Is it good for children to start using computers from an early age and spend long hours on them? Discuss the advantages and disadvantages.

Today, juvenile exposure to computers has been on the increase, with some kids devoting hours after hours to their devices. Positively speaking, computer usage at such young ages has been found to aid tremendously in a child’s future advancement. Conversely, there may also come certain demerits, notably the possibility that kids who spend too much of their time glued to the computer screen can develop addiction. This essay aims to give readers insight into both sides of the plausible impacts of computers on children.

To start with, in this modern age of technology, the ability to use computers has become increasingly crucial in almost any professions and academics. This leads a lot of people to believe that learning to use computers at an earlier age equals more success in future careers. To actually understand this possible relationship between computers and children, a great number of studies have been conducted, many of which confirm that allowing youngsters near the computer enables them to develop a wide range of technical knowledge, including basic device management, online researching, and the ability to use office applications, famously Powerpoint, Excel, or Word. Based on this idea, many developed countries, like Japan and Korea, introduced Information Technology to students in very early grades.

Nonetheless, young computer users are unfortunately highly susceptible to certain degrees of addiction. Aside from being informative, computers can also offer recreation, often derived from video games, social media, and video-sharing websites. These amusements are reported by many parents to occupy too much of their offspring’s time, driving them away from homework, housework, and outdoor activities as a result. In the worst cases, computer addiction among children may be related to illegal and detrimental activities, notably gambling, scamming, or sexual materials.

