It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

Nowadays, children are educated and developed in terms of many aspects. Beside two factors that are knowledge and physical health, behavior is also one of the most vital elements to be a good resident. However, ways of behaviors are formed over a long period. There is a statement that : " It is significant for Children to be instilled a sense of differentiating right and wrong at an early age. During learning this distinction, punishment is vital to children. From my perspective, I agree with this idea. In this essay, I will highlight several reasons for the necessity of punishments and suggest some sorts of punishment.
Good soft skills are really crucial in daily life as they have direct and considerable influences on ourselves and everyone around us. To be more specific, people will have a good or bad impression on us due to our attitudes. This means that when we behave well, we can enhance our relationships. Besides our daily life, in the workplace, well-behaved workers will be beloved and trusted by superiors and colleagues so they can easily get promotions. The most suitable age for learning the right and wrong attitudes is children as they have a tendency to imitate others and discovering new things. To help them learn efficiently, punishment plays an essential role as when the children are punished, they will realize and remember their faults. Therefore, they won't repeat their mistakes and fix their behaviors.
So how should parents and teachers punish children when they make mistakes? There are various answers to this question.
In my opinion, punishment doesn't mean merely violence or physical impacts. This method is still effective if it is used at a proper level. Besides, parents and teachers can remind the children strictly or have some simple punishments such as forcing the children to be responsibility for their faults or stand in hours, disconnect the wifi and so on.
In conclusion, educating behavior is important for everyone, especially children at an early age. As a result, parents and teachers ought to jointly help the children develop themselves through encouragement, remind as well as punishment.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Nowadays" -> "Currently"
   Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."

2. "Beside" -> "Besides"
   Explanation: "Besides" is the correct form to use when adding an additional element to a list or statement, enhancing grammatical accuracy.

3. "vital elements" -> "essential components"
   Explanation: "Essential components" is a more formal and precise term that better fits the academic context, replacing the less formal "vital elements."

4. "ways of behaviors" -> "forms of behavior"
   Explanation: "Forms of behavior" is grammatically correct and more formal, replacing the awkward and incorrect "ways of behaviors."

5. "There is a statement that : " -> "It is often argued that"
   Explanation: "It is often argued that" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to introduce a common viewpoint, replacing the informal "There is a statement that : "

6. "punishment is vital to children" -> "punishment is crucial for children"
   Explanation: "Crucial" is a more precise and formal adjective than "vital" in this context, emphasizing the importance of punishment in a more academic tone.

7. "Good soft skills" -> "Effective soft skills"
   Explanation: "Effective" is a more precise and formal adjective than "good" when describing skills, aligning better with academic language.

8. "have direct and considerable influences" -> "exert significant influences"
   Explanation: "Exert significant influences" is a more formal and precise phrase, enhancing the academic tone.

9. "people will have a good or bad impression on us" -> "we may receive a positive or negative impression"
   Explanation: "We may receive a positive or negative impression" is more formal and avoids the awkward construction of "people will have a good or bad impression on us."

10. "well-behaved workers will be beloved and trusted" -> "well-behaved employees are likely to be respected and trusted"
    Explanation: "Respected and trusted" is a more formal and precise term than "beloved," which is overly emotional for academic writing.

11. "The most suitable age for learning the right and wrong attitudes is children" -> "Children are the most suitable age group for learning right and wrong attitudes"
    Explanation: This revision clarifies the subject and improves the sentence structure for formal writing.

12. "punishment plays an essential role as when the children are punished" -> "punishment plays a crucial role in that when children are punished"
    Explanation: "In that when children are punished" is a more formal and grammatically correct way to introduce the consequence of punishment.

13. "punishment doesn’t mean merely violence or physical impacts" -> "punishment does not solely involve physical violence or physical harm"
    Explanation: "Does not solely involve" is more precise and formal than "doesn’t mean merely," and "physical harm" is a more specific term than "physical impacts."

14. "forcing the children to be responsibility for their faults" -> "requiring children to take responsibility for their mistakes"
    Explanation: "Requiring children to take responsibility for their mistakes" is grammatically correct and more formal than "forcing the children to be responsibility for their faults."

15. "stand in hours" -> "stand for hours"
    Explanation: "Stand for hours" is the correct phrase, replacing the incorrect "stand in hours."

