in the modern world it is possible to shop, work and communicate with people via the internet and live without face-to-face contact with others. Is this a positive any of negative development

in the modern world it is possible to shop, work and communicate
with people via the internet and live without
face-to-face contact with others. Is this a positive
any
of negative development

In today, many people believed that the internet is one
of the most crucial in invention. It obving to the has changed
The way
we shop, work and communicate with others. However,
there are still remain many potential risks due to a way
of life that lack of face to fare
interaction
On the one hand, it can is undeniable that the interns
provided various conveniences and benefits for individuals whe
Lare locked of flexible working schedules. Just by a click
the white-collar workers can work remote remotely from their home,
For instance, in 2019, when the Cavid 19 outbreak,
from primary schools to universities had to change
methods. Online classes were the alterat alterlative
for the traditional classes, which need direct contact.
many
schoole
their teaching
a
which
On the other hand, face-to-face contact abro play
important role in society. Comment Communication and cooperation
skills con
only be evoluted by practical experiences,
never exist in virtual media. Furthermore, without face-to-face
contact lifestyle for causes serious impacts on mental and
physical health. Seldom left the house is
Common factors cause
One
of the mart
obesity and lead to a
sedentary lifestyle
In Laddition, many negative emotion such as lombness, stress,
and isolation might be experienced becousese
with real-life relationships.
the disconnection
In conclusion, It is necessary to enhance the balance
between virtual connection and physical contact. I

