In today’s world of advanced science and technology, we still greatly value our artists such as painters and writers. What can arts tell us about life that science and technology cannot?

In the contemporary world of ongoing scientific and technological advancements, artistic professionals such as painters, writers, and musicians continue to be highly respected. This is due to the fact that there are numerous aspects of life that can only be conveyed through artistic expression.

To begin with, artistic pieces tend to directly narrate stories and emotions with minimal effort from the creators. In contrast, science and technology are more result-oriented. Consider wartime as an example; any piece of art that emerges during these times is likely to convey the idea of peace, narrate tragic stories, or evoke patriotism, all of which can be directly perceived as they tend to provoke strong emotional responses in humans. Science and technology primarily present the outcomes of their research, thus focusing our attention on the results rather than the narratives. They also do not elicit strong emotional responses from the creators.

In addition to efficiently conveying stories and emotions, artistic individuals have the propensity to allow viewers to perceive the world through their perspectives, enabling everyone to empathize more deeply with their situations. For instance, “The Starry Night” by Vincent van Gogh allows the audience to look at the world through his point of view, making the art-viewing experience more captivating. By doing this, the audience can further empathize with his situation. On the other hand, science and technology lack this convention, which renders art more significant in the hearts of people.

To summarize, people still value artistic individuals because their work not only conveys emotional stories effectively but also allows others to view the world through their eyes. This is what science and technology cannot achieve.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In the contemporary world of ongoing scientific and technological advancements" -> "In the contemporary context of ongoing scientific and technological advancements"
Explanation: The phrase "world of" is somewhat vague and informal. "Context" provides a more precise and academic term that better fits the formal style of the essay.
"artistic professionals such as painters, writers, and musicians" -> "artistic professionals, including painters, writers, and musicians"
Explanation: The phrase "such as" can be seen as informal and slightly vague. "Including" is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone.
"continue to be highly respected" -> "remain highly respected"
Explanation: "Continue to be" is slightly redundant in this context. "Remain" is more concise and maintains the formal tone.
"numerous aspects of life" -> "various aspects of life"
Explanation: "Numerous" can be replaced with "various" to maintain a more formal tone and avoid redundancy with "numerous" being used earlier in the sentence.
"tend to directly narrate stories and emotions" -> "directly narrate stories and evoke emotions"
Explanation: "Tend to" is somewhat informal and vague. "Directly narrate" and "evoke" are more precise and academically appropriate, enhancing the clarity of the statement.
"minimal effort from the creators" -> "minimal effort required from the creators"
Explanation: Adding "required" clarifies that the effort is necessary, which is more precise and formal.
"Science and technology are more result-oriented" -> "Science and technology are primarily focused on results"
Explanation: "Result-oriented" is a less common and slightly informal term. "Primarily focused on results" is clearer and maintains a formal academic tone.
"Science and technology primarily present the outcomes of their research" -> "Science and technology primarily present the outcomes of their research findings"
Explanation: Adding "findings" specifies what the outcomes are, enhancing clarity and formality.
"do not elicit strong emotional responses from the creators" -> "do not typically elicit strong emotional responses from the creators"
Explanation: "Typically" is more precise and formal than "do not," which is somewhat absolute and informal.
"artistic individuals have the propensity to allow viewers to perceive" -> "artistic individuals have the capacity to enable viewers to perceive"
Explanation: "Have the propensity to allow" is awkward and less formal. "Have the capacity to enable" is more direct and academically appropriate.
"making the art-viewing experience more captivating" -> "enhancing the art-viewing experience"
Explanation: "Making more captivating" is slightly informal and vague. "Enhancing" is more precise and formal.
"science and technology lack this convention" -> "science and technology do not possess this capability"
Explanation: "Lack this convention" is vague and informal. "Do not possess this capability" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better.
"people still value artistic individuals" -> "people continue to value artistic individuals"
Explanation: "Still" can be seen as informal and slightly abrupt. "Continue to" is more formal and flows better in academic writing.
"their work not only conveys emotional stories effectively but also allows others to view the world through their eyes" -> "their work not only effectively conveys emotional stories but also enables others to perceive the world through their perspectives"
