In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

Globally, the alarming trend of increasing obesity and related health issues is a pressing concern. This essay will explore the causes of these problems, such as the widespread consumption of fast food and the lack of physical activity, and propose effective measures to address them.

There are multiple reasons that lead to health deterioration. Firstly, individuals these days tend to consume an excessive amount of fast food. This type of food is highly convenient and time-efficient, which encourages people to opt for it despite being aware of its harmful effects. As a result, if fast food is not consumed in moderation, this is likely to result in health issues, including obesity or diabetes. Secondly, young people rarely engage in physical activities due to their busy schedules. In contemporary society, individuals are occupied with work and, therefore, do not have enough time for exercise. For example, having to attend evening tuition, many Vietnamese middle schoolers and highschoolers whose parents prioritize academic excellence only have a restricted amount of leisure time for exercises and sporting activities.

However, some feasible measures could be introduced to relieve this problem. One of the solutions is that governments should regulate fast food consumption. This can be achieved by increasing tax rates on fast food sales or launching public awareness campaigns to educate people about the risks associated with unhealthy eating habits. Furthermore, citizens should be incentivized to engage in regular physical activities. Governments should allocate more funds for the construction of sports facilities or organize sports competitions for non-professionals. For example, those with a sedentary lifestyle, such as office workers, may be more motivated to participate in running if they can earn rewards, from medals to monetary awards, in a marathon competition.

