In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.
In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city.
Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.
You should write at least 250 words.
For higher education, some students choose to move out to a new city, while others continue living with their parents. While relocation can be associated with certain financial and emotional challenges, I believe the enhanced responsibility and life experience that it offers are more significant.
On the one hand, students who live away from home might have to address several concerns. Chief of these is the increase in their spending as there might be a monthly rent attached to their accommodation and they cannot save on utility and food bills by bulk buying them with their parents. In some instances, this places a financial burden on the students and their family. Another major issue lies in the lack of emotional support. Specifically, those having to relocate might not have the company of old friends or family members who can offer them encouragement and advice in the face of hard times. This explains why some of them suffer from a more profound sense of nostalgia and loneliness.
Nevertheless, the aforementioned drawbacks are outweighed by two compelling advantages. The foremost benefit relates to an independent lifestyle. If university students reside separately with their family, they are generally fully responsible for both their academic and personal lives, gradually becoming more self-reliant when making their own decisions in terms of daily schedules, majors and relationships. Furthermore, students who move out of their hometown are entitled to greater opportunities to enrich their experiences. Noticeably, they can not only explore new locations but also interact with people whose beliefs and values are distinctive to those in their home regions, allowing for an enriched understanding of the world.
In conclusion, there are both advantages and disadvantages if college students relocate to new cities. Personally, I believe the benefits of increased independence and an enhanced perspective on life outweigh the possible drawbacks in terms of finances and emotional stability. That is why families should have an adequate financial plan and provide initial emotional support to their children at the beginning of their university life.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"For higher education" -> "In pursuit of higher education"
Explanation: The phrase "In pursuit of higher education" is more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence. -
"some students choose to move out to a new city" -> "some students opt to relocate to a new city"
Explanation: "Opt to relocate" is more formal and specific than "choose to move out," which sounds somewhat casual. -
"enhanced responsibility and life experience" -> "enhanced sense of responsibility and life experience"
Explanation: Adding "sense of" clarifies that the responsibility is not just a physical act but an emotional and cognitive one, aligning better with academic language. -
"Chief of these is the increase in their spending" -> "The primary concern is the increased expenditure"
Explanation: "The primary concern is the increased expenditure" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial "Chief of these." -
"they cannot save on utility and food bills by bulk buying them with their parents" -> "they cannot benefit from bulk purchasing utilities and groceries with their parents"
Explanation: "Benefit from bulk purchasing" is more precise and formal than "save on," and "utilities and groceries" is a more formal term than "utility and food bills." -
"places a financial burden on the students and their family" -> "imposes a financial burden on the students and their families"
Explanation: "Imposes" is more formal than "places," and "families" should be plural to match the generalization. -
"those having to relocate" -> "those who relocate"
Explanation: "Those who relocate" is more direct and formal, avoiding the awkward construction "those having to relocate." -
"a more profound sense of nostalgia and loneliness" -> "a deeper sense of nostalgia and loneliness"
Explanation: "Deeper" is more academically appropriate than "more profound" in this context, as it directly relates to the intensity of the emotions. -
"The foremost benefit relates to an independent lifestyle" -> "The primary advantage is an independent lifestyle"
Explanation: "The primary advantage is" is more formal and direct than "The foremost benefit relates to." -
"gradually becoming more self-reliant" -> "progressively becoming more self-reliant"
Explanation: "Progressively" is a more formal and precise term than "gradually," fitting better in an academic context. -
"Noticeably" -> "Notably"
Explanation: "Notably" is a more formal adverb than "noticeably," which is slightly less formal. -
"allowing for an enriched understanding of the world" -> "enabling a deeper understanding of the world"
Explanation: "Enabling" is more formal and precise than "allowing for," and "deeper" is preferred over "enriched" for describing the level of understanding. -
"families should have an adequate financial plan" -> "families should establish a comprehensive financial plan"
Explanation: "Establish a comprehensive financial plan" is more specific and formal than "have an adequate financial plan," emphasizing the proactive nature of planning. -
"provide initial emotional support" -> "offer initial emotional support"
Explanation: "Offer" is more formal and appropriate in this context than "provide," which can be slightly less formal.
