Information technology is changing many aspects of our lives and now dominates our home, leisure and work activities. To what extent do the benefits of information technology outweigh the disadvantages?

Numerous features of our lives such as our home, leisure, and work activities are being changed and dominated by information technology. I strongly believe that this practice’s benefits overshadow its drawbacks to a certain measure, which will be explored in this following essay.
One of the most significant benefits of information technology is the convenience it brings to communication. With just a phone on hand, scrolling through social media, individuals can connect to everyone they want, even those who are thousands of miles away thanks to the great development of the Internet system around the world. Effortless communication fosters relationships among people, leading to satisfaction in our emotional lives and increasing our overall well-being. Additionally, information technology is a great assistant in work and study. The Internet nowadays provides people with a wealth of useful information, helping them gain a clear understanding of various subjects and speeding up their decision-making process. For instance, Chat Gpt – a programmed chatbox is believed to significantly contribute to many students’ learning according to an article in the New York Times.

On the other hand, one huge disadvantage is the growing dependence on technology, especially in terms of entertainment. The Internet full of intriguing movies, catchy music, and engaging social media such as TikTok, Facebook, and Instagram makes it difficult for people to ignore it . Walking on the street in a random place where there are a lot of citizens, it is not hard to see a majority of people keeping their eyes on their smartphones and not caring about other things. It leads to a high level of procrastination and poor performance not only in work and study but also in personal life. Additionally, the rise of information technology raises concerns regarding data security and privacy. Technological today are comfortably approachable in many areas around the world, making it convenient for hackers to theft personal information for negative purposes including expropriation and defamation.
In conclusion, while information technology presents several downsides, its benefits in enhancing communication and work efficiency significantly outweigh the drawbacks.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Numerous features of our lives" -> "Various aspects of our lives"
Explanation: "Numerous" can be replaced with "Various" to maintain a more formal tone and to better suit the academic style, as "various" is more commonly used in formal writing to describe multiple aspects or elements.
"changed and dominated" -> "transformed and influenced"
Explanation: "Transformed" and "influenced" are more precise and academically appropriate terms than "changed and dominated," which can sound overly simplistic and slightly informal.
"this practice’s benefits" -> "the benefits of this practice"
Explanation: The possessive form "this practice’s" is grammatically incorrect. The correct form is "the benefits of this practice," which is grammatically correct and maintains the formal tone.
"to a certain measure" -> "to a certain extent"
Explanation: "To a certain measure" is an idiomatic expression that is less formal and less precise. "To a certain extent" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase.
"in this following essay" -> "in this essay"
Explanation: "In this following essay" is redundant and awkward. "In this essay" is the correct and concise form.
"With just a phone on hand" -> "With only a phone"
Explanation: "With just a phone on hand" is redundant and informal. "With only a phone" is more direct and formal.
"scrolling through social media" -> "browsing social media"
Explanation: "Scrolling" is informal and less precise; "browsing" is more formal and commonly used in academic contexts to describe navigating digital content.
"Effortless communication fosters relationships" -> "Effortless communication facilitates relationships"
Explanation: "Fosters" can be replaced with "facilitates" to provide a more precise and formal term that better fits the context of enhancing relationships through communication.
"The Internet nowadays provides people with" -> "The Internet currently offers"
Explanation: "Nowadays" is somewhat informal and vague; "currently" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"Chat Gpt – a programmed chatbox" -> "ChatGPT, a programmed chatbox"
Explanation: "Chat Gpt" should be "ChatGPT" to maintain proper capitalization and formatting for the name of the technology.
"is believed to significantly contribute" -> "is believed to significantly contribute to"
Explanation: The phrase "to significantly contribute" is grammatically incomplete without the preposition "to," which is necessary for the correct structure.
"The Internet full of" -> "The Internet is full of"
Explanation: "The Internet full of" is grammatically incorrect. "The Internet is full of" corrects the verb agreement and maintains the formal tone.
"not hard to see a majority of people" -> "not difficult to observe a majority of people"
Explanation: "Not hard to see" is informal and vague; "not difficult to observe" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"Technological today are comfortably approachable" -> "Technologies today are readily accessible"
Explanation: "Technological today are comfortably approachable" is awkward and incorrect. "Technologies today are readily accessible" corrects the grammatical error and uses a more precise term.
"to theft personal information" -> "to steal personal information"
Explanation: "To theft" is grammatically incorrect. "To steal" is the correct verb form, and it is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"expropriation and defamation" -> "expropriation and defamation"
Explanation: No change needed here, as "expropriation and defamation" are correct terms and do not require alteration for formality or clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the benefits and disadvantages of information technology. The author effectively identifies key benefits such as convenience in communication and assistance in work and study, while also noting disadvantages like dependence on technology and data security concerns. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit exploration of the extent to which benefits outweigh disadvantages. The phrase "to a certain measure" is vague and does not provide a clear indication of the author’s stance.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should clearly articulate the extent to which benefits outweigh disadvantages. This could involve quantifying the benefits and drawbacks or providing a more nuanced discussion that weighs specific examples against each other.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that the benefits of information technology outweigh its disadvantages. This position is stated in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion. However, the argument could be strengthened by consistently linking back to this position throughout the body paragraphs, particularly when discussing disadvantages.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the author should integrate phrases that reinforce their stance within the body paragraphs. For example, after discussing a disadvantage, the author could explicitly state how this disadvantage is mitigated by the benefits discussed earlier.