In many societies, it is becoming common for young adults to delay marriage and remain single. Is it a positive or negative development?

In contemporary societies, young adults have increasingly a trend that is embracing singlehood instead of getting married. This essay aims to analyze whether the benefits of this phenomenon outweigh the detriments.

The potential benefits of this unmarried lifestyle and remaining single merit consideration. Firstly, delaying marriage allows young adults to focus completely on themselves. Without any married responsibilities and commitments, they have time to start a journey of self-exploration to discover their true selves, or their own passions and interests. People can pay attention to pursue their higher education, reach new heights of knowledge, and move up their career ladder. Moreover, young people have an opportunity to spend time escaping their comfort zones to develop their own experiences and learn more life lessons, trying new skills, seeing some new cultures first-hand, and approaching many different traditions from all over the world…

Secondly, young adults who decide to extend alone time and not to get married can make their own decisions based on their preferences and aspirations. This freedom can lead people to have many chances in their careers and personal growth without the hassle of families or children. Young people also gain financial independence to prevent some unforecasted risks in their life, or enjoy their life without married responsible anxiety.
However, there are some disadvantages in delaying marriage and embracing singlehood. One potential drawback is the impact on demographic implications, such as decreasing birth rate,…This can relate to the country’s workforce and delay the financial development.

In conclusion, delaying marriage and embracing singlehood have both advantages and disadvantages. While recognizing the drawbacks of this trend in young adults, I believe more in a positive impact.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"young adults have increasingly a trend that is embracing" -> "young adults increasingly adopt the trend of embracing"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revised version corrects the grammatical structure and enhances clarity and formality.
"the detriments" -> "the drawbacks"
Explanation: "Detriments" is less commonly used and can be confusing in this context. "Drawbacks" is a more standard term in academic writing, making the text clearer and more formal.
"completely on themselves" -> "solely on themselves"
Explanation: "Completely" is somewhat informal and vague in this context. "Solely" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing, emphasizing the exclusive focus on the self.
"pay attention to pursue" -> "devote themselves to pursuing"
Explanation: "Pay attention to pursue" is awkward and unclear. "Devote themselves to pursuing" is more natural and formal, enhancing the academic tone.
"reach new heights of knowledge" -> "attain new levels of knowledge"
Explanation: "Reach new heights" is an idiom that may be considered too informal for academic writing. "Attain new levels" is a more precise and formal expression.
"move up their career ladder" -> "advance in their careers"
Explanation: "Move up their career ladder" is an idiom that may be seen as informal. "Advance in their careers" is a more formal and precise alternative.
"have an opportunity to spend time escaping their comfort zones" -> "have the opportunity to venture beyond their comfort zones"
Explanation: "Escape" can imply a negative connotation, whereas "venture beyond" is more neutral and appropriate for academic discourse.
"trying new skills" -> "acquiring new skills"
Explanation: "Trying" is too informal and vague for academic writing. "Acquiring" is more precise and formal, fitting the context better.
"seeing some new cultures first-hand" -> "experiencing new cultures firsthand"
Explanation: "Seeing some new cultures" is informal and imprecise. "Experiencing new cultures firsthand" is more specific and academically appropriate.
"approach many different traditions" -> "engage with various traditions"
Explanation: "Approach" is too vague and informal; "engage with" is more specific and suitable for academic writing.
"young adults who decide to extend alone time and not to get married" -> "young adults who choose to prolong their single status and delay marriage"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and grammatically incorrect. The revision clarifies and corrects the structure, enhancing readability and formality.
"without the hassle of families or children" -> "without the responsibilities of family or children"
Explanation: "Hassle" is informal and imprecise. "Responsibilities" is a more formal and accurate term in this context.
"prevent some unforecasted risks" -> "mitigate unforeseen risks"
Explanation: "Prevent some unforecasted risks" is awkward and unclear. "Mitigate unforeseen risks" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style.
"married responsible anxiety" -> "marital responsibilities"
Explanation: "Married responsible anxiety" is incorrect and unclear. "Marital responsibilities" is the correct term, providing clarity and formality.
"decreasing birth rate" -> "declining birth rates"
Explanation: "Decreasing" is less specific and less formal than "declining," which is commonly used in demographic discussions.
"delay the financial development" -> "impede financial development"
