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In the modern world, schools are no longer necessary because there is so much information available through the internet that children can study just as well at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the modern world, schools are no longer necessary because there is so much information available through the internet that children can study just as well at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

While many people argue that students can study from the internet without going to school in this day and age. Personally, I mainly disagree with this perspective because of the irreplaceable advantages that studying school brings to students. In this essay, I delve into the importances of centralized education and social interaction that school contributes to children’s growth.

It is undeniable that there are several advantages that the internet can offer to education activities in the digital ages. Firstly, everyone could participate in distance learning regardless of geography. For instance, children from mountainous areas could access qualified syllabus from domestic and international sources. As a result, children could acquire necessary knowledge for their personal growth. Secondly, courses on the internet offer the flexibility in studying through tools such as online classroom, mobile applications. That helps students utilize their leisure time to update knowledge regardless of places.

On the other hand, in my perspective, onsite studying at school offers several benefits for students such as reliable documents, supervision or social interaction. Firstly, schools provide a centralized education in which children are monitored by qualified teachers and access reliable documents. Therefore, they avoid risks of unreliable documents from pervasive sources on the internet. Additionally, teachers could give feedback and support immediately which helps children surpass difficulty and enhance academic performance more effectively. Another viewpoint related to social interaction when children participate in offline school. They could do team work with classmates or participate in extracurricular activities which enhance soft skills for children. As a result, students find confidence through developing social relations.

In conclusion, although the internet provides several benefits for state-of-the-art education, I firmly believe that the importance of going to school is irreplaceable for children’s comprehensive growth.


 

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. “While many people argue that students can study from the internet without going to school in this day and age.” -> “While there is a prevalent argument that students can pursue their studies online, bypassing the need for traditional schooling in the contemporary era.”
    Explanation: The revised sentence maintains the original idea while using more formal and precise language, avoiding the informal “this day and age.”
  2. “Personally, I mainly disagree with this perspective because of the irreplaceable advantages that studying school brings to students.” -> “Personally, I strongly dissent from this viewpoint due to the indispensable benefits that attending school offers to students.”
    Explanation: The term “mainly disagree” is replaced with “strongly dissent,” providing a more emphatic and formal expression. “Irreplaceable advantages” is replaced with “indispensable benefits” for a more formal and precise tone.
  3. “In this essay, I delve into the importances of centralized education and social interaction that school contributes to children’s growth.” -> “This essay explores the significance of centralized education and social interaction in fostering the growth of children.”
    Explanation: “Delve into the importances” is replaced with “explores the significance” for a more concise and formal expression.
  4. “It is undeniable that there are several advantages that the internet can offer to education activities in the digital ages.” -> “Undoubtedly, the internet presents numerous advantages for educational activities in the digital age.”
    Explanation: The phrase “It is undeniable that there are” is condensed to “Undoubtedly,” and “education activities in the digital ages” is refined to “educational activities in the digital age” for clarity and formality.
  5. “Firstly, everyone could participate in distance learning regardless of geography.” -> “Firstly, individuals can engage in distance learning irrespective of geographical constraints.”
    Explanation: “Everyone could participate” is modified to “individuals can engage,” and “regardless of geography” is replaced with “irrespective of geographical constraints” for a more formal and precise expression.
  6. “As a result, children could acquire necessary knowledge for their personal growth.” -> “Consequently, children can gain essential knowledge for their personal development.”
    Explanation: “As a result” is replaced with “Consequently,” and “acquire necessary knowledge for their personal growth” is refined to “gain essential knowledge for their personal development” for a more formal and precise tone.
  7. “courses on the internet offer the flexibility in studying through tools such as online classroom, mobile applications.” -> “Online courses provide flexibility in studying through tools such as virtual classrooms and mobile applications.”
    Explanation: “Courses on the internet offer the flexibility in studying” is revised to “Online courses provide flexibility in studying,” and specific tools like “online classroom” and “mobile applications” are mentioned for clarity and precision.
  8. “on the other hand, in my perspective, onsite studying at school offers several benefits for students such as reliable documents, supervision or social interaction.” -> “On the other hand, from my standpoint, studying on-site at school offers several advantages, including access to reliable resources, supervision, and social interaction.”
    Explanation: “In my perspective” is replaced with “from my standpoint,” and “benefits for students such as reliable documents, supervision, or social interaction” is refined to “advantages, including access to reliable resources, supervision, and social interaction,” for a more formal and detailed expression.
  9. “Firstly, schools provide a centralized education in which children are monitored by qualified teachers and access reliable documents.” -> “Firstly, schools offer centralized education, wherein students are supervised by qualified teachers and have access to credible learning materials.”
    Explanation: “Schools provide a centralized education” is modified to “schools offer centralized education,” and “in which children are monitored by qualified teachers and access reliable documents” is refined to “wherein students are supervised by qualified teachers and have access to credible learning materials” for precision and formality.
  10. “Additionally, teachers could give feedback and support immediately which helps children surpass difficulty and enhance academic performance more effectively.” -> “Moreover, teachers can provide immediate feedback and support, facilitating students in overcoming challenges and improving academic performance more effectively.”
    Explanation: “Additionally” is replaced with “Moreover,” and “which helps children surpass difficulty and enhance academic performance more effectively” is revised to “facilitating students in overcoming challenges and improving academic performance more effectively” for a more formal and detailed expression.
  11. “Another viewpoint related to social interaction when children participate in offline school.” -> “Another aspect related to social interaction is evident when children engage in traditional, offline schooling.”
    Explanation: “Viewpoint related to social interaction” is replaced with “aspect related to social interaction,” and “participate in offline school” is modified to “engage in traditional, offline schooling” for clarity and formality.
  12. “They could do team work with classmates or participate in extracurricular activities which enhance soft skills for children.” -> “They can engage in teamwork with classmates and participate in extracurricular activities, thereby enhancing soft skills for children.”
    Explanation: “They could do team work” is modified to “They can engage in teamwork,” and “which enhance soft skills for children” is refined to “thereby enhancing soft skills for children” for a more active and formal expression.
  13. “In conclusion, although the internet provides several benefits for state-of-the-art education, I firmly believe that the importance of going to school is irreplaceable for children’s comprehensive growth.” -> “In conclusion, while the internet offers numerous advantages for cutting-edge education, I firmly assert that the significance of attending school is indispensable for the comprehensive growth of children.”
    Explanation: “Although the internet provides several benefits for state-of-the-art education” is revised to “while the internet offers numerous advantages for cutting-edge education,” and “the importance of going to school is irreplaceable” is refined to “the significance of attending school is indispensable” for a more formal and emphatic expression.

