It is a natural process that animal species such as dinosaurs become extinct. There is no reason for people to prevent this from happening. Do you agree or disagree?

It is a natural process that animal species such as dinosaurs become extinct. There is no reason for people to prevent this from happening.
Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, many people believe that animal’s extinction is a natural process so there is no need for human activities to protect endangered species. From my perspective, I totally disagree with this point of view for several reasons.

First and foremost, I would argue that the various animal species become extinct due to human activities. Firstly, some human acts such as littering, deforesting, and dumping chemical waste can cause harm to the natural environment, resulting in the significant loss of habitats of many animals. Consequently, these animal species may be martyrs to extinction due to the lack of environment for living and breeding. Secondly, many hunters poach rare species for their valuable meat and products, potentially leading to a substantial decrease in the number of these animals. This can cause extinction of these animal species.

Furthermore, I believe individuals need to join hands to protect the endangered animals from disappearance because of the benefits they bring to the community. To begin with, all animals play a pivotal role in keeping balance for the ecosystem, so natural disasters are less likely to happen. Therefore, if all animals are highly preserved, humans may not suffer from substantial loss of persons and property from serious disasters. Moreover, animal species conservation means protecting and promoting biodiversity, providing a wider range of animal species. As a result, these new animal species can be experimented to research medicines for incurable diseases.

In conclusion, I strongly disagree with the view that extinction is a natural process and it is not necessary to preserve endangered animals for two main reasons. At first, extinction stems from human activities. In addition, animal species can play a vital role in preventing natural disasters and creating new medicines.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "Nowadays, many people believe that animal’s extinction is a natural process so there is no need for human activities to protect endangered species." -> "Currently, numerous individuals hold the belief that the extinction of animals is a natural process, and therefore, human intervention to protect endangered species is deemed unnecessary."
   Explanation: Replacing "Nowadays" with "Currently" provides a more formal and precise temporal reference. Additionally, rephrasing the sentence enhances the overall clarity and formality.

2. "From my perspective, I totally disagree with this point of view for several reasons." -> "From my standpoint, I vehemently disagree with this perspective for several reasons."
   Explanation: Substituting "totally" with "vehemently" adds emphasis and formality to the expression of disagreement. The replacement of "point of view" with "perspective" contributes to a more formal tone.

3. "First and foremost, I would argue that the various animal species become extinct due to human activities." -> "Primarily, I would contend that various animal species face extinction as a result of human activities."
   Explanation: The replacement of "First and foremost" with "Primarily" maintains the sequential structure while adopting a more sophisticated term. Additionally, the use of "contend" enhances the formality of the argument.

4. "Firstly, some human acts such as littering, deforesting, and dumping chemical waste can cause harm to the natural environment, resulting in the significant loss of habitats of many animals." -> "To begin with, certain human activities, such as littering, deforestation, and the disposal of chemical waste, can inflict harm on the natural environment, leading to the substantial loss of habitats for numerous animals."
   Explanation: The substitution of "Firstly" with "To begin with" aligns with a more formal transition. The rephrasing of the sentence incorporates a more elaborate structure and precise language for a formal tone.

5. "Consequently, these animal species may be martyrs to extinction due to the lack of environment for living and breeding." -> "Consequently, these animal species may succumb to extinction owing to the degradation of their habitats necessary for living and breeding."
   Explanation: Replacing "martyrs to extinction" with "succumb to extinction" offers a more accurate and formal expression. The refined language enhances the overall academic tone.

6. "Furthermore, I believe individuals need to join hands to protect the endangered animals from disappearance because of the benefits they bring to the community." -> "Furthermore, I contend that collective efforts are imperative to safeguard endangered animals from disappearing, given the benefits they confer upon the community."
   Explanation: The substitution of "believe" with "contend" adds a stronger assertion, and the use of "collective efforts" and "imperative" contributes to a more formal and precise expression.

