It is important for all towns and cities to have large public spaces such as parks and squares, Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In this day and age, a reasonable amount of the government budget is believed to be spent on constructing public areas; however, some proponents claim that money should be invested in other vital aspects. I am in consummate accord with the former opinion and will provide some reasons.

To begin with, outdoor places can assist local administrations improve people's health. Sites such as parks and modest squares have a fresh and peaceful environment to reduce depression and relax the mind. Therefore, a lot of residents usually visit them to do exercises in the morning and afternoon. Due to this, many hospitals also have their office built next to these areas, or some even generate a similar environment in the surroundings to help patients recover soon. In addition, public sites can solve environmental issues in urban areas. For example, trees in urban parks can decline the heat while giving off more oxygen and making homes for species.

Moreover, outdoor places play a vital role in social communication. People usually go to the parks or squares to hang out, communicate, and meet new friends. Besides, events like musical, traditional, and cuisine festivals are frequently allocated at those enormous areas to generate opportunities for residents to interact more easily with each other. Especially, public sites contribute to the unique characteristics of the towns and cities. For instance, Piazza San Marco presents the Euroupe pattern of Venice, Italy, and has become a must-see attraction for global tourists.

In conclusion, in contrast to some negative ideas, outdoor places can bring numerous benefits for both government and residents. As a result, thorough plans for adding public sites should be taken into consideration by both urban and countryside administrators.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"In this day and age" -> "Currently" or "In the present era"
Explanation: "In this day and age" is a bit informal for academic writing. "Currently" or "In the present era" are more formal alternatives.
"a reasonable amount of the government budget is believed to be spent" -> "a significant portion of the government budget is allocated"
Explanation: "Believed to be spent" is slightly ambiguous and can be clarified with "allocated."
"money should be invested in other vital aspects" -> "funds should be allocated to other critical areas"
Explanation: "Invested in other vital aspects" can be replaced with "funds should be allocated to other critical areas" for a more formal tone.
"I am in consummate accord with the former opinion" -> "I strongly support this view"
Explanation: "I am in consummate accord with the former opinion" is overly formal. "I strongly support this view" is more concise and natural.
"To begin with" -> "Firstly" or "First and foremost"
Explanation: "To begin with" is more colloquial. "Firstly" or "First and foremost" are better suited for formal writing.
"can assist local administrations improve people’s health" -> "can help local authorities improve public health"
Explanation: "Assist local administrations improve" can be simplified to "help local authorities improve."
"a fresh and peaceful environment to reduce depression and relax the mind" -> "a serene environment to alleviate depression and promote relaxation"
Explanation: "Fresh and peaceful environment to reduce depression and relax the mind" can be rephrased as "serene environment to alleviate depression and promote relaxation" for clarity and formality.
"Due to this" -> "As a result,"
Explanation: "Due to this" is less formal. "As a result" is a more suitable transition in academic writing.
"also have their office built next to these areas" -> "have their offices located near these areas"
Explanation: "also have their office built next to these areas" can be revised to "have their offices located near these areas" for clarity and formality.
"generate a similar environment in the surroundings" -> "create a comparable atmosphere in the vicinity"
Explanation: "generate a similar environment in the surroundings" can be replaced with "create a comparable atmosphere in the vicinity" for a more formal tone.
"play a vital role in social communication" -> "play a crucial role in social interaction"
Explanation: "play a vital role in social communication" can be replaced with "play a crucial role in social interaction" for variety and formality.
"hang out" -> "socialize"
Explanation: "hang out" is more casual. "Socialize" is a more formal alternative.
"allocated at those enormous areas" -> "hosted in these vast spaces"
Explanation: "allocated at those enormous areas" can be replaced with "hosted in these vast spaces" for a more formal tone.
"contribute to the unique characteristics of the towns and cities" -> "contribute to the distinctive features of urban areas"
Explanation: "unique characteristics of the towns and cities" can be replaced with "distinctive features of urban areas" for clarity and conciseness.
"For instance, Piazza San Marco presents the Euroupe pattern of Venice, Italy" -> "For instance, Piazza San Marco exemplifies the architectural style of Venice, Italy"
Explanation: "presents the Europe pattern" can be replaced with "exemplifies the architectural style" for a clearer and more formal description.
