In some countries, an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is, therefore, necessary for the government to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. do you agree or disagree?

In today’s world, more and more people eating too much fast food, leading to many health problems. Thus, government need to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. Personally, I strongly agree with the given statement for various reason.

On the one hand, there is one main reason why I believe that imposing tax is not necessary. It is conspicuous that fast foods are highly consumed by many people especially teenagers or adults. This is because protein from many sources of junk food can be beneficial to customers’ body. According to the internet, many gym’s experts often encourage people to eat fast food after workout as these foods can be eat more quickly compared to many other kind of food. Thus, individuals might have more time to spend on their exercising progress and their life.

On the other hand, despite the benefit of eating fast food, I believe that government should increase the tax on junk food due to several detrimental aspect. Firstly, many people are suffered from obesity and diabetes as a result of consuming vast amount of fast food. It is clear that fast food including fried chickens and fries consist a lot of fat which can make people suffer from health problems more easily. As a consequence, individuals who suffer from health problems have to pay a lot of money for their medical bills and hospital’ expenses. Secondly, there might be a sense of discouragement in working space among people. In other words, if people consume with inappropriate number of fast food, they can be less productivity and effectively in their work.

In conclusion, although there are mixed debates whether government need to impose a higher task on fast food or not. I strongly believe that this figure should do so due to health problems and less efficiency in work.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In today’s world, more and more people eating too much fast food" -> "In contemporary society, an increasing number of individuals consume excessive amounts of fast food"
Explanation: The phrase "In today’s world" is somewhat informal and vague. "Contemporary society" is more precise and formal. "More and more people eating too much fast food" is awkwardly phrased and informal; "an increasing number of individuals consume excessive amounts of fast food" is more formal and clear.
"government need to impose" -> "governments should impose"
Explanation: "Government" should be pluralized to "governments" to reflect the general principle rather than a specific government. "Need" is too informal and direct for academic writing; "should" is more appropriate and formal.
"for various reason" -> "for several reasons"
Explanation: "For various reason" is grammatically incorrect; "for several reasons" is the correct form.
"It is conspicuous that" -> "It is evident that"
Explanation: "Conspicuous" typically means noticeable because of being out of place or unusual, which is not the intended meaning here. "Evident" is more appropriate for indicating something that is clear or obvious.
"protein from many sources of junk food can be beneficial to customers’ body" -> "protein from various sources of junk food can be beneficial to the human body"
Explanation: "Customers’ body" is incorrect as "customers" refers to people who buy goods or services, not the body. "The human body" is the correct term.
"can be eat more quickly" -> "can be consumed more quickly"
Explanation: "Can be eat" is grammatically incorrect; "can be consumed" is the correct verb form.
"many other kind of food" -> "many other types of food"
Explanation: "Kind" is not the correct term here; "types" is the appropriate term for categorizing food.
"many people are suffered from" -> "many people suffer from"
Explanation: "Are suffered from" is grammatically incorrect; "suffer from" is the correct form.
"consist a lot of fat" -> "contain a significant amount of fat"
Explanation: "Consist" is incorrect in this context; "contain" is the correct verb for describing the composition of food. "A lot of" is informal; "a significant amount" is more precise and formal.
"have to pay a lot of money for their medical bills and hospital’ expenses" -> "must incur significant medical expenses and hospital bills"
Explanation: "Have to pay a lot of money" is informal and vague; "must incur significant medical expenses and hospital bills" is more formal and precise.
"there might be a sense of discouragement in working space among people" -> "there may be a sense of discouragement in the workplace among individuals"
Explanation: "Working space" is not a standard term; "workplace" is the correct term. "Among people" is redundant; "among individuals" is more formal.
"less productivity and effectively in their work" -> "less productive and less effective in their work"
Explanation: "Less productivity and effectively" is grammatically incorrect; "less productive and less effective" corrects the grammatical structure and maintains the intended meaning.
"government need to impose a higher task on fast food" -> "governments should impose a higher tax on fast food"
Explanation: "Need to impose a higher task" is incorrect; "should impose a higher tax" is the correct phrase. "Task" is not the correct term for a tax, and "tax" is the standard term used in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear agreement with the necessity of imposing a higher tax on fast food. The author outlines both sides of the argument, mentioning the benefits of fast food consumption and the health issues it causes. However, the discussion of the opposing view is somewhat underdeveloped. The essay states that fast food can be beneficial, but it does not provide sufficient evidence or examples to support this claim, making it less convincing.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should provide more detailed arguments and examples for both sides of the debate. For instance, elaborating on the benefits of fast food with specific examples or statistics could strengthen the opposing view. Additionally, a more balanced approach that weighs the pros and cons could lead to a more comprehensive answer.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position in favor of the tax on fast food, particularly in the second half. However, the initial paragraph introduces a somewhat ambiguous stance by suggesting that imposing a tax is not necessary before transitioning to support the tax. This inconsistency could confuse readers about the author’s true position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the author should explicitly state their agreement or disagreement in the introduction and consistently support that stance throughout the essay. A clear thesis statement that outlines the main arguments for the position would help guide the reader.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the health problems associated with fast food and the potential productivity issues. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. For example, while the essay mentions obesity and diabetes, it does not provide statistics or studies to substantiate these claims. The reasoning behind the benefits of fast food is also weak and lacks depth.
- How to improve: The author should aim to elaborate on each point with more detailed explanations and relevant examples. Citing studies, statistics, or expert opinions would enhance the credibility of the arguments. Additionally, using more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures could improve the overall quality of the writing.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the implications of fast food consumption and the potential government response. However, the initial argument about the benefits of fast food diverges from the main focus of the essay, which is whether a tax should be imposed. This deviation slightly detracts from the overall coherence of the argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all points made directly relate to the central question of whether the government should impose a tax on fast food. It may be beneficial to limit the discussion of benefits to a brief acknowledgment, followed by a stronger emphasis on the negative consequences and the rationale for the tax.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear opinion, it would benefit from more detailed arguments, clearer positioning, and stronger support for the ideas presented.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument structure, with a defined introduction, body paragraphs that address both sides of the argument, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from the first body paragraph discussing the benefits of fast food to the second paragraph addressing the drawbacks lacks a smooth connection. The use of phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" is appropriate, but the ideas could be more explicitly linked to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. This can be achieved by using linking phrases that summarize the previous point while introducing the next one. For example, after discussing the benefits of fast food, the writer could say, "However, despite these benefits, there are significant drawbacks that warrant government intervention."
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, making it easier for the reader to follow. However, the first paragraph could be more developed to provide a clearer argument for the benefits of fast food, as it currently feels underexplored compared to the second paragraph.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph effectiveness, the writer should aim to develop each paragraph fully. This includes providing more examples and explanations to support the claims made. For instance, in the first body paragraph, the writer could elaborate on how fast food can be beneficial in terms of convenience and nutrition, perhaps by citing specific examples or statistics.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "In conclusion," which help to structure the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing that disrupt the flow, such as "individuals might have more time to spend on their exercising progress and their life." This could be expressed more clearly.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," "In addition," and "Consequently." Additionally, ensuring that sentences are grammatically correct and clearly articulated will enhance cohesion. For example, the phrase "individuals might have more time to spend on their exercising progress and their life" could be revised to "individuals may find they have more time to focus on their exercise routines and overall well-being."