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the convenience of communication and the risks of dependence on technology. However, some ideas are not fully developed. For instance, while the author mentions the role of ChatGPT in learning, they could provide more context or examples to illustrate its impact. Similarly, the discussion on data security could be expanded to include specific examples of data breaches or statistics to support the argument.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the author should aim to elaborate on key points with specific examples, statistics, or studies. This would not only strengthen the argument but also demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the benefits and disadvantages of information technology. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For example, the mention of social media could be more directly tied to the overarching theme of how it impacts communication and relationships rather than being presented as a standalone point.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central question of whether the benefits outweigh the disadvantages. This could involve revisiting the main argument at the beginning of each paragraph to ensure relevance.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear position, it would benefit from deeper exploration of ideas, clearer articulation of the extent of benefits versus disadvantages, and tighter focus on the central question throughout the body paragraphs.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs are logically organized, with the first paragraph discussing the benefits of information technology and the second addressing its disadvantages. This clear division helps the reader follow the argument. For example, the transition from discussing communication benefits to work and study efficiency is smooth and logical. However, the discussion of disadvantages could be better integrated to enhance the overall flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the benefits and disadvantages. For instance, after discussing the benefits, a sentence like "However, despite these advantages, there are notable drawbacks that must be considered" could provide a clearer transition to the next paragraph.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph has a clear main idea: the first focuses on benefits, while the second addresses disadvantages. However, the second paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that signal the main point of discussion.
- How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences of each paragraph. For example, the second paragraph could start with a sentence like, "Despite the numerous advantages, information technology also presents significant challenges." This would provide a clearer indication of the paragraph’s focus and enhance coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices, such as "additionally," "on the other hand," and "for instance." These devices help to connect ideas and provide examples effectively. However, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied to avoid repetition and enhance the sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "additionally," you could use "furthermore," "moreover," or "in addition." Additionally, using phrases like "in contrast" or "conversely" could enhance the discussion of disadvantages, making the argument more nuanced.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs and cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and sophistication of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "convenience," "dominates," "satisfaction," and "procrastination" being effectively employed. However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "information technology" and "communication," which appear multiple times without variation. This limits the lexical richness of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider using synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "information technology," alternatives like "digital technology" or "IT" could be introduced. Additionally, employing more varied adjectives and adverbs can help create a more dynamic and engaging narrative.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some precise vocabulary, such as "great development of the Internet system" and "wealth of useful information." However, there are instances of imprecise usage, such as "programmed chatbox," which could be more accurately described as "AI-driven chatbot" or simply "chatbot." The phrase "technological today" is also awkward and unclear.
- How to improve: Focus on clarity and specificity in word choice. Reviewing terms for their exact meanings and contexts can help. For example, replacing "technological today" with "current technological advancements" would enhance clarity. Additionally, using phrases that are more commonly accepted in academic writing can improve precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with only a few minor errors such as "theft" instead of "theft of" and "Chat Gpt" should be "ChatGPT." The phrase "in a random place where there are a lot of citizens" could be more concisely expressed, but it does not contain spelling errors.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. Reading the essay aloud can help catch errors that might be overlooked during silent reading. Additionally, using spell-check tools or apps can assist in identifying and correcting spelling mistakes before submission.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band Score of 6 for Lexical Resource, there are clear areas for improvement. Expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and ensuring spelling accuracy will contribute to a higher score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences such as "With just a phone on hand, scrolling through social media, individuals can connect to everyone they want, even those who are thousands of miles away thanks to the great development of the Internet system around the world." This sentence effectively combines multiple clauses to convey a comprehensive idea. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a reliance on similar structures, such as starting several sentences with "information technology is" or "the Internet."
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of structures, consider using different introductory phrases or clauses. For example, instead of starting with "information technology is," you could use "One notable aspect of information technology is…" or "In terms of convenience, information technology offers…" This will help to create a more engaging and varied writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains good grammatical accuracy, but there are a few errors that detract from the overall quality. For instance, the phrase "the great development of the Internet system around the world" could be more concisely expressed as "the significant development of the Internet globally." Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as the missing comma before "especially in terms of entertainment" and the incorrect use of "the Internet full of intriguing movies" which should be rephrased for clarity. The phrase "technological today are comfortably approachable" is also awkward and grammatically incorrect; it should be "technology today is easily accessible."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on proofreading for common errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement and punctuation. Consider breaking down complex sentences to ensure clarity and correctness. Additionally, reviewing rules for comma usage, especially in compound and complex sentences, will enhance your writing. Reading your essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and grammatical issues.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the noted areas for improvement will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