"thorough plans for adding public sites should be taken into consideration" -> "comprehensive plans for establishing public spaces should be devised"
Explanation: "thorough plans for adding public sites should be taken into consideration" can be replaced with "comprehensive plans for establishing public spaces should be devised" for clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the prompt by expressing agreement with the statement regarding the importance of large public spaces in towns and cities. It discusses the benefits of such spaces for health, the environment, social interaction, and the unique character of a place.
- How to improve: While the essay acknowledges the importance of public spaces, it could enhance its depth by exploring potential counterarguments or addressing nuances within the topic. This could involve discussing potential drawbacks of allocating resources to public spaces or considering alternative viewpoints to provide a more comprehensive analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance in agreement with the importance of large public spaces throughout the text. It consistently emphasizes the benefits of these spaces for health, social interaction, environmental improvement, and cultural identity.
- How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, the essay could explicitly state the position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Additionally, reinforcing the position with stronger language and avoiding ambiguous statements would enhance clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to the importance of public spaces and extends them with examples and explanations. For instance, it discusses the health benefits of parks and squares, the role of such spaces in social communication, and their contribution to the unique characteristics of towns and cities.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay could further develop its ideas by providing more detailed examples and evidence to support each argument. Additionally, expanding on the potential long-term benefits of investing in public spaces would strengthen the argumentation.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by focusing on the importance of large public spaces in towns and cities, addressing various aspects such as health, social interaction, environment, and cultural identity.
- How to improve: To ensure continued relevance, the essay could maintain a tighter focus on the specific benefits of public spaces without veering into tangential topics. This can be achieved by directly linking each point back to the overarching theme of the importance of public spaces.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a clear position with well-supported ideas, there is room for improvement in terms of depth of analysis and focus. By considering counterarguments, reinforcing clarity, providing more detailed support for ideas, and maintaining a tighter focus on the topic, the essay could further enhance its coherence and persuasiveness.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear logical organization. It introduces the argument by stating the opinion in the introduction and then outlines reasons in a structured manner. Each body paragraph discusses a distinct benefit of public spaces, which maintains a logical progression of ideas. For instance, the first body paragraph focuses on health and environmental benefits, while the second discusses social and cultural advantages. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points, reinforcing the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow further, the essay could benefit from more explicit transitional phrases between paragraphs that guide the reader through the argument progression more seamlessly. Additionally, linking the introduction more explicitly to the ensuing paragraphs’ specific points could strengthen the overall cohesion.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The structure within paragraphs is clear, with a topic sentence introducing the paragraph’s focus, followed by explanations and examples. This structure aids readability and helps each paragraph contribute to the essay’s overall objective.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, some paragraphs could be improved by refining the topic sentences to more directly forecast the specific content of the paragraph. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph ends with a sentence that reinforces the paragraph’s main idea or provides a link to the next paragraph could improve clarity and flow.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay incorporates a variety of cohesive devices that help tie the ideas together and enhance the flow of information. Examples include "To begin with," "Moreover," "For example," "Therefore," and "In addition." These devices are generally used effectively, contributing to the clarity and coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: The writer could diversify the range of cohesive devices used, avoiding over-reliance on some forms. For instance, integrating synonyms for existing connectors or employing more sophisticated devices like "Consequently," "Hence," or "As such" could refine the essay’s coherence further. Also, ensuring that cohesive devices directly relate to the logical connection they are meant to illustrate (cause, addition, contrast, etc.) would enhance clarity.