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"In today" -> "In today’s society"
Explanation: Adding ‘society’ clarifies the context and makes the sentence more specific and formal.
"one of the most crucial in invention" -> "one of the most crucial inventions"
Explanation: "Crucial in invention" is awkward and ungrammatical. "Inventions" is the correct noun form here.
"It obving to the has changed" -> "It is evident that it has changed"
Explanation: "Obving" is not a recognized word. Replacing it with "it is evident that" improves clarity and formality.
"The way we shop, work and communicate with others" -> "The way in which we shop, work, and communicate with others"
Explanation: Adding "in which" clarifies the relationship between "the way" and the activities listed, adhering to formal style.
"there are still remain many potential risks due to a way of life that lack of face to fare interaction" -> "there still remain many potential risks due to a lack of face-to-face interaction"
Explanation: "there are still remain" is redundant; "a way of life that lack of" is ungrammatical and lacks clarity. "Face to fare" is incorrect, "face-to-face" is the correct term. Consolidating the phrase and correcting grammar improves readability and accuracy.
"On the one hand, it can is undeniable that the interns provided various conveniences and benefits for individuals whe Lare locked of flexible working schedules." -> "On the one hand, it is undeniable that the internet has provided various conveniences and benefits for individuals who are locked into inflexible working schedules."
Explanation: "The interns" is incorrect; "the internet" is the intended term. "Whe Lare locked of" is a typographical error and should be "who are locked into." Correcting these errors improves clarity and accuracy.
"Just by a click the white-collar workers can work remote remotely from their home," -> "With just a click, white-collar workers can work remotely from their homes."
Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and proper structure. Reorganizing and correcting the grammar results in a clearer and more concise statement.
"For instance, in 2019, when the Cavid 19 outbreak," -> "For instance, in 2019, during the COVID-19 outbreak,"
Explanation: "Cavid 19" is a misspelling; "COVID-19" is the correct term. Replacing it enhances accuracy and aligns with standard terminology.
"from primary schools to universities had to change methods." -> "from primary schools to universities had to adapt their methods."
Explanation: "Change methods" is vague; "adapt their methods" is more precise and formal, conveying the idea more effectively.
"Online classes were the alterat alterlative for the traditional classes" -> "Online classes were the alternative to traditional classes"
Explanation: "Alterat alterlative" is a misspelling and incorrect usage. Simplifying to "alternative to traditional classes" maintains clarity and improves readability.
"many schoole their teaching a which" -> "many schools adjusted their teaching methods"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity. Simplifying and restructuring the sentence improves readability and accuracy.
"face-to-face contact abro play important role in society" -> "face-to-face contact abroad plays an important role in society"
Explanation: "Abro" is likely a typo for "abroad." Correcting this typo improves clarity and accuracy.
"Comment Communication and cooperation skills con only be evoluted by practical experiences" -> "Communication and cooperation skills can only be developed through practical experiences"
Explanation: "Comment" is likely a typo and should be removed. "Evoluted" is incorrect; "developed" is a more suitable term in academic writing.
"without face-to-face contact lifestyle for causes serious impacts on mental and physical health" -> "a lifestyle without face-to-face contact causes serious impacts on mental and physical health"
Explanation: The original phrase lacks clarity and grammatical correctness. Adding "a" before "lifestyle" and rephrasing improves readability and accuracy.
"Seldom left the house is" -> "Rarely leaving the house"
Explanation: The original phrase lacks grammatical correctness. Simplifying and rephrasing improves clarity and readability.
"Common factors cause One of the mart obesity and lead to a sedentary lifestyle" -> "Common factors such as obesity lead to a sedentary lifestyle"
Explanation: "One of the mart obesity" is unclear and ungrammatical. Clarifying the sentence structure and removing ambiguity improves readability.
"In Laddition" -> "In addition"
Explanation: "Laddition" is a misspelling; "In addition" is the correct term. Correcting this error enhances readability and professionalism.
"many negative emotion such as lombness, stress, and isolation might be experienced becousese with real-life relationships." -> "many negative emotions such as loneliness, stress, and isolation might be experienced because of a lack of real-life relationships."
Explanation: "negative emotion" should be pluralized to "emotions." "Lombness" is likely a typo for "loneliness." Correcting these errors improves clarity and accuracy.
"the disconnection" -> "this disconnection"
Explanation: Adding "this" clarifies the reference and improves coherence within the sentence.
"It is necessary to enhance the balance between virtual connection and physical contact. I" -> "It is necessary to enhance the balance between virtual connection and physical contact."
Explanation: The sentence fragment "I" at the end is unnecessary and disrupts the flow. Removing it improves the completeness and coherence of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both the positive and negative aspects of living in a world where online interactions dominate. It mentions the convenience and benefits of internet usage for shopping, working remotely, and attending online classes. However, it fails to delve deeply into the potential negative consequences of reduced face-to-face interaction.
- How to improve: To improve, ensure a more balanced discussion of both positive and negative aspects. Consider exploring the implications of decreased face-to-face contact on interpersonal relationships, societal dynamics, and mental well-being.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay struggles to maintain a clear stance throughout. While it acknowledges the benefits of internet usage, it also acknowledges the importance of face-to-face interaction. However, it does not clearly articulate whether the overall impact is positive or negative.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, establish a clear position in the introduction and reinforce it throughout the essay. Clearly state whether the modern trend towards online interaction is viewed as positive, negative, or a combination of both, and provide supporting arguments for the chosen stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas but lacks in-depth development and support. Examples are provided to illustrate the convenience of online work and education, but there is limited elaboration on the potential drawbacks of reduced face-to-face interaction.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, expand on each idea with more detailed explanations, examples, and relevant evidence. Consider exploring how decreased face-to-face interaction impacts social skills, mental health, and overall societal well-being.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay discusses aspects of living in a digitally connected world, it occasionally veers off topic with unclear or irrelevant statements. For instance, there are mentions of the COVID-19 pandemic and obesity, which are not directly related to the topic.