In conclusion, while there can be skills that kids earn from using computers, which may benefit them in the future, incorrect usage and a lack of parental guidance render them vulnerable to addiction.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"juvenile exposure to computers" -> "exposure of juveniles to computers"
Explanation: The phrase "exposure of juveniles to computers" is more formal and precise, aligning better with academic style by using the passive voice to emphasize the action of exposure rather than the subjects.
"hours after hours" -> "hours on end"
Explanation: "Hours on end" is a more formal and precise expression than "hours after hours," which is somewhat colloquial and vague.
"aid tremendously" -> "significantly aid"
Explanation: "Significantly aid" is more academically appropriate as it avoids the colloquial tone of "tremendously," which can be seen as overly emphatic in formal writing.
"certain demerits" -> "certain drawbacks"
Explanation: "Drawbacks" is a more specific and formal term than "demerits," which is somewhat archaic and less commonly used in modern academic writing.
"kids who spend too much of their time glued to the computer screen" -> "children who spend excessive time on computer screens"
Explanation: "Children who spend excessive time on computer screens" is more formal and avoids the colloquial expression "glued to," which is informal and less precise.
"This essay aims to give readers insight" -> "This essay seeks to provide readers with insight"
Explanation: "Seeks to provide readers with insight" is more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone of the introduction.
"almost any professions" -> "almost all professions"
Explanation: "Almost all professions" is grammatically correct and more precise, avoiding the awkward construction of "almost any professions."
"This leads a lot of people to believe" -> "This has led many to believe"
Explanation: "Has led many to believe" is more formal and avoids the colloquial "a lot of people," which is less suitable for academic writing.
"famously Powerpoint, Excel, or Word" -> "notably PowerPoint, Excel, or Word"
Explanation: "Notably" is more appropriate in formal writing than "famously," which is typically used to describe widespread recognition rather than mere mention.
"young computer users are unfortunately highly susceptible" -> "young computer users are unfortunately highly susceptible to"
Explanation: Adding "to" after "susceptible" corrects the grammatical structure, making the sentence more formal and complete.
"Aside from being informative, computers can also offer recreation" -> "In addition to their educational value, computers also offer recreational activities"
Explanation: "In addition to their educational value, computers also offer recreational activities" is more formal and clarifies the type of recreational activities being referred to.
"occupy too much of their offspring’s time" -> "consume an excessive amount of their children’s time"
Explanation: "Consume an excessive amount of their children’s time" is more formal and precise, replacing the less formal "occupy too much of their offspring’s time."
"driving them away from" -> "distracting them from"
Explanation: "Distracting them from" is a more precise and formal way to describe the effect of computer use on children’s activities.
"computer addiction among children may be related to" -> "computer addiction among children could be linked to"
Explanation: "Could be linked to" is a more cautious and academically appropriate phrase than "may be related to," which is somewhat vague and less formal.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of children using computers from an early age. The first paragraph outlines the positive aspects, such as the development of technical skills and the importance of computer literacy for future success. The second paragraph discusses the negative consequences, particularly the risk of addiction and its associated problems. This balanced approach demonstrates an understanding of the prompt’s requirements.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could provide more specific examples or statistics to support the claims made about both advantages and disadvantages. For instance, citing studies that quantify the benefits of early computer use or the prevalence of addiction could strengthen the argument and provide a more comprehensive answer to the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that acknowledges both sides of the argument. However, the conclusion could be more definitive in stating the writer’s stance on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages or vice versa. The phrase "while there can be skills that kids earn from using computers" suggests a positive view, but it lacks a strong concluding statement that encapsulates the overall position.
- How to improve: To improve clarity of position, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint in the conclusion. A clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the writer’s perspective would also help guide the reader throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented logically, with the advantages discussed first followed by the disadvantages. However, the support for these ideas could be more robust. While the essay mentions studies and parental observations, it does not delve deeply into how these factors specifically impact children or provide detailed examples of the skills gained or the nature of the addiction.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should include more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, elaborating on specific skills learned through computer use or describing the psychological effects of addiction on children would provide a deeper understanding of the issues discussed.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic of children using computers, discussing both the positive and negative aspects. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For example, the mention of "illegal and detrimental activities" could be more directly tied to the context of computer use rather than being a broad statement about potential outcomes.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the prompt. This can be achieved by explicitly linking examples and arguments to the central question of whether early computer use is beneficial or harmful, thereby reinforcing the relevance of each point made.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the two sides of the argument. The body paragraphs are organized into distinct sections that discuss the advantages and disadvantages of early computer use. For instance, the first body paragraph effectively highlights the benefits, such as the development of technical skills, while the second body paragraph addresses the potential risks of addiction. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother to enhance the overall logical flow.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of the second body paragraph to signal a shift in focus. For example, starting with "On the other hand," or "Conversely," would help the reader anticipate the change in perspective. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence can further clarify the main idea being discussed.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the discussion. The introduction sets the stage, and the body paragraphs are dedicated to the pros and cons of computer use. However, the conclusion could be more distinct, as it currently feels somewhat merged with the last body paragraph.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, ensure that the conclusion is clearly delineated from the body paragraphs. This can be achieved by starting the conclusion on a new line and using a phrase like "In conclusion," or "To summarize," to signal the end of the discussion. Additionally, consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones if they contain multiple ideas, which can make the text easier to read and understand.