In some countries, crime rates are increasing. What are the causes of this problem? What can be done about it ?

Criminal issues have sparked extensive consideration worldwide.Nowadays, crime rate is at an alarming level. Perhaps the main contributing factor to this issue is the sense of desire and unemployment. But hopefully, this issue can be
solved by providing training programmes as well as putting more strict legislation.

One of the notable contributors to the increasing crime rate is desire. Due to the fact that many people are not satisfied with what they have and want to fulfill their needs. This will motivate them to find out the way to make money quickly which results in the high possibility to commit crime. To specific, many businessmen who want to get rich fast will evade taxes which will harm the nation and will be convicted of tax evasion crimes. Thus, it is undeniable that desire is the fundamental manner but it also the main cause of numerous illegal activities.

Another factor that leads to the increasing number of offender is that more and more people are unemployed. Without the permanent Jub, they are not able to maintain daily life. It results in they need to commit minor crimes such as pickpocketing and shoplifting in order to earn enough money. Little by little, commiting crime becomes a habit and people tend to engage in more serious illegal activities with the desire to make more money.

To remedy the situation, the government should provide residents with free training programmes. Because many people are grown up in poor circumstances, they can not have opportunity to gain sufficient education. Free training programmes ensure that all people are able to earn money by themselves. Besides, enforcing stricter legislation also prevents people from wrongdoing to make a profit quickly. For instance, the crime rate of Finland decreased 30% after they public new financial policies.

