in your opinion, should tuong people choose their professional, or should their parents choose for them? give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

in your opinion, should tuong people choose their professional, or should their parents choose for them?
give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

In this day and age, everyone can give themselves a choice to go with their path of their careers. It is normally seen when they are teenagers. The young people always decide on more than one path as long as they have more time than the adult. Also, the adult can be a part of their decision as the one who was an experiencer.

First of all, every young person must have their first time to experience their field. Personally, most of them can be suggested by other people, normally adults. Some of them allowed their paths from parents, who are the closest people to give them some proper choices. Obviously, parents can only give them several choices that involve their field. Therefore, some teenagers have their own decision.

They are doing more research on websites, and asking the people in the same field to help throughout their process. In that way, they also achieved what they expected.

Summary, both of the ways are correct. In my opinion, some of them may fail both ways. For those who are helped by their parents, they are shaped by their parent’s path. They cannot follow their ideal choice. The advantage is that they can go directly to their success without too many different things. Following this, the young people that go their own way can go for the aim without being forced. On the other hand, the disadvantage is that they have to take a big risk when asking for strange people or without any people who stand for their side.

In conclusion, there will be some benefits and limitations when choosing their professions or within parents’ help. The ideal way to help them achieve success is having good knowledge about their careers and some tips from parents about their experience to apply for their path.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"In this day and age" -> "In contemporary times"
Explanation: "In this day and age" is a colloquial expression. "In contemporary times" is a more formal alternative that aligns better with academic writing.
"everyone can give themselves a choice" -> "individuals can make choices"
Explanation: "Give themselves a choice" is somewhat colloquial. "Individuals can make choices" is a clearer and more formal way to express the idea.
"go with their path of their careers" -> "pursue their career paths"
Explanation: "Go with their path of their careers" is redundant and awkward. "Pursue their career paths" is a concise and clearer alternative.
"The young people always decide on more than one path as long as they have more time than the adult." -> "Young individuals often consider multiple career paths, particularly when they have more time than adults."
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality. Replacing "always" with "often" makes the statement more precise.
"Also, the adult can be a part of their decision as the one who was an experiencer." -> "Additionally, adults can play a role in their decision-making process based on their own experiences."
Explanation: Clarifying the role of adults in decision-making. "Experiencer" is not a common term; "based on their own experiences" is more precise and formal.
"every young person must have their first time to experience their field" -> "every young person should have the opportunity to gain experience in their chosen field"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. "Should have the opportunity to gain experience" is more formal and precise.
"Personally, most of them can be suggested by other people, normally adults." -> "Generally, they receive suggestions from others, typically adults."
Explanation: "Personally" is unnecessary in this context. "Generally" is more formal. "Suggested by" is replaced with "receive suggestions from" for clarity and formality.
"Some of them allowed their paths from parents" -> "Some of them follow the paths suggested by their parents"
Explanation: "Allowed their paths" is unclear. "Follow the paths suggested by their parents" is more precise and formal.
"Obviously, parents can only give them several choices that involve their field." -> "Parents typically offer a limited number of choices within the field."
Explanation: "Obviously" is unnecessary and overly informal. "Several choices that involve their field" is awkward; "a limited number of choices within the field" is more concise and formal.
"Therefore, some teenagers have their own decision." -> "Therefore, some teenagers make their own decisions."
Explanation: The original phrase is unclear. "Make their own decisions" is more direct and formal.
"They are doing more research on websites, and asking the people in the same field to help throughout their process." -> "They conduct research on websites and seek guidance from professionals in the same field."
Explanation: "They are doing" is informal. "Conduct research" is a more formal alternative. "Throughout their process" is redundant and can be omitted.