- How to improve: Focus on maintaining relevance to the prompt throughout the essay. Avoid introducing tangential topics and ensure that all points directly contribute to the discussion of the positive or negative implications of internet-mediated interactions.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates some understanding of the topic, there is room for improvement in addressing all parts of the question, maintaining a clear position, extending and supporting ideas, and staying on topic. By refining these aspects, the essay could achieve a higher band score in Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of logical organization, with some clear progression of ideas. However, there are instances of unclear or awkward transitions between ideas. For example, the introduction abruptly shifts from discussing the internet’s importance to mentioning potential risks without a smooth transition. Additionally, some ideas are presented in a fragmented manner, impacting the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure a clear and cohesive flow of ideas throughout the essay. Begin with a clear introduction that sets up the main points to be discussed. Use topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs to guide the reader through each idea. Additionally, employ transition words and phrases to smoothly connect ideas and create coherence between paragraphs.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs to separate different ideas, but the structure and effectiveness vary. Each paragraph attempts to address a different aspect of the prompt, such as the benefits of the internet and the importance of face-to-face interaction. However, some paragraphs lack cohesion and coherence within themselves, with ideas presented in a disjointed manner.
- How to improve: Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. Aim for unity within each paragraph, with all sentences contributing to the central theme. Consider restructuring paragraphs to improve the logical progression of ideas and enhance readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates limited use of cohesive devices, which are essential for maintaining coherence and cohesion. While some basic cohesive devices such as "however" and "on the one hand/on the other hand" are used, they are not consistently employed throughout the essay. As a result, the connection between ideas is sometimes unclear.
- How to improve: Incorporate a wider variety of cohesive devices to establish clear relationships between ideas. These devices can include transition words and phrases (e.g., "furthermore," "in addition"), pronouns to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, and parallel structures to signal relationships between sentences or paragraphs. Practice using cohesive devices effectively to improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some varied expressions used throughout. For instance, phrases like "flexible working schedules," "white-collar workers," "traditional classes," and "sedentary lifestyle" contribute to a diverse vocabulary. However, there are instances where more precise or nuanced word choices could enhance the lexical richness of the essay.
- How to improve: To further enrich the vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms or alternative phrases to avoid repetition and add depth to the expression. Additionally, explore using idiomatic expressions or phrasal verbs where appropriate to add flair to the writing.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally employs vocabulary effectively, there are instances of imprecise word choice that detract from clarity. For example, "many people believed" could be more precise if replaced with "many people consider" or "are of the opinion." Similarly, "mart" appears to be a typographical error instead of "many," which affects the precision of the vocabulary.
- How to improve: Ensure careful proofreading to catch and correct typographical errors that may affect the precision of vocabulary. Additionally, strive for clarity and precision by choosing words that accurately convey the intended meaning in each context.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is a notable area for improvement in the essay. Several spelling errors are present, such as "obving" instead of "owing," "interns" instead of "internet," "alterat" instead of "alternative," "Laddition" instead of "In addition," and "lombness" instead of "loneliness." These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing and can impact reader comprehension.
- How to improve: Utilize spelling and grammar checkers to identify and correct errors before submitting the final draft. Additionally, consider practicing spelling through activities such as word games or flashcards to reinforce correct spelling patterns and improve accuracy over time.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource, there is room for improvement in enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By actively incorporating diverse vocabulary, choosing words with precision, and diligently proofreading for spelling errors, the essay can achieve a higher level of lexical sophistication and clarity.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair attempt at utilizing varied sentence structures, though there is room for improvement. Simple and compound sentences dominate, with occasional complex structures. For example, "It is undeniable that the internet has provided various conveniences and benefits for individuals" showcases a complex sentence. However, more sophisticated structures such as conditional sentences or clauses could enrich the essay’s expression and coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance the essay’s grammatical range and overall quality, incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures is crucial. Introducing conditional sentences (e.g., "If people prioritize virtual interactions over face-to-face encounters, they may miss out on valuable social skills") or complex clauses (e.g., "While the internet offers convenience, it also poses risks") can add depth and sophistication to the writing. Reading diverse materials and practicing writing different sentence structures can help develop this skill.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits some grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies throughout. For instance, "many people believed" should be "many people believe" for present tense consistency, and "obving" should be "obviously." Additionally, there are punctuation errors such as missing commas before introductory phrases ("However, there are still remain many potential risks") and incorrect word forms ("lack of face to fare interaction").
- How to improve: Strengthening grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills is essential for achieving a higher band score. Proofreading the essay carefully to identify and correct errors in verb tense consistency, subject-verb agreement, and punctuation is crucial. Consulting grammar guides or seeking feedback from peers can aid in identifying recurring mistakes and learning how to address them effectively. Moreover, practicing writing exercises focused on specific grammar and punctuation rules can help reinforce these skills.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable grasp of grammatical structures, refining sentence variety and improving grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills will contribute to a more cohesive and polished piece of writing, ultimately enhancing its effectiveness in conveying ideas to the reader.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s society, many people believe that the internet is one of the most crucial inventions. It has changed the way we shop, work, and communicate with others. However, there are still many potential risks due to a lack of face-to-face interaction.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that the internet provides various conveniences and benefits for individuals who are locked into flexible working schedules. Just by a click, white-collar workers can work remotely from their homes. For instance, in 2019, when the Covid-19 outbreak occurred, schools from primary to universities had to change their teaching methods. Online classes became the alternative to traditional classes, which require direct contact.

On the other hand, face-to-face contact plays an important role in society. Communication and cooperation skills can only be evolved by practical experiences, which never exist in virtual media. Furthermore, a lifestyle without face-to-face contact causes serious impacts on mental and physical health. Seldom leaving the house is a common factor that causes obesity and leads to a sedentary lifestyle. In addition, many negative emotions such as loneliness, stress, and isolation might be experienced because of the disconnection with real-life relationships.

In conclusion, it is necessary to enhance the balance between virtual connection and physical contact.