in many coutries today, there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. What factors may have caused this situation, what should be done about ít

It is widely known that in numerous countries, a large number of people do not get a job after graduation with advanced certificates. This essay will examine the reasons for this issue and the feasible way to tackle it.

On the one hand, I believe that the primary cause is the number of people along with ther prefession. Specifically, it is undeniable that, in some nations, there is an imbalance in labour sources among various fields, leading to unployment in some kinds of work. For instance, with the advance of technology, numerous people flock to learn or study in some schools or universities related to technology with the hope that they will be offered a high salary by technological companies or enterprises when they graduate. As a result, those enterprises would be likely to select people who are talented and suitable with their goals and reject others even if they are highly qualified graduates.

However, there are a range of effective ways to solve this trend. The first solution is that people should consider how likely they are to get a job after graduation, simutaneously, and avoid majors with too many applicants. This contributes to better employment oppotunities in the future. Secondly, governments should allocate resources to support start-ups to relieve their financial burden, contributing to a thriving economy as well as create work for more people, not least highy certificated work force.

In conclusion, I indicate that the main reason is related to the number of particular expertises, and there are two ways to sovle it, regarding financial support to start-ups from authorities and how to choose majors.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is widely known that" -> "It is commonly acknowledged that"
Explanation: "It is commonly acknowledged that" is a more formal and precise phrase, enhancing the academic tone of the introduction.
"a large number of people do not get a job" -> "a significant proportion of individuals fail to secure employment"
Explanation: "A significant proportion of individuals fail to secure employment" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial tone of "get a job."
"the number of people along with ther prefession" -> "the number of individuals and their profession"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error "ther" to "their" and uses "individuals" for a more formal tone, improving grammatical accuracy and clarity.
"unployment" -> "unemployment"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error to "unemployment," ensuring accuracy and professionalism.
"flock to learn or study" -> "flock to pursue education or training"
Explanation: "Pursue education or training" is more specific and formal than "learn or study," aligning better with academic language.
"with the hope that they will be offered a high salary" -> "in anticipation of securing high salaries"
Explanation: "In anticipation of securing high salaries" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial "hope" and enhancing the academic tone.
"those enterprises would be likely to select" -> "these enterprises are likely to select"
Explanation: "These enterprises are likely to select" corrects the awkward phrasing and uses the present tense for a more direct and formal expression.
"simutaneously" -> "simultaneously"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error to "simultaneously," ensuring accuracy and professionalism.
"better employment oppotunities" -> "better employment opportunities"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error "oppotunities" to "opportunities," maintaining the formal tone and accuracy.
"highy certificated work force" -> "highly qualified workforce"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error "highy" to "highly" and replaces "certificated" with "qualified," which is the correct term in this context, enhancing clarity and formality.
"I indicate" -> "I argue"
Explanation: "I argue" is more assertive and appropriate for academic writing, indicating a stronger stance than "I indicate," which is less definitive.
"to sovle it" -> "to solve it"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error "sovle" to "solve," ensuring grammatical accuracy and professionalism.
"regarding financial support to start-ups from authorities" -> "concerning financial support for start-ups from authorities"
Explanation: "Concerning financial support for start-ups from authorities" is more formal and precise, improving the flow and clarity of the sentence.