"In that way, they also achieved what they expected." -> "In doing so, they achieve their desired outcomes."
Explanation: "In that way" is informal. "Achieve what they expected" can be improved for clarity and formality.
"Summary, both of the ways are correct." -> "In summary, both approaches are valid."
Explanation: "Summary" should be followed by a comma. "Both of the ways" is awkward; "both approaches" is more concise.
"For those who are helped by their parents" -> "For those who receive assistance from their parents"
Explanation: "Helped by" can be replaced with "receive assistance from" for clarity and formality.
"They cannot follow their ideal choice." -> "They may not be able to pursue their ideal choice."
Explanation: "Cannot follow" is somewhat informal. "May not be able to pursue" is more formal and precise.
"Following this, the young people that go their own way can go for the aim without being forced." -> "Conversely, young individuals who pursue their own path may strive for their goals without external pressure."
Explanation: Restructuring for clarity and formality. "Following this" is replaced with "Conversely" for better transition. "Go for the aim" is unclear; "strive for their goals" is more precise.
"On the other hand, the disadvantage is that they have to take a big risk when asking for strange people or without any people who stand for their side." -> "However, the drawback is that they face significant risks when seeking advice from unfamiliar sources or lacking support."
Explanation: "On the other hand" is replaced with "However" for better transition. "Asking for strange people" is unclear; "seeking advice from unfamiliar sources" is more precise.
"In conclusion, there will be some benefits and limitations when choosing their professions or within parents’ help." -> "In conclusion, there are both advantages and disadvantages to choosing professions with or without parental guidance."
Explanation: Restructuring for clarity and formality. "There will be some benefits and limitations" is replaced with "there are both advantages and disadvantages" for conciseness.
"The ideal way to help them achieve success is having good knowledge about their careers and some tips from parents about their experience to apply for their path." -> "An effective approach to facilitating their success involves acquiring a thorough understanding of their chosen careers and receiving guidance from parents based on their experiences."
Explanation: "The ideal way" is replaced with "An effective approach" for clarity. "Having good knowledge about their careers" is awkward; "acquiring a thorough understanding of their chosen careers" is more formal and precise. "Some tips from parents about their experience to apply for their path" is unclear; "receiving guidance from parents based on their experiences" is more precise and formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address all parts of the question by discussing both sides of the argument – whether young people should choose their profession themselves or rely on their parents’ guidance. However, the essay could provide a more comprehensive analysis by delving deeper into the implications of each approach and by providing more specific examples.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should offer a more detailed analysis of the advantages and disadvantages of both options. Providing specific examples or hypothetical scenarios would strengthen the argument and make it more convincing.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to present a clear position by suggesting that both ways of choosing a profession have their merits and drawbacks. However, the stance is somewhat ambiguous as the essay acknowledges the benefits and limitations of both options without clearly stating a preference.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the essay should explicitly state a clear position on whether young people should choose their profession themselves or rely on parental guidance. Providing a strong thesis statement early in the essay would help establish a clear stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth in their development and support. While it briefly discusses the role of parents and personal research in career decision-making, it lacks specific examples or elaboration to fully support these points.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, each idea should be expanded upon with detailed examples, anecdotes, or statistics. Providing concrete evidence and elaborating on each point would make the argument more persuasive and engaging.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by addressing the question of whether young people should choose their profession themselves or rely on parental guidance. However, there are instances where the discussion could be more focused, particularly in the conclusion where the argument becomes somewhat convoluted.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the central argument. Additionally, the conclusion should summarize the main points concisely and reiterate the author’s position without introducing new ideas.

