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It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

It is vital for young individuals to comprehend ethical conduct at their early life, and adults can employ punishment so that their children can understand this. This essay strongly support this viewpoint as penalizing children can make them be more aware of their faults and suggest that taking away their favourite toys can be an advisable punishment

Disciplining toddlers can give them chance to revise their mistakes. In other words, when children do things wrong, instant punishments they received may help them to raise their awareness about their fault. Once they are concious of their mistakes, they are likely to develop strategies for apology, which can foster their sense of responsibility . For example, various educational institutions in Vietnam imposed punishments for their students if they behave negatively. As a result, young individuals have a tendency to be more careful of their behaviours, and the awareness of right and wrong in this country has been raised dramatically since then, contributing to a low crime rate.

Adults can employ disciplining involving taking away the child's favourite toy to educate them proper behaviour. The idea is that, when youngsters behave inappropriately, their parents and teachers as well can force them to give back their prefered robots or dolls. As a result, the experience of missing their favourable objects can highten their awareness of making mistakes, so that they won't make these in the future again. This type of penalizing is reasonable, because it does not cause physical pain on children, which can be unethical, and also can make them realize the things they should do. For instance, many educational institutions in China have introduced this punishment, which creates a disciplining environment to effectively enhance the children's mindset and help them develop in a proper path.

In conclusion, disciplining is essential for toddlers because this can properly shape the way a child will grow, and corporal penalizing is suitable as this way of punishment can make children scared and be more aware of their faults


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "It is vital for young individuals to comprehend ethical conduct at their early life, and adults can employ punishment so that their children can understand this. This essay strongly support this viewpoint as penalizing children can make them be more aware of their faults and suggest that taking away their favourite toys can be an advisable punishment."
    -> "It is crucial for young individuals to grasp ethical conduct early in life, and adults can use disciplinary measures to ensure their children comprehend this. This essay strongly supports this viewpoint, arguing that penalizing children can heighten their awareness of their faults. It suggests that depriving them of their favorite toys can be a prudent form of punishment."
    Explanation: The changes aim to enhance the formality and precision of the language, using terms like "crucial" and "disciplinary measures." Additionally, the improved sentence structure clarifies the connection between ethical conduct and punishment.

  2. "Disciplining toddlers can give them chance to revise their mistakes. In other words, when children do things wrong, instant punishments they received may help them to raise their awareness about their fault. Once they are concious of their mistakes, they are likely to develop strategies for apology, which can foster their sense of responsibility."
    -> "Disciplining toddlers provides them with an opportunity to rectify their mistakes. In other words, when children err, the immediate punishments they receive can heighten their awareness of their faults. Once they are conscious of their mistakes, they are likely to formulate strategies for apology, fostering their sense of responsibility."
    Explanation: The suggested changes aim to eliminate redundancy, introduce more formal vocabulary like "rectify," and enhance clarity in the expression of ideas.

  3. "Adults can employ disciplining involving taking away the child’s favourite toy to educate them proper behaviour. The idea is that, when youngsters behave inappropriately, their parents and teachers as well can force them to give back their prefered robots or dolls. As a result, the experience of missing their favourable objects can highten their awareness of making mistakes, so that they won’t make these in the future again."
    -> "Adults can employ disciplinary measures, including confiscating the child’s favorite toy, to instill proper behavior. The concept is that when youngsters behave inappropriately, their parents and teachers can compel them to return their preferred robots or dolls. Consequently, the experience of missing their favored objects can heighten their awareness of their mistakes, preventing future occurrences."
    Explanation: The changes introduce more formal language, such as "disciplinary measures" and "confiscating," and improve sentence structure for better flow and precision.

  4. "This type of penalizing is reasonable, because it does not cause physical pain on children, which can be unethical, and also can make them realize the things they should do. For instance, many educational institutions in China have introduced this punishment, which creates a disciplining environment to effectively enhance the children’s mindset and help them develop in a proper path."
    -> "This form of discipline is justifiable, as it avoids causing physical harm to children, which may be deemed unethical. Moreover, it prompts them to recognize the appropriate actions. For instance, numerous educational institutions in China have implemented this approach, fostering a disciplined environment that significantly enhances children’s mindset and guides their development along a proper path."
    Explanation: The improvements aim to eliminate colloquial language, use more appropriate terms like "justifiable" and "approach," and enhance the precision and formality of the expression.