In conclusion, the public health is deteriorating due to several reasons, and there are effective solutions that can be implemented to address this serious problem.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Globally, the alarming trend of increasing obesity and related health issues" -> "Globally, the alarming trend of rising obesity and associated health issues"
Explanation: Replacing "increasing" with "rising" and "related" with "associated" refines the language to be more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"This essay will explore" -> "This essay will examine"
Explanation: "Examine" is a more academically appropriate verb than "explore," which can sound too casual for formal essays.
"individuals these days" -> "individuals today"
Explanation: "These days" is colloquial and vague; "today" is more precise and formal.
"highly convenient and time-efficient" -> "highly convenient and efficient"
Explanation: Removing "time-efficient" avoids redundancy, as "convenient" already implies efficiency in terms of time.
"encourages people to opt for it" -> "influences individuals to choose it"
Explanation: "Influences" is a more precise term than "encourages" in this context, and "individuals" is more formal than "people."
"this is likely to result in health issues" -> "this may lead to health issues"
Explanation: "May lead to" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "is likely to result in."
"young people rarely engage in physical activities" -> "young individuals infrequently engage in physical activities"
Explanation: "Infrequently" is more precise than "rarely," and "individuals" is preferred over "people" for formal writing.
"having to attend evening tuition" -> "being required to attend evening tuition"
Explanation: "Being required to" is more formal and precise than "having to," which is somewhat colloquial.
"only have a restricted amount of leisure time for exercises and sporting activities" -> "have limited leisure time for exercise and sports"
Explanation: "Limited" is more concise and formal than "restricted amount," and "exercise and sports" is a more standard phrase than "exercises and sporting activities."
"should be incentivized to engage in regular physical activities" -> "should be encouraged to participate in regular physical activities"
Explanation: "Encouraged" is more appropriate than "incentivized" in this context, as it directly relates to motivation rather than financial or material rewards.
"allocate more funds for the construction of sports facilities" -> "allocate additional funds for the construction of sports facilities"
Explanation: "Additional" is more precise than "more," which is vague and informal.
"organize sports competitions for non-professionals" -> "organize competitions for non-professional athletes"
Explanation: "Competitions for non-professional athletes" is more specific and formal than "sports competitions for non-professionals."
"those with a sedentary lifestyle" -> "individuals with sedentary lifestyles"
Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "those," and "lifestyles" should be plural to match the context.
"may be more motivated to participate in running" -> "may be more inclined to participate in running"
Explanation: "Inclined" is a more formal synonym for "motivated," fitting better in an academic context.
"earn rewards, from medals to monetary awards" -> "receive rewards, including medals and monetary awards"
Explanation: "Receive" is more formal than "earn," and "including" is more precise than "from," which can imply a range that is too vague.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt by identifying causes of increasing average weight and declining health and fitness levels, specifically citing the consumption of fast food and lack of physical activity. The causes are clearly articulated, and the proposed measures, such as government regulation and public awareness campaigns, are relevant and practical. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit connection between the causes and the proposed solutions, particularly in how each measure directly addresses the identified issues.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could explicitly link each cause to its corresponding solution. For instance, after discussing the consumption of fast food, the writer could elaborate on how increasing taxes on fast food might specifically reduce its consumption. This would create a more cohesive argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the relationship between causes and solutions.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, asserting that both the consumption of fast food and lack of physical activity are significant contributors to health issues. The stance is consistent, and the writer does not waver from this perspective. However, the conclusion could be strengthened by reiterating the importance of addressing these issues, rather than simply stating that solutions exist.
- How to improve: To reinforce the position, the writer should consider restating the main argument in the conclusion with a stronger emphasis on the urgency of the problem and the necessity of implementing the proposed measures. This would leave a more impactful impression on the reader.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly and supports them with relevant examples, such as the impact of busy schedules on young people’s physical activity. The use of specific examples, like Vietnamese middle schoolers, adds depth to the argument. However, some ideas could be further extended; for instance, discussing the long-term societal implications of rising obesity rates would add more weight to the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer could include more detailed examples or statistics that illustrate the severity of the problem. Additionally, expanding on the implications of the proposed solutions would provide a more comprehensive view of their potential effectiveness.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing the causes and solutions without straying into unrelated areas. The structure is logical, with a clear progression from identifying problems to proposing solutions. However, the introduction could be more directly aligned with the specific aspects of the prompt, as it mentions "global" trends rather than focusing solely on the countries referenced in the prompt.
- How to improve: To maintain tighter focus on the prompt, the writer should ensure that the introduction explicitly relates to the context of the countries mentioned. A brief mention of how these trends manifest in specific countries would ground the discussion more firmly in the prompt’s requirements and enhance relevance.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and effectively communicates ideas. By making the suggested improvements, the writer could elevate the essay to an even higher level of clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the main issues and the subsequent paragraphs that delve into the causes and solutions. The progression from identifying causes to proposing solutions is coherent and easy to follow. For instance, the transition from discussing fast food consumption to the lack of physical activity is smooth, as both points are linked to the overarching theme of health deterioration. However, while the organization is generally strong, there could be a more explicit connection between the causes and the proposed solutions to enhance the logical flow further.
- How to improve: To improve the logical organization, the writer could include transitional phrases that explicitly link the causes to the solutions. For example, after discussing the causes, the writer could state, "To combat the excessive consumption of fast food, it is essential to implement measures such as…" This would reinforce the relationship between the identified issues and the proposed remedies, enhancing the overall coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with clear topic sentences that introduce each new point. The first body paragraph focuses on the causes of health deterioration, while the second addresses potential solutions. This separation aids readability and allows the reader to easily navigate through the argument. However, the conclusion could be more distinct, as it somewhat blends into the final body paragraph without a clear demarcation.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, the writer should ensure that the conclusion is clearly separated from the body of the essay. This can be achieved by starting the conclusion on a new line and summarizing the main points more succinctly. Additionally, reinforcing the main argument in the conclusion would provide a stronger closure to the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "However," which help to guide the reader through the argument. The use of examples, such as the reference to Vietnamese middle schoolers, adds depth to the discussion. However, while there is a range of cohesive devices, some transitions could be more varied to avoid repetition and enhance the sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "Firstly" and "Secondly," alternatives like "In addition," "Moreover," or "On the other hand" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases that indicate cause and effect, such as "As a result" or "Consequently," would further enrich the essay’s cohesion and clarity.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion overall, there are specific areas for improvement that could elevate the writing to an even higher standard. By enhancing logical connections between ideas, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can achieve greater clarity and sophistication in their argumentation.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "obesity," "health deterioration," "convenient," and "incentivized." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive, particularly in discussing the causes of health issues. For instance, the phrase "fast food" appears multiple times without variation. This limits the overall lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "fast food," alternatives like "junk food," "processed food," or "unhealthy dietary options" could be utilized. Additionally, exploring more advanced vocabulary related to health and fitness, such as "sedentary lifestyle" or "nutritional deficiencies," would enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are instances where precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "health issues, including obesity or diabetes" could be more accurately expressed as "health issues, such as obesity and diabetes," to clarify that these are examples of health issues rather than alternatives.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on the context in which terms are used. For instance, when discussing "busy schedules," it might be clearer to specify that this refers to "academic commitments" for students. This not only improves clarity but also demonstrates a deeper understanding of the topic.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a good level of spelling accuracy, with no significant errors noted. Words such as "deteriorating," "excessive," and "competition" are spelled correctly, contributing to the overall readability of the essay.
- How to improve: While spelling is generally accurate, the writer should continue to practice and proofread their work to maintain this standard. Utilizing tools such as spell checkers or engaging in regular vocabulary exercises can help reinforce correct spelling habits. Additionally, reviewing commonly misspelled words in English can further enhance spelling accuracy.

