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It is better for college students to live in schools than live at home with their parents. Do you agree or disagree?

It is better for college students to live in schools than live at home with their parents. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, some people argue that students who live away from their family after graduating high school are in a better situation than those who do not. From my perspective, I completely agree with this point of view.
Firstly, according to a Stanford University study, students staying in dorms or rented rooms instead of living with the family will develop a sense of independence and face better with life’s difficulties. In fact, people living without supervision and assistance from their parents will encourage them to learn self-care skills. For example, they can do household chores, cool meals or pay bills on their own, which they have never done before. As a result, these factors contribute to them becoming a well-rounded person and developing essential skills for their future such as time and money management, problem-sloving skills and communication ability.
Secondly, without parental guidance and monitoring, some students have the opportunity to meet people from all walks of their life. This is probably because campus life offers a vibrant social with diverse opportunites to make friends, join clubs and particapte in social activities. Therefore, these children are able to exposure different perspectives and opinions, which helps them become open-minded people and learn to respect each other's ideas. A Harvard University study found that students who live away from home have stronger social connection and communication skills. Additionally, these individuals are also more likely to integrate better into the workplace after graduation.
In conclusion, for the reasons I have mentioned above, I strongly believe that students who live in campus during their college years may bring a large number of advantages for their future.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Nowadays, some people argue that" -> "In contemporary times, some argue that"
    Explanation: Replacing "Nowadays" with "In contemporary times" provides a more formal and academic tone, aligning with the principles of formal language.

  2. "From my perspective, I completely agree with this point of view." -> "Personally, I wholeheartedly endorse this perspective."
    Explanation: The phrase "From my perspective" can be refined to "Personally," and the informal "completely agree" is replaced with "wholeheartedly endorse" for a more sophisticated expression.

  3. "Firstly, according to a Stanford University study," -> "First and foremost, as per a study conducted by Stanford University,"
    Explanation: Introducing the first point with "First and foremost" adds formality, and rephrasing "according to" with "as per" maintains an academic tone.

  4. "will develop a sense of independence and face better with life’s difficulties." -> "will cultivate a sense of independence and adeptly navigate life’s challenges."
    Explanation: Substituting "develop" with "cultivate" and "face better with" with "adeptly navigate" enhances the vocabulary and maintains a formal tone.

  5. "For example, they can do household chores, cool meals or pay bills on their own," -> "For instance, they can undertake household chores, prepare meals independently, or manage their own financial obligations,"
    Explanation: The use of "cool meals" is corrected to "prepare meals independently," and the phrase is restructured for clarity and formality.

  6. "which they have never done before." -> "activities they have not previously undertaken."
    Explanation: Replacing "which they have never done before" with "activities they have not previously undertaken" adds precision and academic flair.

  7. "these factors contribute to them becoming a well-rounded person" -> "these factors contribute to their holistic personal development"
    Explanation: The phrase "becoming a well-rounded person" is refined to "holistic personal development" for a more advanced expression.

  8. "time and money management, problem-sloving skills and communication ability." -> "time and money management, problem-solving acumen, and communication proficiency."
    Explanation: Correcting the misspelled "sloving" to "solving" and enhancing the terms to "acumen" and "proficiency" adds precision and elevates the language.

  9. "Secondly, without parental guidance and monitoring, some students have the opportunity to meet people from all walks of their life." -> "Secondly, devoid of parental guidance and monitoring, certain students encounter individuals from diverse walks of life."
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and replacing "have the opportunity to meet people" with "encounter individuals" contributes to a more formal tone.

  10. "This is probably because campus life offers a vibrant social with diverse opportunites to make friends, join clubs and particapte in social activities." -> "This is likely due to the fact that campus life provides a vibrant social environment with diverse opportunities to cultivate friendships, engage in clubs, and participate in social activities."
    Explanation: Replacing "probably because" with "likely due to the fact that" and refining the sentence structure enhances clarity and formality.

  11. "Therefore, these children are able to exposure different perspectives and opinions," -> "Consequently, these individuals are exposed to diverse perspectives and opinions,"
    Explanation: Correcting the grammatical error "exposure" to "exposed" and rephrasing the sentence for conciseness improves the overall expression.

  12. "which helps them become open-minded people and learn to respect each other’s ideas." -> "aiding in their development as open-minded individuals who learn to respect diverse ideas."
    Explanation: Refining the sentence for clarity and replacing "helps them become" with "aiding in their development as" adds sophistication.

