In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing What do you think are the courses of these problems and what measures should be taken to solve them

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing

What do you think are the courses of these problems and what measures should be taken to solve them

Capacity has been a major concerns in many countries around the world there are numbers of factors to this phenomenons namely the popularity of the dentary lifestyle in the predominant of fast food industry, which can only be solved with a signature family education and governmental policies

To begin with, Scarborough elements that just cause obesity and the reductions in people's Health and Fitness. Firstly, with nowadays fast-paced Economic Development adults have to work for longer hours while children the majority of children have to spend all day starting, leaving them with little time for outdoors activities. Once more, when they're back home after a long day they can sick or relaxation at their finger with computers and TV,. This event this season to real life story among most families interns contribute to significant to significantly to the reduction in individuals overall well-being and weight control. #newparagraph another reason is the dominance of fast food overhaul traditional home cooked meals. Parents, with their time schedule and later time for taking care of their themselves into your turn, easier Choice, however, be high amount of additives and songs and bad calories in fast food which give them the appealing taste, can lead to the accumulations of bad cholesterol and harmful chemicals inside our bodies, which has been scientifically proved to be related to obesity, heart diseases and other health issues. #newparagraph to take all these problems, family and Society needs to take an active role. First of all parents should play an active role in instill when I more healthy lifestyle for themselves and they are children. Home prepared food rather than processed Choice should be a first step, next, children if children see that their parents spend time on sports or outdoor activities important importance of I take lifestyle as well, another important solution should be government car efforts to ensure the employees can have enough time to take care of their family or raising the taxes over companies to make passport allows attractive choices for people,. The tax raised then can be used for program to educate people on more healthy and Balanced Life

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Errors and Improvements:

"Capacity has been a major concerns" -> "Obesity has been a major concern"
Explanation: The term "capacity" is vague and incorrect in this context; "obesity" is the specific issue being addressed. Also, "concerns" should be singular to match the singular subject "obesity."
"numbers of factors to this phenomenons" -> "numerous factors contributing to this phenomenon"
Explanation: "Numbers of" is too informal and imprecise; "numerous" is more appropriate in academic writing. "Phenomenons" is grammatically incorrect; "phenomenon" should be singular to match the singular phrase "each of these factors."
"dentary lifestyle" -> "sedentary lifestyle"
Explanation: "Dentary" is incorrect; "sedentary" is the correct term for a lifestyle with little or no physical activity.
"predominant of fast food industry" -> "predominance of the fast-food industry"
Explanation: "Predominant" is an adjective and incorrectly used; "predominance" is the correct noun form. "Fast food" should be hyphenated when used as an adjective.
"signature family education" -> "comprehensive family education"
Explanation: "Signature" is unclear and inappropriate in this context; "comprehensive" accurately conveys the idea of thorough and inclusive education.
"Scarborough elements" -> "Several factors"
Explanation: "Scarborough elements" is unclear and seems to be a typographical error. "Several factors" is clear and appropriate for introducing multiple causes.
"nowadays fast-paced Economic Development" -> "the current fast-paced economic development"
Explanation: "Nowadays" is too informal; "the current" is more formal and precise. "Economic Development" should not be capitalized in this context.
"all day starting" -> "the entire day studying"
Explanation: "Starting" seems to be a typographical error; "studying" is the intended action. "All day" is informal; "the entire day" is more formal.
"can sick or relaxation" -> "can seek relaxation"
Explanation: "Can sick" is incorrect; "can seek relaxation" correctly conveys the intended meaning.
"This event this season to real life story" -> "This scenario is a common occurrence"
Explanation: The original phrase is unclear and incorrect. "This scenario is a common occurrence" clearly conveys that the described situation happens frequently.
"interns contribute to significant to significantly" -> "thereby contributing significantly"
Explanation: The original phrase is repetitive and grammatically incorrect. "Thereby contributing significantly" is concise and grammatically correct.
"dominance of fast food overhaul" -> "dominance of fast food over"
Explanation: "Overhaul" is incorrect in this context; "over" correctly indicates preference or dominance.
"later time for taking care of their themselves" -> "limited time for self-care"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. "Limited time for self-care" is more concise and clear.
"easier Choice" -> "easier choice"
Explanation: "Choice" should not be capitalized in this context.
"songs and bad calories" -> "large amounts of additives and unhealthy calories"
Explanation: "Songs" is incorrect and unclear; "large amounts of additives and unhealthy calories" accurately describes the content of fast food.
"accumulations of bad cholesterol" -> "accumulation of unhealthy cholesterol"
Explanation: "Accumulations" should be singular to match "accumulation," and "bad" is too informal; "unhealthy" is more precise and formal.
"take all these problems" -> "address all these issues"
Explanation: "Take" is too vague and informal; "address" is more specific and appropriate for discussing solutions to problems.
"instill when I more healthy lifestyle" -> "instill a healthier lifestyle"
Explanation: The original phrase is unclear and contains typographical errors. "Instill a healthier lifestyle" is clear and grammatically correct.
"if children see that their parents spend time on sports or outdoor activities important importance of I take lifestyle" -> "seeing their parents engage in sports or outdoor activities underscores the importance of an active lifestyle"
Explanation: The original sentence is unclear and contains errors. The suggested revision clarifies the meaning and is grammatically correct.
"government car efforts" -> "governmental efforts"
Explanation: "Car" seems to be a typographical error. "Governmental efforts" is the correct term for actions taken by the government.
"passport allows attractive choices" -> "fast-food less attractive options"
Explanation: The original phrase is unclear and incorrect. The revision clarifies that the goal is to make fast food a less attractive option.
"program to educate people on more healthy and Balanced Life" -> "programs to educate people about leading a healthier and more balanced life"
Explanation: "Program" should be plural to match "programs," and "more healthy and Balanced Life" is awkward and incorrectly capitalized. The revision provides a clearer and grammatically correct ending.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 9