16. "educating behavior" -> "the education of behavior"
    Explanation: "The education of behavior" is grammatically correct and more formal, replacing the awkward and incorrect "educating behavior."

17. "remind as well as punishment" -> "reminders as well as punishments"
    Explanation: "Reminders as well as punishments" is grammatically correct and maintains a consistent plural form, enhancing the formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt, agreeing with the necessity of punishment for teaching children the difference between right and wrong. The author discusses the importance of instilling this understanding at an early age and suggests various forms of punishment. However, the essay could have been more explicit in discussing the extent of agreement or disagreement with the statement, as well as providing a more balanced view of the potential negative implications of punishment.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly articulate their position on the extent of agreement or disagreement in the introduction and reiterate it throughout the essay. Additionally, incorporating counterarguments or acknowledging the potential downsides of punishment would provide a more nuanced perspective.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that punishment is necessary for teaching children right from wrong. However, the clarity of this position could be improved, as it sometimes feels overshadowed by the discussion of the benefits of good behavior and the examples of punishment. The phrase "I agree with this idea" is somewhat vague and could be more forcefully stated.
  • How to improve: The writer should consistently reinforce their stance throughout the essay, using clear topic sentences in each paragraph that reflect their position. This could involve explicitly stating their agreement or disagreement at the beginning of each main point and summarizing how each point supports their overall argument.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the necessity of punishment and the types of punishment that can be used. However, some ideas are not fully developed. For example, the mention of "good soft skills" and their importance could be expanded with specific examples or studies that illustrate how behavior impacts relationships and success. The supporting details for the types of punishment are somewhat vague and could benefit from more elaboration.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made. For instance, when discussing types of punishment, the writer could elaborate on why certain methods are effective and provide examples of their application in real-life scenarios. This would help to substantiate the claims made and enhance the overall persuasiveness of the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the importance of teaching children right from wrong and the role of punishment in this process. However, there are moments where the discussion strays slightly, such as the lengthy explanation of soft skills and workplace dynamics, which, while relevant, could distract from the main focus of the essay.
  • How to improve: The writer should ensure that every paragraph directly relates back to the central question of punishment and its role in moral education. This can be achieved by regularly referencing the prompt and ensuring that all examples and arguments are tightly aligned with the topic at hand. A more focused approach will help maintain clarity and coherence throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of the necessity of punishment in teaching children the difference between right and wrong. The introduction outlines the main points, and the body paragraphs develop these ideas logically. For example, the first body paragraph discusses the importance of good behavior and its impact on relationships, while the second body paragraph addresses the types of punishment that can be employed. However, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be smoother, as the connection between the importance of behavior and the methods of punishment is not explicitly stated.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link ideas between paragraphs. For instance, after discussing the importance of good behavior, you could introduce the next paragraph with a sentence like, "To effectively instill these behaviors, appropriate forms of punishment must be considered." This would create a clearer connection between the importance of behavior and the methods of punishment.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The introduction sets the stage, the first body paragraph discusses the significance of behavior, and the second body paragraph explores punishment methods. However, the conclusion could be more robust, as it merely summarizes the main points without reinforcing the argument or providing a final thought.
  • How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by reiterating the main argument and suggesting implications or broader reflections on the topic. For example, you could end with a statement about the long-term benefits of teaching children right from wrong through appropriate punishment, which would leave the reader with a more impactful closing thought.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes some cohesive devices, such as "besides," "however," and "therefore," to connect ideas. These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some sentences feel abrupt or disconnected. For example, the phrase "So how should parents and teachers punish children when they make mistakes?" could be better integrated into the flow of the essay.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, you could use "furthermore" to add information, "in contrast" to present opposing views, or "consequently" to show cause and effect. Additionally, rephrasing the transition into the second body paragraph to something like "Having established the importance of good behavior, it is essential to consider how parents and teachers can effectively implement punishment" would enhance the flow and cohesiveness of the argument.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. By focusing on improving transitions, enhancing the conclusion, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "instilled," "significant," "essential role," and "soft skills." However, there are instances where vocabulary choices are somewhat repetitive or simplistic. For example, the phrase "good resident" is awkward and not commonly used in this context, which detracts from the overall lexical variety. Additionally, the phrase "remind the children strictly" could be expressed more effectively with a broader vocabulary.
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical range, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of "good resident," consider using "responsible member of society" or "upstanding citizen." Additionally, varying sentence structures and incorporating more complex vocabulary related to child development and behavioral psychology could enrich the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are notable inaccuracies. The term "behavior" is used correctly, but the phrase "to be instilled a sense of differentiating right and wrong" is awkward and imprecise; it would be clearer to say "to instill a sense of right and wrong." Furthermore, "forcing the children to be responsibility for their faults" contains grammatical errors and unclear phrasing, which affects the precision of the vocabulary used.
  • How to improve: The writer should focus on clarity and grammatical accuracy in vocabulary usage. For example, revise "forcing the children to be responsibility" to "holding children accountable for their actions." Additionally, practicing the use of collocations and idiomatic expressions in English can help improve precision.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with only minor errors present. However, the word "behavior" is spelled correctly in American English but should be spelled "behaviour" in British English, depending on the intended audience. Additionally, "stand in hours" is unclear and may be a typographical error or misphrasing.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully and consider using spell-check tools. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with common spelling rules and practicing writing can help reduce errors. Keeping a list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them can also be beneficial.

