In this era, technology has replaced a lot of humans at work. Why? What are the solutions?

In this day and age, many occupations have been replaced by technological advancements, increasing the unemployment rate. In this essay, I would explain the reasons leading to this tendency before proposing some effective solutions.
There are some major reasons that explain why technology has replaced many humans at work. First, machines have the ability to function continuously without the need of break time, which is an invevitable requirement for human workers. Second, techonological advancements have equiped machines with the ability to make decisions, moderate their actions, and improve the accuracy level to a point that can not be matched by humans. Thus, many jobs have been replaced, and the tendency does not show any sign of stopping.
Despite the severity of this development, governmental intervention along with raising the awareness of each individual could effectively mitigate it. There should be a regulation from the governemtn to better protect the benegfits empolyees, especially ones that are prone to be replaced by technology. The government should require a specific number of human workers at a factory site, acting a supervisor of machinery work. Also, eacch citizen must equip themselves with sufficient knowledge to better adapt to changes brought about by technology, which could help them find jobs in novel job markeys, such as computer science or machinery design.
In conclusion, many people are losing their jobs due to the higher level of efficiency and effectiveness that technological advancements have brought about. However, the government can still mitigate this by issuing new regulations to protect workers’ benefits and improve more education for people to find employement opportunities in novel job markets.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In this day and age" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "In this day and age" is a colloquial expression. "Currently" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"many occupations have been replaced" -> "numerous occupations have been displaced"
Explanation: "Displaced" is a more precise term in this context, indicating the replacement of jobs by technology, whereas "replaced" can be less specific.
"increasing the unemployment rate" -> "resulting in increased unemployment rates"
Explanation: "Resulting in increased unemployment rates" is more specific and formal, emphasizing the causal relationship between technological advancements and unemployment.
"I would explain" -> "I will explain"
Explanation: "I would explain" is less direct and less formal than "I will explain," which is more assertive and suitable for academic writing.
"invevitable requirement" -> "inevitable requirement"
Explanation: This is a typographical error. Correcting it to "inevitable" maintains the formal tone and accuracy.
"techonological advancements" -> "technological advancements"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring the term is spelled correctly.
"have equiped" -> "have equipped"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring the verb is spelled correctly.
"can not" -> "cannot"
Explanation: "Cannot" is the standard form in formal writing, whereas "can not" is less formal.
"the tendency does not show any sign of stopping" -> "this trend shows no signs of abating"
Explanation: "This trend shows no signs of abating" is more formal and precise, replacing the colloquial "does not show any sign of stopping."
"governmental intervention" -> "government intervention"
Explanation: "Governmental" is redundant when used with "government," so "government" is sufficient and more concise.
"raising the awareness of each individual" -> "raising individual awareness"
Explanation: "Raising individual awareness" is more concise and formal, avoiding redundancy.
"better protect the benegfits empolyees" -> "better protect employee benefits"
Explanation: Corrects spelling errors ("benefits" and "employees") and simplifies the phrase for clarity and formality.
"acting a supervisor of machinery work" -> "serving as a supervisor of machinery operations"
Explanation: "Serving as a supervisor of machinery operations" is more formal and precise, replacing the awkward and informal "acting a supervisor."
"eacch" -> "each"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring the correct spelling of "each."
"job markeys" -> "job markets"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring the correct spelling of "markets."
"find employement opportunities" -> "find employment opportunities"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring the correct spelling of "employment."
"mitigate this by issuing new regulations" -> "mitigate this by implementing new regulations"
Explanation: "Implementing" is more specific and formal than "issuing," which is less commonly used in this context.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt, identifying reasons for the replacement of human workers by technology and suggesting solutions. The reasons provided include the continuous operation of machines and their superior decision-making capabilities. However, the explanation of the reasons could be more detailed, as the essay briefly mentions them without fully exploring their implications or providing examples. The solutions proposed, such as government regulations and individual adaptation, are relevant but could benefit from further elaboration to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the complexities involved.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the essay could include specific examples or case studies that illustrate the impact of technology on employment. Additionally, expanding on the proposed solutions with more concrete actions or policies would strengthen the response. For instance, discussing specific types of regulations or educational programs could provide a clearer picture of how these solutions could be implemented.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position regarding the negative impact of technology on employment and the need for solutions. However, the transition between discussing the reasons and the solutions could be smoother. The introduction of solutions feels somewhat abrupt, and the connection between the identified problems and the proposed solutions could be more explicitly stated.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity and consistency, the writer could use transitional phrases to link the discussion of reasons to the solutions more effectively. For example, stating how each reason directly leads to the need for specific solutions would create a more cohesive argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly, but the development and support of these ideas are somewhat limited. The reasons for the replacement of human workers are stated but not thoroughly explained or supported with examples. Similarly, while solutions are proposed, they lack detailed explanation or justification, which would help to reinforce the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. For instance, after stating that machines can operate continuously, the writer could discuss the implications of this for specific industries. Providing examples of jobs that have been affected by technology and how the proposed solutions could be implemented in those contexts would strengthen the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the impact of technology on employment and potential solutions. However, there are minor deviations, such as grammatical errors and typos (e.g., "invevitable" instead of "inevitable," "techonological" instead of "technological," "benegfits" instead of "benefits," and "eacch" instead of "each") that can distract from the main argument and affect the overall clarity of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should proofread the essay to correct typographical and grammatical errors. This will enhance readability and ensure that the reader can easily follow the argument without being distracted by mistakes. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph directly relates to the main topic will help maintain a strong focus throughout the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, there is room for improvement in elaboration, clarity, and coherence. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the overall effectiveness of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs that discuss reasons and solutions, and a conclusion. The flow of ideas is generally logical; for instance, the reasons for job replacement by technology are presented before the solutions. However, within the body paragraphs, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing the reasons to the solutions could be more explicit to guide the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly indicate the shift from one idea to another. For instance, after discussing the reasons, a phrase like "Having established the reasons for this trend, it is crucial to explore potential solutions" could provide a clearer connection between the sections.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the topic, such as reasons for technological replacement and proposed solutions. However, the paragraphs could be more developed. For example, the second body paragraph could benefit from a clearer topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea of governmental intervention and individual responsibility.