To conclude, this issue is really hard to cope with .
But maybe it can be solved if the government offer free training for all residents and prevent people who want to take part in criminal activities by adopting more stricter law.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Criminal issues have sparked extensive consideration worldwide.Nowadays," -> "Criminal issues have garnered extensive global attention"
Explanation: The phrase "garnered extensive global attention" is more precise and formal, replacing the informal and vague "sparked extensive consideration worldwide."
"crime rate is at an alarming level" -> "crime rates are at alarming levels"
Explanation: Using "rates" instead of "rate" corrects the grammatical error and pluralizes "levels" to match the plural subject "rates," enhancing the formality and accuracy.
"the sense of desire and unemployment" -> "desire and unemployment"
Explanation: Removing "the sense of" simplifies the phrase, making it more direct and appropriate for academic writing.
"But hopefully, this issue can be solved" -> "However, this issue can be addressed"
Explanation: "However" is a more formal transition than "But," and "addressed" is a more precise term than "solved" in this context.
"putting more strict legislation" -> "enacting stricter legislation"
Explanation: "Enacting" is a more precise and formal verb than "putting," and "stricter" is grammatically correct compared to "more strict."
"One of the notable contributors to the increasing crime rate is desire." -> "One notable contributor to the rising crime rate is desire."
Explanation: Removing "the" before "notable" corrects the article usage, and "rising" is a more formal synonym for "increasing."
"Due to the fact that many people are not satisfied with what they have and want to fulfill their needs." -> "Because many individuals are dissatisfied with their current circumstances and seek to fulfill their needs."
Explanation: "Because" is more formal than "Due to the fact that," and "individuals" is more precise than "people." Also, "current circumstances" is more specific than "what they have."
"This will motivate them to find out the way to make money quickly" -> "This motivates them to find ways to earn money quickly"
Explanation: "Motivates" is a more direct verb form, and "find ways to earn money" is more precise and formal than "find out the way to make money."
"To specific, many businessmen who want to get rich fast will evade taxes" -> "Specifically, many entrepreneurs seeking rapid wealth often evade taxes"
Explanation: "Specifically" is the correct form, and "entrepreneurs seeking rapid wealth" is more formal and precise than "businessmen who want to get rich fast."
"Without the permanent Jub, they are not able to maintain daily life." -> "Without a permanent job, they are unable to sustain their daily lives."
Explanation: "A permanent job" corrects the typo "Jub," and "sustain their daily lives" is more formal and appropriate than "maintain daily life."
"It results in they need to commit minor crimes" -> "This leads them to commit minor crimes"
Explanation: "This leads them to" is a more direct and formal expression than "It results in they need to."
"commiting crime becomes a habit" -> "committing crime becomes a habit"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error "commiting" to "committing."
"the government should provide residents with free training programmes" -> "the government should offer free training programs to residents"
Explanation: "Offer" is more formal than "provide," and "programs" is the correct plural form in American English.
"Because many people are grown up in poor circumstances" -> "Because many individuals are raised in impoverished circumstances"
Explanation: "Raised" is more formal than "grown up," and "impoverished" is a more precise term than "poor."
"public new financial policies" -> "introduce new financial policies"
Explanation: "Introduce" is the correct verb for implementing policies, and "new" should not be repeated before "financial policies."
"But maybe it can be solved" -> "However, it may be addressed"
Explanation: "However" is a more formal transition than "But," and "may be addressed" is a more formal and tentative expression than "can be solved."
"the government offer free training for all residents" -> "the government offers free training to all residents"
Explanation: "Offers" corrects the verb tense to match the singular subject "government," and "to" is the correct preposition for the purpose of training.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt by identifying causes of increasing crime rates (desire and unemployment) and proposing solutions (training programs and stricter legislation). However, the exploration of causes could be more nuanced, particularly regarding how desire manifests in different socioeconomic contexts. The mention of tax evasion as a crime committed by businessmen is relevant but could benefit from further elaboration to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the essay could include a broader range of causes, such as social inequality or lack of community support systems. Additionally, providing more specific examples of how these causes lead to crime would enhance the depth of analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that crime rates are increasing due to desire and unemployment, and it suggests solutions. However, the phrasing in some sections, such as "it is undeniable that desire is the fundamental manner," could be clearer. The conclusion also introduces a slight ambiguity with "this issue is really hard to cope with," which may detract from the overall assertiveness of the position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should use more definitive language and avoid vague phrases. Strengthening the conclusion to reiterate the main points and assert the proposed solutions more forcefully would enhance clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about the causes of crime and potential solutions, but the development of these ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, the discussion on unemployment could be expanded to include statistics or studies that illustrate the correlation between unemployment rates and crime. The examples provided, such as the case of Finland, are relevant but lack detailed context or analysis.
- How to improve: To effectively present, elaborate, and substantiate ideas, the writer should include more detailed examples and data to support claims. Expanding on how training programs can specifically address unemployment and detailing the mechanisms of stricter legislation would provide a more robust argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the causes of increasing crime rates and potential solutions. However, there are moments where the connection between ideas could be clearer, such as the transition from discussing desire to unemployment. The phrase "to specific" is awkward and detracts from the flow, which could confuse readers about the main point being made.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that transitions between ideas are smooth and logical. Using linking phrases and ensuring that each paragraph clearly relates back to the main question will help keep the essay on topic. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing will enhance clarity and coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and presents a coherent argument, it would benefit from deeper analysis, clearer language, and more structured support for its claims.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing causes, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing desire as a cause of crime to unemployment feels abrupt. The ideas are generally connected, but the relationships between them could be more explicitly stated. For example, linking the discussion of desire directly to how it leads to unemployment would enhance the logical progression.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that outline the main idea. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Consequently" can help clarify the relationships between ideas and guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. However, the second paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on desire and the other on unemployment. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each cause without overcrowding a single paragraph. The conclusion, while present, could also benefit from a more structured summary of the main points discussed.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph contains a single clear idea and that related ideas are grouped together. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence and follow it with supporting details. Additionally, the conclusion should succinctly summarize the key points made in the essay, reinforcing the argument and providing a clear takeaway for the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "but," "thus," and "for instance," which help connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing that disrupt the flow, such as "To specific" and "the fundamental manner but it also the main cause." These issues can hinder the reader’s understanding and engagement with the text.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "moreover," "on the other hand," and "as a result." Additionally, ensure that phrases are grammatically correct and clear. For example, instead of "To specific," consider "Specifically." Regular practice with cohesive devices in writing can help improve fluency and coherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance the overall coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "criminal issues," "alarming level," "contributing factor," and "illegal activities." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive, particularly with the word "crime" and its derivatives, which appear frequently throughout the essay. Phrases like "sense of desire" and "permanent job" are somewhat vague and could be expressed with more varied language.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "crime," they could use "criminal offenses," "illicit activities," or "lawbreaking." Additionally, using more specific descriptors, such as "economic hardship" instead of "unemployment," could add depth to the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "sense of desire" could be more accurately expressed as "materialistic desires" or "ambition." The term "to specific" is incorrect and should be "to be specific." Additionally, "the main cause of numerous illegal activities" could be more clearly stated as "a primary driver of various criminal behaviors."
- How to improve: Writers should focus on clarity and specificity in their word choices. They can improve precision by reviewing their vocabulary choices and ensuring that each term accurately conveys the intended meaning. Utilizing a thesaurus to find more precise alternatives can also be beneficial.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "Jub" instead of "job," "commiting" instead of "committing," and "public" instead of "published." These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, practicing spelling common words and terms related to the essay topic can build confidence and reduce mistakes.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of "One of the notable contributors to the increasing crime rate is desire" showcases a clear and effective complex structure. However, there are instances where the sentence structures are repetitive or overly simplistic, such as "But hopefully, this issue can be solved by providing training programmes." This sentence could be more effectively constructed to enhance clarity and sophistication.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that combine ideas, such as using subordinate clauses or varying the sentence openings. For example, instead of starting with "Another factor that leads to the increasing number of offender," the writer could say, "In addition to desire, unemployment significantly contributes to the rising crime rates." This not only varies the structure but also improves the flow of ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, the phrase "Without the permanent Jub, they are not able to maintain daily life" contains a typographical error ("Jub" should be "job") and lacks proper punctuation, which affects readability. Additionally, the sentence "To specific, many businessmen who want to get rich fast will evade taxes" should be "To be specific," indicating a grammatical oversight. Moreover, there are instances of run-on sentences and missing articles, such as "the main cause of numerous illegal activities" where "the" is omitted before "main."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for typos and grammatical errors. Practicing sentence construction and ensuring that each sentence is complete and punctuated correctly will help. Additionally, using grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can provide insights into common mistakes. It would also be beneficial to review the rules surrounding articles and subject-verb agreement, as these are areas where errors frequently occur in the essay.