 

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: “While many people argue that students can study from the internet without going to school in this day and age. Personally, I mainly disagree with this perspective because of the irreplaceable advantages that studying school brings to students.”
    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction effectively presents your stance, but it lacks a clear roadmap outlining the main points you will discuss. To enhance clarity, consider providing a brief preview of the key reasons supporting your disagreement, such as the benefits of centralized education and social interaction.
    • Improved example: “While many advocate for online learning, asserting that students can study effectively through the internet, I firmly disagree. In the subsequent paragraphs, I will delve into the irreplaceable advantages that traditional schooling offers, focusing on centralized education and the crucial role of social interaction.”
  2. Quoted text: “It is undeniable that there are several advantages that the internet can offer to education activities in the digital ages. Firstly, everyone could participate in distance learning regardless of geography.”
    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your point about the advantages of internet learning is well-stated. However, to improve coherence, consider connecting this idea more explicitly to your overall disagreement. For instance, briefly mention that although the internet has merits, the unique benefits of physical schools outweigh them.
    • Improved example: “While acknowledging the merits of online education, it is crucial to recognize that the advantages of physical schools, as I will argue, surpass the benefits of internet learning. To begin, the internet allows participation in distance learning, irrespective of geographical constraints.”
  3. Quoted text: “On the other hand, in my perspective, onsite studying at school offers several benefits for students such as reliable documents, supervision or social interaction.”
    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: This paragraph effectively introduces the advantages of onsite studying at school. However, it would benefit from a smoother transition between points. Consider providing a sentence that links back to your overall disagreement and previews the specific benefits you’ll discuss.
    • Improved example: “Contrary to the advantages of internet learning, onsite studying at school offers unique benefits, as I will elaborate. These include access to reliable documents, personalized supervision, and crucial social interactions that shape a child’s growth.”

