In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Nowadays, more and more people are affected by health issues such as diabetes and heart disease which are linked to overconsumption of cheap, mass-produced food. Some people believe the only solution is to make fast food less affordable by taxing it highly. Despite the severity of the problem, I think this is quite wrong. Increasing the tax on fast food would unfairly penalise people and may not necessarily bring about the desired health benefits.
First, fast food is about more than just nutrition. Many teenagers spend money on fast food not because they need to eat out but because this is how they socialise. Fast-food restaurants provide a safe, convenient place for young people to meet friends. For another group, low-income families, fast food can provide an inexpensive treat for their children. Denying people a small pleasure in life could affect their social lives or happiness.
Another important point is that if the reason for taxing fast food is to reduce obesity, it may be ineffective. It is true that fast food is high in sugar, salt and fat, all of which cause weight gain and are detrimental to our health.
However, we also know that there are other factors which contribute to the risk of obesity, such as lack of exercise and inappropriate portion size.
While home-cooked food is generally healthy, this is not always the case. I personally know a family that used to eat high-fat, home-cooked food in enormous portions. They all suffered from health problems due to obesity.
On the other hand, I do understand the point of view of those who say drastic action is needed. If fast food were taxed and became expensive, people would be forced to seek out healthier options. In addition, food producers would have an incentive to provide healthier foods. However, there is likely to be resistance from consumers and producers who want to have a wider choice.
To conclude, although imposing a higher tax on fast food could have some positive effects, these would be outweighed by the drawbacks. For one thing, some sectors of society would feel victimised, and there is also the fact that simply raising tax would not result in a much healthier society.
What we really need is greater awareness of diet and cheaper healthy food
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"Nowadays" -> "In contemporary times"
Explanation: Replacing "Nowadays" with "In contemporary times" aligns with a more formal and academic style, providing a nuanced introduction to the topic.
"Some people believe" -> "Certain individuals posit"
Explanation: Substituting "Some people believe" with "Certain individuals posit" enhances the formality of expression and introduces a more sophisticated way of presenting viewpoints.
"I think" -> "I contend"
Explanation: Changing "I think" to "I contend" imparts a more authoritative tone, befitting academic discourse and contributing to a more confident expression of the author’s perspective.
"Fast food is about more than just nutrition" -> "Fast food serves purposes beyond nutritional considerations"
Explanation: Replacing "Fast food is about more than just nutrition" with "Fast food serves purposes beyond nutritional considerations" adds precision and elevates the language, adhering to academic standards.
"Denying people a small pleasure in life could affect their social lives or happiness" -> "Depriving individuals of this minor indulgence could impact their social interactions and overall well-being"
Explanation: Substituting "Denying people a small pleasure in life could affect their social lives or happiness" with "Depriving individuals of this minor indulgence could impact their social interactions and overall well-being" maintains clarity while employing more formal language.
"Another important point is that" -> "Furthermore, it is crucial to note that"
Explanation: Replacing "Another important point is that" with "Furthermore, it is crucial to note that" introduces a smoother transition and reinforces the significance of the following argument in a formal manner.
"may not necessarily" -> "may not inevitably"
Explanation: Substituting "may not necessarily" with "may not inevitably" adds a nuanced and precise touch, aligning with the academic tone by choosing a more formal alternative.
"It is true that" -> "Indeed"
Explanation: Replacing "It is true that" with "Indeed" adds conciseness and a more assertive tone, enhancing the overall academic style of the statement.
"we also know" -> "it is also recognized"
Explanation: Changing "we also know" to "it is also recognized" adds formality and emphasizes the shared understanding, contributing to a more authoritative presentation of information.
"In addition" -> "Furthermore"
Explanation: Substituting "In addition" with "Furthermore" maintains coherence while elevating the formality of the transition, aligning with academic writing conventions.
"To conclude" -> "In conclusion"
Explanation: Replacing "To conclude" with "In conclusion" is a more formal way to signal the end of the essay, adhering to academic writing conventions.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Task Response: 6
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses the various aspects of the prompt, discussing the health issues associated with fast food and the proposed solution of imposing a higher tax. The response covers the different perspectives, considering the impact on individuals and society.
- How to improve: To enhance the comprehensiveness of the response, consider providing more specific examples or data to support the argument. Additionally, explicitly connect each point back to the prompt to strengthen the relevance.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance against imposing a higher tax on fast food. The position is evident in the introduction and consistently upheld throughout the essay.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, consider reinforcing it by reiterating the main stance in the conclusion and summarizing key arguments that support this position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas on the social aspects of fast food consumption, the potential ineffectiveness of taxing, and the need for greater awareness. However, some ideas lack elaboration and specific examples.
- How to improve: Provide more in-depth explanations and examples to bolster the presented ideas. This will not only strengthen the overall argument but also add depth to the analysis.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the health problems associated with fast food and the proposed tax. However, there is a brief mention of the need for greater awareness of diet and cheaper healthy food, which slightly deviates from the central focus.
- How to improve: Ensure that all points directly align with the prompt. If discussing additional solutions or perspectives, make a clear connection to the main topic of taxing fast food.
