It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

As the standard of living are gradually enhancing, the saving budget will be regarded as an economic initiative in the following years. Many individuals believe that accumulating funds for the future is exceedingly essential for everyone, espeacially adolescents. From my perspective, I massively support this idea for many reasons.
In the future, money can yield orientational results as the way to foster young people's career. For those who are college students or the undergraduate, they have to paid a sum of fees during many years of studying in compass so that they could acquire the certificates or degrees for their chosen jobs and dreams. It is obvious in Vietnam that students who are following educational institutions have the habit of saving money for a long period until they will have got the next budget as no one can guess what they need for the future.
In addition, the economic also help the elderly with many predicaments in their lifetime. When meeting, they can solve and take care of themselves without disturbing their family because the amount of money that they save can be used in these likelihoods. For instance, an older person often faces problems with health such as flu, stomachache or heart disease because she is too old, she can use money to buy medicine or go to the hospital because their children are very busy and can not take care of her carefully every day.
In conclusion, saving money for the future is very vital for all people both the young and the old. I strongly agree with this statement because it will help us to be more successful and can cope with bad things that we encounter in our lives and we could not know about them before.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "As the standard of living are" -> "As living standards are"
   Explanation: "Living standards" is the correct noun form, and using "are" instead of "are" corrects the grammatical error, aligning with the plural subject "standards."

2. "the saving budget" -> "saving budgets"
   Explanation: "Saving budgets" is a more accurate term, as it refers to the practice of saving money, rather than a single budget.

3. "will be regarded as an economic initiative" -> "will be considered an economic strategy"
   Explanation: "Strategy" is a more precise term in an economic context, indicating a planned approach, whereas "initiative" is broader and less specific.

4. "Many individuals believe" -> "Many people believe"
   Explanation: "People" is a more commonly used and natural term in academic writing than "individuals" in this context.

5. "espeacially" -> "especially"
   Explanation: Corrects the spelling error to "especially."

6. "massively support" -> "strongly support"
   Explanation: "Massively" is too informal and vague for academic writing; "strongly" is more appropriate and formal.

7. "money can yield orientational results" -> "money can yield significant benefits"
   Explanation: "Orientational results" is unclear and incorrect; "significant benefits" is a clear and academically appropriate term.

8. "they have to paid" -> "they have to pay"
   Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error from "paid" to "pay," aligning with the present tense context.

9. "in compass" -> "in college"
   Explanation: "In compass" is incorrect; "in college" is the correct phrase for referring to the period of higher education.

10. "have got the next budget" -> "have secured the next budget"
    Explanation: "Have got" is informal and imprecise; "have secured" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.

11. "the economic also help" -> "the economy also helps"
    Explanation: "Economy" should be used as a singular noun, and "helps" agrees with the singular subject.

12. "When meeting, they can solve and take care of themselves" -> "When faced with challenges, they can address and care for themselves"
    Explanation: "When meeting" is vague and incorrect; "When faced with challenges" is more specific and appropriate. "Address" and "care for" are more formal alternatives to "solve" and "take care of."

13. "the amount of money that they save" -> "the funds they have saved"
    Explanation: "The funds they have saved" is more precise and formal, avoiding the passive construction.

14. "can be used in these likelihoods" -> "can be used in these situations"
    Explanation: "Likelihoods" is incorrect; "situations" is the correct term for referring to specific circumstances.

15. "older person often faces problems" -> "older individuals often face challenges"
    Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "person," and "challenges" is a more appropriate term than "problems" in this context.

16. "can not take care of her carefully" -> "cannot care for her properly"
    Explanation: "Cannot care for her properly" is more formal and precise than "can not take care of her carefully."