Overall, while the essay addresses the prompt and presents some coherent arguments, there is room for improvement in terms of clarity, depth of analysis, and focus. By providing more specific examples, stating a clear position, and staying focused on the topic, the essay could achieve a higher band score for task response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of logical organization. Ideas are presented somewhat sequentially, with an attempt to introduce and develop the main points. However, transitions between ideas are sometimes abrupt or unclear, leading to occasional disruptions in the flow of thought. For instance, the essay begins by discussing the choices available to young people but transitions abruptly to discussing the role of parents without a smooth segue.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure a clear and smooth progression of ideas throughout the essay. Start with a clear introduction that sets up the discussion of both sides of the argument. Each paragraph should focus on a distinct aspect or argument, with clear transitions between them. Consider using transition words and phrases to guide the reader through the essay’s structure more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but their structure and effectiveness vary. There is an attempt to separate different ideas into paragraphs, but the transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. Additionally, some paragraphs lack coherence within themselves, with ideas sometimes appearing disjointed or loosely connected.
- How to improve: Work on refining paragraph structure to ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea or argument. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main point, followed by supporting details or examples. Ensure that each paragraph flows logically from the previous one, creating a cohesive progression of ideas throughout the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence. While there are some attempts to use cohesive devices such as pronouns (e.g., "they," "them") and transitional phrases (e.g., "first of all," "on the other hand"), their usage is inconsistent, and some transitions feel forced or unnatural. Additionally, there is a lack of variety in cohesive devices, with a reliance on a few common ones.
- How to improve: Expand the use of cohesive devices to include a wider range of connectors, pronouns, and transitional phrases. Use these devices more consistently throughout the essay to create smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Experiment with different types of cohesive devices to vary sentence structures and improve overall coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates some coherence and cohesion, there is room for improvement in terms of logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. By focusing on these areas and implementing the suggested improvements, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, leading to a more effective communication of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is evidence of attempts to use varied vocabulary, but the choices sometimes lack precision or appropriateness. For instance, phrases like "normally seen" and "more than one path" could be replaced with more specific terms to enhance clarity and richness of expression. Additionally, the repetition of certain words, such as "path" and "choice," limits the diversity of vocabulary.
- How to improve: To improve lexical resource, strive for more nuanced and varied vocabulary choices. Instead of using broad terms like "path," consider employing more specific terminology relevant to career choices or decision-making processes. Additionally, aim to avoid repetitive language by employing synonyms or rephrasing sentences to maintain reader engagement and demonstrate a broader vocabulary range.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, detracting from clarity and effectiveness of communication. For example, phrases like "go with their path of their careers" and "they also achieved what they expected" lack precision and could be clarified with more specific language. Furthermore, the use of vague terms like "strange people" undermines the clarity of the message.
- How to improve: To enhance precision in vocabulary usage, strive for clarity and specificity in expression. Instead of using ambiguous terms like "strange people," specify who these individuals are or what characteristics make them unfamiliar. Additionally, aim to replace generic phrases with more precise language that accurately conveys the intended meaning, thus strengthening the overall impact and effectiveness of the essay.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains an acceptable level of spelling accuracy, with only minor errors observed throughout. However, there are instances of misspellings and typographical errors, such as "tuong" instead of "young" and "achieved" instead of "achieve." While these errors do not significantly impede comprehension, they do detract from the overall professionalism and polish of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing strategies such as proofreading carefully before submission, utilizing spell-check tools, and practicing spelling through consistent writing exercises. Additionally, developing an awareness of common spelling patterns and frequently misspelled words can help mitigate errors and enhance the overall quality of written work.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of sentence structures. Simple, compound, and complex sentences are used, though the variety could be expanded further for greater richness and coherence. Instances of complex sentences include: "The young people always decide on more than one path as long as they have more time than the adult." However, there’s a tendency towards simplicity, and more complex structures could be integrated for a higher band score.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical range, aim to incorporate a broader array of sentence structures, such as conditional sentences, parallel structures, and clauses. For instance, you could introduce conditional sentences to speculate on hypothetical scenarios related to career choices. Moreover, varying sentence lengths and structures can improve the flow and engagement of the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that slightly detract from clarity and precision. For example, "In this day and age, everyone can give themselves a choice to go with their path of their careers" could be revised to "In this day and age, individuals can choose their own career paths." Additionally, there are punctuation errors and inconsistencies throughout the essay, such as missing commas and misuse of capitalization.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, consider revising sentences for clarity and coherence. Proofreading for punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences or incorrect usage of apostrophes, can enhance readability. Additionally, familiarizing yourself with common grammatical rules and structures, especially in complex sentences, can contribute to greater precision in expression. Utilize resources like grammar guides and online tools for practice and refinement.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competence in grammatical range and accuracy, there’s room for refinement to elevate the sophistication and precision of expression, ultimately enhancing the clarity and coherence of the argument.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary times, individuals are often faced with the decision of choosing their career paths, particularly during their teenage years when they have ample time for exploration. Additionally, adults, drawing from their own experiences, can offer valuable insights into this decision-making process.

First and foremost, it is imperative that every young person has the opportunity to gain firsthand experience in their chosen field. Typically, they receive suggestions from adults, often including their parents. While parental guidance is valuable, it usually entails a limited number of options within the chosen field. Consequently, some teenagers opt to make their own decisions.

These young individuals embark on thorough research via websites and seek guidance from professionals within their desired field. Through this proactive approach, they can successfully achieve their career objectives.

In summary, both approaches—receiving assistance from parents and forging one’s own path—are valid. However, each has its own set of advantages and disadvantages. Those who rely on parental guidance may find themselves restricted to their parents’ preferences, potentially hindering the pursuit of their ideal career. Conversely, young people who chart their own course have the freedom to pursue their goals without external pressures. Nonetheless, they face the risk of seeking advice from unfamiliar or unreliable sources.

In conclusion, there are merits and drawbacks to both choosing a profession with parental guidance and independently. A balanced approach to fostering success involves acquiring a comprehensive understanding of one’s chosen career and integrating parental guidance based on their experiences.