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In some countries, children have very strict rules of behavior, in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they like. To what extent should children have to follow rules?

In some countries, children have very strict rules of behavior, in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they like.
To what extent should children have to follow rules?

Opinions are divided as to the extent to which children should have to follow rules, particularly when comparing countries with strict behavioral expectations to those with more permissive approaches. From my perspective, strict regulations should be implemented for several reasons.
Strict rules of behavior can provide numerous benefits for children. Firstly, they help establish a sense of discipline and order. By adhering to rules, children learn the importance of respect for authority, self-control, and following established routines. This instills a strong work ethic and sense of responsibility from an early age. For example, in countries like Japan, children are expected to respect authority figures, follow school rules, and participate in communal activities such as cleaning their classrooms and serving meals to their classmates.(Ex) These practices foster a sense of community and responsibility.
Conversely, permissive regulations can inadvertently encourage people to engage in criminal acts. When there are minimal rules and restrictions, individuals may exploit this freedom for personal gain or to harm others. A prominent example of this is the loose regulations surrounding gun ownership in the United States, where citizens are entitled to possess firearms for self-defense. While this right aims to provide protection, some individuals misuse it for personal retaliation. This has resulted in tragic consequences, as seen in cases of mass shootings and gun violence.
In conclusion, I firmly support the notion that a country should enforce strict regulations of behavior for children. Striking a balance between freedom and necessary guidelines is crucial to ensure the healthy development and well-being of children and to maintain a safe and orderly society.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Opinions are divided as to the extent to which children should have to follow rules" -> "There is a divergence of opinions regarding the extent to which children should be obligated to adhere to rules."
    Explanation: The suggested improvement employs more formal language, replacing "divided" with "divergence" and restructuring the sentence for a more academic tone.

  2. "From my perspective" -> "In my view"
    Explanation: "From my perspective" is slightly informal; substituting it with "In my view" maintains the author’s stance while adhering to a more formal expression.

  3. "Strict rules of behavior can provide numerous benefits for children" -> "Rigorous behavioral regulations can yield myriad advantages for children."
    Explanation: The replacement uses "rigorous" instead of "strict" and "myriad advantages" for a more formal and varied vocabulary, enhancing the academic tone.

  4. "Firstly, they help establish a sense of discipline and order" -> "First and foremost, they contribute to the establishment of discipline and order."
    Explanation: The suggested change introduces a more formal transition ("First and foremost") and replaces "help" with "contribute," offering a more precise and sophisticated expression.

  5. "By adhering to rules, children learn the importance of respect for authority, self-control, and following established routines" -> "Through adherence to rules, children acquire an understanding of the significance of respecting authority, exercising self-control, and adhering to established routines."
    Explanation: The revision employs a more formal structure and replaces "learn" with "acquire" for enhanced formality and precision.

  6. "This instills a strong work ethic and sense of responsibility from an early age." -> "This cultivates a robust work ethic and a sense of responsibility from an early stage."
    Explanation: The improved version replaces "instills" with "cultivates" for a more formal tone, and "from an early age" with "from an early stage" for variety.

  7. "Conversely, permissive regulations can inadvertently encourage people to engage in criminal acts." -> "Conversely, lenient regulations may inadvertently incentivize individuals to commit criminal acts."
    Explanation: The suggested change introduces the term "lenient" for a more precise alternative to "permissive" and uses "incentivize" for a formal expression.

  8. "When there are minimal rules and restrictions, individuals may exploit this freedom for personal gain or to harm others." -> "In the absence of stringent rules and restrictions, individuals may exploit this freedom for personal gain or to inflict harm on others."
    Explanation: The revision substitutes "minimal" with "stringent" for a more formal term and enhances precision in the phrase "to inflict harm on others."

  9. "A prominent example of this is the loose regulations surrounding gun ownership in the United States, where citizens are entitled to possess firearms for self-defense." -> "An illustrative instance of this phenomenon is the lax regulation of gun ownership in the United States, where citizens are entitled to possess firearms for self-defense."
    Explanation: The improved version uses "lax" for a more formal alternative to "loose" and enhances the structure for academic clarity.

