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In the past, most people used to travel to their place of work. With increased use of computers, the internet and smartphones, more and more people are starting to work from home. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development? You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience, and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.

In the past, most people used to travel to their place of work. With increased use of computers, the internet and smartphones, more and more people are starting to work from home.
What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?
You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience, and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.

People nowadays tend to work online along with the increase of digital devices instead of commuting to their workplaces. This controversial tendency brings us many benefits and drawbacks.

On the first hand, working online through devices which are connected to the network can help us cut down the unnecessary costs. For instance, while it takes lots of time and money to travel to the workplace, especially for some people who live far from the company, working from home can mitigate the loss with just a device accessed to the Internet. Moreover, employees can spend more time for themselves and their family. Women in the maternity stage, for example, work online at home so that they have more time to take care of themselves, which is more convenient for theirto their daily activities.

On the other hand, online working can lead to some remarkable disadvantages to the business and employees. The efficiency can be decreased if the worker does not highly concentrate on their work. While using the internet to work can be ideal, some distractions from social media platforms such as videos, games, applications, and so on deter people from doing their tasks. Furthermore, many unexpected problems could happen, which results in negative effects. For example, the interruption of electricity while we are working can trigger the loss of crucial documents or some issues related to contracts are difficult to address at home. Besides, working with digital devices for a long time without doing any exercises may take a toll on our physical health such as backache, eye sickness, and so on. (ý này thì chưa rõ lắm vì làm văn phòng mà thiếu thể dục cũng mang lại tác động tương tự)

In conclusion, the development of working online has many pros and cons for businesses and employees. In my opinion, this issue in some situations can be a positive option and vice versa.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "People nowadays tend to work online along with the increase of digital devices instead of commuting to their workplaces." -> "Contemporary individuals increasingly opt for online work facilitated by the proliferation of digital devices, eschewing traditional commuting to physical workplaces."
    Explanation: Replacing "People nowadays tend to work online" with "Contemporary individuals increasingly opt for online work" elevates the formality of the statement. Additionally, the revised sentence provides a more nuanced description of the shift towards online work.

  2. "This controversial tendency brings us many benefits and drawbacks." -> "This evolving trend presents both advantages and disadvantages."
    Explanation: Substituting "controversial tendency" with "evolving trend" maintains a formal tone while accurately conveying the idea that the shift to online work is a subject of ongoing change. The replacement of "brings us many benefits and drawbacks" with "presents both advantages and disadvantages" streamlines the expression while preserving academic formality.

  3. "On the first hand, working online through devices which are connected to the network can help us cut down the unnecessary costs." -> "Firstly, engaging in online work through network-connected devices can contribute to cost reduction."
    Explanation: The phrase "On the first hand" is replaced with "Firstly" for a more formal transition. Additionally, the sentence is refined for clarity and conciseness by replacing "help us cut down the unnecessary costs" with "contribute to cost reduction."

  4. "For instance, while it takes lots of time and money to travel to the workplace, especially for some people who live far from the company, working from home can mitigate the loss with just a device accessed to the Internet." -> "For example, the considerable time and financial investment required for commuting, especially for those residing at a distance from the workplace, can be mitigated by working from home using only an Internet-connected device."
    Explanation: The sentence is revised to enhance precision and formality. The term "lots of time" is replaced with "considerable time," and "mitigate the loss" is substituted with "can be mitigated." The structure is refined for better flow and clarity.

  5. "Women in the maternity stage, for example, work online at home so that they have more time to take care of themselves, which is more convenient for their to their daily activities." -> "For instance, women in the maternity stage often choose to work online from home, allowing them more time for self-care, a more convenient arrangement for their daily activities."
    Explanation: The sentence is revised to improve clarity and formality. "Women in the maternity stage" is replaced with "women in the maternity stage often choose to," and the phrase "which is more convenient for their to their daily activities" is refined for smoother expression.

  6. "On the other hand, online working can lead to some remarkable disadvantages to the business and employees." -> "Conversely, online work can pose notable disadvantages for both businesses and employees."
    Explanation: The transition phrase is modified for greater formality, replacing "On the other hand" with "Conversely." The phrase "some remarkable disadvantages to the business and employees" is revised for conciseness and clarity.

