In today’s world of advanced science and technology, we still greatly value our artists such as musicians, painters, and writers. What can the arts tell us about life that science and technology cannot?

Nowadays, although there has been much progress in science and technology, people who work in the arts field still receive recognition from the public. While science and technology are valuable in many majors, there are certain aspects of life that arts capture in a way that science can’t. OK

One of the primary contributions of arts is its ability to convey emotion and express personal experience. Through music, paintings, sculpture, artists can explore complex themes and ideas that are difficult to explain by science. For instance, although seeing a picture, each individual will have their own feelings, such as delighted or depressed, based on their characteristics. Very gôd

Furthermore, arts can provide a sense of connection and community. Through shared pieces of art, people can come together and create bonds, which transcend all barriers such as language, religion, and even time. This is especially the case of paintings, where a single masterpiece can bring meaningful value for studies and evoke powerful emotions shared across generations. Take the Mona Lisa for example, this portrait was drawn in the 16th century by Leonardo da Vinci, has become a valuable material for not only research in arts but also as a tool that reflects the style of the Renaissance.

In conclusion, while technology and science have undeniable benefits, the arts provide a unique perspective on personal experience that can not be replicated by science. Moreover, through the ability to convey emotion and bring a scene connection between human and human, artists contribute significantly to our understanding about life in a way that science is incapable of

