It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement ?

The importance of future life preparation is much higher at present than anytime in the past. Consequently, there is no doubt that many people, including youngsters, are spending parts of their earnings for saving, making sure that they will have accumulated money to use in the following time. From my viewpoint, I side with those who believe in this action’s necessity.

The first reason for my belief is people’s awareness of the time ahead. The world is changing unpredictably, and no one can know exactly what will happen. Therefore, it is obvious that we should prepare for everything, even the worst one. To do so, various factors need to be accounted for, and financing is one of them; whatever problems you may encounter in the future, you always need money to solve them. For example, someone can have financial crisis in the later period of the life, or they have a disease that is costly to cure. These scenarios is one of many others that strengthen the criticality of financing preparing for the hereafter.

Another reason contributing to my final choice is how people, especially younger one, spend money for the living. Seeing a young man buy expensive vehicles and clocks, or jewelry and clothing for the women, is not unfamiliar. Those youngsters are just caring about the short-term yet the long-lasting, using all of their financial income in a short amount of time rather than saving a small portion of it. As a result, those people will be more likely to have financial difficulties than the others, and they will have to pay more attention to the importance of money saving. Only by spending salary equally and balanced can they have better life.

In conclusion, having saved parts of income, people can ensure that they will not be passive if unwanted problems occur in the future. By performing this small yet crucial action, we can have a much easier and better life.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The importance of future life preparation is much higher at present than anytime in the past." -> "The significance of future life preparation is greater now than at any point in the past."
Explanation: Replacing "much higher" with "greater" and "at present" with "now" refines the phrasing to be more formal and precise, aligning better with academic style.
"Consequently, there is no doubt that many people, including youngsters, are spending parts of their earnings for saving" -> "Consequently, it is evident that many individuals, including young people, are allocating portions of their earnings for savings"
Explanation: Replacing "parts of their earnings for saving" with "portions of their earnings for savings" corrects the grammatical error and uses more formal vocabulary ("individuals" and "allocating").
"making sure that they will have accumulated money to use in the following time" -> "ensuring they accumulate funds for future use"
Explanation: "Ensuring they accumulate funds for future use" is more concise and formal, avoiding the awkward phrasing of "making sure that they will have accumulated money to use in the following time."
"From my viewpoint, I side with those who believe in this action’s necessity" -> "From my perspective, I concur with those who advocate for the necessity of this action"
Explanation: "From my perspective" is more formal than "From my viewpoint," and "concur with" is more precise than "side with," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"The world is changing unpredictably" -> "The world is undergoing unpredictable changes"
Explanation: "Undergoing unpredictable changes" is a more formal and precise way to describe the dynamic nature of the world.
"no one can know exactly what will happen" -> "it is impossible to predict exactly what will occur"
Explanation: "It is impossible to predict exactly what will occur" is more formal and academically appropriate than "no one can know exactly what will happen."
"These scenarios is one of many others" -> "These scenarios are just a few examples of many others"
Explanation: Correcting "is" to "are" fixes the grammatical error, and adding "just a few examples of many others" clarifies that the list is not exhaustive.
"seeing a young man buy expensive vehicles and clocks, or jewelry and clothing for the women" -> "observing young men purchasing expensive vehicles, clocks, jewelry, and clothing"
Explanation: "Observing young men purchasing" is more formal and inclusive than "seeing a young man buy," and the list is more formally structured.
"the long-lasting" -> "long-term"
Explanation: "Long-term" is a more precise and formal term than "the long-lasting," which is awkward and unclear in this context.
"using all of their financial income in a short amount of time" -> "utilizing their entire financial income over a short period"
Explanation: "Utilizing their entire financial income over a short period" is more formal and precise, avoiding the awkward phrasing of "using all of their financial income in a short amount of time."
"Only by spending salary equally and balanced can they have better life" -> "Only by allocating their salary in a balanced manner can they lead a better life"
Explanation: "Allocating their salary in a balanced manner" is more precise and formal than "spending salary equally and balanced," and "lead a better life" is grammatically correct.

