it is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

The assertion that everyone, including young people, should save money for their future is fundamental to success. Nowadays, most Gen Z are wasting their money on trending stuff to satisfy instant passion while the long-term benefits of saving are very useful for them in the future. So I believe that young people should start saving as soon as possible.

An important aspect of saving money is the creation of a financial safety net. First, some unexpected events like disease outbreaks or loss of money in investment can significantly impact one's economic stability. So, having a savings account money can provide a cushion during these times to limit dependence on family plus create self-reliance. As a result, the amount of money saved each month can be enough for them to buy their own house or pay for extra needed items.

Furthermore, for young people, the habit of saving can lay the groundwork for a better future. It can provide the financial resources needed to make ends meet, help family, and have some money to spend on hobbies. Then saving money can be valuable discipline and have more certain choices.

In sum, saving money is the best path for people to choose. It gives a safety net for unexpected events and builds a habit for a better future.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays, most Gen Z are wasting" -> "Currently, many members of Generation Z are squandering"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal temporal indicator than "Nowadays," and "squandering" is a more precise term than "wasting" to describe the misuse of money in a more formal context.
"trending stuff" -> "trendy items"
Explanation: "Trendy items" is a more specific and formal term than "trending stuff," which is somewhat colloquial and vague.
"to satisfy instant passion" -> "to fulfill immediate desires"
Explanation: "Fulfill immediate desires" is a more formal and precise way to describe the satisfaction of short-term wants, aligning better with academic writing standards.
"So I believe" -> "Therefore, I contend"
Explanation: "Therefore, I contend" is a more formal and assertive way to introduce a conclusion, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"having a savings account money" -> "maintaining a savings account"
Explanation: "Maintaining a savings account" is grammatically correct and more formal than "having a savings account money," which is awkward and incorrect.
"can be enough for them to buy their own house or pay for extra needed items" -> "can suffice for the purchase of their own homes or additional necessities"
Explanation: "Can suffice for the purchase of their own homes or additional necessities" is more formal and precise, avoiding the casual phrasing of "buy their own house or pay for extra needed items."
"the habit of saving can lay the groundwork" -> "the habit of saving can establish the foundation"
Explanation: "Establish the foundation" is a more formal and precise expression than "lay the groundwork," which is slightly informal and less specific.
"have some money to spend on hobbies" -> "possess funds for leisure activities"
Explanation: "Possess funds for leisure activities" is more formal and specific than "have some money to spend on hobbies," which is too casual for academic writing.
"saving money can be valuable discipline" -> "saving money can cultivate discipline"
Explanation: "Cultivate discipline" is a more precise and formal way to describe the development of a habit, improving the academic tone of the sentence.
"have more certain choices" -> "enjoy greater financial flexibility"
Explanation: "Enjoy greater financial flexibility" is a more formal and precise way to describe the benefits of saving, replacing the vague and informal "have more certain choices."
"saving money is the best path for people to choose" -> "saving money is the optimal strategy for individuals"
Explanation: "Optimal strategy" is a more precise and formal term than "best path," and "individuals" is preferred over "people" in formal academic writing for subject specificity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by stating that young people should save money for their future, which aligns with the question’s requirement. However, it does not fully explore the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement. The response leans towards agreement but lacks a nuanced discussion of any counterarguments or alternative perspectives. For instance, the essay could have acknowledged situations where saving might not be feasible for all young people due to economic constraints.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly state their position (e.g., "I completely agree" or "I partially agree") and provide a balanced view by discussing potential counterarguments. Including examples of when saving may not be practical or beneficial could also strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that young people should save money, but the argument lacks consistency and depth. The initial statement is strong, but subsequent paragraphs do not reinforce this position effectively. For example, the second paragraph introduces the idea of a financial safety net without clearly linking it back to the importance of saving for young people specifically.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly supports their stance. Using topic sentences that reiterate the main argument and summarizing how each point relates back to the thesis can help maintain focus.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas related to the benefits of saving, such as creating a financial safety net and developing good habits. However, these ideas are not fully developed or supported with specific examples or evidence. For instance, the mention of "unexpected events" could be elaborated with real-life scenarios or statistics that illustrate the importance of having savings.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with specific examples, data, or anecdotes. This could involve discussing how saving has positively impacted individuals or communities, thereby providing a more compelling argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the importance of saving money for young people. However, some sentences are vague and could lead to ambiguity. For example, the phrase "valuable discipline and have more certain choices" lacks clarity and does not directly tie back to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that all statements are directly related to the main thesis. Clarifying vague phrases and ensuring that each sentence contributes to the overall argument will help keep the essay on track.

