It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people argue that it is significant for everyone, especially youngsters, to save money for their future. I concur with this viewpoint and believe that this practice is essential.

Firstly, personal savings can be profitable. By opening a bank account and depositing one’s savings, this will allow them to receive annual payments from the bank which included the initial amount sent plus the extra from the bank’s interest rate. Investing in the stock market can also grant a new source of sustainable passive income as the market has been booming in recent years. This influx of money accompanied with one’s salary can facilitate their lives thus enhancing life quality and partly reducing poverty.

Secondly, saved-up money can be used as an emergency backup. Medical bills can be very expensive in today’s world, having an amount of money can assist in making payments. Illness and accidents can occur abruptly and most people are not financially ready for the remedies given by hospitals, which is why personal savings can help stabilize one’s financial status and thus can be life-saving.

In conclusion, many people believe that everyone should save their money for the future and I share the same belief. Saving up money can be an alternative source of income and can also be life-saving in some circumstances.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some people argue" -> "Some individuals contend"
Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal and precise term than "argue," which is often associated with informal or colloquial language in academic writing.
"it is significant for everyone, especially youngsters" -> "it is imperative for all individuals, particularly youth"
Explanation: "Imperative" conveys a stronger sense of necessity than "significant," and "youth" is a more formal term than "youngsters."
"I concur with this viewpoint" -> "I agree with this perspective"
Explanation: "Concur" is less commonly used in formal academic writing than "agree," and "perspective" is a more formal synonym for "viewpoint."
"personal savings can be profitable" -> "personal savings can yield a profit"
Explanation: "Yield a profit" is a more precise and formal way to describe the financial benefits of saving.
"this will allow them to receive annual payments from the bank which included the initial amount sent plus the extra from the bank’s interest rate" -> "this enables them to receive annual interest payments, comprising the initial deposit and accrued interest"
Explanation: "Enables" is more formal than "will allow," and "comprising" is a more precise term than "which included." Additionally, "accrued interest" is more specific than "the extra from the bank’s interest rate."
"Investing in the stock market can also grant a new source of sustainable passive income" -> "Investing in the stock market can also provide a sustainable source of passive income"
Explanation: "Provide" is more direct and formal than "grant," and removing "new" avoids redundancy.
"This influx of money accompanied with one’s salary" -> "This influx of money combined with one’s salary"
Explanation: "Combined" is a more formal and precise term than "accompanied with."
"enhancing life quality" -> "enhancing quality of life"
Explanation: "Quality of life" is a more formal and commonly used phrase in academic contexts.
"partly reducing poverty" -> "contributing to poverty reduction"
Explanation: "Contributing to poverty reduction" is a more formal and precise way to describe the impact on poverty.
"having an amount of money" -> "having a sum of money"
Explanation: "Sum" is a more formal term than "amount" in this context.
"Illness and accidents can occur abruptly" -> "Illnesses and accidents can occur suddenly"
Explanation: "Suddenly" is a more precise and formal adverb than "abruptly" in this context.
"most people are not financially ready for the remedies given by hospitals" -> "many individuals are not financially prepared for hospital treatments"
Explanation: "Prepared" is more specific and formal than "ready," and "hospital treatments" is a more precise term than "the remedies given by hospitals."
"which is why personal savings can help stabilize one’s financial status" -> "thus, personal savings can help stabilize one’s financial status"
Explanation: "Thus" is a more formal transitional phrase than "which is why," and it maintains the academic tone.
"can be life-saving" -> "can be lifesaving"
Explanation: "Lifesaving" is a single word that is more formal and concise than "life-saving."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by agreeing with the statement that it is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. However, it lacks a comprehensive exploration of the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement. The response primarily focuses on the benefits of saving money without discussing any counterarguments or alternative perspectives that could provide a more balanced view.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly state the extent of their agreement or disagreement. This could involve acknowledging potential drawbacks of saving money excessively, such as the impact on immediate spending or quality of life. Including a brief discussion of these points would demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position in favor of saving money, stating, "I concur with this viewpoint." However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. The conclusion reiterates the belief in the importance of saving, but the body paragraphs could better tie back to the main argument by explicitly linking the benefits discussed to the overarching claim.
- How to improve: The writer should ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the main argument. This could be achieved by starting each paragraph with a topic sentence that explicitly connects the idea to the importance of saving money for the future. Additionally, reinforcing the position in the body paragraphs with phrases like "This supports my belief that…" would enhance clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some relevant ideas, such as the benefits of personal savings and the importance of having an emergency fund. However, the ideas are not fully extended or supported with sufficient detail or examples. For instance, while the mention of investing in the stock market is relevant, it lacks specific examples or data to illustrate its potential benefits.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. This could involve providing specific examples, statistics, or anecdotes that illustrate the benefits of saving money. For instance, discussing a scenario where savings helped someone during a financial crisis would make the argument more compelling.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the importance of saving money. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For example, the mention of "enhancing life quality" is somewhat vague and could be more directly linked to the theme of saving for the future.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the importance of saving money for the future. Avoiding vague statements and instead providing concrete examples that illustrate how saving money directly impacts future financial stability would enhance relevance.

