It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future.To what
extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In today’s society, saving money for the future is significantly for everyone, including young people. In my opinion, I agree with this point of view.
First and foremost, people should recognize the fact that saving money for the future have advantages. There is not denying that money is important human life. Because, saving money help us feel secure and confident. For instance, no matter where we go or what we do, having money on hand will help us feel more confident.
Secondly, saving money is precautions in many emergencies. For example, If we have an accident such as: getting sick, having a damaged car, phone, computer… when we have savings, we can take it out to use without having to worry about finding money to solve those problems.
Last but not least is help us realize our dreams. Due to, when we have some saving we can do everything! For instance, we can use it to travel abroad such as Australia, America, Switzerland…or start our own business without having to work for some else.
In conclusion, although storing cash , especially for youth seems difficult, doing it is better due to it allows people to preserve their self-esteem, and they can support their costs. Besides, they enjoy a peaceful life eventually. Therefore, I agree with the idea that the public should think about future years, and save their money.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "saving money for the future is significantly for everyone" -> "saving money for the future is essential for everyone"
   Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Essential" is a more precise and formal term that conveys the importance of saving money for the future in an academic context.

2. "In my opinion, I agree with this point of view" -> "I concur with this perspective"
   Explanation: The phrase "In my opinion, I agree with this point of view" is redundant. "I concur with this perspective" is more concise and maintains a formal tone.

3. "saving money for the future have advantages" -> "saving money for the future has advantages"
   Explanation: The verb "have" should be singular to agree with the singular subject "saving money for the future."

4. "There is not denying that money is important human life" -> "It is undeniable that money is essential to human life"
   Explanation: "There is not denying" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "It is undeniable" is grammatically correct and more formal. "Essential" is also more precise than "important" in this context.

5. "Because, saving money help us feel secure and confident" -> "Because saving money helps us feel secure and confident"
   Explanation: The comma after "Because" is unnecessary and the verb "help" should be "helps" to agree with the subject "saving money."

6. "saving money is precautions in many emergencies" -> "saving money serves as a precaution in many emergencies"
   Explanation: "Is precautions" is grammatically incorrect. "Serves as a precaution" is the correct phrase and is more formal.

7. "If we have an accident such as: getting sick, having a damaged car, phone, computer…" -> "If we encounter accidents such as illness, car damage, phone damage, or computer damage"
   Explanation: The original list is informal and lacks specificity. The revised list uses more formal terms and corrects the grammatical structure.

8. "we can take it out to use without having to worry about finding money to solve those problems" -> "we can utilize these funds without worrying about finding additional resources to address these issues"
   Explanation: "Take it out to use" is informal and vague. "Utilize these funds" is more precise and formal, and "worrying about finding additional resources" is clearer and more academic.

9. "Due to, when we have some saving we can do everything!" -> "Given that we have savings, we can accomplish anything"
   Explanation: "Due to" is incorrectly used here. "Given that" is the correct conjunction for introducing a condition. "Accomplish anything" is more formal than "do everything," and "savings" should be plural to match the context.

10. "storing cash, especially for youth seems difficult" -> "storing cash, particularly for the young, appears challenging"
    Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and informal. "The young" is more formal than "youth," and "appears challenging" is a more precise and formal way to express difficulty.

11. "doing it is better due to it allows people to preserve their self-esteem" -> "doing so is advantageous as it enables individuals to maintain their self-esteem"
    Explanation: "Doing it is better due to it" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "Doing so is advantageous as it enables" is grammatically correct and more formal. "Individuals" is preferred over "people" for a more formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by stating a clear opinion that saving money is important for everyone, including young people. However, it does not fully explore the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement. The response lacks a nuanced discussion about the reasons for saving money and does not consider any counterarguments or alternative perspectives, which would strengthen the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should explicitly state the extent of their agreement or disagreement. This could involve discussing both the benefits and potential drawbacks of saving money, as well as acknowledging situations where saving might not be feasible for everyone. Including a more balanced view would demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: While the author expresses agreement with the statement, the position is not consistently reinforced throughout the essay. Phrases like "I agree with this point of view" are present, but the overall structure and arguments do not consistently tie back to this position. The conclusion reiterates the importance of saving but does not clearly link back to the extent of agreement stated in the introduction.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the author should ensure that each paragraph directly supports their stance. This can be achieved by restating the main argument in each section and linking examples back to the central thesis. Additionally, a more definitive conclusion that summarizes the extent of agreement would help solidify the position.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the importance of saving money, such as security, emergency preparedness, and achieving dreams. However, these ideas are not well-developed or sufficiently supported with detailed examples. For instance, the examples provided are somewhat vague and lack depth, which diminishes their effectiveness in supporting the argument.
  • How to improve: To improve the development and support of ideas, the author should provide more specific examples and elaborate on them. For instance, instead of simply stating that saving money helps in emergencies, the author could describe a specific scenario where savings made a significant difference. Additionally, using statistics or quotes from credible sources could enhance the argument’s persuasiveness.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the importance of saving money. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the conclusion, where the mention of "preserving self-esteem" and "supporting costs" feels somewhat disconnected from the main argument about saving money. This can confuse the reader about the central message.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every point made is directly relevant to the prompt. It would be beneficial to outline the main points before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument. Additionally, avoiding tangential ideas will help keep the essay cohesive and on topic.