Numerous aspects of our lives, such as our home, leisure, and work activities, are being transformed and influenced by information technology. I strongly believe that the benefits of this practice outweigh its disadvantages to a certain extent, which will be explored in this essay.

One of the most significant advantages of information technology is the convenience it brings to communication. With only a phone in hand, browsing social media, individuals can connect with anyone they wish, even those who are thousands of miles away, thanks to the remarkable development of the Internet globally. Effortless communication facilitates relationships among people, leading to greater satisfaction in our emotional lives and enhancing our overall well-being. Additionally, information technology serves as a valuable assistant in both work and study. The Internet currently offers a wealth of useful information, helping individuals gain a clear understanding of various subjects and expediting their decision-making processes. For instance, ChatGPT, a programmed chatbox, is believed to significantly contribute to many students’ learning, as highlighted in an article in the New York Times.

On the other hand, one major disadvantage is the growing dependence on technology, particularly concerning entertainment. The Internet is full of intriguing movies, catchy music, and engaging social media platforms such as TikTok, Facebook, and Instagram, making it difficult for people to disengage. Walking down the street in a busy area, it is not difficult to observe a majority of people focused on their smartphones, seemingly indifferent to their surroundings. This behavior leads to a high level of procrastination and poor performance, not only in work and study but also in personal life. Furthermore, the rise of information technology raises concerns regarding data security and privacy. Technologies today are readily accessible in many parts of the world, making it convenient for hackers to steal personal information for malicious purposes, including expropriation and defamation.

In conclusion, while information technology presents several downsides, its benefits in enhancing communication and work efficiency significantly outweigh the drawbacks.