Overall, the essay effectively uses structure and cohesive elements to present a coherent argument, justifying a band score of 7. However, there is room for improvement in enhancing the logical connections and diversifying the use of cohesive devices to elevate the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with the use of diverse words and phrases such as "proponents," "consummate accord," "modest squares," "generate," "decline," and "allocated," among others. These lexical choices contribute to the overall richness of the essay and help convey the writer’s ideas effectively.
- How to improve: While the essay showcases a good variety of vocabulary, incorporating some more sophisticated or nuanced terms could further enhance the lexical resource score. For instance, instead of using common phrases like "a reasonable amount of," the writer could opt for more precise language to convey the idea more vividly. Additionally, employing idiomatic expressions or figurative language where appropriate can add depth to the writing.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with reasonable precision, effectively conveying the intended meanings. For instance, terms like "fresh and peaceful environment," "recover soon," and "unique characteristics" are used appropriately to express the writer’s ideas clearly.
- How to improve: While the vocabulary is generally precise, there are instances where more precise or contextually fitting vocabulary could be employed. For example, instead of using "fresh and peaceful environment," the writer could consider more specific adjectives that capture the atmosphere of parks and squares more vividly. Moreover, avoiding repetition of certain words or phrases can contribute to lexical variety and precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with only minor errors scattered throughout the text. For instance, "Euroupe" should be corrected to "Europe," and "thorough" is misspelled as "thourough." Overall, the errors do not significantly impede understanding but indicate areas for improvement in spelling accuracy.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, it is advisable for the writer to review commonly misspelled words and practice spelling them correctly. Additionally, utilizing spell-check tools or seeking feedback from peers can help identify and rectify spelling errors more effectively.

Overall, the essay exhibits a strong command of vocabulary, with varied and precise language used to convey ideas effectively. To improve the lexical resource score further, the writer can focus on incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and enhancing spelling accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. It employs a mixture of simple, compound, and complex sentences, enhancing readability and engagement. For instance, it utilizes complex sentences such as, "Sites such as parks and modest squares have a fresh and peaceful environment to reduce depression and relax the mind," which effectively conveys complex ideas. Additionally, the essay employs varied sentence beginnings and lengths, contributing to overall coherence and fluency.
- How to improve: While the essay effectively utilizes a range of sentence structures, further diversification could enhance the sophistication of the writing. Encourage the incorporation of more complex sentence structures, such as compound-complex sentences, to add depth and intricacy to the arguments presented. Additionally, encourage experimentation with stylistic devices like parallelism or inversion to add variety and flair to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation overall. Sentences are mostly grammatically correct, and punctuation is used effectively to enhance clarity and readability. However, there are a few instances where minor errors occur, such as subject-verb agreement ("…a lot of residents usually visit them…") and punctuation errors (missing comma in "Events like musical, traditional, and cuisine festivals…"). Nonetheless, these errors do not significantly detract from the overall coherence and clarity of the essay.
- How to improve: Encourage thorough proofreading to catch and correct minor grammatical and punctuation errors. Specifically, focus on areas such as subject-verb agreement, proper comma usage in lists, and consistency in tense usage. Additionally, encourage the use of more complex grammatical structures, such as conditional sentences or relative clauses, to further elevate the sophistication of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary times, a significant portion of the government budget is allocated towards constructing public areas; however, some argue that funds should be allocated to other critical areas. I strongly support this view and will outline my reasons.

Firstly, outdoor spaces can help local authorities improve public health. Places like parks and modest squares offer a serene environment to alleviate depression and promote relaxation. Consequently, many residents frequent these areas for exercise, contributing to their physical well-being. Moreover, hospitals often have their offices located near these areas or create a comparable atmosphere nearby to aid in the recovery of patients. Additionally, public spaces can address environmental issues in urban areas. For instance, trees in urban parks can mitigate heat, emit oxygen, and provide habitats for various species.

Furthermore, outdoor spaces play a crucial role in social interaction. People often gather in parks or squares to socialize and make new friends. Moreover, events such as musical, traditional, and cuisine festivals are frequently hosted in these vast spaces, facilitating interactions among residents. These interactions contribute to the distinctive features of urban areas. For example, Piazza San Marco exemplifies the architectural style of Venice, Italy, and has become a must-see attraction for global tourists.

In conclusion, contrary to some opposing viewpoints, outdoor spaces offer numerous benefits for both government and residents. Therefore, comprehensive plans for establishing public spaces should be devised by urban and rural administrators alike.