in the future, the main reason for going to the shopping mall will be for entertainment, not to shop. Do you agree or disagree?

In the modern age, there is always shopping everywhere. however, it is considered that in the future, the shopping mall will be for entertainment not for shopping. in this essay, I will give my opinion, I completely disagree with the argument.
there are many reasons for existing shops in the mall in the future. firstly, going directly to the shop will help people to consider the products, such as shoes they can try to know if the shoes fit their size. Secondly, the cold atmosphere also makes the consumer feel comfortable and finally, if a lot of shops contemporary appear in the same place, it will be convenient for people to buy at the same time.
entertainment in a shopping mall is not always sensible, for instance by having a shop in the mall, the income rises dramatically, but if it just has an amusing place there will be less money for the investors. Having more game areas also means more people have no job because each game just needs one to two people to organize this, but with a supermarket, there will be more employees to help individuals get a job.
I completely believe that. in the future, there still be a shop in the shopping mall and also have more activities such as it

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Errors and Improvements:

"there is always shopping everywhere" -> "shopping is ubiquitous"
Explanation: "There is always shopping everywhere" is redundant and informal. "Shopping is ubiquitous" conveys the same idea more concisely and in a more formal manner.
"it is considered that in the future, the shopping mall will be for entertainment not for shopping" -> "there is a notion that in the future, shopping malls will serve as entertainment destinations rather than primarily for shopping"
Explanation: "It is considered that" is awkward and can be replaced with "there is a notion that." The rest of the sentence is rephrased for clarity and to improve the academic style.
"I will give my opinion, I completely disagree with the argument" -> "I will argue against this viewpoint"
Explanation: The original sentence is repetitive and informal. The suggested alternative is more concise and maintains a formal tone.
"there are many reasons for existing shops in the mall in the future" -> "there are several reasons why shops will continue to exist in malls in the future"
Explanation: "Existing shops in the mall in the future" is unclear and awkward. The suggested alternative clarifies the statement and improves readability.
"going directly to the shop will help people to consider the products, such as shoes they can try to know if the shoes fit their size" -> "visiting a shop allows people to physically examine products, such as shoes, to determine their fit"
Explanation: The original sentence is wordy and lacks clarity. The suggested alternative is more concise and clearer in its expression.
"Secondly, the cold atmosphere also makes the consumer feel comfortable" -> "Additionally, the cool ambiance contributes to consumer comfort"
Explanation: "Secondly" is more appropriately replaced with "Additionally" to maintain a formal structure. "Cold atmosphere" is replaced with "cool ambiance" for a more sophisticated description.
"if a lot of shops contemporary appear in the same place, it will be convenient for people to buy at the same time" -> "the presence of numerous contemporary shops in one location enhances convenience for shoppers"
Explanation: The original sentence is awkwardly constructed. The suggested alternative is clearer and more concise.
"entertainment in a shopping mall is not always sensible" -> "the incorporation of entertainment in shopping malls may not always be practical"
Explanation: "Not always sensible" is vague. The suggested alternative is more precise and maintains a formal tone.
"Having more game areas also means more people have no job because each game just needs one to two people to organize this" -> "Increasing the number of gaming areas may lead to unemployment, as each game typically requires only one or two organizers"
Explanation: The original sentence is unclear and lacks coherence. The suggested alternative provides a clearer and more concise expression.
"but with a supermarket, there will be more employees to help individuals get a job" -> "however, supermarkets can provide more job opportunities due to the need for a larger workforce"
Explanation: The original sentence is confusing and lacks clarity. The suggested alternative is clearer and more concise.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by expressing disagreement with the idea that shopping malls will primarily serve as entertainment venues in the future. However, the argument lacks depth and fails to fully explore all aspects of the question. While the writer states their opinion, they do not thoroughly analyze why they disagree or consider potential counterarguments.
- How to improve: To enhance task response, the writer should delve deeper into the reasons behind their disagreement and provide more nuanced explanations. They should also ensure they cover all aspects of the prompt, such as discussing potential future trends in consumer behavior and the evolving role of technology in retail.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently expressing disagreement with the idea that shopping malls will transition primarily to entertainment venues. The writer’s stance is evident from the beginning to the end of the essay.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, the essay could benefit from reinforcing the stance with stronger supporting arguments and evidence. Additionally, organizing the essay around a clear thesis statement would enhance coherence and strengthen the overall argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas but lacks depth and development. For example, the writer briefly mentions the advantages of shopping directly in stores and the potential negative impact of increased entertainment areas on employment. However, these points are not thoroughly elaborated upon or supported with evidence or examples.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should expand on each idea presented, providing specific examples, data, or personal experiences to bolster their argument. They should also consider potential counterarguments and address them to strengthen their position.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally remains focused on the topic of whether shopping malls will predominantly serve as entertainment venues in the future, there are instances where the discussion veers off track. For example, the writer briefly mentions the income potential of shops versus entertainment areas and the impact on employment, which are tangentially related but do not directly address the main argument.
- How to improve: To stay on topic more effectively, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the central argument and thesis statement. Avoiding tangential discussions and maintaining a clear focus on the prompt will strengthen the overall coherence and relevance of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits some logical organization, with an introduction, body paragraphs presenting arguments, and a conclusion. However, there are areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. For example, the introduction lacks clarity and coherence due to the use of informal language ("shopping everywhere") and a vague thesis statement ("I completely disagree with the argument"). Additionally, there is a lack of smooth transitions between ideas, making it challenging for the reader to follow the progression of thought.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, it’s essential to begin with a clear and concise introduction that introduces the topic and presents a strong thesis statement. Utilize transition words and phrases to guide the reader through the essay smoothly, ensuring that each paragraph flows logically into the next. Consider restructuring sentences and paragraphs to maintain coherence and cohesion throughout the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but their effectiveness is hindered by issues such as lack of topic sentences and coherence within paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a specific aspect of the argument, but the organization is somewhat disjointed, making it difficult for the reader to discern the main points of each paragraph.
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Ensure that all sentences within the paragraph support this main idea cohesively. Consider combining or splitting paragraphs to improve the flow of ideas and maintain unity within each paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates limited use of cohesive devices, such as transitional words and phrases (e.g., "firstly," "secondly") and pronouns (e.g., "it," "this"). While some attempts are made to connect ideas within sentences and paragraphs, the overall use of cohesive devices is insufficient to establish strong coherence and cohesion.
- How to improve: Increase the variety and frequency of cohesive devices throughout the essay to improve coherence. Use a wide range of transition words and phrases to signal relationships between ideas (e.g., cause and effect, comparison, contrast). Additionally, ensure pronouns and referencing words are used effectively to maintain coherence and avoid repetition.