Overall, to improve the essay’s score, the author should aim to provide a more comprehensive exploration of the topic, clearly articulate their position, develop their ideas with specific examples, and maintain focus throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance on the importance of saving money, which is a strength in establishing a coherent argument. The introduction effectively states the writer’s opinion, and the body paragraphs each focus on distinct reasons supporting this viewpoint. However, the logical flow between ideas could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the advantages of saving money to its role in emergencies lacks a clear connective phrase that would guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that clearly indicate the relationship between ideas (e.g., "Furthermore," "In addition," or "On the other hand"). Structuring the essay with a clear topic sentence for each paragraph can also help reinforce the main idea and improve the overall flow.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, which is a positive aspect. Each paragraph addresses a specific point related to the thesis. However, the paragraphs could be more effectively structured. For example, the second paragraph begins with a general statement but lacks a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. Additionally, the last paragraph is somewhat disorganized, as it introduces multiple ideas without clear separation.
  • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph begins with a strong topic sentence that clearly states the main point. Follow this with supporting sentences that elaborate on the topic. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones to enhance readability and clarity. Each paragraph should ideally focus on one main idea to maintain coherence.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "for instance" and "last but not least," which help connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences feel abrupt or disjointed. For example, the phrase "Due to" in the third paragraph is not used correctly in context, leading to confusion.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "Additionally," "Consequently," and "As a result." This will help create smoother transitions between sentences and ideas. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used correctly in context to avoid confusion and enhance clarity.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use varied expressions. Phrases like "saving money for the future," "feel secure," and "realize our dreams" show an understanding of the topic. However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "saving money" and "having money," which could have been diversified.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should consider using synonyms and related expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "saving money," alternatives like "financial planning," "budgeting," or "setting aside funds" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to finance and personal development, such as "financial security," "investment," or "economic stability," would enrich the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "there is not denying that money is important human life" is awkward and lacks clarity. The correct phrase should be "there is no denying that money is important in human life." Additionally, "saving money help us feel secure" should be "saves" to match the subject-verb agreement.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and proper preposition use. Reviewing grammar rules and practicing sentence structures would help. Furthermore, using contextually appropriate phrases will enhance clarity. For instance, instead of "precautions in many emergencies," a more precise phrase could be "a safeguard against emergencies."

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "have" instead of "has," "due to" instead of "because," and "storing cash" which should be "saving cash." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as writing short paragraphs and using spell-check tools. Additionally, reading more extensively can help familiarize the writer with correct spellings and usage in context. Keeping a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them can also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and structure, focusing on expanding vocabulary, improving precision, and correcting spelling errors will help the writer achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking the complexity that would enhance the writing. For example, the sentences "In my opinion, I agree with this point of view" and "For instance, no matter where we go or what we do, having money on hand will help us feel more confident" are straightforward but do not exhibit a variety of grammatical forms. The use of clauses is minimal, and there are few complex sentences that could add depth to the argument.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "saving money is precautions in many emergencies," it could be rephrased to "saving money can serve as a precaution in many emergencies, especially when unexpected expenses arise." Additionally, varying the sentence beginnings and using different conjunctions can help create a more engaging and sophisticated writing style.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For instance, "saving money for the future is significantly for everyone" is incorrect; it should be "is significant for everyone." The phrase "there is not denying" should be "there is no denying," and "saving money help us feel secure" should be "saving money helps us feel secure." Punctuation errors include the misuse of commas, such as in "Due to, when we have some saving we can do everything!" where the comma is unnecessary. The use of ellipses in "damaged car, phone, computer…" is also informal and not appropriate in academic writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should review subject-verb agreement rules and practice identifying and correcting common errors in their writing. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can help catch mistakes before finalizing the essay. Furthermore, studying punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas and periods, will improve the overall clarity of the writing. Reading more academic essays can also provide insight into proper grammar and punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument in favor of saving money, improving grammatical range and accuracy will significantly enhance its effectiveness and coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s society, saving money for the future is essential for everyone, including young people. I concur with this perspective.

First and foremost, people should recognize the fact that saving money for the future has advantages. It is undeniable that money is essential to human life. Because saving money helps us feel secure and confident, we can navigate various situations more effectively. For instance, no matter where we go or what we do, having money on hand will bolster our confidence.

Secondly, saving money serves as a precaution in many emergencies. For example, if we encounter accidents such as illness, car damage, phone damage, or computer damage, having savings allows us to address these issues without worrying about finding additional resources. We can utilize these funds to resolve problems promptly and effectively.

Last but not least, saving money helps us realize our dreams. When we have some savings, we can accomplish anything! For instance, we can use it to travel abroad to destinations like Australia, America, or Switzerland, or even start our own business without having to work for someone else.

In conclusion, although storing cash, particularly for the young, appears challenging, doing so is advantageous as it enables individuals to maintain their self-esteem and support their expenses. Moreover, they can enjoy a peaceful life eventually. Therefore, I agree with the idea that the public should consider future years and save their money.