The essay effectively argues against the imposition of a higher tax on fast food, considering social aspects and potential ineffectiveness. To improve, provide more specific examples, ensure a clear reiteration of the main position in the conclusion, and strengthen the connection of all points to the central theme. Overall, a solid response with room for enhancement.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a reasonable level of logical organization. It begins with a clear introduction that outlines the issue of health problems related to fast food and introduces the opposing view of taxing it. Each paragraph presents a distinct argument, and the conclusion summarizes the main points. However, there are instances where the flow could be improved. For example, the transition between the second and third paragraphs could be smoother, as the third paragraph introduces a new point somewhat abruptly.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider adding transitional phrases between paragraphs to create a more seamless flow. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph builds upon the previous one to create a cohesive narrative.
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs paragraphs effectively, each focusing on a specific idea or argument. However, the paragraphing in the second half of the essay could be refined. The third paragraph, for instance, combines arguments related to low-income families and the ineffectiveness of taxing fast food for reducing obesity, making it slightly convoluted.
- How to improve: Refine paragraph structure by maintaining a single focus per paragraph. Consider breaking down complex ideas into smaller, more digestible segments, allowing readers to follow each argument more easily.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses cohesive devices, such as transitional words and phrases (e.g., "first," "another important point," "on the other hand"). However, the variety and precision of cohesive devices could be improved. The essay tends to rely on basic transitions, and some paragraphs lack clear connections to preceding ones.
- How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices to create a more nuanced and connected narrative. Experiment with a wider range of transitional phrases and ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one. This will contribute to a more cohesive and easily comprehensible essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary, with varied expressions such as "mass-produced," "inexpensive treat," and "drastic action." However, there is room for improvement as some ideas are conveyed with repetitive vocabulary, such as the frequent use of "fast food."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms and exploring different ways to express similar ideas. For instance, instead of consistently using "fast food," use alternatives like "processed meals" or "quick-service cuisine" to avoid repetition.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, especially in conveying the negative health aspects of fast food, such as "high in sugar, salt, and fat." However, there are instances where terms could be more precise, like when referring to the "small pleasure" in life or the "drastic action" needed.
- How to improve: To achieve more precision, consider specifying what constitutes a "small pleasure," and elaborate on what "drastic action" entails. This will provide a clearer and more nuanced understanding for the reader.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally sound throughout the essay. There are no noticeable spelling errors that significantly impact readability or comprehension.
- How to improve: To maintain this level of accuracy, continue proofreading carefully and consider utilizing spelling and grammar tools. Additionally, pay attention to minor details, such as ensuring consistent hyphenation in compound words like "home-cooked" to enhance overall spelling consistency.
In conclusion, the essay demonstrates a solid vocabulary range with some room for improvement in avoiding repetition. The precision in vocabulary usage is generally good, though there is an opportunity to provide more clarity in certain expressions. Spelling accuracy is commendable, and maintaining this level of precision will contribute to overall language proficiency.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple and complex sentences, and the writer attempts to vary sentence beginnings. However, there is room for improvement in the variety of structures. The essay tends to rely on simple sentences, and there is a lack of more sophisticated structures such as compound-complex sentences or inversion.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, the writer could experiment with more complex sentence structures. Introduce compound or compound-complex sentences to add variety and sophistication. Additionally, consider using inversion for emphasis or to create a more formal tone.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy with a few minor errors. For instance, in the sentence "Denying people a small pleasure in life could affect their social lives or happiness," a comma after "life" would improve clarity. Additionally, there’s a missing article in "They all suffered from health problems due to obesity," where it should be "They all suffered from health problems due to an obesity."
- How to improve: Proofreading is essential to catch minor errors. Focus on punctuation, especially commas, to enhance the clarity of ideas. Additionally, be mindful of articles to ensure correct usage. A thorough review before submission can help eliminate these minor issues.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and sentence structures. Improving grammatical range through more complex structures and addressing minor errors will contribute to an even more polished and effective piece.
Bài sửa mẫu
In contemporary times, a growing number of individuals face health problems such as diabetes and heart disease, often attributed to the overconsumption of affordable, mass-produced food. Certain individuals posit that a viable solution is to impose a higher tax on fast food. However, I contend that this approach is flawed. Increasing the tax on fast food could unjustly penalize people and may not inevitably lead to the desired health benefits.
Fast food serves purposes beyond nutritional considerations. Many teenagers, for instance, spend money on fast food not solely out of necessity but as a means of socializing. Fast-food restaurants offer a safe and convenient space for young people to meet friends. Furthermore, low-income families may view fast food as an inexpensive indulgence for their children. Depriving individuals of this minor indulgence could impact their social interactions and overall well-being, affecting their happiness.
Furthermore, it is crucial to note that if the rationale behind taxing fast food is to reduce obesity, it may not inevitably be effective. While fast food is indeed high in sugar, salt, and fat, contributing to weight gain and health issues, there are other factors influencing obesity, such as lack of exercise and inappropriate portion sizes. Home-cooked meals, while generally considered healthy, may not always be so. I personally know of a family that consumed high-fat, home-cooked food in substantial portions, resulting in health problems due to obesity.
Indeed, I acknowledge the perspective of those advocating for drastic action. They argue that if fast food becomes expensive due to taxation, people would be compelled to opt for healthier alternatives. Moreover, food producers would have an incentive to offer healthier food choices. However, resistance from consumers and producers who seek a broader selection of options is likely.
In conclusion, although imposing a higher tax on fast food may have some positive effects, these potential benefits would be outweighed by the drawbacks. Certain sectors of society would feel victimized, and simply raising taxes would not necessarily lead to a significantly healthier society. What is truly needed is greater awareness of diet and more affordable access to healthy food options.