  13. "A Harvard University study found that students who live away from home have stronger social connection and communication skills." -> "According to a study conducted by Harvard University, students residing away from home exhibit enhanced social connections and communication skills."
    Explanation: Introducing the study with "According to a study conducted by" and restructuring the sentence for formality enhances the academic style.

  14. "Additionally, these individuals are also more likely to integrate better into the workplace after graduation." -> "Moreover, these individuals are more inclined to seamlessly integrate into the workplace upon graduation."
    Explanation: The repetition of "additionally" and "also" is streamlined to "Moreover," and the phrase "integrate better" is refined to "seamlessly integrate" for a more polished expression.

  15. "In conclusion, for the reasons I have mentioned above, I strongly believe that students who live in campus during their college years may bring a large number of advantages for their future." -> "In conclusion, based on the aforementioned reasons, I firmly believe that students residing on campus during their college years stand to accrue numerous advantages for their future."
    Explanation: Enhancing the conclusion by using "based on the aforementioned reasons" and refining "may bring a large number of advantages" to "stand to accrue numerous advantages" contributes to a more formal and conclusive ending.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all aspects of the prompt. It discusses the advantages of students living away from home during college, covering both the development of independence and the exposure to diverse social experiences.
    • How to improve: While the essay is comprehensive, consider incorporating a brief acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint to demonstrate a nuanced understanding of the topic.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent stance throughout. The writer explicitly states agreement with the idea that students benefit from living away from home during college, and each paragraph reinforces this position.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity, ensure that the thesis statement is placed in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion for a strong, cohesive structure.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas, particularly through the use of evidence such as the Stanford and Harvard University studies. However, some ideas could be further extended for a more in-depth analysis.
    • How to improve: Elaborate on specific examples and provide additional details to strengthen the arguments. This can include more detailed examples of the skills developed through independent living and a deeper exploration of the social benefits mentioned.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the advantages of students living away from home during college. However, there is a slight deviation in the introduction where the writer mentions "after graduating high school," which is not directly related to college life.
    • How to improve: Ensure that all points made in the introduction directly relate to the college experience to maintain a consistent focus on the prompt.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt, presenting a clear and consistent position with supporting evidence. To improve, consider acknowledging the opposing viewpoint, reinforcing the thesis throughout, extending ideas for a more in-depth analysis, and ensuring all points directly relate to the college experience.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of ideas. The introduction clearly presents the author’s stance, and each paragraph is dedicated to supporting a specific point. For example, the first paragraph discusses independence and life skills, while the second focuses on social connections. The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider providing a more explicit roadmap in the introduction. Clearly outline the points to be discussed in each body paragraph. Additionally, ensure a smooth transition between paragraphs by using linking sentences that connect ideas from one paragraph to the next.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with distinct ideas separated into different paragraphs. However, there is room for improvement in the structure of individual paragraphs. For instance, the second paragraph could benefit from breaking down the information about social opportunities into smaller, more focused subpoints for better clarity.
    • How to improve: Aim for a more refined structure within each paragraph. Break down complex ideas into smaller subpoints, each contributing to the overall argument. This will enhance the reader’s understanding and make the essay more cohesive.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices to connect ideas and ensure a smooth flow. Examples include the use of transitional phrases like "firstly" and "secondly" to signal the sequence of arguments. However, there is a tendency to overuse certain terms (e.g., "For example," and "In conclusion").
    • How to improve: While cohesive devices are generally effective, vary the transition phrases to avoid repetition. Additionally, ensure that the use of phrases like "For example" is justified and that examples are well-integrated into the text. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices such as pronouns and synonyms to maintain reader engagement.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong coherence and cohesion level, earning a Band Score of 7. To further enhance the score, focus on providing a clearer roadmap in the introduction, refining paragraph structures, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices for a more polished and engaging essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, utilizing a variety of words and expressions to convey ideas. For instance, terms like "sense of independence," "supervision," "assistance," "well-rounded person," and "vibrant social" showcase a diverse vocabulary.
    • How to improve: While the essay generally uses a wide range of vocabulary, consider incorporating more nuanced and contextually appropriate synonyms to enhance lexical precision. For instance, instead of using "cool meals," consider more precise terms like "prepare meals" or "cook." This subtle shift can elevate the overall lexical precision.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays generally precise vocabulary, with terms like "self-care skills," "time and money management," and "problem-solving skills." However, there are instances where more specific words could be employed. For example, the phrase "face better with life’s difficulties" could be refined to "navigate life’s challenges more effectively" for greater precision.
    • How to improve: Pay careful attention to the nuances of the vocabulary used. Consider alternatives that convey the intended meaning more precisely. In this case, selecting words that explicitly highlight the ability to navigate challenges would enhance the precision of expression.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits correct spelling throughout. However, there are a few minor spelling errors, such as "cool meals" instead of "cook meals" and "particapte" instead of "participate." These do not significantly impede comprehension but should be addressed for a polished presentation.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, proofread the essay carefully. Consider using spell-check tools and allocate dedicated time for review before submission. Additionally, focus on common errors, such as verb forms and homophones, to minimize spelling discrepancies.