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical flow, paragraph development, and the range of cohesive devices will help elevate the score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "health problems," "fast food," "obesity," and "beneficial." However, the vocabulary choices are somewhat repetitive and lack variation. For instance, the term "fast food" is used multiple times without synonyms or paraphrasing, which can make the writing feel monotonous. Additionally, phrases like "many health problems" could be enhanced with more specific vocabulary such as "chronic diseases" or "diet-related illnesses."
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "fast food," alternatives like "junk food," "processed food," or "unhealthy snacks" could be utilized. Additionally, the writer could explore more descriptive adjectives or adverbs to enrich the text, such as "excessive consumption of fast food" instead of just "eating too much fast food."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "individuals might have more time to spend on their exercising progress" is vague and could be better articulated. The use of "beneficial to customers’ body" is also awkward; "beneficial to the body" would be more precise. Furthermore, the phrase "many gym’s experts" is incorrect; it should be "many gym experts" or "many experts in the fitness industry."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. For instance, instead of "beneficial to customers’ body," the writer could say "nutritional benefits for individuals." Additionally, ensuring correct grammatical structures and avoiding awkward phrasing will enhance clarity. Regularly consulting a thesaurus or vocabulary resources can also aid in finding more precise terms.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "government need" (should be "government needs"), "suffered" (should be "suffering"), "fried chickens" (should be "fried chicken"), and "hospital’ expenses" (should be "hospital expenses"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify errors. Additionally, practicing spelling through exercises or apps can reinforce correct spelling habits. Keeping a personal list of commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial for future writing tasks.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary relevant to the topic, improvements in range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. For instance, simple sentences like "In today’s world, more and more people eating too much fast food" and "Thus, government need to impose a higher tax on this kind of food" are prevalent. The use of compound and complex sentences is minimal, which restricts the overall fluency and sophistication of the writing. The phrase "there is one main reason why I believe that imposing tax is not necessary" is a better example of a complex structure, but it is not effectively varied throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences. For example, instead of saying "This is because protein from many sources of junk food can be beneficial to customers’ body," the writer could say, "Although some argue that protein from junk food can be beneficial, I contend that the negative health impacts far outweigh these benefits." Additionally, using a variety of conjunctions and relative clauses can help to create more sophisticated sentences.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity and coherence. For example, "government need to impose" should be "the government needs to impose," which demonstrates subject-verb agreement. The phrase "many gym’s experts" is incorrect; it should be "many gym experts" or "experts from gyms." Punctuation issues also arise, such as the lack of commas in compound sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences. For instance, "Firstly, many people are suffered from obesity and diabetes as a result of consuming vast amount of fast food" should be "Firstly, many people suffer from obesity and diabetes as a result of consuming a vast amount of fast food."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help reinforce these rules. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will enhance clarity. Reading and analyzing well-structured essays can also provide insight into proper grammatical usage and punctuation.

By addressing these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s world, an increasing number of individuals are consuming excessive amounts of fast food, leading to numerous health problems. Thus, the government needs to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. Personally, I strongly agree with this statement for several reasons.

On the one hand, there is one main reason why I believe that imposing a tax is not necessary. It is evident that fast food is highly consumed by many people, especially teenagers and adults. This is because protein from various sources of junk food can be beneficial to the human body. According to the internet, many gym experts often encourage people to eat fast food after workouts, as these foods can be consumed more quickly compared to many other types of food. Thus, individuals might have more time to dedicate to their exercise routines and overall lives.

On the other hand, despite the benefits of eating fast food, I believe that the government should increase the tax on junk food due to several detrimental aspects. Firstly, many people suffer from obesity and diabetes as a result of consuming vast amounts of fast food. It is clear that fast food, including fried chicken and fries, contains a significant amount of fat, which can lead to health problems more easily. As a consequence, individuals who suffer from these health issues must incur significant medical expenses and hospital bills. Secondly, there may be a sense of discouragement in the workplace among individuals. In other words, if people consume an inappropriate amount of fast food, they can be less productive and less effective in their work.

In conclusion, although there are mixed debates about whether the government needs to impose a higher tax on fast food, I strongly believe that this action should be taken due to the health problems associated with fast food consumption and the resulting decrease in work efficiency.