It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future.
To what extend do you agree or disagree?

It is believed that people, especially teenage, should have a saving which would be very necessary for their future plans. This is absolutely true since it beneticial us from such a lot of things.

It is clear that there will be variety of benefits if we know how to save money. First and foremost, there is no doubt we can learn many life skill, especially money- management skill which is one of the most important life skill these days. For example, people can know what is worth to be paid and what is not, therefore, they will have helpful things and will save a large amount of money. Another compelling explanation is that we could afford to plans which are our dreams, hobbies made several years ago. Whenever we anything to do, we can pay for that by our saving without waiting for salaries or support from families.
It is undoubtable that without saving money, we may face with various issues in our life. The main reason is that there would be some unwanted occasion in our life time which could be accident or illness. In that time if we do not have any saving, we can not deal with these problems and even some more badly situation could be happened. Moreover, young people do not have enough finance to do their hobbies or even buy daily items. This is mainly because they have wasted too much money on unneccesary things whenever they have money then they can not meet the requirement of themselves such as go to beach, movces or dating.
In conclusion, having a saving finance can realize people’s dream as well as their hobbies and if they ignore that, they will not live a easy life.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "people, especially teenage" -> "individuals, particularly teenagers"
   Explanation: "Individuals" is a more formal term than "people," and "teenagers" should be hyphenated to form a compound adjective, aligning with standard English usage.

2. "a saving which would be very necessary" -> "savings that are crucial"
   Explanation: "Savings" is plural to match the context, and "crucial" is more precise and formal than "very necessary," enhancing the academic tone.

3. "beneticial us from such a lot of things" -> "beneficial in numerous ways"
   Explanation: "Beneficial" is the correct spelling, and "in numerous ways" is more precise and formal than "such a lot of things," which is colloquial.

4. "variety of benefits" -> "numerous benefits"
   Explanation: "Numerous" is more specific and formal than "variety," which is somewhat vague and less precise in this context.

5. "we can learn many life skill" -> "we can acquire various life skills"
   Explanation: "Acquire" is more formal than "learn," and "various life skills" is grammatically correct and more precise than "many life skill."

6. "money- management skill" -> "financial management skills"
   Explanation: "Financial management skills" is a more specific and formal term than "money-management skill," which is awkwardly phrased.

7. "what is worth to be paid and what is not" -> "what is worth paying and what is not"
   Explanation: "Worth paying" is grammatically correct and more natural than "worth to be paid," which is awkward and incorrect.

8. "helpful things" -> "valuable assets"
   Explanation: "Valuable assets" is more specific and formal than "helpful things," which is vague and informal.

9. "we could afford to plans which are our dreams" -> "we can afford to pursue our dreams"
   Explanation: "Pursue our dreams" is a more natural and precise expression than "afford to plans which are our dreams," which is awkward and unclear.

10. "Whenever we anything to do" -> "Whenever we want to do anything"
    Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error and clarifies the meaning, making the sentence more natural and formal.

11. "face with various issues" -> "face various issues"
    Explanation: "Face various issues" is grammatically correct and more direct, avoiding the awkward preposition "with" in this context.

12. "unwanted occasion" -> "unforeseen circumstances"
    Explanation: "Unforeseen circumstances" is a more formal and precise term than "unwanted occasion," which is vague and less formal.

13. "could be happened" -> "could happen"
    Explanation: "Could happen" is grammatically correct, whereas "could be happened" is incorrect and awkward.

14. "unneccesary things" -> "unnecessary things"
    Explanation: Corrects the spelling error in "unnecessary" to "unnecessary," ensuring accuracy and professionalism.

15. "movces" -> "movies"
    Explanation: Corrects the spelling error from "movces" to "movies," ensuring accuracy and professionalism.