These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of living away from home during university. The author clearly identifies financial and emotional challenges as drawbacks and elaborates on independence and enriched experiences as benefits. This balanced approach demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic. However, the essay could have included more specific examples or personal anecdotes to further illustrate these points, particularly in the discussion of the benefits.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could incorporate specific examples from personal experience or well-known cases that illustrate the points made. For instance, citing a specific instance of a student who thrived after moving away could strengthen the argument for independence and personal growth.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the benefits of living away from home outweigh the disadvantages. This stance is consistently supported throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion, where the author reaffirms their belief. The use of phrases like "I believe" and "Personally, I believe" helps to reinforce this position.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, the writer could enhance the essay by explicitly stating their position earlier in the introduction. A more assertive thesis statement could set a stronger tone for the argument and guide the reader through the subsequent points.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas well, particularly in the section discussing the benefits of living away from home. The author extends these ideas by explaining how independence leads to self-reliance and personal growth. However, some points, particularly regarding emotional challenges, could benefit from further elaboration or examples to provide a more robust support structure.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the author should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. For instance, discussing specific skills gained from independence or providing statistics on student success rates could add depth to the argument.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing the pros and cons of living away from home in the context of university life. There are no significant deviations from the prompt, and the discussion remains relevant to the question posed.
- How to improve: To ensure continued focus, the writer should review each paragraph to confirm that all content directly supports the main argument. Additionally, using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help maintain focus and guide the reader through the essay’s structure.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the Task Response criteria, with a clear position and relevant arguments. With some enhancements in examples, elaboration, and structure, it could achieve an even higher score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear and logical organization of ideas. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by presenting the two contrasting living situations of university students. Each paragraph is dedicated to a specific aspect of the argument, with the first paragraph addressing the disadvantages of living away from home and the second paragraph focusing on the advantages. This structure allows the reader to follow the writer’s line of reasoning easily. For example, the transition from discussing financial and emotional challenges to the benefits of independence and enriched experiences is smooth and logical.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow further, the writer could consider using more explicit linking phrases between the disadvantages and advantages. For instance, after discussing the drawbacks, a transitional sentence like "Despite these challenges, the potential benefits of living away from home can be substantial" could reinforce the contrast and guide the reader more clearly into the next section.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which contributes to its overall coherence. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, and the use of topic sentences helps to establish the focus of each section. The first paragraph clearly outlines the disadvantages, while the second paragraph presents the advantages. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points and reiterates the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, the writer could improve by ensuring that each paragraph contains a balance of supporting details. For instance, the second paragraph discussing the advantages could benefit from additional examples or elaboration on how independence and new experiences specifically contribute to personal growth. This would not only strengthen the argument but also provide a more comprehensive view of the topic.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand," "Nevertheless," and "In conclusion," which help to guide the reader through the argument. These devices effectively signal shifts in the discussion and clarify the relationships between ideas. The use of phrases like "chief of these" and "another major issue" also helps to organize thoughts within paragraphs.
