In the 21st century, more and more females are career women. They spend more time at work than at home. Most of them can earn enough to have a housemaid and to eat out. Some people believe that children especially girls, don’t need to learn how to cook or do housework anymore. 3 Write an essay to discuss to what extent you agree or disagree with this opinion. Use specific 2 reasons and examples to support your answer. You should write at least 250 words. Your response will Fulfillment, Organization, Vocabulary and Grammar.

In the 21st century, more and more females are career women. They spend more time at work than at home. Most of them can earn enough to have a housemaid and to eat out. Some people believe that children especially girls, don't need to learn how to cook or do housework anymore. 3 Write an essay to discuss to what extent you agree or disagree with this opinion. Use specific 2 reasons and examples to support your answer. You should write at least 250 words. Your response will Fulfillment, Organization, Vocabulary and Grammar.

In recent years, advancements in economic society have led a number of parents to believe that their young ones especially girls do not need to learn household chores or cooking. I strongly disagree with this idea.

The first reason for this is that learning how to do housework regardless of gender, wealth or poverty, helps to evolve responsibility and independence in the young mind. In particular, it supports children's understanding. As children acquire the knowledge of preparing nutritious meals, as well as doing chores, these offspring will learn to take care of themselves and contribute to the development of important life skills – which are not only practical but also develop self-reliance. Such abilities are essential for navigating life's challenges and contribute significantly to their overall development and future success.
In addition to the reason above, I also believe that educating kids to do house chores will enhance family affection and cultural preservation. In particular, cooking and sharing meals is not only about tastement, but is also essential for maintaining family traditions and cultural heritage. For instance, by involving children in the preparation of recipes and teaching them cooking techniques, families not only foster a deeper emotional connection but also ensure the continuity of cultural practices.
Furthermore, it is also possible to develop the necessary expertise such as teamwork or prioritization. Besides, having experience with domestic chores can be helpful in an emergency. Even if you have a maid or dine out frequently, there may still be occasions when you need to cook and tidy up after your own meals. If your children know these things, they will be better prepared to handle unforeseen circumstances or to ensure their own well-being, as well as that of their loved ones.

To recapitulate, I do believe that picking up housekeeping tasks or culinary techniques is required for children including girls. Although the way we manage household chores has changed, it is important to teach these skills because they teach responsibility, strengthen family bonds, and prepare children for unexpected situations. Therefore, continuing to teach children how to cook, do housework, and take care of themself regarding gender.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "led a number of parents to believe" -> "has led many parents to believe"
   Explanation: The use of "has led" instead of "led" corrects the tense to match the present context, enhancing the formal tone and clarity of the sentence.

2. "their young ones especially girls" -> "their children, particularly girls"
   Explanation: "Young ones" is informal and vague; "children" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing. "Particularly" is also more formal than "especially."

3. "do not need to learn" -> "need not learn"
   Explanation: "Need not" is a more formal alternative to "do not need," aligning better with academic style.

4. "housework regardless of gender, wealth or poverty" -> "household chores regardless of gender, socioeconomic status, or poverty"
   Explanation: "Household chores" is more specific than "housework," and "socioeconomic status" is a more precise term than "wealth or poverty," which is too simplistic and imprecise.

5. "helps to evolve responsibility and independence" -> "helps to develop responsibility and independence"
   Explanation: "Evolve" is not typically used in this context; "develop" is the correct term for describing the growth of skills or traits.

6. "supports children’s understanding" -> "enhances children’s understanding"
   Explanation: "Enhances" is a more precise and academically appropriate verb than "supports" in this context.

7. "offspring" -> "children"
   Explanation: "Offspring" is less commonly used in this context and can sound overly formal or archaic; "children" is straightforward and appropriate.

8. "not only practical but also develop self-reliance" -> "not only practical but also fosters self-reliance"
   Explanation: "Fosters" is a more precise verb than "develop" in this context, indicating the nurturing of self-reliance.

9. "educating kids to do house chores" -> "educating children to perform household chores"
   Explanation: "Kids" is informal and "house chores" is less formal; "children" and "household chores" are more suitable for academic writing.

10. "tastement" -> "taste"
    Explanation: "Tastement" is not a word; "taste" is the correct term.

11. "Besides, having experience with domestic chores can be helpful in an emergency" -> "Furthermore, having experience with domestic chores can be advantageous in emergency situations"
    Explanation: "Besides" is less formal and "advantageous" is more precise than "helpful" in this context, and "emergency situations" is more formal than "an emergency."

