International travel is becoming cheaper, and countries are opening their doors to more and more tourists. Do the advantages of increased tourism outweigh its disadvantages?
International travel is becoming cheaper, and countries are opening their doors to more and more tourists. Do the advantages of increased tourism outweigh its disadvantages?
Many people argue that nowadays traveling around the world is becoming more easier duo to many countries are opening and tourism is not expensive. While are there many disadvantages to this view, i also believe these are outweigh by advantages.
On the one hand, this idea have some disadvantages because increasing tourist may bring a few negative things. It can be explained by the fact that many popular city where is destination of traveller usually face environment pollution. For example, once i retained a chance to travel Bangkok, i really surprised when i saw a lot of litters on streets, not only locals who lack of consiousness but also tourists. Therefore, increasing the number of tourism have certain disadvantage aspects.
On the other hand, there are a variety reasons why i also believe this notion have some benefits, mainly duo to the development of economic. This can be attributed to the fact that since Thailand open country with the world, this country became one of the most country has a GPD top 3 in Southeast Asian. For example, since Thailand allowed population trade and using Weed, which bring many travellers around the world come there, this make Thailand more develop.
In conclusion, while there are many disadvantage regarding environmental population, i aslo believe that the benefits from economic are more important, which make country step by step to become more grow.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"Many people argue that nowadays traveling around the world is becoming more easier duo to many countries are opening and tourism is not expensive." -> "Many individuals contend that traveling globally has become easier due to the increasing accessibility of various countries and the decreasing cost of tourism."
Explanation: Replacing "Many people argue" with "Many individuals contend" and "nowadays" with "globally" enhances the formality and specificity of the statement. "Easier duo to" is grammatically incorrect; "due to" is the correct preposition. "Decreasing cost of tourism" is more precise than "tourism is not expensive." -
"While are there many disadvantages to this view, i also believe these are outweigh by advantages." -> "While there are several disadvantages to this perspective, I also believe that these are outweighed by the advantages."
Explanation: Corrects grammatical errors ("While are there" to "While there are") and uses "I" instead of "i" for proper capitalization. "Outweighed" is the correct form of the verb "outweigh" in this context. -
"this idea have some disadvantages" -> "this perspective has some disadvantages"
Explanation: "This idea" should be "this perspective" to maintain consistency in terminology, and "has" is the correct verb form for the singular subject "idea." -
"increasing tourist may bring a few negative things" -> "increasing tourism may bring several negative consequences"
Explanation: "Tourism" is the correct noun form, and "several negative consequences" is more specific and formal than "a few negative things." -
"many popular city where is destination of traveller" -> "many popular cities that are destinations for travelers"
Explanation: Corrects grammatical errors ("where" to "that are destinations for") and uses "travelers" for the plural form. -
"i really surprised" -> "I was really surprised"
Explanation: Capitalizes "I" for proper grammatical structure and uses the past continuous tense "was" to correctly describe the past experience. -
"a lot of litters on streets" -> "a significant amount of litter on the streets"
Explanation: "Litters" is incorrect; "litter" is the singular form. "Significant amount" is more precise than "a lot of." -
"increasing the number of tourism have certain disadvantage aspects" -> "increasing tourism has certain disadvantages"
Explanation: "Tourism" should be singular, and "disadvantages" is the correct plural form. -
"there are a variety reasons why i also believe this notion have some benefits" -> "there are several reasons why I also believe this notion has some benefits"
Explanation: Corrects "a variety" to "several" for precision, capitalizes "I," and uses "has" for the singular subject "notion." -
"mainly duo to the development of economic" -> "mainly due to the development of the economy"
Explanation: Corrects "duo" to "due" and "economic" to "the economy" for grammatical correctness and clarity. -
"since Thailand open country with the world" -> "since Thailand opened its borders to the world"
Explanation: "Open" should be "opened" for verb tense consistency, and "opened its borders to the world" is a more precise and formal expression. -
"this make Thailand more develop" -> "this makes Thailand more developed"
Explanation: Corrects "make" to "makes" for subject-verb agreement and "develop" to "developed" for the correct form of the adjective. -
"i aslo believe that the benefits from economic are more important" -> "I also believe that the economic benefits are more important"
Explanation: Capitalizes "I" and corrects "aslo" to "also" for spelling. "Benefits from economic" is awkward; "economic benefits" is more direct and formal. -
"which make country step by step to become more grow" -> "which enables the country to grow step by step"
Explanation: "Make country step by step to become more grow" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Enables the country to grow step by step" is grammatically correct and clearer.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of increased tourism. However, it lacks a thorough exploration of both sides. The mention of environmental pollution as a disadvantage is too vague and lacks depth. The economic benefits are mentioned, but the argument is not fully developed or supported with relevant examples. The essay does not clearly state whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, which is crucial for a complete response to the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly outline both the advantages and disadvantages in separate paragraphs, providing specific examples and evidence for each point. A clear conclusion should restate the position on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, supported by the arguments made in the body.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, but this position is not consistently clear throughout the essay. Phrases like "i also believe these are outweigh by advantages" are confusing and lack clarity. The transition between discussing disadvantages and advantages is abrupt, which can lead to reader confusion regarding the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: The writer should clearly state their position in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion. Using transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument will help maintain clarity. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that reflects the main idea will strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as environmental pollution and economic development, but these ideas are not well-developed or supported. For instance, the example of Bangkok lacks detail and does not effectively illustrate the point about pollution. The economic argument regarding Thailand is also vague and lacks specific data or examples to substantiate the claim of economic growth.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made. This could include statistics, studies, or specific instances that illustrate the impact of tourism on the environment and economy. Expanding on each idea with relevant details will strengthen the argument and make it more persuasive.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing tourism’s advantages and disadvantages. However, there are moments where the focus is lost, particularly in the economic argument, which veers into unrelated territory (e.g., the mention of "Weed" without context). This distracts from the main argument and does not contribute to the discussion of tourism.