  7. "While using the internet to work can be ideal, some distractions from social media platforms such as videos, games, applications, and so on deter people from doing their tasks." -> "Although utilizing the internet for work can be optimal, distractions from social media platforms, including videos, games, and applications, can impede task completion."
    Explanation: The sentence is refined to enhance formality and clarity. "While using the internet to work can be ideal" is replaced with "Although utilizing the internet for work can be optimal," and the list of distractions is streamlined for better readability.

  8. "Furthermore, many unexpected problems could happen, which results in negative effects." -> "Moreover, unforeseen issues may arise, leading to adverse consequences."
    Explanation: The phrase "many unexpected problems could happen" is replaced with "unforeseen issues may arise," contributing to a more formal and concise expression. "Which results in negative effects" is replaced with "leading to adverse consequences" for clarity and precision.

  9. "For example, the interruption of electricity while we are working can trigger the loss of crucial documents or some issues related to contracts are difficult to address at home." -> "For instance, a power outage during work hours may result in the loss of critical documents, and certain contract-related issues can be challenging to resolve in a home setting."
    Explanation: The sentence is rephrased for clarity and formality. "The interruption of electricity while we are working can trigger the loss of crucial documents" is streamlined for conciseness, and the latter part is revised for better structure and precision.

  10. "Besides, working with digital devices for a long time without doing any exercises may take a toll on our physical health such as backache, eye sickness, and so on." -> "Moreover, prolonged use of digital devices without engaging in physical exercise may adversely affect our physical health, leading to issues such as backache and eye strain."
    Explanation: The transition word "Besides" is replaced with "Moreover" for increased formality. The sentence is restructured for better flow, and the phrase "such as backache, eye sickness, and so on" is refined to include specific health issues for clarity.

  11. "(ý này thì chưa rõ lắm vì làm văn phòng mà thiếu thể dục cũng mang lại tác động tương tự)" -> "(Note: This point is not entirely clear, especially in an office setting, where a lack of physical exercise can also have similar impacts.)"
    Explanation: The original Vietnamese note is translated and included in English for the reader’s understanding, maintaining the academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "On the first hand, working online through devices which are connected to the network can help us cut down the unnecessary costs. For instance, while it takes lots of time and money to travel to the workplace, especially for some people who live far from the company, working from home can mitigate the loss with just a device accessed to the Internet."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: This paragraph starts by highlighting the cost-saving benefits of remote work, a valid point. However, it lacks depth in exploring various costs beyond monetary ones. It focuses primarily on commuting expenses, neglecting other potential savings or expenses related to remote work. To enhance this, consider discussing savings in terms of time, environmental impact, or even attire costs when working from home. Also, expand the idea beyond commute costs to provide a more comprehensive perspective on the advantages of remote work.
    • Improved example: "Remote work not only alleviates financial burdens associated with commuting but also saves valuable time spent in transit. Beyond monetary savings, individuals working from home eliminate expenses on professional attire and additional costs linked to office-related activities, contributing to a more budget-conscious lifestyle."
  2. Quoted text: "Moreover, employees can spend more time for themselves and their family. Women in the maternity stage, for example, work online at home so that they have more time to take care of themselves, which is more convenient for their daily activities."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While acknowledging the potential benefits for personal time and family, this point lacks elaboration and specific examples beyond maternity situations. To improve, consider expanding on how remote work fosters a better work-life balance, not just for women in maternity but for all employees. Include examples illustrating how flexible schedules contribute to improved mental health, increased productivity, or even participation in community activities.
    • Improved example: "Flexible work arrangements not only benefit individuals in maternity stages but also allow employees to allocate time for personal pursuits and family engagements. This increased autonomy nurtures mental well-being, boosts productivity, and promotes community involvement, all contributing to a more fulfilling lifestyle."
  3. Quoted text: "In my opinion, this issue in some situations can be a positive option and vice versa."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The conclusion lacks a clear restatement of the writer’s stance or a summary of the main points discussed in the essay. Reinforce your position more assertively by summarizing the advantages and disadvantages discussed, reiterating your opinion. Additionally, avoid using phrases like "in some situations" or "vice versa," as they weaken the clarity of your position.
    • Improved example: "Overall, while remote work offers considerable conveniences in terms of cost-saving and flexibility, its drawbacks regarding distractions and potential health issues cannot be overlooked. Nevertheless, when balanced effectively, remote work stands as a viable and beneficial option in modern work environments."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion, falling within the Band 6 descriptor. The writer organizes information coherently, and there is a clear overall progression in the response. However, the use of cohesive devices is effective but not flawless. While there is evidence of appropriate referencing and substitution, there are instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion within and between sentences.