  10. "While this right aims to provide protection, some individuals misuse it for personal retaliation." -> "While this right is intended to offer protection, some individuals exploit it for personal retribution."
    Explanation: The suggested change uses "exploit" instead of "misuse" for a more formal term and replaces "retaliation" with "retribution" for precision.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "Opinions are divided as to the extent to which children should have to follow rules, particularly when comparing countries with strict behavioral expectations to those with more permissive approaches. From my perspective, strict regulations should be implemented for several reasons."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction effectively introduces the topic and presents the writer’s perspective. However, it lacks a clear outline of the main points that will be discussed in the essay. Adding a brief summary of the key reasons or arguments to be presented could enhance the clarity of the essay’s structure, aiding the reader in following the subsequent arguments.
    • Improved example: "Opinions on the necessity of rules for children vary, especially when comparing countries with strict behavioral expectations to those with more permissive approaches. In this essay, I will argue that strict regulations are crucial for fostering discipline, order, and a sense of community among children."
  2. Quoted text: "Conversely, permissive regulations can inadvertently encourage people to engage in criminal acts. When there are minimal rules and restrictions, individuals may exploit this freedom for personal gain or to harm others. A prominent example of this is the loose regulations surrounding gun ownership in the United States, where citizens are entitled to possess firearms for self-defense."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The writer effectively presents the contrast between strict and permissive regulations. However, the example provided, while relevant, introduces a complex issue (gun ownership in the United States) that may distract from the main focus. To enhance clarity, it would be advisable to choose a more straightforward example that directly supports the argument without introducing additional complexities.
    • Improved example: "Conversely, lenient regulations may inadvertently lead to undesirable consequences. For instance, when there are minimal rules, individuals might exploit this freedom, posing risks to public safety. A clear illustration of this is the absence of speed limits on certain roads, where drivers might excessively speed, endangering themselves and others."
  3. Quoted text: "In conclusion, I firmly support the notion that a country should enforce strict regulations of behavior for children. Striking a balance between freedom and necessary guidelines is crucial to ensure the healthy development and well-being of children and to maintain a safe and orderly society."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The conclusion effectively restates the writer’s position and summarizes the main argument. However, it would benefit from a concise recapitulation of the key reasons or examples presented in the body paragraphs. This would reinforce the essay’s overall coherence and provide a strong ending.
    • Improved example: "In conclusion, advocating for strict regulations for children is vital. By striking a balance between freedom and necessary guidelines, societies can ensure the healthy development of children, fostering a safe and orderly environment. The establishment of discipline, order, and a sense of responsibility, as discussed earlier, underscores the importance of such regulations."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay logically organizes information and ideas, maintaining a clear progression throughout. There is a consistent central topic within each paragraph. The use of cohesive devices is varied and appropriate, although there may be some minor instances of under- or over-use. Paragraphing is generally sufficient and appropriate, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider reinforcing the use of cohesive devices to ensure a seamless flow between sentences and paragraphs. Pay attention to maintaining a consistent balance in the use of these devices. Additionally, ensure that referencing and substitution are clear and accurate throughout the essay. Overall, further refinement in cohesion will contribute to a more polished and cohesive piece of writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable use of vocabulary, incorporating a wide range of words fluently and flexibly. The writer skillfully employs uncommon lexical items to convey precise meanings. While there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, they are minor and do not significantly impede comprehension. The essay maintains a sophisticated control of lexical features, and errors appear only as rare ‘slips.’
How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource, focus on refining word choice and collocation. Occasionally, there are minor inaccuracies, so thorough proofreading can help identify and correct these slips. Consider experimenting with even more diverse and sophisticated vocabulary to further elevate the lexical quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a wide range of sentence structures, showcasing flexibility and accuracy throughout. The majority of sentences are error-free, with only very occasional errors or inappropriacies. The writer effectively employs a mix of simple and complex sentence forms to convey ideas. The overall control of grammar and punctuation is strong, contributing to the clarity of communication.

How to improve: While the essay is strong in grammatical range and accuracy, a minor improvement could be made by ensuring consistency in the use of verb tenses. Double-check for any instances where tenses may shift unintentionally, ensuring a seamless flow of ideas. Additionally, consider incorporating more varied vocabulary to further enhance the depth and richness of expression. Overall, maintaining the high standard demonstrated in this essay will contribute to even greater precision and sophistication in language use.

Bài sửa mẫu

Opinions differ regarding the extent to which children should be required to follow rules, especially when comparing countries with strict behavioral expectations to those with more permissive approaches. In my view, implementing strict regulations is crucial for several reasons.

Rigorous behavioral regulations can yield myriad advantages for children. First and foremost, they contribute to the establishment of discipline and order. Through adherence to rules, children acquire an understanding of the significance of respecting authority, exercising self-control, and adhering to established routines. This cultivates a robust work ethic and a sense of responsibility from an early stage. For instance, in countries like Japan, children are expected to respect authority figures, follow school rules, and participate in communal activities such as cleaning their classrooms and serving meals to their classmates. These practices foster a sense of community and responsibility.

Conversely, lenient regulations may inadvertently incentivize individuals to commit criminal acts. In the absence of stringent rules and restrictions, individuals may exploit this freedom for personal gain or to inflict harm on others. An illustrative instance of this phenomenon is the lax regulation of gun ownership in the United States, where citizens are entitled to possess firearms for self-defense. While this right is intended to offer protection, some individuals exploit it for personal retribution. This has resulted in tragic consequences, as seen in cases of mass shootings and gun violence.

In conclusion, I firmly support the notion that a country should enforce strict regulations of behavior for children. Striking a balance between freedom and necessary guidelines is crucial to ensure the healthy development and well-being of children and to maintain a safe and orderly society.

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