In summary, while the essay shows potential with some varied sentence structures and relevant ideas, there are significant areas for improvement in both grammatical range and accuracy. By focusing on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical correctness, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Criminal issues have garnered extensive global attention. Nowadays, crime rates are at alarming levels. Perhaps the main contributing factors to this issue are desire and unemployment. However, this issue can be addressed by providing training programs as well as enacting stricter legislation.

One notable contributor to the rising crime rate is desire. Many individuals are dissatisfied with their current circumstances and seek to fulfill their needs. This motivates them to find ways to earn money quickly, which increases the likelihood of committing crimes. Specifically, many entrepreneurs seeking rapid wealth often evade taxes, which harms the nation and leads to convictions for tax evasion. Thus, it is undeniable that desire is a fundamental factor, but it is also a primary cause of numerous illegal activities.

Another factor that leads to the increasingnumber of offenders is the rising unemployment rate. Without a permanent job, individuals are unable to sustain their daily lives. This leads them to commit minor crimes such as pickpocketing and shoplifting in order to earn enough money. Gradually, committing crime becomes a habit, and people tend to engage in more serious illegal activities with the desire to make more money.

To remedy the situation, the government should offer free training programs to residents. Because many individuals are raised in impoverished circumstances, they often do not have the opportunity to gain sufficient education. Free training programs ensure that all people are able to earn money independently. Additionally, introducing new financial policies can help prevent individuals from resorting to wrongdoing in order to make a quick profit. For instance, the crime rate in Finland decreased by 30% after they implemented new financial policies.

To conclude, this issue is indeed challenging to address. However, it may be resolved if the government offers free training to all residents and prevents individuals from engaging in criminal activities by adopting stricter laws.