In summary, to improve the essay’s score, the writer should aim to more thoroughly address all parts of the prompt, maintain a clear and consistent position, extend and support ideas with specific examples, and ensure that all content stays directly relevant to the topic. Additionally, addressing the word count issue is crucial, as the essay appears to be under the required length for a comprehensive response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of saving money, structured around two main points: the profitability of savings and the importance of having an emergency fund. Each point is introduced with a topic sentence that effectively sets the stage for the discussion that follows. The progression from the first point about profitability to the second point regarding emergency funds is logical and easy to follow, demonstrating a strong understanding of how to build an argument. However, the transition between the two points could be more explicit to enhance the overall flow.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider adding transitional phrases or sentences that explicitly connect the two main ideas. For example, after discussing the benefits of personal savings, a sentence like "In addition to providing a profitable return, savings also play a crucial role in financial security during emergencies" could help bridge the two sections more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The first paragraph introduces the topic and states the writer’s position, while the subsequent paragraphs delve into specific reasons supporting that position. This clear separation aids readability and comprehension. However, the concluding paragraph could be more developed to summarize the key points discussed and reinforce the main argument.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, ensure that the conclusion not only restates the writer’s agreement with the statement but also briefly summarizes the key arguments made in the body paragraphs. A more robust conclusion could include a final thought or call to action, encouraging readers to consider the importance of saving money.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "In conclusion," which help to guide the reader through the argument. Additionally, phrases like "this influx of money" and "which is why" effectively link ideas within and between sentences. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to include more varied connectors and references that enhance the sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "Firstly" and "Secondly," consider alternatives like "To begin with," "Moreover," or "Additionally." Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts can help reduce repetition and improve cohesion. For example, instead of repeating "personal savings," you could use "these savings" in subsequent references.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs and cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and sophistication of their argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "significant," "profitable," "emergency backup," and "sustainable passive income." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive and lacks variation. For instance, the term "money" is used multiple times without synonyms or alternative phrases, which could enhance the richness of the text.
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms for "money" such as "funds," "capital," or "resources." Additionally, using phrases like "financial reserves" or "savings" in different contexts would help diversify the language used throughout the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are instances of vague or imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "this influx of money accompanied with one’s salary" could be clearer. The term "accompanied" is not the best choice in this context, as it implies a simultaneous occurrence rather than a combination of funds.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should consider rephrasing to clarify the relationship between the influx of money and salary. A suggestion could be: "This influx of savings, combined with one’s salary, can significantly improve financial stability." Additionally, ensuring that terms are used in their correct context will help convey the intended meaning more effectively.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a generally good level of spelling accuracy, with no glaring errors. However, there are minor issues, such as the phrase "included the initial amount sent," which should be "includes" to maintain present tense consistency.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling and grammatical accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay to catch any tense inconsistencies or typographical errors. Utilizing tools like spell checkers or grammar checkers can also aid in identifying mistakes before final submission. Additionally, reading the essay aloud can help catch awkward phrasing or errors that may be overlooked during silent reading.

Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements for lexical resource, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating a broader range of vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and carefully proofreading for spelling and grammatical consistency, the writer can enhance their lexical resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of "Firstly, personal savings can be profitable" introduces a clear topic sentence, followed by a complex sentence explaining the benefits of saving. However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the phrase "this will allow them to receive annual payments from the bank which included the initial amount sent plus the extra from the bank’s interest rate" is somewhat convoluted and could be simplified or restructured for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences with subordinate clauses and varying the sentence beginnings. For example, instead of starting sentences with "this" or "saved-up money," try using introductory phrases or clauses, such as "By saving money, individuals can…" or "In addition to providing financial security, savings also…". This will create a more dynamic flow and keep the reader engaged.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are a few notable errors. For instance, the phrase "which included the initial amount sent plus the extra from the bank’s interest rate" should use "includes" instead of "included" to maintain consistency in verb tense. Additionally, the sentence "This influx of money accompanied with one’s salary can facilitate their lives thus enhancing life quality and partly reducing poverty" lacks a comma before "thus," which is necessary for clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for verb tense consistency and punctuation errors. Pay particular attention to the use of commas, especially in complex sentences where clauses are joined. Practicing with grammar exercises focused on verb tenses and punctuation rules can also help solidify these skills. Furthermore, reading more academic texts can provide examples of correct grammar and punctuation usage, which can be beneficial for developing a more intuitive understanding of these rules.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will enhance the overall quality and coherence of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals argue that it is significant for everyone, especially youth, to save money for their future. I agree with this perspective and believe that this practice is essential.

Firstly, personal savings can be profitable. By opening a bank account and depositing one’s savings, this enables them to receive annual interest payments, comprising the initial deposit and accrued interest. Investing in the stock market can also provide a sustainable source of passive income, as the market has been booming in recent years. This influx of money, combined with one’s salary, can facilitate their lives, thus enhancing quality of life and partly contributing to poverty reduction.

Secondly, saved-up money can be used as an emergency backup. Medical bills can be very expensive in today’s world; having a sum of money can assist in making payments. Illnesses and accidents can occur suddenly, and many individuals are not financially prepared for the hospital treatments, which is why personal savings can help stabilize one’s financial status and can be lifesaving.

In conclusion, many people believe that everyone should save their money for the future, and I share the same belief. Saving money can be an alternative source of income and can also be lifesaving in some circumstances.