These changes enhance the formal tone and precision of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of saving money for the future, particularly for young people. The writer clearly states their position in favor of the necessity of saving, which aligns well with the prompt. The first paragraph introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, while the subsequent paragraphs provide reasons supporting this viewpoint. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing view, which would demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the topic.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should consider briefly discussing potential counterarguments, such as the perspective that young people may prioritize immediate experiences over saving. Addressing these points would create a more balanced argument and show critical engagement with the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently advocating for the importance of saving money. The writer’s viewpoint is articulated in the introduction and reinforced in the body paragraphs. However, the phrasing in some areas could be clearer. For instance, the phrase "I side with those who believe in this action’s necessity" could be simplified to "I believe saving money is essential."
- How to improve: To maintain clarity, the writer should aim for straightforward language and avoid overly complex sentence structures. Additionally, reiterating the main position at the beginning of each body paragraph can help reinforce the stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas, such as the unpredictability of the future and the financial irresponsibility of some young people. The examples provided, such as potential financial crises and the tendency of young people to spend on luxury items, effectively support the main arguments. However, the development of these ideas could be more thorough; for instance, the examples could be expanded with more specific details or statistics to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to elaborate on each point with additional examples or evidence. For instance, citing studies on the financial habits of young people or providing more detailed scenarios could enhance the persuasiveness of the arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the importance of saving for the future. However, there are moments where the connection to the prompt could be more explicit. For example, the discussion about young people spending on luxury items could be more directly linked back to the consequences of not saving.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central thesis. Using topic sentences that clearly connect back to the prompt at the beginning of each paragraph can help keep the writing on track. Additionally, summarizing how each point supports the main argument in the conclusion can reinforce the essay’s relevance to the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of saving money for the future, and the ideas are generally organized logically. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and each paragraph addresses a specific reason supporting the main argument. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the unpredictability of the future to the specific examples of financial crises could be better connected to enhance the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely" can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively. This will create a more cohesive narrative throughout the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct point related to the topic. The first paragraph introduces the argument, while the subsequent paragraphs provide supporting reasons. However, the second paragraph could be split into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on the spending habits of young people and the other discussing the consequences of those habits. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea and supporting details. Consider starting a new paragraph when introducing a new aspect of the argument or when shifting focus. This will help maintain clarity and allow the reader to follow the argument more easily.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "therefore," "for example," and "as a result." These devices help connect ideas within and between sentences. However, there is a noticeable repetition of certain phrases, which can detract from the overall cohesiveness of the essay. For instance, the phrase "financial difficulties" appears multiple times, which could be varied to maintain reader interest.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating synonyms and varying sentence structures. For example, instead of repeatedly using "financial difficulties," alternatives like "monetary challenges" or "economic hardships" could be employed. Additionally, using a wider range of cohesive devices, such as "however," "on the other hand," and "in contrast," can enhance the essay’s coherence and make the argument more compelling.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, there are areas for improvement in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. By addressing these aspects, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it often relies on common phrases and lacks variation. For instance, terms like "money," "saving," and "financial" are repeated without introducing synonyms or related terms that could enrich the text. While the phrase "financial crisis" is a good example of more specialized vocabulary, the overall lexical variety is limited.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more sophisticated vocabulary. For example, instead of repeatedly using "money," alternatives such as "funds," "capital," or "resources" could be employed. Additionally, phrases like "financial stability" or "economic foresight" could replace simpler expressions to elevate the language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage in the essay. For example, the phrase "the worst one" is vague and could be more specific. Similarly, "financial crisis in the later period of the life" is awkwardly phrased; it would be clearer as "financial crisis later in life." The use of "criticality of financing preparing for the hereafter" is also convoluted and could be simplified for clarity.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. This can be achieved by revising sentences for clarity and specificity. For instance, instead of "the worst one," the writer could specify "the worst-case scenario." Additionally, restructuring sentences for better flow and clarity will help in making vocabulary choices more precise.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from its overall quality. For example, "youngster" should be "youngsters," "criticality" is an uncommon word that may not be the best choice, and "financing preparing" is awkwardly constructed. Additionally, "clocks" is likely a typographical error for "clothes," which could confuse readers.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, ideally reading it aloud to catch errors. Utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Practicing writing with a focus on spelling can help solidify correct forms in the writer’s mind.

In summary, while the essay achieves a band score of 6 for Lexical Resource, there are clear areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise usage, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like “The world is changing unpredictably, and no one can know exactly what will happen.” This variety helps to convey ideas clearly and keeps the reader engaged. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the sentence “These scenarios is one of many others that strengthen the criticality of financing preparing for the hereafter” is awkwardly constructed and could be simplified or restructured for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases, such as “In addition,” “Furthermore,” or “Conversely,” to connect ideas more fluidly. Additionally, using more conditional sentences (e.g., “If young people save money, they will be better prepared for unexpected challenges”) could further diversify the sentence structures and improve the overall flow of the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity and coherence. For example, in the phrase “These scenarios is one of many others,” the subject-verb agreement is incorrect; it should be “These scenarios are one of many others.” Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as the lack of commas in complex sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences. For instance, “Seeing a young man buy expensive vehicles and clocks, or jewelry and clothing for the women, is not unfamiliar” could be clearer with better punctuation.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to review subject-verb agreement rules and ensure that plural subjects match with plural verbs. Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on common errors can also be beneficial. For punctuation, consider revisiting the rules for using commas in complex sentences and lists. Reading the essay aloud can help identify areas where pauses are needed, indicating where commas should be placed for clarity.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, focusing on the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will enhance the overall quality and effectiveness of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The importance of future life preparation is much higher at present than at any time in the past. Consequently, there is no doubt that many people, including youngsters, are spending parts of their earnings on saving, making sure that they will have accumulated money to use in the future. From my viewpoint, I side with those who believe in the necessity of this action.

The first reason for my belief is people’s awareness of the time ahead. The world is changing unpredictably, and no one can know exactly what will happen. Therefore, it is obvious that we should prepare for everything, even the worst situations. To do so, various factors need to be accounted for, and financing is one of them; whatever problems you may encounter in the future, you always need money to solve them. For example, someone can experience a financial crisis later in life, or they may have a disease that is costly to cure. These scenarios are just a few examples of many others that strengthen the criticality of financial preparation for the future.

Another reason contributing to my final choice is how people, especially younger ones, spend money for living. Seeing a young man buy expensive vehicles, watches, jewelry, and clothing for women is not unfamiliar. Those youngsters are just caring about the short-term rather than the long-term, using all of their financial income in a short amount of time rather than saving a small portion of it. As a result, these individuals are more likely to face financial difficulties than others, and they will have to pay more attention to the importance of saving money. Only by allocating their salary in a balanced manner can they lead a better life.

In conclusion, by saving parts of their income, people can ensure that they will not be passive if unwanted problems occur in the future. By performing this small yet crucial action, we can have a much easier and better life.