- How to improve: The writer should ensure that all points made are directly relevant to the topic of tourism. Avoiding tangential discussions and maintaining a clear focus on the prompt will help keep the essay on track. Each point should be directly tied back to the question of whether the advantages of tourism outweigh its disadvantages.
In summary, to improve the essay, the writer should focus on clearly addressing all parts of the prompt, maintaining a consistent position, providing well-supported ideas, and staying on topic. Expanding the essay to meet the word count requirement will also enhance its overall quality.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a basic structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the organization of ideas lacks clarity and logical progression. For instance, the transition from discussing disadvantages to advantages is abrupt, and the points made within each paragraph are not fully developed. The argument about environmental pollution is introduced but not sufficiently elaborated upon, while the economic benefits are mentioned but lack specific examples or detailed analysis.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that outline the main idea. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus and that supporting details are relevant and well-explained. Additionally, using transitional phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "In contrast," "For instance") can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their effectiveness is limited. The first body paragraph discusses disadvantages but does not clearly separate different points, leading to a somewhat disjointed reading experience. The second body paragraph attempts to discuss advantages but also lacks depth and clarity, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea. For example, the first paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on environmental issues and another on social impacts of tourism. This would allow for a more thorough exploration of each point. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which help to contrast the two sides of the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences lack clear connections, making the text feel fragmented. For example, phrases like "this idea have some disadvantages" could be better connected to the previous sentence for clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a broader range of linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "In addition," "Conversely," and "Consequently." This will help create a more fluid reading experience. Additionally, ensure that pronouns and synonyms are used effectively to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can enhance cohesion throughout the essay.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary, but it lacks variety and sophistication. Phrases like "traveling around the world," "many countries are opening," and "not expensive" are quite simplistic and repetitive. The use of "a few negative things" and "certain disadvantage aspects" indicates a limited vocabulary that does not effectively convey the complexity of the topic.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more advanced terms. For example, instead of "not expensive," phrases like "affordable" or "cost-effective" could be used. Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives and adverbs would enrich the language, such as "significant environmental challenges" instead of "a few negative things."
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, "duo" should be "due," and "environment pollution" should be "environmental pollution." The phrase "this idea have some disadvantages" is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity, as it should be "this idea has some disadvantages." Furthermore, "the number of tourism" should be "the number of tourists."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using the correct forms of words and ensuring grammatical accuracy. It would be beneficial to proofread the essay for common errors and to practice using vocabulary in context. Utilizing resources like a thesaurus or vocabulary lists related to tourism could also help in selecting more appropriate words.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains multiple spelling errors, such as "easier" (which is correct, but "duo" should be "due"), "i" (should be capitalized as "I"), "litters" (should be "litter"), "consiousness" (should be "consciousness"), "GPD" (should be "GDP"), and "aslo" (should be "also"). These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, perhaps using flashcards or spelling apps. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times or using spell-check tools can help catch errors before submission. Reading more widely can also improve spelling through exposure to correctly spelled words in context.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and attempts to discuss both advantages and disadvantages of increased tourism, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Many sentences are simple or compound, lacking complexity. For example, phrases like "this idea have some disadvantages" and "this notion have some benefits" reflect a basic sentence structure that does not effectively convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the use of conjunctions is minimal, leading to a repetitive sentence style.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences, such as those using relative clauses (e.g., "Many popular cities, which are tourist destinations, often face environmental pollution"). Using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences will help create a more engaging and sophisticated writing style. Practicing sentence transformation exercises can also aid in this area.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For instance, "traveling around the world is becoming more easier" should be corrected to "more easy" or "easier," as "more" is redundant with the comparative form. The phrase "duo to many countries are opening" is grammatically incorrect; it should be "due to many countries opening." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect capitalization (e.g., "i" should be "I"). The use of "have" instead of "has" in "this idea have some disadvantages" indicates a subject-verb agreement error.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of comparative forms. Regular grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, can help. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation and capitalization errors before submission is crucial. Reading the essay aloud can also assist in identifying awkward phrases and grammatical mistakes.
In summary, while the essay presents a clear argument, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will significantly elevate the overall quality of the writing. Engaging in targeted practice and thorough proofreading will be beneficial steps toward achieving a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
Many individuals contend that traveling globally has become easier due to the increasing accessibility of various countries and the decreasing cost of tourism. While there are several disadvantages to this perspective, I also believe that these are outweighed by the advantages.
On the one hand, this perspective has some disadvantages because increasing tourism may bring several negative consequences. It can be explained by the fact that many popular cities that are destinations for travelers often face environmental pollution. For example, when I had the opportunity to visit Bangkok, I was really surprised to see a significant amount of litter on the streets, caused not only by locals who lack awareness but also by tourists. Therefore, increasing tourism has certain disadvantages.
On the other hand, there are several reasons why I also believe this notion has some benefits, mainly due to the development of the economy. This can be attributed to the fact that since Thailand opened its borders to the world, the country has become one of the top three in GDP in Southeast Asia. For instance, since Thailand allowed the trade and use of cannabis, it has attracted many travelers from around the globe, which enables the country to grow step by step.
In conclusion, while there are many disadvantages regarding environmental pollution, I also believe that the economic benefits are more important, which makes the country gradually develop.