These changes enhance the academic tone, improve grammatical accuracy, and clarify the language, making the essay more suitable for an academic context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt: it identifies factors contributing to the high unemployment rate among qualified graduates and suggests potential solutions. The first part discusses the imbalance in labor demand across various fields, particularly in technology, which is a relevant and insightful observation. The second part proposes two solutions: advising students on their choice of majors and government support for start-ups. However, the essay could benefit from a more thorough exploration of additional factors contributing to unemployment, such as economic conditions or mismatches between education and industry needs.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, consider incorporating a broader range of factors that contribute to the issue, such as economic downturns, the relevance of educational curricula to job market demands, or geographical disparities in job availability. This would provide a more comprehensive answer to the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the imbalance in labor supply and demand is a primary cause of unemployment among graduates. This position is consistently supported throughout the essay. However, the phrasing in some sections could be clearer. For example, the phrase "the number of people along with their profession" is somewhat vague and could confuse readers about the specific argument being made.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, ensure that key points are articulated in straightforward language. Consider rephrasing complex ideas into simpler terms and using clear topic sentences to guide the reader through the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to the causes of unemployment and potential solutions. The example of technology graduates is relevant and helps illustrate the point about labor market imbalance. However, the support for the second solution regarding government support for start-ups is less developed and could benefit from additional detail or examples to substantiate the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, provide more specific examples or data to support claims. For instance, when discussing government support for start-ups, you could mention successful case studies or statistics that demonstrate the positive impact of such initiatives on employment rates.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the unemployment of qualified graduates and the factors and solutions related to this issue. However, there are moments where the phrasing and structure could lead to slight deviations from the main focus, such as the mention of "highly certificated workforce" at the end, which feels somewhat disconnected from the preceding arguments.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that every part of the essay directly relates back to the main question. Avoid introducing new terms or concepts that have not been previously discussed unless they are clearly linked to the main argument. A strong concluding statement should summarize the key points made without introducing new ideas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt and presents relevant ideas, but it could be improved by expanding on certain points, enhancing clarity, and ensuring that all arguments are well-supported.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the main points to be discussed. The body paragraphs are organized into two distinct sections: one addressing the causes of unemployment among graduates and the other proposing solutions. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing causes to solutions is somewhat abrupt, lacking a clear linking sentence that guides the reader through the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of the second body paragraph, such as "In addition to the causes mentioned, there are several effective solutions that can be implemented." This would create a smoother transition and reinforce the connection between the two sections of the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is crucial for clarity. Each paragraph contains a main idea, supported by examples and explanations. However, the first body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that explicitly state the main idea of the paragraph. For example, the phrase "On the one hand, I believe that the primary cause is the number of people along with their profession" could be more directly related to the issue of unemployment.
- How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences to clearly reflect the main idea of each paragraph. For instance, rephrase the topic sentence of the first body paragraph to something like, "One significant factor contributing to the unemployment of graduates is the mismatch between their qualifications and the demands of the job market." This would provide a clearer focus for the paragraph and guide the reader more effectively.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "for instance," and "secondly," which help to connect ideas and indicate the structure of the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances of repetition. For example, the phrase "number of people" is used multiple times without variation, which can detract from the overall fluency of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating synonyms and varying sentence structures. For example, instead of repeatedly using "number of people," you could use phrases like "the growing population of graduates" or "the influx of qualified individuals." Additionally, integrating more complex cohesive devices, such as "consequently" or "as a result," can enhance the sophistication of the writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion, refining the organization of ideas, enhancing paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will help elevate the score further.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "advanced certificates," "imbalance in labour sources," and "financial support to start-ups." However, the repetition of phrases such as "many highly qualified graduates" and "numerous people" indicates a limited variety in word choice. Additionally, the use of "effective ways" and "feasible way" could be expanded to include synonyms or more specific terms.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "many" or "numerous," alternatives like "a significant number of" or "a multitude of" can be used. Additionally, exploring more specific terms related to the job market, such as "employment landscape" or "job saturation," could enrich the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the primary cause is the number of people along with their profession." This phrase is vague and could be misinterpreted. The phrase "select people who are talented and suitable with their goals" is also awkward; "suitable for their goals" would be more accurate. Furthermore, "highly certificated work force" is not a commonly used term; "highly qualified workforce" would be more appropriate.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and appropriateness of word choice. Using more specific terms and ensuring that phrases convey the intended meaning accurately will enhance the overall quality. For example, replacing "the number of people along with their profession" with "the mismatch between the number of graduates and available job opportunities" would clarify the point being made.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "ther" instead of "their," "unployment" instead of "unemployment," "simutaneously" instead of "simultaneously," "oppotunities" instead of "opportunities," and "highy" instead of "highly." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can lead to misunderstandings.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement proofreading strategies, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and creating a personal list of challenging terms can help improve spelling skills over time. Regular writing practice, coupled with attention to detail, will also contribute to better spelling in future essays.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there are clear areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By expanding vocabulary, refining word choice for clarity, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex structures like "it is undeniable that, in some nations, there is an imbalance in labour sources among various fields" shows an ability to convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a lack of more sophisticated structures that could enhance the overall fluency and coherence of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence openings and use a mix of clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "the first solution is," the writer could use phrases like "One effective approach is…" or "To address this issue, it is essential to…". Additionally, integrating more conditional sentences or participial phrases could add complexity and interest to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For instance, "ther prefession" should be corrected to "their profession," and "unployment" should be "unemployment." Additionally, the phrase "simutaneously, and avoid majors with too many applicants" incorrectly uses a comma before "and," which disrupts the flow of the sentence. The use of "not least highy certificated work force" is awkward and could be clearer.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully to catch typographical errors and ensure correct spelling. Practicing the use of conjunctions and understanding when to use commas can also improve punctuation skills. Furthermore, reviewing subject-verb agreement and ensuring that adjectives and nouns are correctly matched will strengthen grammatical accuracy. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also help identify and rectify common mistakes.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical and punctuation accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is commonly acknowledged that in numerous countries, a large number of highly qualified graduates do not secure employment after obtaining advanced certificates. This essay will examine the reasons for this issue and the feasible ways to tackle it.

On the one hand, I believe that the primary cause is the number of individuals and their professions. Specifically, it is undeniable that, in some nations, there is an imbalance in labor sources among various fields, leading to unemployment in certain areas of work. For instance, with the advance of technology, numerous individuals flock to pursue education or training in schools or universities related to technology, hoping that they will be offered high salaries by technological companies or enterprises when they graduate. As a result, these enterprises are likely to select individuals who are talented and suitable for their goals and reject others, even if they are highly qualified graduates.

However, there are a range of effective ways to solve this trend. The first solution is that individuals should consider how likely they are to get a job after graduation and, simultaneously, avoid majors with too many applicants. This contributes to better employment opportunities in the future. Secondly, governments should allocate resources to support start-ups to relieve their financial burden, contributing to a thriving economy as well as creating jobs for more people, not least a highly qualified workforce.

In conclusion, I argue that the main reason for this situation is related to the number of particular expertise areas, and there are two ways to solve it: concerning financial support for start-ups from authorities and how to choose majors.