In many coutries, more and more people choose to buy imported food rather than food produced locally. Why people buy imported food? What could be done to encourage people to buy local food?

In many coutries, more and more people choose to buy imported food rather than food produced locally.
Why people buy imported food?
What could be done to encourage people to buy local food?

In the modern era, we have witnessed many changes due to the rising up of technology and along with it some people give the opinion that youngsters should follow traditions of the society while the others think that people should be free to behave as individuals. The essay below will discuss both views.

It seems right when people encourage others to be keen on the social tradition and maintain it to be on the right path. Actually we are a group of high living-organism, although with the fast development of modern technology, traditions still play an important role in closing the gap between people. Therefore traditions are made by our ancestors so of course it can reflect the features and values of society, following means we show our respect to our predecessors.

Becoming more individual also brings many advantages. Because some traditions from the past are too conservative or not suitable for today's world. For instance, in the past society had a very bad tradition of gender imbalance. However, now, it is removed because of the woman’s growing awareness and demands for individual freedom and respect. Furthermore,today, youngsters tend to be individuals. Besides their traditions, youngsters are finding some cultures of other countries which are more modern and progressive than their countries. It will help their life be easier and more interesting.

In conclusion, young people should follow traditions to learn many life experiences from their ancestors to not make mistakes. Besides, some traditions are too conservative which youngsters should ignore and be more free.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"rising up of technology" -> "advancements in technology"
Explanation: "Rising up of technology" is an awkward and unclear phrase. "Advancements in technology" is more precise and commonly used in academic contexts to describe the progress of technological developments.
"some people give the opinion" -> "some individuals hold the view"
Explanation: "Give the opinion" is somewhat informal and vague. "Hold the view" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing, enhancing the tone of the essay.
"be free to behave as individuals" -> "exercise their individuality"
Explanation: "Be free to behave as individuals" is somewhat redundant and informal. "Exercise their individuality" is more concise and maintains a formal tone, emphasizing the active expression of personal autonomy.
"It seems right when people encourage others" -> "It is reasonable to encourage others"
Explanation: "It seems right" is too colloquial and subjective for academic writing. "It is reasonable" provides a more objective and formal tone, suitable for an academic discussion.
"be keen on the social tradition" -> "adhere to social traditions"
Explanation: "Be keen on" is an idiom that is too informal for academic writing. "Adhere to" is a more precise and formal term that accurately conveys the idea of following or observing traditions.
"maintain it to be on the right path" -> "ensure its continued relevance"
Explanation: "Maintain it to be on the right path" is awkward and unclear. "Ensure its continued relevance" is more direct and academically appropriate, clearly conveying the idea of sustaining the importance of traditions.
"high living-organism" -> "higher forms of life"
Explanation: "High living-organism" is incorrect and unclear. "Higher forms of life" is the correct term, providing clarity and precision in the context of discussing human societies.
"fast development of modern technology" -> "rapid advancements in modern technology"
Explanation: "Fast development" is somewhat informal and vague. "Rapid advancements" is more specific and formal, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"Because some traditions from the past are too conservative or not suitable for today’s world" -> "Because certain traditional practices are overly conservative or no longer relevant"
Explanation: The original phrase is wordy and informal. The revised version is more concise and uses more precise language, improving the academic tone.
"it is removed" -> "it has been eliminated"
Explanation: "It is removed" is passive and informal. "It has been eliminated" is more active and formal, fitting the academic style better.
"today, youngsters tend to be individuals" -> "today, young people increasingly prioritize individuality"
Explanation: "Tend to be individuals" is vague and informal. "Prioritize individuality" is more specific and formal, clearly conveying the trend towards individualism.
"finding some cultures of other countries" -> "discovering cultural practices from other nations"
Explanation: "Finding some cultures of other countries" is awkward and informal. "Discovering cultural practices from other nations" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"will help their life be easier and more interesting" -> "will simplify and enrich their lives"
Explanation: "Help their life be easier and more interesting" is informal and awkward. "Simplify and enrich their lives" is more formal and uses more precise vocabulary, enhancing the academic tone.
"some traditions are too conservative which youngsters should ignore and be more free" -> "certain traditions are overly conservative, which youngsters should disregard and embrace greater freedom"
Explanation: The original phrase is informal and lacks clarity. The revised version is more formal and precise, improving the flow and clarity of the argument.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 2

