In the past, people stored knowledge in books. Nowadays people store knowledge on the Internet. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages

In this modern world, many people claim that storing human's knowledge on digital preservation, specifically Internet, has increasing become prevalent. Personally, I partly concur with the suggestion that the merits of this tangible development transcend the demerits by acknowledging the time-saving characteristic of Internet when people ought to seek references or particular knowledge, however, several obstacles that are caused by multiple factors still prevent this improvement from reaching an optimal level of accomplishment.

On the one hand, there are numerous compelling reasons that elucidate why the advantages could take the leading tendency, as opposed to the frequency of challenges. The long-term limitation of advanced technology once hindered the capability of both transmitting and receiving knowledge. Indeed, every information was manually kept in paper-based documents, whichineffectivelymitigated the prolonged duration of looking for a piece of reference. These days, encountering the influx of up-to-date technology and escalations in modern teaching method, every single individual who pursue their study pattern are totally entitled to store their massive amount of knowledge on the Internet via digital devices. As a result, digital environment could assume the responsibility for providing information towards citizens easily, hence the reduction in time consumption for searching.

This phenomenon, on the other hand, might face various barriers during its implementation, rendering it unrealistic in substantial contexts. Although the unprecedented convenience the modern storing method could offer, research has consistently shown that the ability to get access to technological equipment could be a tricky task to address efficiently. For instance, a myriad number of families who literally possess an average socio-economic status could find it extremely challenging to handle the cost of digital devices, making it virtually impossible to look for online information. Thus, the criterion to sustain a financial resources to provide supports for the middle and lower class and mitigate the severity of this disadvantage.