In summary, to achieve a higher band score for Lexical Resource, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range, ensuring precise usage of terms, and maintaining high spelling standards. Engaging with diverse reading materials and practicing writing with varied vocabulary can significantly aid in these areas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases such as "As a result, if fast food is not consumed in moderation, this is likely to result in health issues, including obesity or diabetes." This showcases the ability to convey complex ideas effectively. However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the phrase "young people rarely engage in physical activities due to their busy schedules" could be rephrased to include more varied introductory clauses or transitional phrases to enhance flow and complexity.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied sentence openings and using a mix of clauses. For example, instead of starting sentences in a similar manner, you could use introductory phrases like "In addition to busy schedules, the rise of technology has also contributed to…" or "Moreover, the convenience of fast food cannot be overlooked." This will not only enhance the variety but also improve the overall coherence of the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For instance, the phrase "the public health is deteriorating" should be corrected to "public health is deteriorating," as "the" is unnecessary in this context. Additionally, punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "such as the widespread consumption of fast food" in the introduction. This would help in clearly separating the clauses and improving readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for unnecessary articles and ensure that noun phrases are used correctly. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will help in achieving greater clarity. Consider revisiting the rules around commas in lists and clauses, and practice with exercises that focus on these areas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, but with targeted improvements in sentence variety and grammatical precision, it could achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Globally, the alarming trend of rising obesity and associated health issues is a pressing concern. This essay will examine the causes of these problems, such as the widespread consumption of fast food and the lack of physical activity, and propose effective measures to address them.

There are multiple reasons that lead to health deterioration. Firstly, individuals today tend to consume an excessive amount of fast food. This type of food is highly convenient and efficient, which influences individuals to choose it despite being aware of its harmful effects. As a result, if fast food is not consumed in moderation, this may lead to health issues, including obesity or diabetes. Secondly, young individuals infrequently engage in physical activities due to their busy schedules. In contemporary society, individuals are occupied with work and, therefore, do not have enough time for exercise. For example, being required to attend evening tuition, many Vietnamese middle schoolers and high schoolers whose parents prioritize academic excellence have limited leisure time for exercise and sports.

However, some feasible measures could be introduced to alleviate this problem. One of the solutions is that governments should regulate fast food consumption. This can be achieved by increasing tax rates on fast food sales or launching public awareness campaigns to educate people about the risks associated with unhealthy eating habits. Furthermore, citizens should be encouraged to participate in regular physical activities. Governments should allocate additional funds for the construction of sports facilities or organize competitions for non-professional athletes. For example, individuals with sedentary lifestyles, such as office workers, may be more inclined to participate in running if they can receive rewards, including medals and monetary awards, in a marathon competition.

In conclusion, public health is deteriorating due to several reasons, and there are effective solutions that can be implemented to address this serious problem.