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."
"people who work in the arts field" -> "individuals employed in the arts sector"
Explanation: "Individuals employed in the arts sector" is more formal and specific, enhancing the academic tone by avoiding the casual phrasing of "people who work in the arts field."
"still receive recognition from the public" -> "continue to receive public recognition"
Explanation: "Continue to receive public recognition" is more formal and concise, improving the flow and clarity of the sentence.
"arts capture in a way that science can’t" -> "arts capture aspects that science cannot"
Explanation: "Capture aspects that science cannot" is more precise and avoids the informal and incomplete construction "capture in a way that."
"OK" -> (remove)
Explanation: "OK" is an informal expression and has no place in academic writing.
"Through music, paintings, sculpture, artists can explore" -> "Through music, paintings, and sculpture, artists can explore"
Explanation: Adding "and" before "sculpture" corrects the grammatical structure and maintains the formal tone.
"although seeing a picture, each individual will have their own feelings" -> "although viewing a picture, each individual may experience their own emotions"
Explanation: "Viewing a picture" is more formal than "seeing a picture," and "may experience their own emotions" is more precise and academically appropriate than "will have their own feelings."
"Very gôd" -> (remove)
Explanation: This appears to be a typographical error or a non-standard expression and should be removed for clarity and formality.
"arts can provide a sense of connection and community" -> "arts can foster a sense of connection and community"
Explanation: "Foster" is a more precise and formal verb than "provide" in this context, enhancing the academic tone.
"This is especially the case of paintings" -> "This is particularly evident in the case of paintings"
Explanation: "Particularly evident" is more formal and precise than "especially the case," aligning better with academic style.
"has become a valuable material for not only research in arts but also as a tool" -> "has become a valuable resource not only for research in the arts but also as a tool"
Explanation: "Resource" is more specific and formal than "material," and "the arts" should be capitalized as it refers to a specific field of study.
"bring a scene connection between human and human" -> "establish a sense of connection among humans"
Explanation: "Establish a sense of connection among humans" is grammatically correct and more formal, replacing the awkward and incorrect "bring a scene connection between human and human."
"our understanding about life" -> "our understanding of life"
Explanation: "Of" is the correct preposition to use in this context, providing a more natural and grammatically correct expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the unique contributions of the arts in conveying emotion and fostering community connections, which science and technology cannot replicate. The introduction sets the stage well, acknowledging the advancements in science and technology while emphasizing the value of the arts. However, the response could be enhanced by explicitly stating what the arts tell us about life that science and technology cannot, as this is a crucial aspect of the prompt that could be more directly addressed.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should clearly outline specific insights or lessons about life that the arts provide, such as the exploration of human emotions, cultural narratives, or moral dilemmas. Incorporating more explicit examples or themes would strengthen the response and ensure all parts of the question are thoroughly answered.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the arts hold significant value in expressing human experience, which is consistent throughout the text. Phrases like "arts can provide a sense of connection" and "the arts provide a unique perspective" reinforce this stance. However, the conclusion could be more assertive in reiterating the main argument, as it feels slightly vague and less impactful.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity and consistency, the conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points made in the body paragraphs and restate the thesis in a more compelling manner. Using stronger language to emphasize the importance of the arts in understanding life would help solidify the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas, such as the emotional depth of art and its role in community building. The example of the Mona Lisa is a strong choice, illustrating the timelessness and emotional resonance of art. However, some ideas lack depth and could benefit from further elaboration. For instance, the discussion on emotions could include more specific examples of how different art forms evoke distinct feelings.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the essay should delve deeper into each point made. Adding more examples, perhaps discussing different art forms or additional historical references, would provide a richer context. Furthermore, using quotes or specific artworks to illustrate points could enhance the argument’s credibility and engagement.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the value of the arts in contrast to science and technology. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For instance, the phrase "although seeing a picture" is somewhat unclear and could distract from the main argument about the arts’ emotional impact.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every sentence directly supports the main argument. Avoiding vague phrases and ensuring clarity in expression will help keep the reader engaged and aligned with the essay’s purpose. Additionally, a more structured approach to each paragraph, ensuring each one clearly relates back to the thesis, would enhance coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents relevant ideas, but there is room for improvement in clarity, depth, and explicit connections to the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the value of the arts in contrast to science and technology. The introduction sets the stage effectively, and each body paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the arts. For example, the first body paragraph discusses the emotional conveyance of art, while the second highlights the communal aspect. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother, particularly between the discussion of emotional expression and the sense of community. The use of phrases like "Furthermore" helps, but additional linking phrases could enhance the logical progression.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more varied transitional phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. For instance, after discussing emotional expression, a phrase like "In addition to this emotional depth, the arts also foster…" could create a more cohesive link to the next point about community.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into clear paragraphs, each addressing a distinct point. The introduction and conclusion are present, framing the argument well. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences and a more defined structure. For instance, the transition from discussing the Mona Lisa to its historical significance feels abrupt and could be better integrated into the discussion of community.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph begins with a strong topic sentence that clearly states the main idea. Additionally, consider breaking down complex ideas into smaller, more digestible parts. For example, when discussing the Mona Lisa, you might first introduce its significance in the art world before linking it to the broader theme of community.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "One of the primary contributions" and "Furthermore," which help in linking ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and certain phrases are used repetitively, which can detract from the overall fluidity of the writing. For example, the phrase "arts can" appears multiple times, which could be varied to maintain reader interest.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider using synonyms or alternative phrases to avoid repetition. Additionally, incorporate more complex cohesive devices, such as "In contrast," "On the other hand," or "Consequently," to enhance the sophistication of your writing. This will not only improve cohesion but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, there are areas for improvement in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested strategies, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary related to the topic of arts and science. Terms such as "convey emotion," "personal experience," and "masterpiece" are effectively used. However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited in variety and sophistication. For example, the phrase "people who work in the arts field" could be more concisely expressed as "artists." Additionally, the use of "majors" in the context of "valuable in many majors" is somewhat vague and could be replaced with a more precise term like "fields" or "disciplines."
- How to improve: To enhance lexical range, consider incorporating more varied synonyms and expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "arts," you might use "creative fields" or "artistic endeavors." Engaging with a wider array of vocabulary through reading and practice can help in this regard.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used effectively, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "each individual will have their own feelings, such as delighted or depressed" lacks clarity. "Delighted" should be "delight" to maintain parallel structure. Furthermore, the phrase "bring a scene connection between human and human" is awkward and unclear; it should be "bring a sense of connection between humans."
- How to improve: Focus on ensuring that word forms are correct and that phrases are clear and coherent. Reading more academic essays can help in understanding how to use vocabulary in context. Additionally, practicing writing sentences with varied structures can aid in achieving precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "gôd" instead of "good" and "scene connection" instead of "sense of connection." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a break and then review your work with fresh eyes. Utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Additionally, regular reading can help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and employs some relevant vocabulary, there is significant room for improvement in lexical resource. By expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the essay can achieve a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as the use of complex sentences ("Although there has been much progress in science and technology, people who work in the arts field still receive recognition from the public.") and compound sentences ("While science and technology are valuable in many majors, there are certain aspects of life that arts capture in a way that science can’t."). However, the overall range is somewhat limited, with several sentences following a similar structure, which can make the writing feel repetitive. For example, the phrase "Through music, paintings, sculpture, artists can explore complex themes…" could be restructured for variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex and compound-complex sentences. Additionally, using introductory phrases or clauses can help diversify the writing. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "arts," try beginning with phrases like "In addition to…" or "Moreover, the arts also…". This will create a more engaging flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "Through music, paintings, sculpture, artists can explore complex themes…" is missing a conjunction before "sculpture," which should be "and." Additionally, phrases like "each individual will have their own feelings, such as delighted or depressed" are awkwardly constructed; "delighted" should be "delight" to maintain parallel structure. There are also punctuation issues, such as the comma splice in "Take the Mona Lisa for example, this portrait was drawn in the 16th century by Leonardo da Vinci," which should be corrected to "Take the Mona Lisa, for example; this portrait was drawn in the 16th century by Leonardo da Vinci."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to review and practice the rules of conjunctions and parallel structure. Reading more complex texts can help identify correct usage. For punctuation, consider revisiting the rules regarding commas, semicolons, and conjunctions. Proofreading the essay for common errors before submission can also help catch mistakes.

By focusing on these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

**Improved Essay:**

Nowadays, although there has been significant progress in science and technology, individuals employed in the arts sector continue to receive public recognition. While science and technology are valuable in many fields, there are certain aspects of life that the arts capture in a way that science cannot.

One of the primary contributions of the arts is their ability to convey emotion and express personal experience. Through music, paintings, and sculpture, artists can explore complex themes and ideas that are difficult to articulate through scientific means. For instance, although viewing a picture, each individual may experience their own emotions, such as delight or sadness, based on their unique characteristics.

Furthermore, the arts can foster a sense of connection and community. Through shared pieces of art, people can come together and establish bonds that transcend barriers such as language, religion, and even time. This is particularly evident in the case of paintings, where a single masterpiece can hold meaningful value for studies and evoke powerful emotions shared across generations. Take the Mona Lisa, for example; this portrait, created in the 16th century by Leonardo da Vinci, has become a valuable resource not only for research in the arts but also as a tool that reflects the style of the Renaissance.

In conclusion, while technology and science have undeniable benefits, the arts provide a unique perspective on personal experience that cannot be replicated by science. Moreover, through their ability to convey emotion and establish a sense of connection among humans, artists contribute significantly to our understanding of life in a way that science is incapable of.