Band Score for Task Response: 2

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay fails to address the prompt regarding the reasons why people buy imported food and what could be done to encourage the purchase of local food. Instead, it discusses the tension between following traditions and individualism, which is entirely off-topic. For instance, phrases like "the fast development of modern technology" and "gender imbalance" do not relate to the topic of food consumption.
- How to improve: To better address the prompt, the writer should focus on the specific reasons for the preference for imported food, such as perceived quality, availability, or pricing. Additionally, suggestions for encouraging local food consumption could include promoting local farmers’ markets or educating consumers about the benefits of local produce.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a clear and consistent position regarding the topic. It oscillates between discussing traditions and individualism without establishing a stance on the consumption of imported versus local food. The conclusion does not tie back to the prompt, further confusing the reader about the writer’s position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction and reinforce it throughout the essay. For example, if the writer believes that local food should be prioritized, they should consistently refer back to this stance in each paragraph.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are not relevant to the prompt and lack development. There are no specific examples related to food consumption, and the arguments about tradition and individualism are not extended or supported with relevant evidence. For instance, the mention of "youngsters are finding some cultures of other countries" does not connect to the topic of food choices.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on presenting relevant ideas related to the consumption of imported versus local food. Each point should be supported with examples, such as discussing the benefits of local food for health and the economy, or citing statistics about food imports.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay deviates significantly from the topic, discussing societal traditions rather than addressing the reasons for buying imported food and how to promote local food. This lack of focus results in a disjointed essay that does not fulfill the requirements of the task.
- How to improve: To stay on topic, the writer should carefully read the prompt and outline their essay before writing. Each paragraph should directly relate to the questions posed, ensuring that all content is relevant to the topic of food consumption. Using topic sentences that reflect the prompt can help maintain focus.

In summary, to improve the essay and achieve a higher band score, the writer should directly address the prompt, maintain a clear position, present relevant ideas with supporting evidence, and stay focused on the topic throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 4

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a clear logical structure. The introduction does not effectively introduce the topic of imported versus local food, instead discussing a different theme related to tradition and individualism. This misalignment creates confusion for the reader. The body paragraphs do not follow a coherent progression of ideas; they jump between discussing traditions and individualism without a clear connection to the prompt about food choices. For example, the mention of gender imbalance and individual freedom does not relate to the topic of food preferences.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should clearly outline the essay’s main points in the introduction, directly addressing the prompt. Each body paragraph should focus on one main idea related to the topic. For instance, one paragraph could discuss reasons for choosing imported food, while another could explore ways to encourage local food consumption. Using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but they are not effectively structured. The first paragraph introduces a different topic, while the subsequent paragraphs do not maintain a clear focus on the prompt. The ideas presented within paragraphs are also not well-developed, leading to a lack of depth in the argument. For example, the second paragraph discusses the importance of traditions but fails to connect this to food choices, which is the main focus of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the writer should ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus that relates to the essay prompt. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that states the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea. Additionally, the writer should ensure that all paragraphs are relevant to the prompt, avoiding the introduction of unrelated topics.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates limited use of cohesive devices, which hinders the flow of ideas. Phrases such as "however" and "besides" are used, but their application is not always effective or appropriate. For instance, the transition between discussing traditions and individualism lacks clarity, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. The use of cohesive devices does not sufficiently link ideas within and between paragraphs.
- How to improve: To enhance the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly. For example, using "firstly," "in addition," and "on the other hand" can help clarify the relationships between different points. It is also important to ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately, maintaining relevance to the ideas being discussed. Practicing the use of these devices in context can help improve overall coherence.