7. "To begin with, all animals play a pivotal role in keeping balance for the ecosystem, so natural disasters are less likely to happen." -> "Firstly, all animals play a pivotal role in maintaining the balance of the ecosystem, thereby reducing the likelihood of natural disasters."
   Explanation: Replacing "To begin with" with "Firstly" maintains a formal transition. The adjustment of "keeping balance for" to "maintaining the balance of" enhances precision and formality.

8. "Therefore, if all animals are highly preserved, humans may not suffer from substantial loss of persons and property from serious disasters." -> "Therefore, the preservation of all animals at a high level may mitigate the substantial loss of lives and property that can result from serious disasters."
   Explanation: The use of "mitigate" and the restructuring of the sentence contribute to a more formal and precise expression.

9. "In conclusion, I strongly disagree with the view that extinction is a natural process and it is not necessary to preserve endangered animals for two main reasons." -> "In conclusion, I emphatically disagree with the perspective that extinction is a natural process and argue that it is essential to preserve endangered animals for two primary reasons."
   Explanation: Substituting "strongly" with "emphatically" adds emphasis, and the use of "argue" strengthens the assertion. The replacement of "view" with "perspective" contributes to a more formal tone.

10. "At first, extinction stems from human activities." -> "Initially, extinction arises from human activities."
    Explanation: The substitution of "At first" with "Initially" aligns with a more formal transition, and the restructuring of the sentence enhances clarity and formality.

11. "In addition, animal species can play a vital role in preventing natural disasters and creating new medicines." -> "Furthermore, animal species play a vital role in both averting natural disasters and contributing to the development of new medicines."
    Explanation: The use of "Furthermore" contributes to a smooth transition, and the restructuring of the sentence enhances precision and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question. It recognizes the perspective that animal extinction is a natural process and firmly disagrees, providing reasons for this stance.
  • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, consider providing a brief summary of the opposing viewpoint before presenting your argument. This can show a more nuanced understanding of the topic.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout. The stance against the natural process of extinction is evident in the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
  • How to improve: Continue to reinforce your main argument throughout the essay, ensuring each paragraph aligns with and supports your position.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. Examples include citing human activities such as littering and hunting as causes of extinction and elaborating on the benefits of preserving animal species.
  • How to improve: To further enhance this, provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will add depth and credibility to your argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, discussing the reasons behind animal extinction and the need for human intervention to prevent it.
  • How to improve: Ensure each paragraph directly relates to the prompt. In the second body paragraph, the discussion of natural disasters may slightly deviate from the main topic. While relevant, connect it explicitly to the impact of animal extinction.

Overall Comments:

This essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively argues against the idea that animal extinction is a natural process. The structure is clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs supporting the main argument, and a conclusion summarizing key points. To enhance the response, consider incorporating a brief acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint, providing more specific examples, and ensuring each paragraph is tightly focused on the central theme. Additionally, strive for a balance in the depth of analysis across all aspects, addressing each point with similar thoroughness. Overall, a well-constructed essay with room for refinement in detail and balance.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally logical organization, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs presenting arguments, and a conclusion. The introduction introduces the stance clearly, and subsequent paragraphs follow a logical progression of ideas. For instance, it begins by addressing the reasons for animal extinction and then moves to the importance of protecting endangered species.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining the transition between paragraphs for a smoother flow. Ensure that each paragraph builds on the previous one, creating a seamless progression of ideas.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to the overall coherence. However, the fourth paragraph is quite lengthy and could benefit from breaking down into smaller paragraphs to improve readability.
  • How to improve: Break down the fourth paragraph into smaller ones, each addressing a distinct point. This helps readers follow the argument more easily, enhancing the overall structure.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "firstly," "secondly," "furthermore," and "in conclusion," effectively guiding the reader through the essay’s structure. Pronouns like "this" and "these" are used appropriately to link ideas within sentences.
  • How to improve: To further diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating more advanced linking words (e.g., "moreover," "nevertheless," "consequently") to add sophistication to the essay’s overall coherence. Additionally, ensure that the pronouns used are unambiguous and do not create confusion for the reader.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a commendable level of coherence and cohesion, refining the transition between paragraphs and breaking down a lengthy paragraph can enhance the logical organization and structure. Introducing more sophisticated cohesive devices would further elevate the essay’s overall coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use varied words and phrases throughout the essay. For instance, words like "extinction," "deforesting," "martyrs," and "poach" contribute to the diversity of vocabulary.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating more sophisticated synonyms and expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using the term "animal species," explore alternatives like "fauna" or "biota." Additionally, vary sentence structures to exhibit a more nuanced command of language.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with clarity, but there are instances where word choices could be more precise. For example, the use of "martyrs to extinction" might be confusing, and a more straightforward term like "victims" or "contributors" could improve clarity.
  • How to improve: Aim for precision in word choice, especially when conveying complex ideas. Instead of using metaphorical expressions that might be open to interpretation, opt for direct and precise language. Proofread to ensure that each word accurately conveys the intended meaning.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, spelling accuracy is satisfactory. There are no glaring spelling errors in the essay.
  • How to improve: While the spelling is generally correct, it’s essential to remain vigilant. Proofread the essay carefully to catch any potential spelling mistakes or typos. Additionally, consider expanding the range of vocabulary to challenge spelling skills further.

