It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Everyone on the world can be had a special ability differently. I'm totally agree with this opinion, unfortunately I don't disagree with every boys and girls can be taught by teachers or any experts are good at something.
To my mind, lucky people is talented at something when they were a child. Since were kids, they earned a lot of moneys due to their parents are famous and all the orgasinators hired these kids to advertise companies to everybody. Such as baby "Stormi" of Kylie Jenner, she is making schemes by photo models.
Nevertheless, when they were too small, their parents are forced to learn this kind of job too soon. Even they didn't know their babies are dreaming to do different kind of jobs they chosen. After that, growing-up babies started boring when they find on information about the jobs. For instance, children on the Internet are under pressure with parents'expectation, these poor children suicided.
In conclusion, some of children were born in substantial families will be happy, but some of children were under pressure of their parents too rueful.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"Everyone on the world can be had a special ability differently." -> "Every individual in the world possesses unique abilities."
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and lacks clarity. The suggested alternative provides a clearer and more formal expression of the idea, avoiding the use of "everyone on the world" and the awkward structure of "can be had."
"I’m totally agree with this opinion, unfortunately I don’t disagree with every boys and girls can be taught by teachers or any experts are good at something." -> "I completely agree with this viewpoint; however, I don’t believe that every boy and girl can be effectively taught by teachers or experts proficient in certain areas."
Explanation: The original sentence contains informal language and lacks precision. The suggested alternative maintains clarity while improving formality and accuracy of expression. "I’m totally agree" is changed to "I completely agree," and "every boys and girls" is corrected to "every boy and girl."
"To my mind, lucky people is talented at something when they were a child." -> "In my opinion, fortunate individuals display talent from childhood."
Explanation: The original sentence contains subject-verb disagreement ("lucky people is talented"), which is corrected in the suggested alternative. Additionally, "to my mind" is replaced with "in my opinion" for a more formal expression.
"Since were kids, they earned a lot of moneys due to their parents are famous and all the orgasinators hired these kids to advertise companies to everybody." -> "From a young age, they gained wealth due to their parents’ fame, as organizers hired these children to advertise companies widely."
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity. The suggested alternative corrects the grammar ("Since were kids" -> "From a young age") and replaces informal language ("a lot of moneys") with a more formal term ("wealth"). Additionally, "orgasinators" is corrected to "organizers" for accuracy.
"Such as baby ‘Stormi’ of Kylie Jenner, she is making schemes by photo models." -> "For instance, consider the case of ‘Stormi,’ the child of Kylie Jenner, who models for photo shoots."
Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and uses informal language ("making schemes"). The suggested alternative provides a clearer and more formal expression of the idea, avoiding the unclear phrase "making schemes" and using a more precise term ("models for photo shoots").
"Nevertheless, when they were too small, their parents are forced to learn this kind of job too soon." -> "However, at a young age, their parents often compel them to enter such professions prematurely."
Explanation: The original sentence contains awkward phrasing ("when they were too small") and lacks clarity. The suggested alternative provides a clearer and more formal expression of the idea, avoiding the awkward phrase "too small" and using "prematurely" to convey the idea more effectively.
"Even they didn’t know their babies are dreaming to do different kind of jobs they chosen." -> "Furthermore, they may not even realize that their children aspire to pursue different careers than the ones chosen for them."
Explanation: The original sentence contains grammatical errors and lacks clarity. The suggested alternative corrects the grammar ("Even they didn’t know" -> "Furthermore, they may not even realize") and provides a clearer and more formal expression of the idea.
"After that, growing-up babies started boring when they find on information about the jobs." -> "Subsequently, as they matured, these individuals became disinterested when exposed to information about their assigned professions."
Explanation: The original sentence is unclear and contains informal language ("growing-up babies," "started boring"). The suggested alternative provides a clearer and more formal expression of the idea, avoiding the use of informal language and using "matured" instead of "growing-up babies" for greater clarity.
"For instance, children on the Internet are under pressure with parents’ expectation, these poor children suicided." -> "For example, children exposed to the Internet often face pressure from their parents’ expectations, leading to tragic outcomes such as suicide."
Explanation: The original sentence contains insensitive language ("these poor children suicided") and lacks clarity. The suggested alternative provides a more respectful and formal expression of the idea, avoiding the use of "suicided" and providing a clearer explanation of the situation.
"In conclusion, some of children were born in substantial families will be happy, but some of children were under pressure of their parents too rueful." -> "In conclusion, while some children born into affluent families may experience happiness, others face the distress of parental pressure."
Explanation: The original sentence contains grammatical errors and lacks clarity. The suggested alternative corrects the grammar ("some of children" -> "some children") and provides a clearer and more formal expression of the idea. Additionally, "too rueful" is replaced with "face the distress," which is more appropriate in an academic context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 2