- How to improve: To further enhance the use of cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to create more nuanced connections between ideas. For example, using phrases like "In contrast," "Moreover," or "Conversely" could add depth to the discussion and highlight the relationships between the points made. Additionally, varying the structure of sentences that introduce examples or elaborations could improve the overall flow and keep the reader engaged.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization, effective paragraphing, and a good use of cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can elevate the essay’s clarity and persuasiveness even further.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms such as "relocation," "financial burden," "emotional support," and "self-reliant." These words effectively convey the author’s points and contribute to the overall clarity of the argument. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "living away from home" is repeated, which could be substituted with synonyms like "residing independently" or "living off-campus" to enhance lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. Keeping a thesaurus handy while drafting could help identify alternatives and prevent repetition.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments where precision could be enhanced. For instance, the phrase "the company of old friends" could be more precisely expressed as "the companionship of familiar peers," which conveys a deeper emotional connection. Additionally, the term "entitled" in "students who move out of their hometown are entitled to greater opportunities" may imply a sense of deserving rather than simply having access to opportunities.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on the context in which words are used. Reviewing the nuances of certain terms and selecting those that best fit the intended meaning will enhance clarity. Engaging with more advanced vocabulary through reading academic articles or essays can also help in understanding context better.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors in the text. Words such as "accommodation," "responsibility," and "nostalgia" are spelled correctly, reflecting a strong command of English spelling conventions.
- How to improve: While spelling is accurate, the writer should continue to practice by proofreading their work and using spell-check tools. Additionally, engaging in spelling exercises or quizzes can further reinforce correct spelling habits, especially for more complex vocabulary.
In summary, the essay achieves a Band Score of 7 for Lexical Resource due to its effective use of a wide range of vocabulary and overall spelling accuracy. By focusing on enhancing vocabulary variety, improving precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can aim for an even higher score in future essays.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "While relocation can be associated with certain financial and emotional challenges, I believe the enhanced responsibility and life experience that it offers are more significant" effectively convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, as seen in "If university students reside separately with their family, they are generally fully responsible…" showcases an ability to express hypothetical situations. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings, particularly with "students who" and "those having to relocate," which could limit the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "students who," you could use phrases like "Those living away from home" or "Individuals who choose to relocate." Additionally, integrating more compound-complex sentences could further enrich the essay’s structure.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For example, the phrase "the increase in their spending as there might be a monthly rent attached to their accommodation" is grammatically correct but could benefit from clearer punctuation. The use of commas is mostly effective, although there are places where additional commas could clarify meaning, such as in "In conclusion, there are both advantages and disadvantages if college students relocate to new cities." The phrase "if college students relocate to new cities" could be better punctuated for clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation, focus on reviewing sentence structures for clarity and flow. Pay particular attention to comma usage in complex sentences to ensure that clauses are properly separated. Additionally, proofreading for minor grammatical slips, such as subject-verb agreement or article usage, can help maintain a high standard of accuracy throughout the essay.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining punctuation will further enhance its quality.
Bài sửa mẫu
For higher education, some students choose to move to a new city, while others continue living with their parents. While relocation can be associated with certain financial and emotional challenges, I believe the enhanced sense of responsibility and life experience that it offers are more significant.
On the one hand, students who live away from home might have to address several concerns. Chief among these is the increase in their spending, as there might be a monthly rent attached to their accommodation, and they cannot benefit from bulk purchasing utilities and groceries with their parents. In some instances, this imposes a financial burden on the students and their families. Another major issue lies in the lack of emotional support. Specifically, those who relocate might not have the company of old friends or family members who can offer them encouragement and advice in the face of hard times. This explains why some of them suffer from a deeper sense of nostalgia and loneliness.
Nevertheless, the aforementioned drawbacks are outweighed by two compelling advantages. The primary advantage is an independent lifestyle. If university students reside separately from their family, they are generally fully responsible for both their academic and personal lives, progressively becoming more self-reliant when making their own decisions in terms of daily schedules, majors, and relationships. Furthermore, students who move out of their hometown are entitled to greater opportunities to enrich their experiences. Notably, they can not only explore new locations but also interact with people whose beliefs and values are distinctive from those in their home regions, enabling a deeper understanding of the world.
In conclusion, there are both advantages and disadvantages if college students relocate to new cities. Personally, I believe the benefits of increased independence and an enhanced perspective on life outweigh the possible drawbacks in terms of finances and emotional stability. That is why families should establish a comprehensive financial plan and offer initial emotional support to their children at the beginning of their university life.
