In recent times, Vietnam has been hit by devastating typhoons, leading to significant loss of life and property. Many people believe that donating money and providing aid to those affected is the most effective way to help. Others argue that long-term solutions, such as improving infrastructure and disaster preparedness, are more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In recent times, Vietnam has been hit by devastating typhoons, leading to significant loss of life and property. Many people believe that donating money and providing aid to those affected is the most effective way to help. Others argue that long-term solutions, such as improving infrastructure and disaster preparedness, are more important.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Recently, Vietnam has undergone a significant loss of life and property due to the devastating impact of typhoons. Some people are of the opinion that providing spontaneous help to those affected the most is the most effective strategy. Others think, otherwise, that it is much better to promote improving infrastructure and disaster preparedness as long-term solutions. In this essay, I will explore the merits behind each perspective before presenting my viewpoint on what is truly important.

On the one hand, there are some reasons that explain why immediate action to provide money and aid to those affected by the devastating typhoons is essential. Specifically, many families underwent a significant loss of life, including the main money maker, thereby taking away the family’s ability to make money. Moreover, it is known that families in the central area of Vietnam often have much more children than other regions due to insufficient family planning. As a result, it required enormous financial capacity to replenish the massive loss of property and cater to a large number of family members, which is currently unable due to the effects of the disaster. Overall, the requirement for a large amount of money and the provisional inability to make a living render it necessary for people all over Vietnam to support those affected by the disaster.

On the other hand, there are some rationales behind the endorsement that promoting long-term solutions, such as improving infrastructure and disaster preparedness, is more important. Nowadays, it is scientifically proven that climate change and soil erosion are the main culprits behind the increasing cases of extreme natural disasters. Fortunately, planting more trees can be seen as an effective strategy to deal with these problems. Specifically, plants can act as a useful air filter, which absorbs carbon dioxide and releases oxygen, effectively addressing climate change. Moreover, long tree roots can undertake the task of soil erosion by binding soil particles together, slowing down the flow of water, and creating a dense network that resists being blown away. This, in turn, can effectively prevent landslides and floods, which often lead to serious loss of life and property.

In conclusion, I think these two approaches are both important due to the reasons elucidated above. While prevention is always better than treatment, providing adequate support to help people adjust to disaster effects is also important due to the unexpected nature of natural disasters.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Recently, Vietnam has undergone a significant loss of life and property" -> "Recently, Vietnam has suffered significant losses of life and property"
   Explanation: The phrase "has undergone a significant loss" is awkward and imprecise. "Has suffered significant losses" is more natural and appropriate for formal writing, emphasizing the cumulative impact of multiple losses.

2. "Some people are of the opinion that" -> "Some argue that"
   Explanation: "Some people are of the opinion that" is verbose and informal. "Some argue that" is more concise and academically suitable.

3. "providing spontaneous help" -> "providing immediate assistance"
   Explanation: "Spontaneous help" is vague and informal. "Immediate assistance" is more precise and formal, fitting the context of emergency aid.

4. "the most effective strategy" -> "the most effective approach"
   Explanation: "Strategy" can imply a long-term plan, whereas "approach" is more neutral and suitable for discussing both short-term and long-term methods.

5. "improving infrastructure and disaster preparedness" -> "enhancing infrastructure and disaster resilience"
   Explanation: "Improving" is somewhat generic; "enhancing" suggests a more comprehensive and detailed improvement. "Disaster preparedness" is replaced with "disaster resilience" to emphasize the ability to withstand and recover from disasters.

6. "it is known that" -> "it is widely recognized that"
   Explanation: "It is known that" is somewhat informal and vague. "It is widely recognized that" is more formal and precise, indicating a broader consensus.

7. "it required enormous financial capacity" -> "it necessitates substantial financial resources"
   Explanation: "Required enormous financial capacity" is awkward and unclear. "Necessitates substantial financial resources" is clearer and more formal.

8. "currently unable due to the effects of the disaster" -> "currently unable to do so due to the disaster’s effects"
   Explanation: The original phrase is unclear and grammatically awkward. The revised version clarifies the meaning and maintains formal tone.

9. "endorsement that promoting" -> "argument that promoting"
   Explanation: "Endorsement" incorrectly implies approval or support, whereas "argument" correctly describes a position or viewpoint being discussed.