Explanation: "Delay" is too vague and informal; "impede" is more precise and appropriate for discussing the impact on economic development.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of young adults delaying marriage. The introduction clearly states the intention to analyze the benefits and drawbacks of this trend. However, the discussion of the negative aspects is less developed than the positive aspects. For example, while the essay mentions demographic implications and the impact on the workforce, it does not elaborate on how these factors specifically affect society or individuals, which weakens the overall response.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay should provide a more balanced discussion by elaborating on the negative aspects with specific examples and evidence. This could include discussing potential emotional impacts of prolonged singlehood or societal pressures that might arise from delaying marriage. Including statistics or studies on marriage trends and their implications could also strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that leans towards viewing the trend of delaying marriage as a positive development. However, the conclusion introduces a slight ambiguity by stating, "I believe more in a positive impact," which could be interpreted as indecisive. The position is mostly consistent, but the phrasing could be clearer.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should use definitive language throughout the essay. Instead of saying "I believe more in a positive impact," a stronger statement such as "I firmly believe that the benefits of delaying marriage outweigh the drawbacks" would convey a more assertive stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the benefits of remaining single, such as self-exploration and financial independence. However, while these ideas are introduced, they are not always fully extended or supported with concrete examples. For instance, the mention of "trying new skills" and "seeing new cultures" lacks specific instances or anecdotes that could illustrate these points more vividly.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide specific examples or scenarios that illustrate the benefits of singlehood. For instance, mentioning a real-life case of someone who pursued higher education or traveled extensively could make the argument more relatable and compelling. Additionally, integrating statistics or research findings related to the benefits of singlehood could further substantiate the claims.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the implications of delaying marriage. However, there are moments where the discussion becomes slightly vague, particularly in the transition between the benefits and drawbacks. The phrase "married responsible anxiety" is unclear and could confuse readers about its relevance to the topic.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all terms used are clear and relevant to the topic. Avoiding vague phrases and ensuring that each point directly ties back to the question will help maintain clarity. Additionally, using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly outline the main idea will help keep the essay focused and coherent.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, but it would benefit from more balanced development of ideas, clearer positioning, and specific examples to enhance the overall effectiveness of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing benefits and drawbacks, and a conclusion. The ideas are generally organized logically, with the benefits of singlehood discussed before the drawbacks. However, the transition between the benefits and drawbacks could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the advantages of remaining single to the disadvantages feels abrupt, which can disrupt the reader’s understanding of the overall argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that signal the shift in focus. For example, phrases like "On the other hand" or "Conversely" can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea can further improve coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. The first two paragraphs discuss the benefits of singlehood, while the third addresses the drawbacks. However, the second body paragraph could be more clearly defined as a separate point, as it currently blends into the discussion of benefits without a distinct transition.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that supporting details are relevant and well-organized. Consider starting the second body paragraph with a clear topic sentence that introduces the idea of personal decision-making and independence, which would help distinguish it from the previous paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Moreover," and "However," which help to connect ideas within paragraphs. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "This freedom can lead people to have many chances…" could be better connected to the previous sentence to clarify the relationship between the ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Additionally," "Furthermore," "In contrast," and "Consequently." This will not only enhance the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a greater command of language. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to clarify relationships between ideas, which will improve overall coherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, there are areas for improvement in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. By implementing these suggestions, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, with terms such as "self-exploration," "financial independence," and "demographic implications" indicating an attempt to use more sophisticated language. However, there are instances of repetitive phrases and limited variation in word choice, such as the frequent use of "young adults" and "singlehood." This could detract from the overall lexical richness of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "young adults," alternatives like "youth," "young individuals," or "millennials" could be employed. Additionally, varying the phrases used to describe the concept of being single could enrich the text.