16. "live a easy life" -> "lead an easy life"
    Explanation: "Lead an easy life" is grammatically correct and more formal than "live a easy life," which is incorrect and informal.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of saving money for the future, particularly for young people. It presents arguments that support the idea of saving, such as the acquisition of money management skills and the ability to handle unexpected financial situations. However, the essay does not explicitly state the writer’s degree of agreement or disagreement with the statement, which is crucial for fully answering the prompt. The lack of a clear stance may lead to ambiguity regarding the writer’s position.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly state their position in the introduction and reinforce it throughout the essay. For example, the introduction could explicitly mention whether the writer agrees or disagrees with the statement and to what extent. Additionally, the conclusion should summarize this position to ensure clarity.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay provides arguments in favor of saving money, it lacks a consistent and clear position. Phrases like "this is absolutely true" suggest agreement, but the overall structure does not reinforce a strong stance. The essay could benefit from clearer transitions that consistently link back to the main argument.
  • How to improve: The writer should use topic sentences in each paragraph that reflect their position. For instance, starting each paragraph with a statement that ties back to the main argument (e.g., "This demonstrates why saving money is essential for young people") would help maintain focus and clarity throughout the essay.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the benefits of saving money, such as learning life skills and being prepared for emergencies. However, some points are underdeveloped and lack sufficient examples or explanations. For instance, the discussion about life skills could be expanded with specific examples of how these skills are applied in real-life scenarios.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with more detailed explanations and relevant examples. For instance, discussing specific financial management techniques or providing anecdotes about young people who successfully saved money could enhance the essay’s persuasiveness.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the importance of saving money. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as when discussing "unwanted occasions" or "wasting money on unnecessary things." These points could be more tightly connected to the main argument about the necessity of saving.
  • How to improve: The writer should ensure that every point made directly supports the central argument about saving money. This could involve revising sections that stray from the main topic and ensuring that each paragraph contributes to the overall thesis. Additionally, using clear linking phrases can help maintain focus and coherence throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, improvements in clarity, structure, and depth of argumentation could elevate the score further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of saving money, with a logical progression from the introduction to the conclusion. The points are generally well-structured, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the benefits of saving money, while the second addresses the potential issues arising from a lack of savings. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother, as some sentences feel abrupt or disconnected. For example, the transition from discussing life skills to the benefits of saving for dreams could be better linked.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that connect ideas more explicitly. For example, phrases like "In addition to this," or "Furthermore," can help guide the reader through the argument. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea can help improve coherence.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph addressing a distinct point related to the thesis. However, the first paragraph could benefit from a clearer structure, as it combines multiple ideas without a strong focus. The conclusion is also somewhat vague and could be more impactful if it restated the main arguments more clearly.
  • How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea. For instance, the first paragraph could start with a statement about the importance of saving, followed by specific benefits. In the conclusion, reiterate the key points made in the essay to reinforce the argument and leave a lasting impression.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost," "for example," and "moreover," which help connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "In that time if we do not have any saving" could be rephrased for clarity and better flow.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "consequently," "as a result," "on the other hand," and "in contrast." This will not only enhance the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately and do not disrupt the clarity of the argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, there are areas for improvement in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. By focusing on these aspects, the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Coherence and Cohesion criteria.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "saving," "benefits," "life skills," and "finance." However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive, particularly in phrases like "saving money" and "life skill." The use of "teenage" as a noun is also incorrect; the correct term would be "teenagers." Additionally, phrases such as "we can learn many life skill" could be improved by using more varied expressions, such as "acquire essential financial skills."
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "saving," alternatives like "financial reserves" or "savings" could be employed. Expanding vocabulary through reading diverse materials and practicing synonyms can help achieve this.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: Some vocabulary choices are imprecise or incorrect. For example, "beneticial us from such a lot of things" is awkward and unclear. The phrase "we could afford to plans which are our dreams" is also grammatically incorrect and confusing. The use of "unwanted occasion" is vague; a more precise term like "unexpected events" would be clearer. Furthermore, "wasted too much money on unneccesary things" could be expressed more concisely as "spent excessively on non-essential items."
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and grammatical correctness. Reviewing sentence structure and ensuring that vocabulary fits the context will enhance the overall quality. Using tools like a thesaurus or grammar checking software can assist in finding more suitable words and phrases.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "beneticial" (beneficial), "neccesary" (necessary), "movces" (movies), and "undoubtable" (undoubtedly). These errors detract from the overall readability and professionalism of the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement proofreading strategies, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can significantly improve spelling skills. Regular writing practice, coupled with careful editing, will help in reducing such errors in future essays.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, with few complex sentences. For example, the sentence "It is believed that people, especially teenage, should have a saving which would be very necessary for their future plans" is a straightforward construction. The use of phrases like "First and foremost" and "Another compelling explanation" indicates an attempt to organize ideas, but the overall variety in sentence types is lacking. Additionally, the phrase "we can learn many life skill, especially money- management skill" uses a repetitive structure that could be diversified.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences, which include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "we can learn many life skill," the writer could say, "By saving money, we not only learn essential life skills but also develop a sense of responsibility that will benefit us in the long run." Practicing the use of different conjunctions and relative clauses can also help in achieving greater complexity in writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, "teenage" should be "teenagers," and "saving" should be "savings" in the context used. The phrase "it beneticial us from such a lot of things" is grammatically incorrect and should be revised to "it benefits us in many ways." Additionally, punctuation is often misused, such as in "we may face with various issues in our life," where "face with" should simply be "face." The essay also lacks commas in compound sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences and confusion.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, proper noun forms, and correct preposition usage. Regular practice with grammar exercises and reviewing common grammatical structures can be beneficial. For punctuation, the writer should study the rules regarding the use of commas, especially in compound sentences, and practice writing sentences that require correct punctuation. Reading more complex texts can also help in understanding how punctuation is used effectively in writing.

Overall, while the essay presents relevant ideas, the limited range of grammatical structures and frequent errors hinder its effectiveness. Focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will significantly enhance the quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is believed that people, especially teenagers, should have savings that are crucial for their future plans. This is absolutely true since it is beneficial in numerous ways.

It is clear that there will be a variety of benefits if we know how to save money. First and foremost, there is no doubt we can acquire various life skills, especially money-management skills, which are some of the most important life skills these days. For example, individuals can learn what is worth paying for and what is not; therefore, they will have valuable assets and will save a large amount of money. Another compelling reason is that we could afford to pursue our dreams and hobbies made several years ago. Whenever we want to do anything, we can pay for it with our savings without waiting for salaries or support from our families.

It is undoubted that without saving money, we may face various issues in our lives. The main reason is that there could be some unforeseen circumstances in our lifetime, such as accidents or illnesses. At that time, if we do not have any savings, we cannot deal with these problems, and even worse situations could happen. Moreover, young people do not have enough finances to pursue their hobbies or even buy daily items. This is mainly because they have wasted too much money on unnecessary things, and whenever they have money, they cannot meet their own requirements, such as going to the beach, watching movies, or dating.

In conclusion, having savings can help individuals realize their dreams as well as their hobbies, and if they ignore this, they will not lead an easy life.