanation: The term "propensity" is replaced with "tendency" for a more straightforward and formal expression.

  7. "To begin with, this issue will waste a large amount of human resources since young people account for the highest percentage of the overall population in a variety of countries." -> "Firstly, this issue will squander a significant portion of human resources, given that young people constitute the highest percentage of the overall population in numerous countries."
    Explanation: "To begin with" is replaced with "Firstly" for variety, and "a large amount of" is changed to "a significant portion of" for a more formal tone.

  8. "As a result, it will have adverse effects on the economy in the long run." -> "Consequently, it will exert adverse effects on the economy in the long run."
    Explanation: "As a result" is replaced with "Consequently" for a more formal transition.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay fully and appropriately addresses the prompt by discussing both the main causes of young people finding it harder to get work and the potential future effects. The reasons provided are clear and directly related to the question. For instance, the essay highlights the increased competition in the job market and the preference for experienced individuals by recruiters.
    • How to improve: To further enhance task response, consider providing more specific examples or data to support the points made. This can strengthen the depth of analysis and demonstrate a nuanced understanding of the issue.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear, well-developed, and consistent position throughout. The stance that finding work is challenging for young people due to a competitive job market and recruiter preferences is evident from the introduction to the conclusion.
    • How to improve: To elevate the clarity of the position, consider explicitly stating the main argument or thesis in the introduction. This will provide a roadmap for the reader and reinforce the coherence of the essay.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are relevant, extended, and well-supported. Each cause and effect is elaborated upon with detailed explanations and examples. The essay effectively discusses the impact of high youth unemployment on the economy, using the example of African nations to illustrate the broader consequences.
    • How to improve: To further enhance this characteristic, consider incorporating a counter-argument or addressing potential counterpoints. This can demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic and strengthen the overall argument.
  • Stay on Topic: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the given prompt, addressing the causes and potential future effects of the challenges young people face in finding employment. There are no significant deviations from the topic.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each paragraph directly contributes to the overall argument. Avoid introducing new ideas that may distract from the main points.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of the task, presenting a well-structured, coherent, and insightful response to the prompt. To enhance the essay further, consider incorporating more specific details, explicitly stating the thesis in the introduction, addressing potential counter-arguments, and maintaining a tight focus on the main points throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization with a clear progression of ideas. It effectively divides the discussion into two distinct parts: identifying causes and discussing future effects. The introduction sets the context, the body elaborates on causes, and the conclusion summarizes the points made. The essay flows coherently from the reasons for the difficulty young people face in finding work to the potential future impacts.
    • How to improve: While the organization is solid, enhancing transitions between ideas could further strengthen coherence. Consider using more explicit linking phrases or sentences to create smoother connections between sentences and paragraphs.
  • Use Paragraphs: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, maintaining a mostly logical sequencing of ideas within each paragraph. Each paragraph is dedicated to a specific aspect: causes in the first body paragraph and effects in the second. However, there’s room for improvement in the flow between these paragraphs for a more seamless transition.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the coherence between paragraphs by using transitional phrases or sentences that bridge the gap between discussing causes and discussing effects. For instance, employing phrases like "Moreover," or "Consequently," could aid in signaling the shift between these ideas.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates flexibility in using cohesive devices to link ideas. It employs connectors like "furthermore," "for example," and "as a result" to connect sentences and ideas, contributing to overall cohesion. However, there are occasional lapses or inaccuracies in their application, affecting the essay’s overall cohesion.
    • How to improve: To improve, ensure a more accurate and consistent use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. Vary the types of cohesive devices used and pay attention to their precise placement to create a more coherent flow between sentences and paragraphs.

Overall, the essay exhibits a commendable level of coherence and cohesion. To elevate the score further, focus on refining the transitions between paragraphs and ensure a consistent and accurate application of cohesive devices throughout the text.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably good range of vocabulary. There is usage of varied terms such as "phenomenon," "proliferation," "competent," "propensity," and "adverse effects," showcasing an attempt at a diverse vocabulary. However, the essay could benefit from incorporating more sophisticated or nuanced vocabulary to further elevate the depth of expression and precision.
    • How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, consider integrating more advanced vocabulary that better captures the complexity of ideas. For instance, instead of "job market," consider using terms like "employment landscape" or "professional arena." Explore synonyms or contextually fitting words to elevate the richness of expression without compromising clarity.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely: Characteristic of Band 6