Paragraphing is used, but not always logically. Some paragraphs lack a clear central topic, affecting the overall organization. The essay contains a mix of advantages and disadvantages, providing a balanced view, contributing to logical progression.

How to improve:

  1. Cohesive Devices: Ensure a more seamless use of cohesive devices. Pay attention to the natural flow between sentences, avoiding mechanical or forced transitions.
  2. Paragraph Structure: Work on improving paragraph coherence by maintaining a clear central topic within each paragraph. Ensure that paragraphs logically contribute to the overall progression of ideas.
  3. Avoid Repetition: Refrain from repetitive elements, particularly in referencing and substitution. Use a variety of cohesive devices to enhance the overall cohesion of the essay.
  4. Logical Organization: Strengthen the logical organization by ensuring each paragraph adds distinct value to the overall argument. Consider the flow and connectivity of ideas for a more cohesive structure.

By addressing these areas, the essay has the potential to enhance its coherence and cohesion, possibly reaching a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in expression. The writer uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation. However, there are occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation, such as "controversial tendency" and "the loss with just a device accessed."

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource, focus on refining word choice and accuracy. Pay attention to collocation and ensure that less common lexical items are used correctly. Review spelling and word formation to minimize occasional errors and create a more polished piece.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good control of grammar and punctuation overall. It successfully employs a variety of complex structures, and the majority of sentences are error-free. The use of transitional phrases enhances the overall coherence of the essay. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward expressions that slightly affect the clarity and precision of the language. For instance, "which is more convenient for theirto their daily activities" and "ý này thì chưa rõ lắm vì làm văn phòng mà thiếu thể dục cũng mang lại tác động tương tự" are unclear and need revision for better articulation. Despite these minor errors, the essay remains cohesive and displays a good command of grammar.

How to improve: To further improve the grammatical range and accuracy, pay careful attention to sentence structures and expressions. Ensure that sentences are clear and concise, avoiding unnecessary complexities. Review and revise awkward expressions for better articulation. Additionally, proofread the essay to eliminate grammatical errors and enhance overall clarity.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent times, an increasing number of individuals are opting for online work facilitated by the widespread use of digital devices, foregoing the traditional commute to physical workplaces. This evolving trend presents both advantages and disadvantages.

On the positive side, engaging in online work through network-connected devices can contribute to cost reduction. Consider the substantial time and financial investment required for commuting, especially for those residing at a considerable distance from the workplace. This financial burden can be significantly alleviated by working from home using only an Internet-connected device. For instance, women in the maternity stage often choose to work online from home, allowing them more time for self-care, which proves to be a more convenient arrangement for their daily activities.

Conversely, online work can pose notable disadvantages for both businesses and employees. Although utilizing the internet for work can be optimal, distractions from social media platforms, including videos, games, and applications, can impede task completion. Moreover, unforeseen issues may arise, leading to adverse consequences. For example, a power outage during work hours may result in the loss of critical documents, and certain contract-related issues can be challenging to resolve in a home setting. Additionally, prolonged use of digital devices without engaging in physical exercise may adversely affect our physical health, leading to issues such as backache and eye strain. (Note: This point is not entirely clear, especially in an office setting, where a lack of physical exercise can also have similar impacts.)

In conclusion, the shift towards online work has both merits and drawbacks for businesses and employees alike. In my opinion, this trend can be a positive option in some situations, but it also comes with its share of challenges.

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