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "delaying marriage allows young adults to focus completely on themselves" could be interpreted as overly broad. The term "unmarried responsibilities" is also somewhat unclear, as responsibilities can exist regardless of marital status.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should aim to clarify their statements. Instead of saying "focus completely on themselves," they could specify what aspects of personal development they mean, such as "focus on career advancement and personal interests." Additionally, replacing vague terms with more specific language will enhance clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "unforecasted" (which should be "unforeseen") and "responsible anxiety" (which should be "responsibility anxiety"). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the writer’s credibility.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify errors. Additionally, practicing spelling common academic vocabulary and reviewing frequently misspelled words would be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable effort in vocabulary usage, there are areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By expanding vocabulary, clarifying language, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For example, the sentence "Without any married responsibilities and commitments, they have time to start a journey of self-exploration to discover their true selves, or their own passions and interests" effectively combines multiple ideas into a single, cohesive thought. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "young adults have increasingly a trend that is embracing singlehood," which could be more clearly expressed. The use of phrases like "delaying marriage allows young adults to focus completely on themselves" showcases effective use of structure, but the essay could benefit from more varied introductory clauses and transitions.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases, such as "In addition," "Furthermore," or "On the other hand," to enhance the flow between ideas. Additionally, using more passive constructions or conditional sentences could add complexity. For instance, instead of stating "young adults who decide to extend alone time," you could say, "those who choose to extend their time alone may find that…"
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some noticeable errors. For example, the phrase "young adults have increasingly a trend" should be corrected to "young adults are increasingly embracing a trend." Additionally, the use of commas is inconsistent; for instance, the sentence "Moreover, young people have an opportunity to spend time escaping their comfort zones to develop their own experiences and learn more life lessons, trying new skills, seeing some new cultures first-hand, and approaching many different traditions from all over the world…" contains a series of gerunds that could benefit from clearer punctuation to enhance readability. The ellipsis at the end is also unnecessary and could be replaced with a period.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. For example, ensure that phrases like "the impact on demographic implications" are clear and concise, possibly rephrasing to "the demographic implications of this trend." Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, particularly with lists and complex sentences, will enhance clarity. Reviewing common grammatical structures and their correct usage can also help in reducing errors in future essays.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on clarity, variety, and precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary societies, young adults have increasingly adopted the trend of embracing singlehood instead of getting married. This essay aims to analyze whether the benefits of this phenomenon outweigh the drawbacks.

The potential benefits of this unmarried lifestyle and remaining single merit consideration. Firstly, delaying marriage allows young adults to focus solely on themselves. Without any marital responsibilities and commitments, they have time to embark on a journey of self-exploration to discover their true selves, as well as their own passions and interests. People can pay attention to pursuing their higher education, attaining new levels of knowledge, and advancing in their careers. Moreover, young people have the opportunity to venture beyond their comfort zones to develop their own experiences and learn valuable life lessons, acquiring new skills, experiencing new cultures firsthand, and engaging with various traditions from all over the world.

Secondly, young adults who choose to prolong their single status and delay marriage can make their own decisions based on their preferences and aspirations. This freedom can lead people to have many opportunities for career advancement and personal growth without the hassle of family or children. Young people also gain financial independence to mitigate unforeseen risks in their lives and enjoy their lives without the anxiety of marital responsibilities.

However, there are some disadvantages to delaying marriage and embracing singlehood. One potential drawback is the impact on demographic implications, such as declining birth rates. This can relate to the country’s workforce and impede financial development.

In conclusion, delaying marriage and embracing singlehood have both advantages and disadvantages. While recognizing the drawbacks of this trend among young adults, I believe it has a more positive impact.