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay maintains clarity in conveying ideas, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, using "the job market becomes more competitive" could benefit from a more refined expression, such as "the intensifying competitiveness within the contemporary job market." Similarly, phrases like "this issue will waste a large amount of human resources" might be clarified by using a more targeted term like "underutilization of human capital."
    • How to improve: Focus on using words or phrases that precisely encapsulate the intended meaning. Consider synonyms or rephrasing certain sentences to provide a more exact and nuanced representation of ideas. Employ specialized vocabulary where appropriate to add depth and precision without sacrificing clarity.
  • Use Correct Spelling: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable level of spelling accuracy with few errors that do not significantly impede overall comprehension. Instances of minor errors are infrequent and don’t detract from the clarity of the essay.
    • How to improve: To maintain this level of accuracy, continue practicing proofreading techniques and utilize spell-check tools to identify and rectify any minor spelling errors. Consistent practice will further enhance spelling precision.

Overall, the essay showcases a commendable level of vocabulary use and spelling accuracy. To improve the Lexical Resource band score, focus on enriching vocabulary with more diverse and precise terms while maintaining a high level of spelling accuracy. Incorporating advanced vocabulary and refining precision in expression will significantly elevate the essay’s quality and score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the overall fluency and coherence. For instance, the use of conditional sentences ("One of the main reasons is due to the fact that…") and parallel structures ("their contribution for society and economy will be limited") showcases the ability to employ diverse sentence structures effectively.
    • How to improve: To further elevate the essay, consider incorporating more sophisticated structures, such as inversion or reduced adjective clauses. This can enhance the overall sophistication and fluency of your writing.
  • Use Grammar Accurately: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay is predominantly free from major grammatical errors, maintaining a high level of accuracy. However, there are occasional minor errors that do not significantly impede comprehension. For instance, the phrase "in labor age" could be improved to "of working age" for greater precision.
    • How to improve: Continue the meticulous proofreading of your essays, paying attention to minor errors in articles, prepositions, or word choices. Additionally, be cautious with idiomatic expressions to ensure precision in meaning.
  • Use Correct Punctuation: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally well-controlled throughout the essay, contributing to overall clarity. However, there are instances where more sophisticated punctuation, such as semicolons or em dashes, could be employed for better structuring and emphasis.
    • How to improve: Experiment with a wider range of punctuation marks to convey nuanced relationships between ideas. For instance, consider using semicolons to connect closely related independent clauses or em dashes for emphasis. This will add a layer of sophistication to your writing.

General Advice:

  1. Vary Sentence Openings: Introduce more variety in sentence beginnings to enhance the overall flow and engage the reader. This could involve starting sentences with phrases, clauses, or even participial constructions.

  2. Precise Vocabulary: While your vocabulary is generally effective, strive for greater precision in word choice. For instance, instead of "propensity," you might consider using "tendency" for a more straightforward expression.

  3. Enhance Transitions: Work on seamless transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This will create a smoother progression of thought and improve the overall cohesiveness of your essay.

By addressing these suggestions, you can further refine your essay and potentially elevate your Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy. Keep up the excellent work!

Bài sửa mẫu

In various parts of the world, young generations face increasing challenges in securing employment. This essay aims to examine the primary causes behind this issue and subsequently explore its potential future impacts.

One of the key reasons for this phenomenon is the heightened competitiveness of today’s job market. Currently, there is a substantial rise in the number of individuals within the working-age bracket compared to previous years. This surge in the labor force, coupled with the advancements in modern technology, has elevated the skills of individuals, intensifying the competition for available positions. Additionally, a significant factor contributing to youth unemployment is the preference of recruiters for experienced candidates. A recent survey confirms this, highlighting the paramount importance of work experience in the selection process.

This trend is likely to yield several consequences. Primarily, it will result in the underutilization of a considerable portion of human resources, notably as young people constitute the highest percentage of the population in various countries. Consequently, this scenario will exert adverse effects on the economy over time. When young generations cannot contribute effectively, their potential societal and economic contributions are limited. For instance, in certain African nations, despite a sizable youth population, persistently high unemployment rates prevail, leading to economic disadvantages for these countries on a global scale.

In conclusion, the current difficulty that young individuals face in securing employment across many countries stems from the competitive nature of the job market and the inclination of recruiters towards experienced candidates. This situation not only leads to the mismanagement of human resources but also carries negative implications for national economies.

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