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "notably," "for instance," and "conversely," which help to connect ideas and provide clarity. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, use "furthermore," "in addition," or "however" to create smoother transitions between sentences and ideas. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can enhance cohesion and reduce repetition. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "computers," you could use "these devices" or "such technology" in subsequent mentions.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "juvenile exposure," "demerits," "addiction," and "technical knowledge." However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more varied and sophisticated. For example, phrases like "hours after hours" could be replaced with "prolonged periods" or "extended durations" for greater lexical variety. Additionally, the phrase "the ability to use computers has become increasingly crucial" could be enhanced by using synonyms for "crucial," such as "essential" or "indispensable."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms to avoid repetition. Keeping a thesaurus handy while writing can help identify alternative expressions. Furthermore, reading a variety of texts can expose the writer to different vocabulary usages, which can be incorporated into future essays.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some precise vocabulary, such as "technical knowledge" and "addiction." However, there are areas where word choice could be improved for clarity. For instance, the term "glued to the computer screen" is somewhat informal and could be replaced with "excessively engaged with computer screens" to convey a more academic tone. Additionally, the phrase "notably the possibility that kids who spend too much of their time" could be rephrased for clarity to "particularly the risk that children who excessively engage with computers."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using more formal language and ensuring that the chosen words accurately convey the intended meaning. Reviewing academic writing resources can provide insights into more precise vocabulary choices. Practicing paraphrasing sentences can also help in selecting the most appropriate words.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good level of spelling accuracy, with no glaring errors. Words such as "profession," "addiction," and "information" are spelled correctly, contributing positively to the overall readability of the essay. However, the phrase "introduced Information Technology" should have "Information Technology" in lowercase unless it starts a sentence, as it is not a proper noun.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on capitalization rules and common spelling errors. Utilizing spell-check tools can also be beneficial, but it is essential to manually review the text to catch any contextual errors that automated tools might miss. Regular practice with spelling exercises can further solidify spelling skills.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band 6 for Lexical Resource, there are clear opportunities for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future IELTS writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and compound sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "the ability to use computers has become increasingly crucial in almost any professions and academics" showcases a complex structure that effectively conveys the idea. Additionally, the transition phrases such as "To start with" and "Nonetheless" help in organizing the essay logically. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a reliance on similar structures, such as "this leads a lot of people to believe" and "this essay aims to give readers insight." This can detract from the overall sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should experiment with different ways to start sentences and incorporate more varied conjunctions and transition phrases. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "this," the writer could use participial phrases or adverbial clauses to introduce ideas. Additionally, incorporating more conditional sentences (e.g., "If children use computers wisely, they can gain valuable skills") could add depth to the argument.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For example, the phrase "juvenile exposure to computers has been on the increase" is grammatically correct, but the use of "hours after hours" could be more effectively expressed as "hour after hour." Additionally, the sentence "this leads a lot of people to believe that learning to use computers at an earlier age equals more success in future careers" could be improved by clarifying the subject and ensuring subject-verb agreement. Punctuation is generally well-handled, although there are a few instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "notably" in the sentence discussing addiction.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and the use of singular/plural forms. Regular proofreading can help catch minor errors before submission. For punctuation, practicing the use of commas in complex sentences and before conjunctions in lists can enhance clarity. For instance, revising "notably gambling, scamming, or sexual materials" to "notably, gambling, scamming, or exposure to sexual materials" would improve readability and grammatical precision.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Today, the exposure of juveniles to computers has been on the rise, with some children devoting hours on end to their devices. On a positive note, computer usage at such young ages has been found to significantly aid in a child’s future advancement. Conversely, there are certain drawbacks, particularly the risk that children who spend excessive time on computer screens may develop an addiction. This essay seeks to provide readers with insight into both the advantages and disadvantages of computer use among children.

To begin with, in this modern age of technology, the ability to use computers has become increasingly crucial in almost all professions and academic fields. This has led many to believe that learning to use computers at an earlier age equates to greater success in future careers. To understand this potential relationship between computers and children, numerous studies have been conducted, many of which confirm that allowing youngsters access to computers enables them to develop a wide range of technical skills, including basic device management, online research, and proficiency in office applications, notably PowerPoint, Excel, or Word. Based on this premise, many developed countries, such as Japan and South Korea, have introduced Information Technology education to students in very early grades.

Nonetheless, young computer users are unfortunately highly susceptible to certain degrees of addiction. In addition to their educational value, computers also offer recreational activities, often stemming from video games, social media, and video-sharing websites. These distractions are reported by many parents to consume an excessive amount of their children’s time, diverting them from homework, household chores, and outdoor activities as a result. In the worst cases, computer addiction among children could be linked to illegal and harmful activities, such as gambling, scamming, or exposure to inappropriate content.

In conclusion, while there are valuable skills that children can acquire from using computers, which may benefit them in the future, improper usage and a lack of parental guidance can render them vulnerable to addiction.