17. "bad things that we encounter" -> "adverse circumstances we may encounter"
    Explanation: "Adverse circumstances" is a more formal and precise term than "bad things," and "may encounter" suggests potentiality, which is more appropriate in academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of saving money for both young people and the elderly. It acknowledges the necessity of saving for future needs, particularly in the context of education and health. However, the response could be more balanced by explicitly stating the extent of agreement or disagreement with the statement, as the prompt asks for this specific evaluation.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly state their position regarding the extent of their agreement or disagreement in the introduction. Additionally, they could provide more nuanced arguments that consider potential counterarguments or alternative perspectives on saving money.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a generally clear position that supports the idea of saving money. However, the phrase "I massively support this idea" is somewhat vague and could be more effectively articulated. The conclusion reiterates the importance of saving but does not explicitly connect back to the extent of agreement mentioned in the introduction.
  • How to improve: The writer should maintain a consistent tone throughout the essay by using precise language to express their position. They could also restate their position more clearly in the conclusion, reinforcing how their arguments support their stance.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some relevant ideas, such as the need for young people to save for education and the elderly for health expenses. However, the development of these ideas lacks depth. For example, the discussion about college students could benefit from specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument. The mention of elderly individuals saving for health issues is relevant but could be expanded with more concrete examples or elaboration on the implications of saving.
  • How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made. Incorporating statistics, personal anecdotes, or broader societal implications would enhance the depth of the arguments presented.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the importance of saving money for both young people and the elderly. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharper, particularly in the second paragraph, where the transition from young people to elderly individuals feels abrupt and could confuse the reader regarding the main focus of the argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure smooth transitions between ideas and clarify how each point relates back to the overall argument about the importance of saving. Structuring the essay with clear topic sentences for each paragraph could help guide the reader and reinforce the main theme.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, it would benefit from clearer articulation of the position, deeper development of arguments, and improved coherence throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of saving money for the future, with a logical progression from the introduction to the conclusion. The first paragraph introduces the topic and the writer’s stance effectively. However, the body paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that directly relate to the main argument. For instance, the transition from discussing young people’s need to save for education to the elderly’s financial independence feels abrupt and lacks a clear logical connection.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, each paragraph should start with a strong topic sentence that outlines the main idea of that paragraph. Additionally, using linking phrases such as "Furthermore" or "In addition" can help to create smoother transitions between different ideas and reinforce the connection between them.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a positive aspect. However, the paragraphs themselves could be more effectively structured. The first body paragraph discusses young people’s savings for education, while the second shifts to the elderly without a clear transition. This can confuse the reader about how these points relate to the overall argument.
  • How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea and develop it fully before moving on to the next. Consider using a three-paragraph structure: one for young people, one for the elderly, and a final paragraph summarizing the overall importance of saving. This would create a more cohesive argument and allow for deeper exploration of each point.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "In addition" and "For instance," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "it is obvious in Vietnam" lacks a clear link to the previous sentence, making it feel somewhat disconnected.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "Consequently," and "On the other hand." Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used in a way that clearly connects ideas. For instance, when introducing examples, explicitly state how they support the argument made in the previous sentence to enhance clarity.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it lacks variety in word choice. For example, terms like "saving money," "future," and "economic initiative" are repeated without synonyms or related terms that could enhance the richness of the language. The phrase "exceedingly essential" is a good attempt at using more complex vocabulary, but it could be substituted with alternatives like "crucial" or "paramount" to avoid redundancy.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "money," the writer could use "funds," "capital," or "financial resources." Additionally, using phrases such as "financial literacy" or "savings habits" could provide more depth to the discussion.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "yield orientational results" is unclear and does not effectively convey the intended meaning. Additionally, "the economic also help the elderly" is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity, as "economic" should be "economy" or "financial resources."
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and correctness in word choice. For example, instead of "yield orientational results," a more precise phrase could be "provide significant benefits." Furthermore, ensuring grammatical accuracy will enhance the overall clarity of the essay. The writer should revise sentences for grammatical correctness, such as changing "the economic also help" to "the economy also helps."

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "espeacially" (especially), "paid a sum of fees during many years of studying in compass" (which is unclear), and "likelihoods" (which should be "situations" or "circumstances"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully or use spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling common words and phrases relevant to the topic can help. Keeping a list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion. Focusing on these areas will enhance the clarity and effectiveness of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, but it primarily relies on simple and compound sentences. For instance, sentences like "In addition, the economic also help the elderly with many predicaments in their lifetime" and "For those who are college students or the undergraduate, they have to paid a sum of fees during many years of studying in compass" show a limited use of complex structures. The use of phrases such as "the saving budget will be regarded as an economic initiative" indicates an attempt at complexity, but overall, the essay lacks a broader range of grammatical forms and structures.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "they have to paid a sum of fees," the writer could say "they must pay a significant amount of fees, which can be a burden during their years of study." Additionally, using varied sentence openings and transitions can help create a more engaging flow.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors that hinder clarity and coherence. For example, "the saving budget will be regarded as an economic initiative" should be "the savings budget will be regarded as an economic initiative." There are also issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "the economic also help the elderly," which should be "the economy also helps the elderly." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect conjunction usage, also detract from the overall quality. For instance, "because she is too old, she can use money to buy medicine or go to the hospital because their children are very busy and can not take care of her carefully every day" is overly long and could benefit from clearer punctuation.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those that emphasize common errors, can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors and sentence clarity can help ensure that ideas are expressed more effectively. Reading more academic texts can also provide examples of correct grammar and punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay presents relevant ideas and examples, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will significantly elevate the quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

As the standard of living is gradually enhancing, saving budgets will be regarded as an economic initiative in the following years. Many individuals believe that accumulating funds for the future is exceedingly essential for everyone, especially adolescents. From my perspective, I strongly support this idea for many reasons.

In the future, money can yield significant benefits as a way to foster young people’s careers. For those who are college students or undergraduates, they have to pay a sum of fees during many years of studying in order to acquire the certificates or degrees for their chosen jobs and dreams. It is obvious in Vietnam that students who are attending educational institutions have the habit of saving money for a long period until they have secured the next budget, as no one can guess what they will need for the future.

In addition, the economy also helps older individuals with many challenges in their lifetime. When faced with difficulties, they can address and care for themselves without disturbing their family because the funds they have saved can be used in these situations. For instance, an older person often faces health problems such as the flu, stomachaches, or heart disease. Because she is too old, she can use money to buy medicine or go to the hospital, as her children are very busy and cannot care for her properly every day.

In conclusion, saving money for the future is very vital for all people, both the young and the old. I strongly agree with this statement because it will help us to be more successful and cope with the adverse circumstances we may encounter in our lives, which we could not know about beforehand.