In conclusion, although the proposal of utilising the Internet to store all of the data from mankind has reached a certain consensus from many people, I believe that the manifestation of financial obstacle could be viewed as the harmful effect to retard the searching process for information. However, it is true that the advantages have progressively surpassed the disadvantages.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In this modern world" -> "In the contemporary world"
Explanation: "Contemporary" is a more precise and formal term than "modern," which can sound somewhat colloquial in academic writing.
"storing human’s knowledge on digital preservation, specifically Internet" -> "the digital preservation of human knowledge, particularly on the Internet"
Explanation: The revised phrase clarifies the subject and object of the sentence, improving readability and formality.
"increasing become prevalent" -> "is increasingly prevalent"
Explanation: "Is increasingly prevalent" corrects the grammatical error and enhances the flow of the sentence.
"Personally, I partly concur" -> "I partially agree"
Explanation: "I partially agree" is more concise and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"the merits of this tangible development transcend the demerits" -> "the benefits of this tangible development outweigh the drawbacks"
Explanation: "Outweigh the drawbacks" is a more precise and commonly used phrase in academic contexts than "transcend the demerits."
"when people ought to seek references or particular knowledge" -> "when individuals seek references or specific knowledge"
Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "people," and "specific" is more precise than "particular."
"obstacles that are caused by multiple factors" -> "obstacles resulting from various factors"
Explanation: "Resulting from various factors" is more concise and academically appropriate than "that are caused by multiple factors."
"the capability of both transmitting and receiving knowledge" -> "the capabilities of transmitting and receiving knowledge"
Explanation: "Capabilities" should be plural to match the plural verb "hindered."
"ineffectivelymitigated" -> "ineffectively mitigated"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error.
"every single individual who pursue their study pattern" -> "every individual pursuing their study patterns"
Explanation: "Pursuing" is the correct form of the verb, and "patterns" should be plural to match the plural subject.
"could assume the responsibility for providing information towards citizens easily" -> "can provide information to citizens easily"
Explanation: Simplifies and clarifies the sentence structure for better readability and formality.
"the criterion to sustain a financial resources" -> "the criterion to sustain financial resources"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error and removes redundancy.
"making it virtually impossible to look for online information" -> "making it virtually impossible to access online information"
Explanation: "Access" is more precise than "look for" in this context.
"the proposal of utilising the Internet" -> "the proposal to utilize the Internet"
Explanation: "To utilize" is the correct infinitive form, and "utilising" is not commonly used in American English.
"has reached a certain consensus from many people" -> "has gained widespread acceptance among many"
Explanation: "Gained widespread acceptance" is a more formal and precise expression than "reached a certain consensus."
"the manifestation of financial obstacle" -> "the manifestation of financial obstacles"
Explanation: "Obstacles" should be plural to match the plural verb "retard."
"the advantages have progressively surpassed the disadvantages" -> "the advantages have increasingly surpassed the disadvantages"
Explanation: "Increasingly" is more precise and formal than "progressively" in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both sides of the argument but does not fully explore the advantages and disadvantages comprehensively. It acknowledges the time-saving aspect of storing knowledge on the Internet but does not delve into other potential advantages or disadvantages beyond financial barriers.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should thoroughly explore both advantages and disadvantages as per the prompt. This includes considering factors like accessibility, reliability, and cultural impact of digital versus traditional knowledge storage.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay initially indicates partial agreement with the advantages outweighing disadvantages but later emphasizes financial obstacles as a significant disadvantage. This inconsistency weakens the clarity of the essay’s stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the essay should consistently argue for or against the proposition throughout, supporting its stance with specific examples and reasoning without contradicting its own position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth in supporting them. For instance, while it mentions financial barriers, it does not elaborate on how these barriers impact access to knowledge.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the essay should develop each idea more thoroughly. This involves providing specific examples, statistics, or hypothetical scenarios that illustrate the advantages and disadvantages clearly and convincingly.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing the pros and cons of storing knowledge on the Internet versus books. However, it occasionally strays into general statements about technology without directly relating them to the prompt.
- How to improve: To improve focus, the essay should ensure that every point made directly relates to the advantages and disadvantages of digital versus traditional knowledge storage. Avoiding tangential discussions will strengthen coherence and relevance.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the prompt and attempts to address both sides of the argument, there are areas for improvement in clarity, depth of analysis, and coherence. By focusing on comprehensive exploration of all aspects of the prompt and maintaining a consistent argument throughout, the essay could achieve a higher band score for Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization by presenting two main viewpoints on the topic. It starts with an introduction that introduces the topic and outlines the author’s partial agreement with the advantages of storing knowledge on the Internet. The essay then proceeds to discuss advantages and disadvantages in separate paragraphs, concluding with a brief conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a single aspect (advantages or disadvantages), which aids in clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear central idea and transitions smoothly into the next. Use topic sentences to explicitly introduce the main point of each paragraph and connect ideas between paragraphs more explicitly. For instance, using transitional phrases like "however," "on the other hand," or "in contrast" can help signal shifts in perspective and improve coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to separate different arguments and perspectives. Each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that previews the main idea of the paragraph, such as discussing advantages (first body paragraph) and then moving on to disadvantages (second body paragraph).