  5. "In conclusion, disciplining is essential for toddlers because this can properly shape the way a child will grow, and corporal penalizing is suitable as this way of punishment can make children scared and be more aware of their faults."
    -> "In conclusion, discipline is crucial for toddlers as it plays a pivotal role in shaping a child’s developmental trajectory. Corporal punishment is deemed appropriate, as it instills a sense of fear in children, making them more aware of their faults."
    Explanation: The suggested changes aim to refine the language, using terms like "crucial" and "pivotal," and to eliminate redundancy for conciseness and clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally addresses both parts of the prompt. It discusses the importance of teaching ethical conduct to children through punishment and provides an example of a suitable punishment involving taking away favorite toys.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could delve deeper into the extent to which punishment is necessary and explore potential consequences of not learning right from wrong early on. Additionally, offering a balanced view by acknowledging potential drawbacks of punishment would provide a more nuanced perspective.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance in support of using punishment to teach children about proper behavior. It consistently advocates for the idea that punishment is necessary for raising awareness of mistakes.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the essay could explicitly state the main argument in the introduction and conclusion. This would reinforce the essay’s stance and make it more apparent to the reader.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents the idea that punishment can help children learn from their mistakes, supporting it with an example from Vietnam and China. However, the development of ideas could be more detailed, and the examples could be more vividly connected to the main argument.
    • How to improve: Elaborating on the consequences of not learning ethical conduct and providing more diverse examples would enrich the essay. Additionally, expanding on the idea of fostering a sense of responsibility and strategies for apology would add depth to the argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the importance of punishment in teaching ethical behavior to children. However, there is a brief mention of corporal punishment towards the end, which slightly deviates from the focus on taking away favorite toys.
    • How to improve: To maintain a tighter focus, the essay should avoid introducing new elements in the conclusion that are not thoroughly discussed in the body. If corporal punishment is to be included, it should be woven into the main argument with proper development.

Overall Feedback:

The essay effectively presents a clear position in favor of using punishment to teach children about right and wrong. However, to improve, it should deepen the analysis of the prompt, explicitly state the main argument, provide more detailed development of ideas, and avoid introducing new elements in the conclusion. Additionally, acknowledging counterarguments would contribute to a more well-rounded and nuanced response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. The introduction clearly presents the author’s viewpoint, and subsequent paragraphs develop the argument coherently. However, there are instances where the connection between ideas could be smoother, leading to some minor disruptions in logical flow. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs is abrupt, making the essay feel slightly disjointed.

    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases at key points, signaling shifts between ideas. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph builds on the preceding one, creating a more seamless connection between thoughts.

  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the second body paragraph is overly long and addresses multiple subpoints, which can make it challenging for readers to follow the argument cohesively. This affects the overall effectiveness of the paragraph structure.

    • How to improve: Aim for a more balanced distribution of information across paragraphs. Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller, more focused ones, each addressing a specific aspect of the argument. This will improve readability and help maintain a consistent flow of ideas.

  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses a variety of cohesive devices, including pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional words. However, there is room for improvement in the strategic placement of these devices to create stronger connections between sentences and paragraphs. Some transitions feel abrupt, and the relationship between ideas could be reinforced more effectively.