12. "If your children know these things, they will be better prepared to handle unforeseen circumstances or to ensure their own well-being, as well as that of their loved ones" -> "If your children are familiar with these tasks, they will be better equipped to manage unforeseen situations and ensure their own well-being and that of their loved ones"
    Explanation: "Familiar with" is more precise than "know these things," and "better equipped" is more formal than "better prepared." Also, "manage" is more specific than "handle" in this context.

13. "picking up housekeeping tasks or culinary techniques" -> "acquiring household management skills or culinary techniques"
    Explanation: "Acquiring" is more formal and precise than "picking up," and "household management skills" is a more comprehensive and formal term than "housekeeping tasks."

14. "take care of themself" -> "take care of themselves"
    Explanation: "Themself" is grammatically incorrect; "themselves" is the correct form for the plural subject "children."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the necessity of teaching children, particularly girls, household skills such as cooking and doing chores. The author presents a clear disagreement with the notion that these skills are no longer necessary. The two main reasons provided—development of responsibility and independence, and the enhancement of family affection and cultural preservation—are relevant and well-articulated. However, the essay could be improved by explicitly stating the extent of agreement or disagreement in the introduction, as the prompt asks for a discussion of this nature.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly state their position on the extent of agreement or disagreement in the introduction. Additionally, they could consider addressing potential counterarguments to provide a more balanced discussion.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position against the idea that children do not need to learn household skills. The author consistently supports this stance throughout the essay, reinforcing their argument with relevant examples. However, the conclusion could be more assertive in reiterating the position taken, as it somewhat dilutes the strength of the argument.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the conclusion should restate the author’s stance more emphatically. Using phrases such as "I firmly believe" or "It is essential" can help reinforce the position taken throughout the essay.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The ideas presented are relevant and well-supported with examples. The first point about responsibility and independence is well-developed, and the discussion on family affection and cultural preservation is insightful. However, the essay could benefit from more specific examples or personal anecdotes to illustrate these points further. The mention of teamwork and emergency preparedness is a good addition, but it feels somewhat disconnected from the main arguments.
  • How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should provide specific examples or anecdotes that illustrate the points made. For instance, sharing a personal experience or a well-known cultural practice related to cooking could enhance the argument. Additionally, ensuring that all points are closely tied to the main thesis will create a more cohesive essay.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the importance of teaching household skills to children. There are minor deviations, such as the mention of teamwork and emergency preparedness, which, while relevant, could be more closely tied to the main argument. The essay does not wander off-topic, but some points could be more directly related to the central thesis.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly supports the main argument. They could consider outlining their main points before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall thesis. Additionally, minimizing tangential ideas will help keep the essay tightly focused on the topic at hand.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task requirements and presents a well-structured argument. With some refinements in clarity, support, and focus, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the notion that children, especially girls, do not need to learn household chores or cooking. The introduction effectively sets the context and states the writer’s position. Each body paragraph addresses a specific reason supporting the thesis, which helps in maintaining a logical flow. For example, the first paragraph discusses the development of responsibility and independence, while the second focuses on family affection and cultural preservation. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother; for instance, the connection between the second and third reasons feels abrupt.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases to link ideas more fluidly. For instance, after discussing family affection, you could introduce the next point with a phrase like, "Moreover, the skills learned through household chores also prepare children for unexpected situations." This would create a more cohesive flow between paragraphs.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct point. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are clearly delineated. However, the conclusion could be more impactful if it succinctly summarized the main points discussed rather than introducing new ideas, such as the mention of gender at the end, which feels somewhat disconnected from the rest of the essay.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the conclusion, summarize the key arguments made in the body paragraphs without introducing new information. For example, you might say, "In conclusion, teaching children essential life skills such as cooking and household chores fosters responsibility, enhances family bonds, and equips them for future challenges."