Explanation: "Conveys" is correct but "enables" and "perceive" are more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing how art conveys emotions and perspectives that science and technology cannot. It identifies key aspects of life that art can express—such as emotions and personal experiences—using relevant examples like wartime art and Vincent van Gogh’s "The Starry Night." However, while the essay touches on the contrast between art and science, it could delve deeper into specific areas where art provides insights into life that science fails to capture, such as cultural identity or existential questions.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could explicitly outline additional dimensions of life that art addresses, such as moral dilemmas, the human condition, or social commentary. Incorporating more varied examples would also strengthen the argument and demonstrate a broader understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that art holds unique value in expressing human emotions and perspectives, which science and technology cannot replicate. This stance is consistently supported throughout the essay, particularly in the discussion of emotional responses and empathy. However, the transition between points could be smoother to reinforce the central argument.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the author could use transitional phrases to better connect ideas. For example, linking the discussion of wartime art more explicitly to the subsequent example of Van Gogh would help maintain a cohesive flow and reinforce the overall argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports its ideas well, particularly in the analysis of how art evokes emotions and allows for empathy. The use of specific examples, like "The Starry Night," effectively illustrates the points made. However, some ideas could be further developed; for instance, the discussion about how science and technology focus on results could benefit from a more detailed exploration of what those results entail and why they might lack emotional depth.
- How to improve: To strengthen the development of ideas, the author should aim to elaborate on each point with additional examples or explanations. For instance, discussing how technological advancements can sometimes lead to emotional detachment or societal issues could provide a richer context for the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic of how art provides insights into life that science and technology cannot. The discussion is relevant and directly addresses the prompt without straying into unrelated areas. However, there are moments where the argument could be more tightly aligned with the prompt, particularly in emphasizing the unique contributions of art over science.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should continually refer back to the prompt throughout the essay, ensuring that each point made directly ties back to the question of what art reveals about life. This could be achieved by explicitly stating how each example relates to the broader theme of art’s unique insights compared to science and technology.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-structured argument. By incorporating more detailed examples, enhancing transitions, and ensuring each point directly ties back to the prompt, the author could elevate their score even further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by establishing the importance of artists in contrast to scientific and technological advancements. Each body paragraph builds on this premise, with the first discussing the emotional storytelling of art and the second emphasizing the empathetic perspective art provides. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points, reinforcing the argument. However, while the ideas are logically sequenced, some transitions between points could be smoother to enhance the overall flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit transitional phrases between paragraphs and within paragraphs to guide the reader through the argument. For example, phrases like "Furthermore," or "In addition to this," can help connect ideas more seamlessly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in clarity and readability. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, supported by examples. The introduction and conclusion are well-defined, framing the argument appropriately. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from a clearer topic sentence that directly relates to the thesis, as it currently feels slightly less cohesive with the preceding paragraph.
- How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentence of the second body paragraph to explicitly connect it to the main argument about the unique contributions of art. This could involve rephrasing the opening sentence to directly reference the contrast with science and technology, thereby reinforcing the essay’s overall coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "In addition," "To begin with," and "On the other hand," which help to clarify relationships between ideas. These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded. For instance, the essay primarily relies on basic conjunctions and transitional phrases, which, while effective, could be enhanced by incorporating more varied devices, such as referencing back to previous points or using synonyms to avoid repetition.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating more complex structures, such as relative clauses or participial phrases, to create smoother connections between ideas. For example, instead of saying "In addition to efficiently conveying stories and emotions," you might say, "Moreover, by efficiently conveying stories and emotions, artistic individuals…"