Overall, your essay presents a clear position, and the ideas are generally well-developed. Enhancing the organization and coherence will contribute to a more compelling and logically structured argument.

 

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates coherence and cohesion to a moderate extent. It maintains a general progression of ideas throughout the essay. There’s an attempt to organize information logically, focusing on both the advantages of internet-based learning and the benefits of traditional schooling. The essay is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, contributing to coherence. However, there are moments where the flow of ideas could be smoother, and the connection between sentences and paragraphs feels somewhat mechanical.

There’s an effort to use cohesive devices, but their effectiveness varies. While there is an attempt to link ideas within sentences and between paragraphs, some transitions lack clarity or precision. Additionally, the use of referencing and substitution could be improved to enhance the overall coherence.

The paragraphing is generally sufficient, but there are instances where the organization within paragraphs could be more logically structured.

How to improve:

  • Work on the logical connection between ideas, ensuring a smoother flow of information.
  • Use cohesive devices more effectively to create stronger links between sentences and paragraphs.
  • Pay attention to referencing and substitution for clearer connections between ideas.
  • Focus on more consistent and logical paragraph structuring to enhance overall coherence.

 

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary, utilizing both common and less common lexical items. The writer effectively conveys ideas and maintains coherence. There is awareness of style and collocation, evident in phrases like “centralized education” and “reliable documents.” The essay occasionally exhibits errors in word choice and word formation, such as “importances” instead of “importance” and “syllabus” instead of “syllabi.” Despite these occasional inaccuracies, the overall use of vocabulary is sufficient for flexibility and precision.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim for greater accuracy in word choice and word formation. Additionally, diversifying the vocabulary further by incorporating more sophisticated and precise terms related to the topic would contribute to a higher band score. Proofreading for minor errors and ensuring consistency in the use of language throughout the essay can also elevate the lexical quality.

 

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammatical structures and maintains a generally high level of accuracy throughout. There is evidence of a variety of complex sentence structures, contributing to a sense of fluency. The essay also contains few errors, and those that do occur are minor and do not impede overall comprehension. The use of vocabulary is appropriate and contributes to the clarity of the essay.

However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and a few errors that slightly affect the flow. For example, in the first paragraph, there is a minor issue with the sentence: “Personally, I mainly disagree with this perspective because of the irreplaceable advantages that studying school brings to students.” The phrasing could be improved for better clarity. Additionally, there are a few instances where the essay could benefit from more precise word choices to enhance expression.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy further, the writer should pay careful attention to sentence structure and phrasing. Revision for more clarity and precision in expression is recommended. Additionally, attention to word choice could elevate the overall quality of the essay. A closer review of sentence construction and vocabulary selection will contribute to a smoother, more polished final product.

 

Bài sửa mẫu

While some argue that students can effectively learn from the internet without attending school in today’s digital age, I respectfully disagree with this viewpoint due to the unique advantages that traditional schooling offers. In this essay, I will explore the crucial roles of centralized education and social interaction in fostering children’s development.

Undeniably, the internet presents several advantages for educational activities in the digital era. Firstly, it allows universal access to distance learning, breaking geographical barriers. For example, children in remote mountainous areas can access well-structured curricula from both domestic and international sources, facilitating their intellectual growth. Additionally, online courses provide flexibility through tools like virtual classrooms and mobile applications, enabling students to update their knowledge during leisure time and from any location.

On the contrary, I believe that on-site schooling provides various benefits, including reliable resources, supervision, and social interaction. Firstly, schools offer a centralized education system where students are guided by qualified teachers and have access to trustworthy educational materials. This safeguards them from the potential risks associated with unreliable information on the internet. Moreover, teachers can provide immediate feedback and support, aiding students in overcoming challenges and improving their academic performance more effectively. Another significant aspect is the social interaction that occurs in traditional schools. Through face-to-face learning, students can engage in teamwork with classmates and participate in extracurricular activities, thereby enhancing their soft skills. Consequently, students gain confidence through the development of social relations.

In conclusion, despite the numerous benefits that the internet brings to modern education, I firmly believe that the significance of attending school is indispensable for the comprehensive growth of children.

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