Overall, while the essay presents arguments against the idea that shopping malls will primarily serve as entertainment venues in the future, there are significant areas for improvement in coherence and cohesion. Strengthening the logical organization, paragraph structure, and use of cohesive devices will enhance the clarity and effectiveness of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, though some repetition and simplistic word choices are present. For example, phrases like "shopping everywhere" and "there are many reasons for existing shops" could be improved with more varied and sophisticated language. Additionally, there’s room to diversify terminology related to the topic, such as alternatives for "entertainment" and "shopping."
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider employing synonyms and exploring nuanced vocabulary related to the essay’s themes. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "shopping," try alternatives like "retail," "consumerism," or "commercial activities." Furthermore, aim to incorporate specialized vocabulary related to economics, leisure, and urban development to enrich the essay’s lexical breadth.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally lacks precision in vocabulary usage. For instance, phrases like "the cold atmosphere also makes the consumer feel comfortable" may confuse the reader due to the unclear reference of "cold atmosphere." Additionally, some word choices, such as "contemporary appear" and "amusing place," could be more specific or contextually accurate.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, strive for clarity and specificity in word selection. Instead of vague phrases, provide clear explanations or use terminology directly related to the topic. Additionally, ensure that each word chosen accurately conveys the intended meaning within the essay’s context. Consider revising ambiguous phrases to improve coherence and precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several spelling errors, such as "considered" instead of "consider," "contemporary" instead of "contemporarily," and missing articles ("a" before "shop"). These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-checking tools or proofreading techniques to identify and correct errors before submission. Additionally, practice spelling commonly used words and pay close attention to grammatical structures to minimize errors in future writing endeavors. Regular reading can also help internalize correct spelling patterns and reinforce language proficiency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a limited range of sentence structures, predominantly relying on simple and compound sentences. There is occasional use of complex structures, but they are not consistently employed throughout the essay. For example, "there are many reasons for existing shops in the mall in the future" demonstrates a simple sentence structure. In contrast, "Having more game areas also means more people have no job because each game just needs one to two people to organize this" presents a more complex structure with a dependent clause.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, the writer should incorporate a variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound-complex sentences. This could involve using subordinate clauses, participial phrases, and appositives to provide more sophisticated and varied expressions. For instance, instead of relying solely on simple sentences, the writer could introduce complex sentences to add depth and complexity to their arguments.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation errors throughout its content. For example, "there is always shopping everywhere" should be corrected to "shopping is always present everywhere." Additionally, there are punctuation errors such as missing commas after introductory phrases, as seen in "however, it is considered." Moreover, there are instances of subject-verb agreement issues, as evident in "there are many reasons for existing shops," where "are" should agree with the singular subject "reasons."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and correct word usage. Proofreading the essay carefully to identify and rectify punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect usage of apostrophes, is crucial. Additionally, seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools can help identify and correct grammatical inaccuracies effectively. Furthermore, revising sentences for clarity and coherence can contribute to overall grammatical accuracy and readability.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s world, shopping is ubiquitous, with malls being omnipresent. However, the notion that in the future, malls will primarily serve as entertainment hubs rather than shopping destinations is widely debated. In this essay, I will present my viewpoint, firmly disagreeing with this assertion.

There are numerous reasons why traditional shops will continue to thrive in malls in the future. Firstly, the ability to physically visit a store allows individuals to assess products firsthand, such as trying on shoes to ensure a proper fit. Secondly, the inviting ambiance of a store creates a comfortable shopping experience for consumers. Lastly, the convenience of having multiple shops clustered together simplifies the shopping process for patrons.

While entertainment options in malls may seem appealing, they may not always be financially viable. For example, while a shop generates significant income, purely recreational spaces may not yield the same returns for investors. Additionally, an increase in gaming areas could potentially lead to job losses, as each game typically requires fewer staff compared to a bustling supermarket. By contrast, a diverse array of shops can create more job opportunities and support the local economy.

In conclusion, I firmly believe that in the future, shopping malls will continue to host a variety of stores alongside entertainment offerings. This combination ensures that malls remain dynamic spaces catering to diverse consumer needs.