In summary, to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion, the writer should focus on clearly organizing their ideas around the essay prompt, improving paragraph structure, and effectively using a range of cohesive devices to enhance the flow of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it lacks variety in word choice. For instance, terms like "traditions," "individual," and "society" are repeated frequently without synonyms or alternatives. This repetition limits the lexical richness of the essay. Phrases such as "high living-organism" are awkward and do not convey a clear meaning, which detracts from the overall quality.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "traditions," alternatives like "customs," "heritage," or "cultural practices" could be employed. Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives and adverbs can enrich the text.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used correctly, there are instances of imprecise usage that lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "high living-organism" is unclear and does not effectively communicate the intended idea. The term "closing the gap" is also used in a context that does not align with its common usage, which can confuse readers.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should ensure that vocabulary choices accurately reflect the intended meaning. For instance, instead of "high living-organism," a more appropriate phrase might be "highly developed beings" or simply "humans." It is crucial to review vocabulary in context and consider whether it conveys the intended message clearly.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with no major errors noted. However, there are minor issues, such as the incorrect use of "woman’s" instead of "women’s" when referring to the plural form. Such errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, focusing on plural forms and commonly confused words. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors that might be overlooked during initial writing.

In summary, to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource, the writer should focus on expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise word usage, and maintaining spelling accuracy. Engaging with diverse reading materials can also help in acquiring a broader vocabulary and understanding of context.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, phrases like "It seems right when people encourage others to be keen on the social tradition" and "Becoming more individual also brings many advantages" show an attempt to use different structures. However, the overall range is limited, and many sentences are awkwardly constructed or overly simplistic, which detracts from the clarity and sophistication of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses, conditional phrases, and varied conjunctions. For instance, instead of saying "Because some traditions from the past are too conservative," the writer could use "Although some traditions from the past are too conservative, they still hold significant cultural value." This not only adds complexity but also improves the flow of ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, the phrase "we are a group of high living-organism" should be "we are a group of high-level organisms," and "the woman’s growing awareness" should be "women’s growing awareness." Additionally, there are punctuation errors such as the missing space after "Furthermore," which should be "Furthermore, today." These errors contribute to a lack of coherence and professionalism in the writing.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, pluralization, and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback from peers or instructors can help identify persistent errors. Additionally, careful proofreading for punctuation errors, such as ensuring proper spacing and comma usage, will enhance the overall presentation of the essay. Reading more academic texts can also provide examples of correct grammar and punctuation in context.

In summary, while the essay shows some effort in addressing the prompt, it requires significant improvement in both the range of grammatical structures and the accuracy of grammar and punctuation to achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the modern era, we have witnessed many changes due to the rapid advancements in technology. Some individuals hold the view that youngsters should adhere to the traditions of society, while others believe that people should be free to exercise their individuality. The essay below will discuss both perspectives.

It is reasonable to encourage others to be keen on social traditions and maintain them to ensure their continued relevance. Traditions, established by our ancestors, reflect the features and values of society. By following these traditions, we show our respect for our predecessors and the cultural heritage they have passed down.

However, embracing individuality also brings many advantages. Because certain traditional practices are overly conservative or no longer relevant, it is essential for young people to question them. For instance, in the past, society had a detrimental tradition of gender imbalance. Today, this has been eliminated due to women’s growing awareness and demands for individual freedom and respect. Furthermore, today, young people increasingly prioritize individuality. In addition to their own traditions, they are discovering cultural practices from other nations that are more modern and progressive. This exploration will simplify and enrich their lives.

In conclusion, while young people should follow traditions to learn valuable life experiences from their ancestors and avoid repeating past mistakes, it is also important for them to recognize that certain traditions are overly conservative. Therefore, they should embrace greater freedom and individuality.