Band Score for Task Response: 9

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the question. It discusses the causes of increasing weight and decreasing levels of health and fitness, namely sedentary lifestyles, long working hours, reliance on fast food, and lack of outdoor activities. Additionally, it proposes measures such as promoting healthier lifestyles through family education and implementing governmental policies.
- How to improve: While the essay comprehensively addresses all parts of the question, enhancing clarity and coherence in the structure of ideas would further strengthen the response. Organizing each cause and proposed solution into distinct paragraphs would improve readability.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, advocating for the adoption of healthier lifestyles through both individual and governmental actions. It consistently emphasizes the importance of family education and governmental policies in addressing the issues of increasing weight and decreasing health and fitness levels.
- How to improve: To further enhance clarity, the essay could explicitly state the thesis in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. This would reinforce the stance and leave no room for ambiguity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, though there are instances where elaboration and support could be strengthened. For instance, while it mentions the impact of sedentary lifestyles and fast food consumption on health, providing statistical evidence or examples would bolster the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the depth of discussion, the essay could incorporate relevant studies or statistics to support claims. Additionally, expanding on the consequences of unhealthy habits and contrasting them with the benefits of adopting healthier lifestyles would enrich the analysis.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the causes of increasing weight and decreasing health and fitness levels, as well as proposing solutions to address these issues. However, there are occasional instances of minor deviations or unclear expressions.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should ensure that each paragraph directly contributes to addressing the prompt. Clear topic sentences and logical transitions between ideas would help in achieving coherence and relevance throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents coherent arguments, refining the organization, providing more substantial evidence, and ensuring absolute clarity would further elevate the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of ideas. It starts with an introduction that briefly outlines the issues of increasing weight and decreasing health and fitness levels. The body paragraphs discuss various factors contributing to these problems, such as sedentary lifestyles and fast food consumption, followed by suggested solutions. However, there are instances of unclear expression and disjointed transitions that hinder the overall coherence. For example, the abrupt shift from discussing fast-paced economic development to the dominance of fast food could be smoother.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, focus on maintaining a clear and cohesive flow between ideas. Use transitional phrases to smoothly connect sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and develops it coherently.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs to organize its content, but the structure and effectiveness are inconsistent. There are identifiable paragraphs, but they lack coherence within themselves, often combining multiple ideas without clear separation. For instance, the paragraph discussing the impact of fast food on health combines several points without clear delineation.
- How to improve: Improve paragraphing by ensuring each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Support this idea with relevant details and examples, and conclude the paragraph by linking back to the thesis or transitioning to the next point. This will enhance clarity and readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as transition words like "to begin with" and "another reason," to connect ideas within and between sentences. However, their usage is limited, resulting in a lack of variety and sophistication. Furthermore, there are instances where the connection between ideas feels forced or unclear.
- How to improve: Expand the range of cohesive devices used throughout the essay to include a variety of transitions, pronouns, and conjunctions. This will create smoother transitions between ideas and improve overall coherence. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to strengthen the logical flow of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic level of coherence and cohesion, there is room for improvement in organizing ideas more logically, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices to enhance clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "phenomenon," "predominant," "additives," "accumulations," "cholesterol," and "efforts." However, there is room for improvement in showcasing a broader lexical repertoire to enhance the sophistication of expression.
- How to improve: To elevate the lexical resource, aim to integrate more varied vocabulary that accurately conveys nuanced meanings. Synonyms, idiomatic expressions, and domain-specific terminology can enrich the essay’s vocabulary. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "fast-paced Economic Development," consider alternatives like "rapid economic growth" or "accelerated economic expansion."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay attempts to use vocabulary with precision, there are instances of imprecise word choices or awkward phrasings. For example, "Scarborough elements" seems to be a mistranslation or a misunderstanding, and "overhaul" may not be the most precise term in the context of fast food replacing traditional home-cooked meals.
- How to improve: Strive for clarity and accuracy in word selection. Ensure that each term precisely conveys the intended meaning. Consider revising ambiguous phrases and consulting dictionaries or thesauruses for more suitable alternatives. Additionally, proofreading for coherence can help refine the expression of ideas.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several spelling errors, such as "dentary" instead of "sedentary," "Scarborough" instead of "several factors," "turn" instead of "turn to," and "passport" instead of "healthier options." These errors detract from the overall coherence and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: Implement strategies to enhance spelling accuracy, such as thorough proofreading, utilizing spell-check tools, and practicing spelling through regular writing exercises. Reviewing common spelling patterns and frequently misspelled words can also aid in improving spelling proficiency. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to identify and address spelling weaknesses effectively.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is a noticeable lack of variety in sentence length and complexity, with many sentences being overly long and convoluted. Additionally, there are instances of sentence fragments and run-on sentences which impede clarity and coherence. For instance, the sentence "Once more, when they’re back home after a long day they can sick or relaxation at their finger with computers and TV," is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, the writer should strive for more concise and coherent sentences. This can be achieved by breaking down overly long sentences into shorter, more manageable ones and ensuring that each sentence conveys a single idea clearly. Additionally, employing a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences will add richness to the essay’s structure and improve readability.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a range of grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues, incorrect verb tense usage, punctuation errors, and misspellings. For example, "there are numbers of factors to this phenomenons" should be "there are a number of factors to this phenomenon" and "Scarborough elements that just cause obesity" should be "Several factors contribute to obesity". Moreover, there are inconsistencies in capitalization and punctuation throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, the writer should focus on proofreading the essay carefully to identify and correct errors. Reviewing grammar rules related to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and punctuation usage would be beneficial. Additionally, utilizing writing tools such as grammar checkers and seeking feedback from peers or instructors can help improve overall grammatical accuracy and punctuation proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