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by ensuring each one begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines its main idea. Additionally, consider expanding on the ideas within each paragraph with more examples or explanations to provide depth and clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes some cohesive devices, such as "first," "second," and "despite," which help in linking ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing that disrupt the flow. For example, the phrase "acting a supervisor of machinery work" is unclear and could confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "in addition," "furthermore," and "on the other hand." Additionally, ensure that phrases are clear and precise to maintain coherence. For instance, rephrasing "acting a supervisor of machinery work" to "serving as supervisors for machinery operations" would improve clarity and cohesion.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and a logical structure, focusing on enhancing transitions, developing paragraphs, and diversifying cohesive devices will help achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as "technological advancements," "unemployment rate," and "governmental intervention." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive and lacks variety in expression. For instance, the phrase "technological advancements" is used multiple times without synonyms or paraphrasing, which could enhance the essay’s lexical richness.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "technological advancements," alternatives like "technological innovations" or "technological progress" could be utilized. Additionally, using phrases like "job displacement" or "automation" could add depth to the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, there are instances of imprecise usage that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "the ability to function continuously without the need of break time" could be more succinctly expressed as "the ability to operate continuously without breaks." Additionally, the term "inevitable requirement" is somewhat awkward; "necessary requirement" would be more precise.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on refining their word choices for clarity and conciseness. For instance, replacing "equiped machines with the ability to make decisions" with "equipped machines to make autonomous decisions" would enhance precision. Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building resources can help identify more precise terms.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "invevitable" (inevitable), "techonological" (technological), "equiped" (equipped), "governemtn" (government), "benegfits" (benefits), "empolyees" (employees), and "eacch" (each). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt a proofreading strategy that includes reading the essay aloud, using spell-check tools, and reviewing common spelling rules. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of frequently misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Regular practice with writing exercises focused on spelling can also help reinforce correct spelling habits.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, improving precision in word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy—the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria for the IELTS Task 2 essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structure, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the opening sentence uses a complex structure: "In this day and age, many occupations have been replaced by technological advancements, increasing the unemployment rate." However, the overall range is limited, with many sentences following a similar pattern. For example, "First, machines have the ability to function continuously without the need of break time" and "Second, technological advancements have equipped machines…" both follow a predictable format that lacks complexity.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses, relative clauses, or varied introductory phrases. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "First" or "Second," the writer could use phrases like "One significant reason is that…" or "Another factor contributing to this trend is…". Additionally, integrating more transitional phrases could help to create a smoother flow between ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity and accuracy. For example, "invevitable" is a misspelling of "inevitable," and "techonological" should be "technological." Furthermore, phrases like "the ability to make decisions, moderate their actions, and improve the accuracy level to a point that can not be matched by humans" could be more clearly expressed. The use of commas is inconsistent, particularly in complex sentences, which can lead to confusion about the relationships between clauses.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading to catch spelling errors and ensure correct word forms. Practicing sentence diagramming could help in understanding the structure of complex sentences and the correct placement of commas. Additionally, the writer should review rules regarding subject-verb agreement and verb tenses to ensure consistency and correctness throughout the essay. Using grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers could also be beneficial in identifying and correcting errors before submission.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their essay, potentially raising their band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this day and age, many occupations have been replaced by technological advancements, resulting in increased unemployment rates. In this essay, I will explain the reasons leading to this trend before proposing some effective solutions.

There are some major reasons that explain why technology has replaced many humans at work. First, machines have the ability to function continuously without the need for break time, which is an inevitable requirement for human workers. Second, technological advancements have equipped machines with the ability to make decisions, moderate their actions, and improve their accuracy to a level that cannot be matched by humans. Thus, many jobs have been displaced, and this trend shows no signs of abating.

Despite the severity of this development, government intervention along with raising individual awareness could effectively mitigate it. There should be regulations from the government to better protect employee benefits, especially for those who are prone to being replaced by technology. The government should require a specific number of human workers at a factory site, serving as supervisors of machinery operations. Also, each citizen must equip themselves with sufficient knowledge to better adapt to changes brought about by technology, which could help them find employment opportunities in novel job markets, such as computer science or machinery design.

In conclusion, many people are losing their jobs due to the higher level of efficiency and effectiveness that technological advancements have brought about. However, the government can still mitigate this by implementing new regulations to protect workers’ benefits and improving education for people to find employment opportunities in novel job markets.