    • How to improve: Pay attention to the placement of cohesive devices. Use them not only to connect sentences but also to guide readers through the logical progression of ideas. Consider employing more advanced cohesive devices, such as parallel structures and rhetorical connectors, to enhance overall coherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable level of coherence and cohesion, there is room for refinement in terms of logical organization, paragraph structure, and the strategic use of cohesive devices. Addressing these aspects will contribute to a more polished and cohesive essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts at variety. For instance, phrases like "ethical conduct," "instant punishments," and "favourable objects" contribute to lexical diversity. However, there is a tendency to repeat certain terms, such as "disciplining," which could be replaced with synonyms to enrich the vocabulary.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or different expressions to avoid repetition. Explore a broader spectrum of words to convey ideas and express nuances. For example, instead of frequently using "disciplining," you might incorporate terms like "guiding," "instructing," or "mentoring."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary with precision, but there are instances of imprecise word choices. For example, the phrase "adults can employ disciplining" might be improved by specifying the disciplinary actions, such as "adults can implement disciplinary measures." Precise vocabulary usage contributes to a clearer and more sophisticated expression of ideas.
    • How to improve: Focus on choosing words that precisely convey your intended meaning. Instead of general terms like "disciplinary," use specific words that capture the essence of the action or concept. In this essay, specifying the types of punishments or actions involved would add precision to the vocabulary.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains correct spelling throughout. However, there are a few instances of minor spelling errors, such as "concious" (conscious) and "prefered" (preferred). While these errors do not significantly impede comprehension, attention to detail in spelling would enhance overall writing quality.
    • How to improve: Proofread your essay carefully to catch and correct spelling errors. Consider using spelling and grammar tools or asking someone else to review your writing. Developing a habit of thorough proofreading can help you identify and address such minor errors, contributing to a polished final product.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6.5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of sentence structures. There is an attempt to use different sentence constructions, but the variety is limited. The essay relies heavily on simple and compound sentences, with occasional complex structures. For instance, the phrase "adults can employ disciplining involving taking away the child’s favorite toy" presents a complex sentence structure.
    • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, consider incorporating a more diverse array of sentence structures such as complex and compound-complex sentences. Additionally, vary the lengths of your sentences to create a more engaging and sophisticated writing style.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally demonstrates a reasonable command of grammar and punctuation, there are notable instances of errors. For example, the phrase "can make children scared" should be corrected to "can make children scared." There are also occasional issues with subject-verb agreement and word choice, such as in the phrase "the experience of missing their favorable objects can highten their awareness."
    • How to improve: Pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement, and use a variety of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely. Proofread the essay carefully to catch errors in punctuation, especially with regard to missing articles or misuse of plural forms.

In summary, the essay exhibits competence in grammatical range and accuracy but falls short of achieving a higher band score due to a somewhat limited variety of sentence structures and occasional grammar issues. To improve, focus on incorporating more sophisticated sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy through careful proofreading and vocabulary selection.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is essential for young individuals to understand ethical conduct early in life, and adults can employ punishment to facilitate their children’s comprehension of this concept. This essay strongly supports this viewpoint, emphasizing that penalizing children can enhance their awareness of their faults and suggests that taking away their favorite toys can be a advisable form of punishment.

Disciplining toddlers provides them with an opportunity to rectify their mistakes. In other words, when children err, the immediate punishments they receive can heighten their awareness of their faults. Once they are conscious of their mistakes, they are likely to develop strategies for apology, fostering their sense of responsibility. For example, various educational institutions in Vietnam have implemented punishments for students exhibiting negative behavior. Consequently, young individuals tend to be more cautious about their actions, significantly raising awareness of right and wrong in the country, contributing to a lower crime rate.

Adults can employ disciplinary measures, including confiscating the child’s favorite toy, to instill proper behavior. The concept is that when youngsters behave inappropriately, their parents and teachers can compel them to return their preferred robots or dolls. Consequently, the experience of missing their favored objects can heighten their awareness of their mistakes, preventing future occurrences. This form of discipline is justifiable, as it avoids causing physical harm to children, which may be deemed unethical. Moreover, it prompts them to recognize the appropriate actions. For instance, many educational institutions in China have implemented this approach, fostering a disciplined environment that significantly enhances children’s mindset and guides their development along a proper path.

In conclusion, discipline is crucial for toddlers as it plays a pivotal role in shaping a child’s developmental trajectory. Corporal punishment is deemed appropriate, as it instills a sense of fear in children, making them more aware of their faults.

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