In conclusion, the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, but there is room for improvement in terms of both diversity and precision. Attention to detail in word choice and a more varied use of expressions would contribute to a higher lexical resource score. Spelling accuracy is commendable but should be maintained through thorough proofreading.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures. Simple, compound, and complex sentences are utilized effectively throughout the essay. For instance, complex sentences are employed when discussing the causes of extinction: "Consequently, these animal species may be martyrs to extinction due to the lack of environment for living and breeding." This showcases a variety of structures, contributing to coherence and sophistication.
  • How to improve: While the essay displays a good variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures where appropriate to further enhance the overall fluency and sophistication of the writing. Experiment with the use of clauses and phrases to add depth to your sentences.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally high level of grammatical accuracy. The usage of grammar and punctuation is sound, with correct sentence structures and appropriately placed punctuation marks. For instance, "Furthermore, I believe individuals need to join hands to protect the endangered animals from disappearance because of the benefits they bring to the community" is grammatically correct and effectively conveys the intended message.
  • How to improve: While the overall grammatical accuracy is strong, pay attention to subject-verb agreement in more complex sentence structures. Additionally, ensure consistency in tense usage throughout the essay. For instance, there is a shift from past to present tense in the sentence "Consequently, these animal species may be martyrs to extinction," which can be refined for greater consistency.

Overall, the essay exhibits a solid command of grammatical structures and a commendable range of sentence structures. To improve, focus on refining complex sentence structures and maintaining consistency in tense usage for enhanced coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the present day, there is a widespread belief that the extinction of animals is a natural occurrence, and as a result, human efforts to protect endangered species are considered unnecessary. From my standpoint, I strongly disagree with this perspective for several reasons.

Primarily, I would contend that various animal species face extinction due to human activities. Firstly, certain human actions, such as littering, deforestation, and the disposal of chemical waste, can cause harm to the natural environment, resulting in a significant loss of habitats for many animals. Consequently, these animal species may face extinction due to the degradation of their habitats essential for living and breeding. Additionally, the poaching of rare species by hunters for their valuable meat and products can potentially lead to a substantial decrease in the number of these animals, contributing to their extinction.

Furthermore, I argue that collective efforts are imperative to safeguard endangered animals from disappearing, given the benefits they confer upon the community. Initially, all animals play a pivotal role in maintaining the balance of the ecosystem, thereby reducing the likelihood of natural disasters. Therefore, the preservation of all animals at a high level may mitigate the substantial loss of lives and property that can result from serious disasters. Moreover, the conservation of animal species means protecting and promoting biodiversity, providing a wider range of animal species. This, in turn, allows for experimentation with new animal species to research medicines for incurable diseases.

In conclusion, I emphatically disagree with the perspective that extinction is a natural process and argue that it is essential to preserve endangered animals for two primary reasons. Initially, extinction arises from human activities. Furthermore, animal species play a vital role in both averting natural disasters and contributing to the development of new medicines.