10. "it is scientifically proven" -> "it has been scientifically demonstrated"
    Explanation: "It is scientifically proven" can imply absolute certainty, which may not always be the case in scientific discussions. "It has been scientifically demonstrated" is more accurate and cautious.

11. "planting more trees can be seen as an effective strategy" -> "planting more trees is considered an effective strategy"
    Explanation: "Can be seen as" is less definitive and slightly informal. "Is considered" is more assertive and suitable for academic writing.

12. "undertake the task of soil erosion" -> "address soil erosion"
    Explanation: "Undertake the task of" is verbose and awkward. "Address" is a more direct and formal term that fits the context better.

13. "binding soil particles together" -> "stabilizing soil particles"
    Explanation: "Binding" is less specific and can imply a more general action. "Stabilizing" is more precise and relevant to the context of soil erosion prevention.

14. "prevention is always better than treatment" -> "prevention is generally preferable to treatment"
    Explanation: "Always" is an absolute that may not be universally true. "Generally preferable" acknowledges the context and is more academically cautious.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding immediate aid versus long-term solutions effectively. The first body paragraph discusses the necessity of immediate financial aid, while the second body paragraph presents the argument for improving infrastructure and disaster preparedness. However, while both perspectives are mentioned, the essay could benefit from a more thorough exploration of each viewpoint, particularly the counterarguments. For instance, the discussion on long-term solutions could include examples of successful implementations in other countries or regions.
  • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should aim to provide more depth in discussing each viewpoint. Including specific examples or case studies would strengthen the arguments and demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The writer states their opinion in the introduction and reiterates it in the conclusion, indicating that both approaches are important. However, the position could be clearer. The phrase "due to the reasons elucidated above" in the conclusion is somewhat vague and does not strongly assert the writer’s stance. The essay could benefit from a more definitive statement regarding which approach the writer believes is more effective.
  • How to improve: To clarify the position, the writer should explicitly state which approach they favor and why, perhaps in the conclusion. This could involve summarizing the key points that support their stance more assertively.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas reasonably well, with some examples provided, such as the impact of typhoons on families and the benefits of planting trees. However, the support for these ideas could be more robust. For instance, the discussion about the financial struggles of families could be enhanced with statistics or specific examples of aid efforts that have been successful or unsuccessful.
  • How to improve: The writer should aim to extend their ideas further by providing more detailed examples and evidence. This could involve integrating data, research findings, or real-life examples that illustrate the effectiveness of both immediate aid and long-term solutions.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt directly. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more focused. For instance, the mention of family planning in the context of immediate aid feels somewhat tangential and could distract from the main argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate to the central argument of the essay. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes directly to answering the prompt.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents both sides of the argument, there is room for improvement in depth, clarity, and focus. By incorporating more specific examples, clarifying their position, and ensuring all points are relevant, the writer can enhance their score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with distinct sections for each viewpoint and a conclusion that summarizes the main arguments. The introduction effectively sets up the discussion by outlining the two perspectives. However, the transition between the two main points could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing immediate aid to long-term solutions feels somewhat abrupt, lacking a transitional phrase that could guide the reader more effectively.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases such as "In contrast" or "Conversely" at the beginning of the second viewpoint. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea, which will help the reader follow the argument more easily.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first body paragraph discusses immediate aid, while the second addresses long-term solutions. However, the conclusion could be more distinct; it currently feels like a continuation of the previous paragraphs rather than a summarization of the key points.
  • How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by clearly restating the main arguments and your opinion in a concise manner. Consider using a separate paragraph for the conclusion to emphasize its importance and provide a clear closure to the essay. This will enhance the overall structure and make it easier for the reader to digest the final thoughts.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively signal the contrasting viewpoints. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be clearer. For example, the phrase "Moreover" is used effectively, but additional devices like "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Consequently" could enhance the flow of ideas.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, practice incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases throughout the essay. This could include using synonyms for "important" or "necessary" to avoid repetition and enhance the richness of the text. Additionally, consider using pronouns or demonstrative adjectives to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can help maintain coherence and reduce redundancy.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to a stronger overall performance in the IELTS Task 2 writing assessment.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "devastating impact," "infrastructure," and "disaster preparedness." However, the use of phrases like "the most effective strategy" and "it is known that" indicates a reliance on common expressions rather than showcasing a broader lexical variety. Additionally, some vocabulary choices, such as "the main money maker," could be more sophisticated.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate more varied synonyms and expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "devastating," alternatives like "catastrophic" or "calamitous" could be used. Exploring more academic or nuanced vocabulary related to disaster management and economic impact would also be beneficial.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the main money maker" is somewhat informal and vague. Additionally, "provisional inability" is unclear and could confuse readers. The use of "promoting long-term solutions" could also be more precise; "advocating for" might convey a stronger sense of support.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that clearly convey their intended meaning. For example, replacing "the main money maker" with "primary breadwinner" would enhance clarity. Furthermore, revising phrases like "it is known that" to more assertive expressions such as "research indicates that" would strengthen the argument.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling accuracy, with no major spelling errors noted. However, there are a few instances where the phrasing could lead to confusion, such as "cater to a large number of family members," which, while spelled correctly, might be better expressed as "support a large family."
  • How to improve: To maintain and improve spelling accuracy, the writer should continue proofreading their work. Utilizing tools like spell checkers or reading the essay aloud can help catch any potential errors. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words in academic writing can further enhance spelling proficiency.

Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements for lexical resource, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and clarity. By focusing on these areas, the writer can elevate their score in future IELTS assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and some compound sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "Some people are of the opinion that providing spontaneous help to those affected the most is the most effective strategy" showcases a complex structure. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as "there are some reasons that explain" and "there are some rationales behind," which could be varied further.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "there are," try using participial phrases or starting with a dependent clause. Additionally, integrating more conditional sentences or passive voice constructions could add depth to the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains good grammatical accuracy, but there are a few notable errors. For example, the phrase "it required enormous financial capacity to replenish the massive loss of property" could be more clearly expressed as "it requires enormous financial resources." Additionally, the use of commas could be improved; for instance, in "Others think, otherwise, that it is much better to promote improving infrastructure," the placement of commas is awkward and disrupts the flow of the sentence.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. For punctuation, ensure that commas are used to enhance clarity rather than interrupt the flow. Practicing sentence combining and breaking down complex ideas into simpler sentences can also help clarify meaning and improve overall readability.

By addressing these areas, you can aim for a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

Recently, Vietnam has suffered significant losses of life and property due to the devastating impact of typhoons. Some people argue that providing immediate assistance to those most affected is the most effective strategy. Others contend that promoting long-term solutions, such as enhancing infrastructure and disaster preparedness, is more crucial. In this essay, I will explore the merits of each perspective before presenting my viewpoint on what is truly important.

On the one hand, there are several reasons that explain why immediate action to provide money and aid to those affected by the devastating typhoons is essential. Specifically, many families have experienced significant losses, including the primary breadwinner, which severely impacts their ability to generate income. Moreover, it is widely recognized that families in the central region of Vietnam often have more children than in other areas due to insufficient family planning. As a result, it necessitates substantial financial resources to replenish the massive loss of property and support a large number of family members, which they are currently unable to do so due to the disaster’s effects. Overall, the urgent need for financial assistance and the provisional inability to make a living render it necessary for people across Vietnam to support those affected by the disaster.

On the other hand, there are compelling arguments for the view that promoting long-term solutions, such as improving infrastructure and disaster preparedness, is more important. It has been scientifically demonstrated that climate change and soil erosion are significant contributors to the increasing frequency of extreme natural disasters. Fortunately, planting more trees is considered an effective strategy to address these issues. Specifically, trees can act as natural air filters, absorbing carbon dioxide and releasing oxygen, which helps mitigate climate change. Moreover, the long roots of trees can stabilize soil particles, reducing soil erosion by slowing down water flow and creating a dense network that resists being washed away. This, in turn, can effectively prevent landslides and floods, which often lead to serious loss of life and property.

In conclusion, I believe that both approaches are important for different reasons. While prevention is generally preferable to treatment, providing adequate support to help people cope with the effects of disasters is also crucial due to the unpredictable nature of natural calamities.