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, achieving a band score of 8. By focusing on enhancing transitions, clarifying topic sentences, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay could reach an even higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, with terms such as "artistic expression," "emotional responses," and "empathy." The use of phrases like "narrate stories" and "captivating experience" showcases an ability to articulate complex ideas. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more varied; for example, the repeated use of "art" and "artistic" could be diversified with synonyms such as "creative works" or "artistic endeavors."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "art," they could use "creative expression" or "visual arts" in different sections. Additionally, exploring more sophisticated adjectives or adverbs could elevate the overall lexical quality.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary accurately, with phrases like "convey the idea of peace" and "evoke patriotism" effectively communicating the intended meanings. However, the phrase "artistic individuals" could be seen as slightly vague; it might be more precise to refer to "artists" or "creators" to avoid redundancy and enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should aim to select words that convey exact meanings without ambiguity. For example, instead of "artistic individuals," using "artists" or specifying the type of artist (e.g., "painters" or "musicians") would clarify the subject. Additionally, ensuring that all terms used are contextually appropriate will strengthen the overall argument.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words such as "contemporary," "empathize," and "significant" are spelled correctly, reflecting a strong command of English spelling conventions.
- How to improve: While the spelling is correct, the writer should continue to practice spelling through reading and writing exercises. Engaging with diverse texts can help reinforce correct spelling patterns and familiarize the writer with less common vocabulary. Additionally, using tools such as spell checkers or writing apps can further ensure spelling accuracy in future essays.

Overall, the essay reflects a solid performance in Lexical Resource, achieving a band score of 7. By expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can aim for an even higher score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of introductory phrases such as "To begin with" and "In addition to" effectively organizes the essay and guides the reader through the arguments. The sentence "Consider wartime as an example; any piece of art that emerges during these times is likely to convey the idea of peace…" showcases a complex structure that effectively combines ideas. However, while there is a good range, some sentences could benefit from further complexity or variation in their construction to enhance engagement.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more varied sentence openings and lengths. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "In addition to" or "To begin with," try using participial phrases or adverbial clauses. Additionally, integrating more compound-complex sentences could enhance the sophistication of the writing. For example, you might combine ideas more fluidly, such as, "While science and technology focus on results, art, through its narratives, invites us to explore deeper emotional truths."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors that do not impede understanding. For instance, the phrase "artistic professionals such as painters, writers, and musicians continue to be highly respected" is grammatically sound and punctuated correctly. However, there are minor issues, such as the phrase "which renders art more significant in the hearts of people," where the use of "which" could be more clearly defined to avoid ambiguity. Additionally, the sentence "they also do not elicit strong emotional responses from the creators" could be misinterpreted as implying that creators do not experience emotions, rather than suggesting that the scientific process does not convey them.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to clarity in sentence construction. Avoid vague pronouns and ensure that each clause clearly refers back to its antecedent. For instance, rephrasing "which renders art more significant" to "this lack of emotional engagement renders art more significant" would clarify the subject. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, especially concerning the use of commas in complex sentences, can help prevent potential misunderstandings. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on sentence clarity can also contribute to improvement.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a band score of 8. With targeted improvements in sentence variety and clarity, the writer can elevate their work even further.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary context of ongoing scientific and technological advancements, artistic professionals, including painters, writers, and musicians, remain highly respected. This is due to the fact that various aspects of life can only be conveyed through artistic expression.

To begin with, artistic pieces tend to directly narrate stories and evoke emotions with minimal effort required from the creators. In contrast, science and technology are primarily focused on results. Consider wartime as an example; any piece of art that emerges during these times is likely to convey the idea of peace, narrate tragic stories, or evoke patriotism, all of which can be directly perceived as they tend to provoke strong emotional responses in humans. Science and technology primarily present the outcomes of their research findings, thus focusing our attention on the results rather than the narratives. They also do not typically elicit strong emotional responses from the creators.

In addition to efficiently conveying stories and emotions, artistic individuals have the capacity to enable viewers to perceive the world through their perspectives, enhancing the art-viewing experience and allowing everyone to empathize more deeply with their situations. For instance, “The Starry Night” by Vincent van Gogh allows the audience to look at the world through his point of view, making the art-viewing experience more captivating. By doing this, the audience can further empathize with his situation. On the other hand, science and technology do not possess this capability, which renders art more significant in the hearts of people.

To summarize, people continue to value artistic individuals because their work not only effectively conveys emotional stories but also enables others to perceive the world through their perspectives. This is what science and technology cannot achieve.