- How to improve: While the essay generally uses paragraphs well, ensure that each paragraph remains focused on a single aspect or idea. Avoid mixing different points within the same paragraph, which can confuse the reader. Additionally, consider varying the length of paragraphs slightly to add visual interest and improve readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices such as pronouns ("this," "these"), conjunctions ("although," "however"), and transitional phrases ("on the one hand," "on the other hand") to connect ideas and create coherence. These devices help to clarify relationships between sentences and paragraphs.
- How to improve: To further enhance coherence, try incorporating a wider variety of cohesive devices such as synonyms, parallel structures, and referencing back to previously mentioned ideas. For example, using more specific transitional phrases like "despite these advantages," "in comparison," or "to illustrate this point" can strengthen the connection between sentences and improve overall cohesion.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid foundation in coherence and cohesion, evident in its logical organization, effective use of paragraphs, and deployment of cohesive devices. By refining transitions between paragraphs and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay could achieve an even higher score in coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a varied vocabulary, with attempts at using complex phrases and diverse word choices throughout. For example, phrases like "tangible development," "optimal level of accomplishment," and "influx of up-to-date technology" showcase an attempt to use sophisticated language.
- How to improve: To further enhance lexical resource, strive for more nuanced and precise vocabulary choices. While the essay uses a wide range, some expressions like "the merits of this tangible development" could be clarified or substituted with more specific terms to improve clarity and impact.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For instance, the phrase "rendering it unrealistic in substantial contexts" could benefit from clearer wording to enhance precision. However, overall, there is an attempt to use vocabulary precisely in conveying ideas.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately and succinctly expresses your intended meaning. For instance, instead of "rendering it unrealistic," consider alternatives like "making it impractical" or "undermining its feasibility" to enhance clarity and precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling is generally accurate, with minor errors such as "whichineffectivelymitigated" (which should be split into "which ineffectively mitigated"). There are no major spelling mistakes that significantly detract from readability.
- How to improve: Pay close attention to compound words and word boundaries to avoid fusion errors like the one noted. Regular proofreading and using spell-check tools can help maintain consistent spelling accuracy.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of vocabulary usage, with efforts to employ a wide range of expressions and maintain overall spelling accuracy. To further enhance lexical resource, focus on refining the precision of vocabulary choices and consistently ensuring correct spelling practices. This will strengthen the clarity and impact of your ideas, thereby improving the overall effectiveness of your essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable attempt to vary sentence structures. It includes complex sentences ("several obstacles that are caused by multiple factors still prevent this improvement"), conditional sentences ("if people ought to seek references or particular knowledge"), and compound-complex sentences ("the criterion to sustain a financial resources to provide supports for the middle and lower class"). However, the complexity of structures could be more consistently applied throughout the essay to enhance coherence and sophistication.
- How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more clauses and subordinating conjunctions to connect ideas more seamlessly. Introduce passive voice constructions where appropriate to shift focus and maintain reader engagement. For instance, "Efforts should be made to ensure access to digital resources for all socioeconomic groups."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy. There are, however, several instances where errors impact clarity, such as "whichineffectivelymitigated" (should be "which ineffectively mitigated") and "could offer, research" (missing comma after "offer"). The punctuation usage is generally correct but inconsistent, with occasional misuse of commas and awkward phrasing due to incorrect punctuation.
- How to improve: Focus on revising sentences for clarity and accuracy. Ensure consistent use of commas, particularly for separating clauses and items in a series. Review the correct placement of apostrophes (e.g., "citizens’ access") to denote possession accurately. Proofread carefully to catch minor errors that disrupt the flow of ideas.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of sentence structure variety and generally accurate grammar usage, attention to detail in complex sentence constructions and meticulous proofreading for punctuation accuracy will elevate the writing to a more polished and cohesive level, potentially reaching a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criterion.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary world, digital preservation of human knowledge, particularly on the Internet, is increasingly prevalent. I partially agree with the view that the benefits of this development outweigh the drawbacks. The primary advantage lies in the time-saving nature of the Internet when individuals seek references or specific knowledge. However, obstacles resulting from various factors still hinder this progress from achieving its full potential.

On one hand, there are compelling reasons why the advantages tend to outweigh the challenges. Previously, limitations in technology hindered the efficient transmission and reception of knowledge. Information was traditionally stored in paper-based documents, which often prolonged the search for references. Nowadays, with advancements in technology and modern teaching methods, individuals can easily store vast amounts of knowledge digitally. This digital environment facilitates easy access to information, thereby reducing time spent searching.

Conversely, this approach faces barriers that limit its effectiveness in practical contexts. Despite the convenience digital storage offers, access to technological devices remains a significant challenge. Many families with average socio-economic status struggle to afford digital devices, thereby hindering their ability to access online information. Addressing these financial barriers is crucial to support middle and lower-income groups and mitigate the disadvantages they face.

In conclusion, while the idea of using the Internet to store human knowledge enjoys widespread acceptance, financial obstacles pose a significant challenge that slows down access to information. Nonetheless, the advantages of digital preservation increasingly outweigh the disadvantages.