**Improved Essay:**

Obesity has been a major concern in many countries, with numerous factors contributing to this phenomenon. The sedentary lifestyle and predominance of the fast-food industry are primary causes, which can only be addressed through comprehensive family education and governmental policies.

To commence, several factors contribute to obesity and declining health and fitness levels. Firstly, with the current fast-paced economic development, adults are compelled to work longer hours, while children spend the entire day studying, leaving them with limited time for outdoor activities. Moreover, upon returning home, they often seek relaxation through computers and TV, further exacerbating the issue. This scenario is a common occurrence among most families, thereby significantly contributing to the reduction in individuals’ overall well-being and weight control.

Another significant reason is the dominance of fast food over traditional home-cooked meals. Due to parents’ busy schedules and limited time for self-care, opting for fast food becomes an easier choice. However, the large amounts of additives and unhealthy calories in fast food contribute to the accumulation of unhealthy cholesterol and harmful chemicals in our bodies, leading to obesity, heart diseases, and other health issues.

To address all these issues, families and society need to take an active role. Firstly, parents should play an active role in instilling a healthier lifestyle for themselves and their children. Opting for home-prepared meals over processed choices should be the first step. Additionally, if children see their parents engage in sports or outdoor activities, it underscores the importance of an active lifestyle. Another crucial solution should be governmental efforts to make fast food less attractive by providing incentives for healthier options. This could involve programs to educate people about leading a healthier and more balanced life, as well as measures such as raising taxes on companies producing unhealthy foods. The revenue generated from such taxes can be used for programs aimed at promoting healthier lifestyles.