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "in addition," "for instance," and "furthermore." These devices help in linking ideas and providing examples. However, the essay could benefit from a wider variety of cohesive devices to enhance clarity and coherence. For example, the phrase "in particular" is used multiple times, which can make the writing feel repetitive.
  • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a mix of synonyms and alternative phrases. Instead of repeating "in particular," you could use "specifically," "notably," or "especially" to maintain reader interest. Additionally, varying the structure of sentences can help improve the overall flow. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "In addition," try beginning some with "Moreover," or "Additionally," to create a more dynamic reading experience.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. Words like "responsibility," "independence," "nutritious," "cultural heritage," and "self-reliance" are used effectively. However, the range is somewhat limited, and there are instances of repetition, such as the use of "children" and "housework" multiple times without variation. This indicates a need for more synonyms or varied expressions to enhance the lexical diversity.
  • How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating synonyms and related phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "children," you could use "youth," "youngsters," or "offspring." Additionally, instead of "housework," consider terms like "domestic tasks," "household responsibilities," or "home management." This will not only enrich the vocabulary but also make the writing more engaging.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, the phrase "advancements in economic society" could be better articulated as "advancements in the economy" or "economic progress," which would convey the intended meaning more clearly. Additionally, "tastement" appears to be a typographical error or misuse, as the correct term should be "taste" or "tastefulness."
  • How to improve: Focus on selecting words that accurately convey the intended meaning. For instance, when discussing the importance of cooking, instead of saying "tastement," you could say "culinary enjoyment" or simply "taste." Reading more academic or formal texts can help in understanding contextually appropriate vocabulary.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "tastement" and "themself," which should be "themselves." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After completing the essay, take a break and then review it with fresh eyes, focusing specifically on spelling. Additionally, using spell-check tools or writing software can help catch errors before submission. Regular practice with vocabulary lists and spelling exercises can also be beneficial in improving overall spelling skills.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, enhancing the range of vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and improving spelling accuracy will contribute to a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "In particular, it supports children’s understanding" and "Even if you have a maid or dine out frequently, there may still be occasions when you need to cook and tidy up after your own meals" exhibit a good command of complex sentence formation. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as starting multiple sentences with "In particular" and "For instance," which can detract from the overall variety.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider using a mix of different introductory phrases and varying the order of clauses. For example, instead of repeatedly using "In particular," you could use alternatives like "Moreover," "Additionally," or "Furthermore." Additionally, incorporating more varied sentence lengths can enhance the rhythm and flow of the essay.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are several errors that affect clarity and coherence. For instance, the phrase "advancements in economic society" could be more clearly stated as "advancements in the economy." Furthermore, the sentence "these offspring will learn to take care of themselves" is slightly awkward; using "children" instead of "offspring" would be more appropriate in this context. Punctuation errors, such as missing commas in "young ones especially girls" (which should be "young ones, especially girls") also detract from the overall quality.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure that modifiers are placed correctly. Regularly reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding commas and conjunctions, can also help. Reading the essay aloud can assist in identifying areas where pauses (commas) are necessary for clarity. Additionally, consider revising awkward phrases for more natural expressions, which can enhance readability.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, advancements in economic society have led a number of parents to believe that their young ones, especially girls, do not need to learn household chores or cooking. I strongly disagree with this idea.

The first reason for this is that learning how to do housework, regardless of gender, wealth, or poverty, helps to develop responsibility and independence in young minds. In particular, it enhances children’s understanding. As children acquire the knowledge of preparing nutritious meals, as well as doing chores, they will learn to take care of themselves and contribute to the development of important life skills—which are not only practical but also foster self-reliance. Such abilities are essential for navigating life’s challenges and contribute significantly to their overall development and future success.

In addition to the reason above, I also believe that educating kids to do household chores will enhance family affection and cultural preservation. In particular, cooking and sharing meals is not only about taste, but is also essential for maintaining family traditions and cultural heritage. For instance, by involving children in the preparation of recipes and teaching them cooking techniques, families not only foster a deeper emotional connection but also ensure the continuity of cultural practices.

Furthermore, it is also possible to develop necessary expertise such as teamwork and prioritization. Besides, having experience with domestic chores can be advantageous in emergencies. Even if you have a maid or dine out frequently, there may still be occasions when you need to cook and tidy up after your own meals. If your children are familiar with these tasks, they will be better equipped to manage unforeseen situations and ensure their own well-being, as well as that of their loved ones.

To recapitulate, I believe that acquiring household management skills or culinary techniques is essential for children, including girls. Although the way we manage household chores has changed, it is important to teach these skills because they teach responsibility, strengthen family bonds, and prepare children for unexpected situations. Therefore, continuing to educate children on how to cook, do housework, and take care of themselves is crucial, regardless of gender.