Overall, the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic but requires more depth, clarity, and development to achieve a higher band score. Addressing these areas will enhance the overall effectiveness of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of saving money, structured around two main points: the creation of a financial safety net and the development of good saving habits. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect, which aids in logical progression. For instance, the first paragraph introduces the topic and states the writer’s position, while the second paragraph elaborates on the safety net concept with relevant examples. However, the transition between the two main ideas could be smoother, as the connection between the financial safety net and the habit of saving is somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link the ideas. For example, after discussing the safety net, you could introduce the next paragraph with a phrase like, "In addition to providing security, saving money also fosters essential habits that contribute to long-term financial stability."
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is crucial for clarity. Each paragraph has a clear focus, with the first addressing the importance of saving and the second discussing the benefits of developing a saving habit. However, the conclusion is somewhat brief and could benefit from a more comprehensive summary of the main points discussed.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph not only introduces a new idea but also includes a concluding sentence that ties back to the main argument. In the conclusion, consider restating the significance of saving money and how it relates to the overall argument, thereby reinforcing the essay’s coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices effectively, such as "first," "furthermore," and "in sum," which help guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "So, having a savings account money can provide a cushion during these times" could benefit from a clearer connection to the previous sentence.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Moreover," "Consequently," or "As a result" to enhance the flow between ideas. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used accurately and appropriately to maintain clarity and coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of coherence and cohesion principles, but with slight improvements in transitions, paragraph development, and the variety of cohesive devices, it could achieve an even higher level of clarity and effectiveness.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, particularly in phrases like "financial safety net," "economic stability," and "lay the groundwork." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, with phrases like "saving money" appearing multiple times without variation. Additionally, terms like "Gen Z" and "trending stuff" are informal and may not be suitable for an academic essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeating "saving money," alternatives like "financial prudence," "savings," or "fiscal responsibility" could be used. Expanding the vocabulary to include more formal expressions would also strengthen the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used effectively, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "wasting their money on trending stuff" lacks specificity and formality. Additionally, "the long-term benefits of saving are very useful" could be expressed more precisely, as "beneficial" would convey the intended meaning more effectively.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that convey exact meanings. For example, instead of "trending stuff," consider using "popular consumer goods" or "fads." Furthermore, replacing "very useful" with "highly advantageous" would enhance the clarity and formality of the language.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a good level of spelling accuracy, with no glaring errors present. Words like "unexpected," "economic," and "discipline" are spelled correctly, which contributes positively to the overall impression of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain and improve spelling accuracy, the writer should continue to proofread their work carefully. Utilizing tools such as spell checkers or writing apps can help catch any minor errors. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or flashcards can reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements for lexical resource, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range and precision. By diversifying word choice and ensuring precise language, the writer can enhance their score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the sentence "An important aspect of saving money is the creation of a financial safety net" effectively introduces a main idea, while "First, some unexpected events like disease outbreaks or loss of money in investment can significantly impact one’s economic stability" showcases a complex structure with a dependent clause. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the use of "can" and "is," which may limit the overall range.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences with varied conjunctions and transition phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "can," the writer might use "may," "might," or "has the potential to" to express possibility. Additionally, employing passive voice or conditional sentences could further diversify the writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some notable errors. For example, the phrase "having a savings account money" is awkward and should be revised to "having a savings account." Additionally, the sentence "So, having a savings account money can provide a cushion during these times to limit dependence on family plus create self-reliance" contains a misplaced modifier and could be clearer. Punctuation is mostly correct, but the use of commas could be improved for clarity, particularly in compound sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on refining sentence constructions to avoid awkward phrases. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly on modifiers and sentence clarity, could be beneficial. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, would enhance the overall readability of the essay. For instance, the writer could revise sentences to ensure that clauses are clearly separated and that the flow of ideas is logical and coherent.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision. By focusing on these areas, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

The assertion that everyone, including young people, should save money for their future is fundamental to success. Currently, many members of Generation Z are squandering their money on trendy items to fulfill immediate desires, while the long-term benefits of saving are incredibly valuable for them in the future. Therefore, I contend that young people should start saving as soon as possible.

An important aspect of saving money is the creation of a financial safety net. First, unexpected events such as disease outbreaks or losses in investments can significantly impact one’s economic stability. Thus, maintaining a savings account can provide a cushion during these times, limiting dependence on family and fostering self-reliance. As a result, the amount of money saved each month can suffice for the purchase of their own homes or additional necessities.

Furthermore, for young people, the habit of saving can establish the foundation for a better future. It can provide the financial resources needed to make ends meet, support family, and allow for leisure activities. Additionally, saving money can cultivate discipline and lead to more informed choices.

In sum, saving money is the optimal strategy for individuals to choose. It offers a safety net for unexpected events and builds a habit that paves the way for a better future.