Band Score for Task Response: 2 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to discuss both views presented in the prompt but does so in a limited and unclear manner. While it acknowledges the existence of differing opinions regarding innate talent versus teachability, the essay lacks depth and coherence in its analysis. It briefly mentions the idea of innate talent, referring to children born into affluent families, and touches upon the pressure these children face. However, the discussion lacks clarity and fails to fully address the complexity of the prompt.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should thoroughly explore both perspectives outlined in the prompt. It should provide clear examples and explanations for each viewpoint. Additionally, the essay would benefit from organizing the discussion into distinct paragraphs for each perspective to enhance clarity and coherence.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay’s stance is somewhat ambiguous and lacks consistency. While it initially seems to agree with the idea of innate talent, stating that "lucky people are talented at something," it later suggests that talent can be forced upon children by their parents. This inconsistency weakens the clarity of the essay’s position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the essay should clearly state its viewpoint from the beginning and support it consistently throughout the essay. If the writer intends to argue that talent is primarily innate, they should provide robust evidence and reasoning to support this claim. Alternatively, if they believe talent can be developed through teaching, they should present compelling arguments and examples to support this perspective.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks effective presentation, development, and support of ideas. Ideas are presented in a disjointed manner, making it challenging to follow the writer’s train of thought. Additionally, the examples provided, such as the reference to Kylie Jenner’s child and children facing pressure from parents, are insufficiently developed and fail to adequately support the essay’s arguments.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation, development, and support of ideas, the essay should focus on presenting cohesive arguments supported by relevant examples and evidence. Each idea should be clearly introduced, elaborated upon, and connected to the overall argument. Additionally, providing specific and well-developed examples would strengthen the essay’s credibility and persuasiveness.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay struggles to stay on topic, deviating into tangential discussions and unrelated examples. While it briefly touches upon the topic of innate talent versus teachability, the majority of the essay is spent discussing the perceived consequences of talent and pressure on children, which is not directly relevant to the prompt.
- How to improve: To stay on topic, the essay should maintain a clear focus on the prompt throughout the entire response. Each paragraph should directly contribute to the discussion of whether talent is innate or teachable, avoiding tangential or unrelated discussions. Additionally, the writer should ensure that examples and evidence provided are directly relevant to the central theme of the essay.

Overall, to improve the essay and achieve a higher band score for task response, the writer should focus on addressing each aspect of the prompt more comprehensively, maintaining clarity and consistency in their position, presenting well-developed ideas supported by relevant examples, and staying closely aligned with the topic throughout the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 4

