In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of aging populations.

In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing.
What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of aging populations.

Currently, the increase in average human lifespan is a good sign. However, this is also the reason why population aging is increasingly common and complicated. This has a significant impact on the sustainable development of many countries.
Population aging put pressure on the labor market and the state budget. Because when human resources in the working age group (15 – 59 years old) are in short supply, government is forced to use large numbers of human resources. year old. Now, instead of retiring, the elderly must continue to work. However, the shortage of young workers can inhibit economic growth, production productivity and innovation.
The aging population causes the social security needs of the elderly to increase. Putting great pressure on the health system and budget of each country. The pension and social security systems will face great pressure. Increase public spending to support the elderly, especially those who are do not have a stable source of income.
Therefore, exploiting and making the most of opportunities and minimizing challenges brought about by population aging in development is extremely important.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Currently, the increase in average human lifespan is a good sign." -> "The increase in average human lifespan is a positive indicator."
   Explanation: Replacing "a good sign" with "a positive indicator" refines the language to be more formal and precise, aligning better with academic style by avoiding colloquial expressions.

2. "this is also the reason why population aging is increasingly common and complicated" -> "this also contributes to the increasing prevalence and complexity of population aging"
   Explanation: The revised phrase "contributes to the increasing prevalence and complexity" is more precise and formal, avoiding the vague and informal "common and complicated."

3. "put pressure on the labor market and the state budget" -> "exerts pressure on the labor market and the state budget"
   Explanation: "Exerts pressure" is a more formal and precise verb choice than "put pressure," which is somewhat colloquial.

4. "government is forced to use large numbers of human resources" -> "governments are compelled to utilize a larger workforce"
   Explanation: "Compelled to utilize a larger workforce" is more formal and specific than "forced to use large numbers of human resources," which is somewhat vague and informal.

5. "Now, instead of retiring, the elderly must continue to work" -> "Consequently, the elderly are compelled to continue working"
   Explanation: "Consequently" provides a more formal transition, and "compelled to continue working" is more precise and formal than "must continue to work."

6. "the shortage of young workers can inhibit economic growth, production productivity and innovation" -> "the shortage of young workers can hinder economic growth, productivity, and innovation"
   Explanation: "Hinder" is more formal than "inhibit," and removing "production" before "productivity" corrects a redundancy, making the phrase more concise and academically appropriate.

7. "The aging population causes the social security needs of the elderly to increase" -> "The aging population leads to an increase in the social security needs of the elderly"
   Explanation: "Leads to an increase" is a more formal and precise expression than "causes the social security needs to increase."

8. "Putting great pressure on the health system and budget of each country" -> "Impacting significantly on the healthcare systems and budgets of each country"
   Explanation: "Impacting significantly" is more formal and precise than "putting great pressure," and "healthcare systems" is a more specific term than "health system."

9. "Increase public spending to support the elderly, especially those who are do not have a stable source of income" -> "Increase public spending to support the elderly, particularly those without a stable income source"
   Explanation: "Particularly" is more formal than "especially," and "without a stable income source" is grammatically correct and more formal than "who are do not have a stable source of income."

10. "exploiting and making the most of opportunities and minimizing challenges" -> "optimizing opportunities and mitigating challenges"
    Explanation: "Optimizing" and "mitigating" are more precise and formal terms than "exploiting and minimizing," aligning better with academic style.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the problems caused by an aging population, such as pressure on the labor market and social security systems. However, it falls short in suggesting specific measures to mitigate these issues, which is a crucial part of the task. The mention of "exploiting and making the most of opportunities" is vague and does not provide concrete solutions.
  • How to improve: To improve, the essay should explicitly outline specific measures that could be taken to address the challenges of an aging population. For instance, it could suggest policies such as increasing retirement age, promoting lifelong learning for older workers, or enhancing healthcare services for the elderly.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat clear position regarding the challenges of an aging population, but it lacks a consistent and strong stance throughout. The initial statement that an increase in lifespan is a "good sign" is not effectively linked to the subsequent discussion of problems, creating a disconnect in the argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the essay should start with a definitive thesis statement that outlines both the positive aspects and the challenges of increased life expectancy. This thesis should be referenced throughout the essay to ensure that the discussion remains focused and coherent.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are somewhat relevant but lack depth and development. For example, while the essay mentions the pressure on the labor market, it does not explore how this could affect different sectors or the economy as a whole. Additionally, the support for these ideas is minimal, with few examples or data to substantiate the claims made.
  • How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the essay should include specific examples, statistics, or case studies that illustrate the impact of an aging population. Expanding on each point with further explanation and evidence will strengthen the argument and provide a more comprehensive view of the issues.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the problems associated with an aging population. However, the lack of specific measures to address these problems leads to a somewhat incomplete response to the prompt.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the prompt. Including a section dedicated to discussing potential solutions, clearly linked to the problems identified, will help keep the essay relevant and comprehensive.

In summary, to improve the overall score for Task Response, the essay should more thoroughly address all parts of the question, maintain a clear and consistent position, present and support ideas with greater depth and specificity, and ensure that all content is directly relevant to the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the implications of an aging population. It begins with an introduction that acknowledges the positive aspect of increased life expectancy but quickly transitions into the challenges posed by an aging demographic. However, the organization could be improved; for instance, the transition from discussing labor market pressures to social security needs feels abrupt. The ideas are somewhat related but could benefit from clearer connections and a more structured progression.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that clearly outline the main idea. For example, after discussing labor market pressures, a transition sentence could explicitly connect this issue to the subsequent discussion on social security, such as: "In addition to labor market challenges, the aging population also significantly impacts social security systems."

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their structure could be more effective. The first paragraph serves as an introduction, while the subsequent paragraphs discuss different issues related to aging. However, the second paragraph is quite long and covers multiple points, which can make it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. Additionally, the conclusion is missing, which is essential for summarizing the key points and providing a final perspective.
  • How to improve: Break down longer paragraphs into smaller, more focused ones. Each paragraph should ideally address a single main idea. For instance, separate the discussion of labor market pressures from the social security needs into distinct paragraphs. Additionally, include a concluding paragraph that summarizes the main points and suggests measures to mitigate the challenges of an aging population.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "because," and "therefore," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be clearer. For example, the phrase "However, the shortage of young workers can inhibit economic growth…" could be better linked to the previous sentence to enhance cohesion.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "in addition," "furthermore," "consequently," and "on the other hand." Additionally, ensure that each sentence flows logically into the next by using phrases that explicitly indicate the relationship between ideas. For example, instead of starting a new sentence with "However," you could say, "Despite the positive aspects of increased life expectancy, the shortage of young workers can inhibit economic growth…"

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to an improved overall score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng:

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng:

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