Overall, to achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding vocabulary range, improving precision in word choice, and ensuring spelling accuracy through careful proofreading and practice.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of a complex sentence in "To help them learn efficiently, punishment plays an essential role as when the children are punished, they will realize and remember their faults" showcases an understanding of how to connect ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as the frequent use of "to help" and "as they," which can detract from the overall variety.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For instance, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "To help them learn," the writer could use alternatives like "In order to facilitate their learning" or "To enhance their understanding." Additionally, varying the placement of dependent clauses could create more complex sentence structures and improve the flow of the essay.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally good command of grammar, but there are notable errors that affect clarity and accuracy. For example, the phrase "there is a statement that : ‘It is significant for Children to be instilled a sense of differentiating right and wrong at an early age’" contains a misplaced colon and an unnecessary capitalization of "Children." Furthermore, the sentence "this method is still effective if it is used at a proper level" could be more clearly expressed as "this method can still be effective if applied appropriately." Punctuation errors, such as the incorrect use of commas and the colon, can disrupt the reader’s understanding.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should review punctuation rules, particularly the use of colons and commas. Practicing sentence combining and restructuring can help clarify meaning and reduce errors. Additionally, proofreading the essay for capitalization errors and ensuring that all sentences are complete and correctly punctuated will improve overall clarity. It may also be beneficial to read the essay aloud to catch awkward phrasing and grammatical mistakes.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, there are areas for improvement in sentence variety and grammatical precision. By focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammar and punctuation, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, children are educated and developed in terms of many aspects. Besides the two factors of knowledge and physical health, behavior is also one of the most vital components of being a good citizen. However, forms of behavior are formed over a long period. There is a statement that: “It is significant for children to be instilled with a sense of differentiating right and wrong at an early age.” During this learning process, punishment is vital for children. From my perspective, I agree with this idea. In this essay, I will highlight several reasons for the necessity of punishments and suggest some forms of punishment.

Effective soft skills are crucial in daily life as they exert significant influences on ourselves and everyone around us. To be more specific, people will have a good or bad impression of us due to our attitudes. This means that when we behave well, we can enhance our relationships. Besides our daily life, in the workplace, well-behaved employees are likely to be respected and trusted by superiors and colleagues, so they can easily get promotions. Children are the most suitable age group for learning right and wrong attitudes, as they have a tendency to imitate others and discover new things. To help them learn efficiently, punishment plays a crucial role because when children are punished, they will realize and remember their faults. Therefore, they won’t repeat their mistakes and will fix their behaviors.

So how should parents and teachers punish children when they make mistakes? There are various answers to this question.

In my opinion, punishment does not solely involve violence or physical harm. This method is still effective if it is used at a proper level. Besides, parents and teachers can remind children strictly or have some simple punishments, such as requiring children to take responsibility for their mistakes, standing for hours, disconnecting the Wi-Fi, and so on.

In conclusion, the education of behavior is important for everyone, especially children at an early age. As a result, parents and teachers ought to jointly help children develop themselves through encouragement, reminders, as well as punishments.