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits some logical organization but lacks coherence in connecting ideas smoothly. For instance, the essay jumps abruptly from discussing children’s talents to the influence of wealthy parents, without establishing a clear transition between the two topics. Additionally, the argument lacks depth and development, making it challenging for the reader to follow the train of thought effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider structuring the essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs addressing each viewpoint separately, and a conclusion summarizing the main arguments. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on one central idea, supported by relevant examples and explanations. Transition phrases such as "Furthermore," "On the other hand," or "In conclusion" can help in guiding the reader through the essay’s structure.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs but struggles with coherence and structure within them. Each paragraph should ideally present a single main idea or argument, followed by supporting details or examples. However, in this essay, paragraphs lack clear topic sentences and coherent development. For instance, the second paragraph discusses the influence of wealthy parents on children’s talents but lacks cohesion within its sentences.
- How to improve: Improve paragraph structure by starting each with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph. Then, provide supporting evidence or examples to develop and reinforce the central argument. Ensure that there is a logical progression of ideas within each paragraph, using transitional phrases to connect sentences and maintain coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates limited use of cohesive devices, resulting in disjointed and choppy prose. Cohesive devices such as pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases help to create smooth transitions between ideas and improve overall coherence. However, these are underutilized in the essay, leading to a lack of cohesion between sentences and paragraphs.
- How to improve: Incorporate a variety of cohesive devices throughout the essay to create cohesion and coherence. For example, use pronouns like "they" and "these" to refer back to previously mentioned concepts or ideas. Additionally, employ conjunctions such as "however," "furthermore," and "in conclusion" to connect sentences and signal shifts in argument or perspective. Practice using cohesive devices effectively to improve the overall flow and readability of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts at varied expression. For instance, synonyms like "talented" and "special ability" are used to discuss innate abilities. However, there are instances where vocabulary is repetitive or imprecise, such as the repeated use of "babies" instead of "children" or "infants."
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, strive to incorporate a wider array of vocabulary relevant to the topic. Synonyms, idiomatic expressions, and precise terminology can enrich the essay. Additionally, ensure consistency in terminology usage to avoid repetition.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay attempts to convey ideas, there are instances where vocabulary usage is imprecise or unclear. For example, the phrase "earn a lot of moneys" could be clarified to specify how these children benefit financially from their talents. Additionally, phrases like "making schemes" could be replaced with clearer expressions like "engaging in modeling assignments."
- How to improve: Aim for precision in vocabulary selection to convey ideas accurately. Consider the context and choose words or phrases that precisely convey your intended meaning. Using specific examples or providing clearer explanations can help ensure precise vocabulary usage.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is inconsistent throughout the essay. While some words are spelled correctly, there are several instances of misspelled words, such as "orgasinators" instead of "organizers," "schemes" instead of "seems," and "rueful" instead of "regretful."
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spelling and grammar check tools available in word processing software. Additionally, practice proofreading your work carefully to identify and correct any spelling errors. Reading aloud or having someone else review your essay can also help catch spelling mistakes that may have been overlooked.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates some understanding of the prompt and attempts to address it, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. Focusing on expanding vocabulary, using words precisely, and enhancing spelling skills can contribute to overall improvement in the lexical resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures, primarily consisting of simple and compound sentences. There is a lack of complex and varied sentence structures, which impacts the sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and overall effectiveness of the essay, consider incorporating a variety of sentence structures such as complex sentences (with subordinate clauses), compound-complex sentences, and rhetorical devices like parallelism or inversion. This will add depth and complexity to your writing, making it more engaging and persuasive.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes, affecting the overall clarity and coherence of the writing. For example, there are errors in subject-verb agreement ("Everyone on the world can be had a special ability differently"), tense consistency ("when they were a child" should be "when they were children"), and punctuation errors (e.g., missing commas in compound sentences).
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it’s crucial to review and revise your writing carefully. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and proper punctuation usage. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to identify and correct errors more effectively. Additionally, practice writing complex sentences and pay attention to sentence structure to avoid repetitive patterns and improve overall fluency.

Bài sửa mẫu

Everyone in the world possesses unique abilities. I completely agree with this viewpoint; however, I don’t believe that every boy and girl can be effectively taught by teachers or experts proficient in certain areas.

In my opinion, fortunate individuals display talent from childhood. From a young age, they gained wealth due to their parents’ fame, as organizers hired these children to advertise companies widely. For instance, consider the case of ‘Stormi,’ the child of Kylie Jenner, who models for photo shoots.

However, at a young age, their parents often compel them to enter such professions prematurely. Furthermore, they may not even realize that their children aspire to pursue different careers than the ones chosen for them. Subsequently, as they matured, these individuals became disinterested when exposed to information about their assigned professions. For example, children exposed to the Internet often face pressure from their parents’ expectations, leading to tragic outcomes such as suicide.

In conclusion, while some children born into affluent families may experience happiness, others face the distress of parental pressure.