Overall, the essay showcases a strong lexical resource, contributing to the overall coherence and effectiveness of the response. Paying attention to precision in vocabulary and addressing minor spelling errors will further elevate the linguistic quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair variety of sentence structures. There’s an attempt at complex sentences, although some are constructed awkwardly or lack clarity. For instance, sentences like "In fact, people living without supervision and assistance from their parents will encourage them to learn self-care skills" show an effort to create a complex sentence but suffer from awkward phrasing. There’s a need for more sophisticated sentence structures, such as compound-complex sentences or varied clause structures, to enhance coherence and fluency.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, strive for a mix of simple, compound, complex, and compound-complex sentences. Use introductory phrases or clauses, employ different types of dependent and independent clauses, and ensure clarity and coherence in sentence construction. For instance, rephrasing complex ideas using varying sentence structures could improve the overall fluidity and impact of the essay.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay displays a satisfactory level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are instances of grammatical errors throughout the essay. For example, "cool meals" should likely be "cook meals," and "problem-sloving skills" should be corrected to "problem-solving skills." There are minor subject-verb agreement issues and awkward phrasings, impacting the overall fluency.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, proofread carefully, paying attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and noun-pronoun agreement. Reviewing common grammar rules and practicing sentence construction can also assist in identifying and rectifying these errors. Additionally, revising awkward phrasings can significantly improve the essay’s readability and coherence.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation usage generally demonstrates basic competence but lacks consistency and precision. There are instances of missing or misplaced commas and incorrect punctuation use, affecting the overall clarity of ideas. For example, "cool meals or pay bills on their own, which they have never done before" could benefit from appropriate punctuation for better readability.
    • How to improve: Focus on mastering punctuation rules, particularly concerning comma usage, apostrophes, and sentence-ending punctuation. Practice through sentence analysis and application of correct punctuation in different contexts. Utilize resources that specifically address punctuation rules and apply them consistently throughout the essay to improve overall readability and coherence.

In conclusion, while the essay presents a coherent argument with a reasonable range of vocabulary and ideas, improvements in sentence structure variation, grammatical accuracy, and punctuation precision can elevate the overall quality. Revising for these specific areas and practicing varied sentence constructions and grammar rules will lead to a more polished and impactful essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, there is a debate about whether students are better off living away from home after completing high school. Personally, I wholeheartedly endorse this perspective.

First and foremost, as per a study conducted by Stanford University, students residing in dorms or rented rooms instead of living with their families will cultivate a sense of independence and adeptly navigate life’s challenges. In fact, being without parental supervision and assistance encourages them to acquire self-care skills. For instance, they can undertake household chores, prepare meals independently, or manage their own financial obligations—activities they have not previously undertaken. As a result, these factors contribute to their holistic personal development, fostering skills such as time and money management, problem-solving acumen, and communication proficiency.

Secondly, devoid of parental guidance and monitoring, certain students encounter individuals from diverse walks of life. This is likely due to the fact that campus life provides a vibrant social environment with diverse opportunities to cultivate friendships, engage in clubs, and participate in social activities. Consequently, these individuals are exposed to diverse perspectives and opinions, aiding in their development as open-minded individuals who learn to respect diverse ideas. According to a study conducted by Harvard University, students residing away from home exhibit enhanced social connections and communication skills. Moreover, these individuals are more inclined to seamlessly integrate into the workplace upon graduation.

In conclusion, based on the aforementioned reasons, I firmly believe that students residing on campus during their college years stand to accrue numerous advantages for their future.

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